Hidden Heart (22 page)

Who am I?

She stopped and pressed
both hands on her ears. Voices in her head talked at the same time,
hurting her brain.
You’re a bastard. You
don’t deserve to be happy! Your own mother had thoughts of killing
you!

Tessa ran.

She ran until out of
breath, she couldn’t take another step. Church bells rang. She
looked around and saw nothing familiar.

The stairs to the church
seemed endless.

Her feet hurt.

She only wished to
sit.

And feel
sheltered.

She’d grown up in a country
governed by Communism that condemned all religions. Easter and
sometimes before Christmas her mama had taken all three of them to
the church several blocks away from their house. She learned early
on to pray, believed in God, but she never really considered it
necessary to go inside the church to profess her faith or
love.

She walked into the church.
The tall and large room was empty, dark and cold. A long and narrow
carpet divided the rows of chairs placed on both sides of the
church. In the left corner several candles burned and a strong
smell of incense engulfed her. She felt as if the angels, saints
and demons painted on the walls stared at her. She felt dizzy. She
dropped the bag and fell to her knees.

God, please forgive me for
I’ve sinned
…
I’m a
bastard…my whole life has been a lie…Do you know I wanted to kill
my baby? Do you know I’m a criminal? Is this your trial? Is this
what you wanted for me?
Will you ever
forgive me? Will I ever be able to forgive myself?

Tessa put her palms
together, closed her eyes and bowed her head. She sobbed and
prayed. Tears stained her shirt; her knees hurt and her legs went
numb.

She needed to let it
go.

A sense of calm filled her
heart.

She placed her hands on her
abdomen. For the first time since she found out she was pregnant,
she touched her belly. It felt hard and warm and slightly rounded.
A small gasp escaped her lips.

“
Hi, little one,” she
whispered. “It’s me, your mami.” She smiled and caressed her
abdomen. More tears flooded her eyes; this time tears of joy. “I’ve
deprived you of love for three long months and I’m so sorry…let’s
go home.”

She steadied herself using
the back of a nearby chair as feeling tingled back into her legs.
Her knees burned with pain. She picked the bag up and
left.

Chapter 11

“
Alessandro
,
hi, I’m sorry I missed your calls. I’m on my way to my
apartment, hope you can make it back to Bucharest tonight.” She
closed her eyes and heaved a sigh. “We need to talk. I have to tell
you something I’ve been putting off for too long…and I’m so sorry I
haven’t told you yet…just come home!”

Tessa hung up and looked
out the cab’s window. She saw five missed calls, all from
Alessandro. He left a message saying he was really worried about
her and would try to catch the last plane to Bucharest that night.
Her mood changed from despair to joy and excitement in that
moment.

Her mama’s letter had
stopped her from making the biggest mistake of her life. This
was
her
baby, part
of her flesh, part of her heart and soul; nothing and no one would
take her baby away. With or without Alessandro in her life she’d
raise her baby. She’d never tell Daniel; he couldn’t be part of
their life.

She went home, took a
shower and ate. She hadn’t eaten since the previous evening and her
stomach hurt. She hoped such a long period without nourishment
wouldn’t hurt her baby. From now on she’d take good care of
herself; her baby’s health depended on it. She ate with one hand
and kept the other one on her belly, caressing it. She went into
the living room and dialed first Chiara’s number, then
Octavia’s.

She left messages and kept
calling, hoping one of them would pick up the phone. She fell
asleep on the sofa. When she woke up, the sun’s bright disc rested
behind the tall buildings near her apartment.

“
We need to get some
groceries,” she said, then laughed out loud for being so silly to
talk to her own belly.

She exchanged her clothes
for a t-shirt and skirt, took her cell phone and purse and left.
She returned in about an hour with two heavy bags of
groceries.

Her cell phone rang. She
flipped it open as she entered her apartment building, trying to
hold it between her ear and shoulder, balancing the grocery bags
and her purse.

“
Chiara, sweetie, I’m so
happy,” Tessa laughed.

“
Hi, sis, wow you’re in a
good mood. What is it? Did Alessandro propose or you got another
bonus? What is it?”

“
Oh, no, no proposing, no
bonus; something better. You need to sit for this one. You
ready?”

Tessa heard some noise in
the background, then Chiara said, “Here, I’m sitting now. Spit it
out.”

She took a deep breath,
“I’m pregnant.”

Prolonged silence made her
think the call dropped. “Chiara, are you still there?”

“
Yes…I’m still here,”
Chiara said between sobs.

“
Why are you crying?” Tessa
asked while entering the elevator.

“
Because I’m so happy for
you…I wish Mama could be around to see you and the baby grow up…”
Chiara sniffled and then continued, “Did you tell Octavia? How far
along are you? How did Alessandro react?”

“
No, I haven’t had the
chance to talk to her, I left a message for her to call me back.
I’m twelve weeks along and…Alessandro doesn’t know yet.” Tessa
weighed her words before saying, “It’s…the baby isn’t
his.”

She exited the elevator and
walked to her door where she stopped to fish her keys out of her
purse.

Another silence hung in the
air before Chiara spoke again.

“
Oh my God…Does Daniel
know?”

“
No!
And I don’t intend to tell him. Daniel is no longer part of my
life and I will not tell him a word about it.”

A strong arm suddenly
circled her middle, and a strong smell of alcohol blew across her
cheek. She knew immediately who it was. He pushed a knife to her
neck.

“
Hang up now,” Daniel’s
all-too-familiar voice growled in her ear.

“
I have to go now, I’ll
call you later,” Tessa said and snapped her phone
closed.

“
What aren’t you going to
tell me, huh? Don’t make a peep, and open the door. Don’t try any
stupid moves; I swear I’ll kill you!” Daniel growled in a low
voice.

Tessa felt ice down her
spine. She opened the door; Daniel followed her inside the
apartment. He locked the door behind and when she tried to pull
away he pushed her against the wall, “Don’t make me hurt you! I
told you I’d be back and you’d pay for it!”

His body crushed hers
painfully. She turned her head away from the stench of his breath.
He pressed the knife harder on her neck as she felt a sting
followed by a warm trail of blood running down her neck.

“
Get off me, Daniel, you’re
hurting me!” She commanded breathlessly.

He flinched at her voice as
if waking up. He released her and she took advantage of the moment,
walking quickly to the kitchen, placing the table between the two
of them.

His knife terrified her.
She hoped for a miracle. She wished for Alessandro to be there to
protect her. But he wasn’t there, and now she needed to come up
with a quick plan to get rid of Daniel.

With shaking hands she
started to unpack her groceries. Anything to distract Daniel. She
walked to the fridge, opened it and placed the milk and cheese on
the upper shelf. When she tried to close the door, Daniel grabbed
her wrist.

“
You said you’d call, but
never did. You lied to me! All I asked for was that you call and
give me another chance, but I guess that would’ve been beneath you,
huh?” Daniel waved the knife at her.

“
Stop this nonsense! My
calling or not calling has nothing to do with what happened between
us. I can take a lot, but I can’t accept cheating and you knew
better when you chose to do it. Why can’t you just accept that it’s
over?”

She felt his hot, rancid
breath once again on her cheek. “It’s over, you think? Why do women
think they can tell me when it’s over and end it for me? Why? After
all I did for you!” He slammed the fridge door closed and shoved
her against the countertop. His blood-shot eyes seemed as if they’d
blow out with rage and, before she knew his intention, he hit her.
His hard fist connected painfully with her jaw.

Tessa’s mouth filled almost
instantly with blood. She shakily lifted her hand to her lips, her
stunned eyes never leaving his face, and wiped off the blood. It
felt as her head had exploded, but she didn’t have time to think
about the pain, worried about protecting the baby. Her mind worked
fast. Did the other woman, the one he’d been cheating with, leave
him, too?

Taking a stab in the dark
that he referred to the woman she’d caught him with, Tessa asked,
“It’s not like she didn’t know about me, why did you break
up?”

He seemed to think for a
few seconds, walked to the table and lifted the red wine bottle out
of one of the grocery bags. He knew where to find a bottle opener
and helped himself to a big gulp of wine straight from the bottle.
He held the bottle in one hand and the knife in the other, then
focused his eyes back on her.

“
You know, I gave
her
everything
,
like I gave you, and what do I get? The minute she had the money,
she told me to get lost. Me, get lost, can you believe it?” he
waved the knife again and took another gulp of wine. The red liquid
dripped on his shirt. He wiped off his mouth with the back of his
hand and laughed diabolically. Then his face contorted with anger
and disgust.

“
But I made her pay. Like
I’ll make you pay.” He put the bottle and knife down. Walking
slowly, stalking her, he cornered Tessa between the fridge and the
sink. She leaned backwards, bowed her head and crossed her hands
protectively over her belly. Daniel’s fingers curled around her
neck. The pressure on her throat hurt and she fought to breathe.
Her vision blurred and her knees buckled. With a sudden surge she
placed her hands on top of his, digging her fingers between the
soft skin of her neck and the hard force of his hand. She pulled
them away and hissed, “Let go!”

He backhanded her, only the
counter behind her back keeping her from buckling to the floor,
then stepped away. He leaned against the table.

She coughed and spat blood,
then held onto the countertop to steady herself.

“
The notary stole money
from the farmers,” Tessa heard herself say. She needed to buy time.
Alessandro should be home soon. Then she’d be safe.

Daniel returned to stand in
front of her trapping her once again. She spotted his fist out of
the corner of her eyes and covered her face to avoid another
strike. This time the punch landed behind her left ear. She fell to
the floor.

Daniel grabbed a handful of
her hair and lifted her head. He bowed closer to her face. “You
don’t give me any credit, do you? You think only you women are
smart. Only you can make money and wrap men around your fingers…
you’re so full of shit, Tessa!”

He shoved her and kicked
her in the ribs. He walked away, ran both hands through his hair
and held onto the back of his neck.

“
I
stole the money, not her.
I
had it all planned out, the call about the
contracts damaged by water,
I
was the mastermind of the plan, not her. She was
too stupid to see, like you were too stupid to see how disgusted I
was being with you.” As if to emphasize his words, he came and spat
on her.

She jerked and covered her
abdomen for fear he might hit her again and hurt the baby. Panic
clouded her mind. She pushed herself onto one elbow and leaned
against the stove. She could barely breath.

His revelation shocked her.
“
You
?
You
tried to get me fired
and ruin my life? Why, Daniel? Why? If you were so unhappy, why did
you stay with me?” Her tears mixed with blood and anger.

She flinched when he came
and sat next to her.

“
Why?” He snarled. He
rested his head against the stove and said, “For money. I used to
love you, you know, but then, the more money you made, the more
insufferable you became. All you could talk about was work and
money; how you buy this, how you buy that. I began resenting you.
But I liked your money. I began pretending to love you just to get
to your money. That’s why. I cheated on you with every single woman
I could, just to laugh at you.”

It all came back to her. It
now made sense; his weekend disappearances, his partying, his
extravagant expenses, his eagerness to
help
her find a good notary. The
woman she’d caught Daniel with was…the notary. The revelation
overcame her. She stood, unable to breathe. Between sobs she asked,
“What did you do to her?”