Hidden Heart (Windy City #1) (4 page)

The water turned off, and she ran from the bedroom before he was able to reappear and find her sitting nude contemplating her own foolhardiness. She found her clothes in the living room in the messy pile where she’d left them, and she quickly redressed. She was buttoning her sweater when he walked into the room wearing a pair of pajama bottoms and looking irked.

“What are you doing?” He crossed his arms over his chest.

She hadn’t noticed earlier, but he had a small patch of dark hair on his chest. She didn’t really go for hairy chests.

“Getting dressed.” She gestured to her clothing and slipped her feet into her shoes. Then she ran her fingers through her hair in an attempt to right herself.

“I can see that.” His voice flat. “But why?”

“I was cold,” she blurted out with a wave of her hand.

“And that’s three.” He sighed heavily, dropping his hands to his sides.

She stopped in her movements and
studied him. He didn’t look like he was about to pounce on her, but she wasn’t entirely sure.

“You said you wouldn’t punish me,” she reminded him, still wiggling her right foot into her shoe.

“That’s right.” He sighed again. “I think we should talk.”

“Oh…I don’t think that’s a great idea!” She half laughed and half huffed her comment. Finally gaining success over her errant shoe, she began to look for her purse and coat.

“Jessica, there is no need for you to run away. You enjoyed yourself.” He didn’t sound at all concerned about his statement. He was giving her a fact…she had indeed enjoyed herself.

Like a damn hussy!

She threw open the door to the front hall and gathered her coat and purse, flinging the purse over her shoulder and nearly knocking over a fern on the front table.

“I’m not running away. I am just…well…” She dropped her hands and slumped her shoulders. “Fine, I’m running away. I don’t have much experience with…this…and I’d rather just go home and crawl under my bed.” She reached for the door.

His hand stopped her. She hadn’t heard him move.

“Okay, I won’t keep you. But I’d like to give you something.” He let go of her hand once she released the door knob, and he left her standing in the hall alone. He returned with a large envelope.

If there was money in the envelope, she would have to punch him. She saw no other hope for it.

“Take this, read it over. We’ll talk in a day or two. Just leave your mind open, don’t second guess yourself.” He smiled at her, the dimple reappearing.

She took the envelope from him. “Sure,” she agreed and reached for the door again.

“I will call you,” he promised.

“Okay.” She nodded and rushed past him as soon as he opened the door for her escape. She heard him call down the hall to her to take a cab home, but she disregarded him.

A walk would clear her mind better than any smelly cab.

CHAPTER THREE

After Shock

Voicemail. Again.

Royce left another message. Quick, to the point, and in a firm voice. “Jessica. Call me when you get this, please.” He slid his phone across his desk and rubbed his eyes.

He’d left three messages over the past two days. She’d ignored every one of them. He knew she was mewling over their evening together and knew he had pushed her too far too fast. She was not the one-night stand sort of girl. That’s what had drawn him to her to begin with. But that evening, she’d looked so beautiful…so pouty, so sexy. He’d thrown his better judgment out the window.

He was tempted to question Alex about her, to be sure she was okay, but he didn’t want to put his friend in the middle of the situation. And, he wasn’t confident Alex truly saw her in a sisterly light.

Royce shut down his computer and began to put his coat on when his cell vibrated on the desk. He glanced at the message and breathed out slowly. He was surprised at himself, holding his breath, hoping to see a message from Jessica. He was beginning to act like an infatuated high school pup.

“Working late. Meet for coffee at seven?” the text read. It was a good sign.

He worked his fingers over the touchpad of his phone. “Sure. My place?” He chose against using an emoticon.

“No. Starbucks on your corner.”

He looked at his watch. There was enough time for him to take a run before meeting her. He wouldn’t mind the extra mile today.

Jessica stood outside the coffee house, looking through the window. He was there already at a small table in the back. She told herself again that she was out of her mind and opened the door. A high pitched bell announced her entrance.

They greeted each other casually; she even allowed him to place a chaste kiss on her cheek. She could do little to stop the blush that occurred afterward, and she was sure there was a look of success in his eyes as she took her seat.

“I wasn’t sure what coffee you drank,” he said as an apology.

“You didn’t pick for me?” She smiled to show him that she was teasing.

He raised an eyebrow in response. “I can if you’d like.” He began to stand from the table. She placed her hand on top of his to still him.

“No. That’s okay. I’ll grab one.”

When Jessica returned, they sat silently drinking their coffees. She avoided looking into his eyes, and he refused to be ignored. His gaze was glued to her.

“How was your day?” He opened the conversation.

“I don’t like small talk.” She shook her head and reached down for her purse.

He watched her, seeming to be content to let her lead them through the conversation.

“I wanted to talk about this.” She pulled out the rolled up papers and tossed them on the table.

He took his time unrolling them and flattening them to the table with his hands.

It was a three-page list that contained activities common in the types of relationships he obviously involved himself in. Some of the items were of the sexual nature, and some were simply things regarding the relationship.

“Okay.” He kept his hands on top of the papers and stared at her. His eyes weren’t just settled on her, they were searching her. She felt his investigation before she opened her mouth. This had all played out much smoother in her mind when she’d thought of it during breakfast.

“Jessica.” His voice snapped her out of her drifting headspace.

“Page one is out!” She blurted and looked around to see if anyone had heard her. She felt her cheeks blush at the thought of the items on page one. Most of them she’d had to search on Google for the definition.

“Good.” He nodded.

“What do you mean good? Aren’t those things you want?” She waved a hand over the pages.

“Not really. Page one is really my list of things I don’t care for but am willing to do if my partner wishes to.” He relaxed his hands and his tone.

“Oh.” She brought her brows together. She had been sure he would end the conversation after she told him how she felt about the things on page one. She wasn’t a doctor, but she didn’t think fisting or shoving ginger root into one’s bottom was safe. And even if it was safe, she wanted no part of it.

“You thought that because I took control the other night that everything would always be about what I want and not you.” He read her mind perfectly, which was yet another strike against him in her book.

“No, not really—”

“That’s one.” He pointed a finger up in the air “I don’t like the counting,” she said.

“I don’t like the lying.” He leaned toward her over the table, his soft composure hardened.

“Page two is marked with the things I’d be okay with trying…but if I don’t like them, then no more.” She sounded as though she were negotiating a plea agreement. He listened patiently as she went through the things she would try and things she wouldn’t give a second thought to. He let her continue her monologue until her well-rehearsed speech was over.

“Okay, now. Anal sex isn’t as bad as you think it is, and the training that goes with it can be extremely fun.”

She could have sworn he’d grown red horns for a moment to go along with the smile he gave her with that statement.

“And I don’t want to be punished.”

“Of course you don’t. I don’t want to have to punish you.” He leaned back in his chair and folded his arms over his chest. The position reminded her of a line being drawn in the sand. A line not to be crossed.

“If I say no to punishments?” She met his gaze.

“That’s part of the deal, Jessica. Hopefully, it won’t be something we have to do—or do often, at least. Okay…we’ll put anal sex off for a bit…until we know each other better. Punishments stay. Anything else?”

“I don’t want to call you Sir like that girl did. I want to use your name.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m not less than you. I don’t want to feel like I’m less than you.” Her eyes dropped from his, her voice fell as well.

“Look at me.”

She was only mildly surprised when she obeyed.

“You are not less than me or anyone else. Even if you call me Sir, that won’t change. The title isn’t an issue now. What is an issue is that you understand that even as my submissive you will always be just as important to the relationship as I am. We can’t have one without the other. Our roles are different, not our levels of importance.”

“I haven’t been avoiding you the past few days because I didn’t want to talk to you. I was avoiding you because I was doing a lot of research and digging around about all of this,” she admitted.

“You don’t jump into anything blindly.” His ability to see her in raw form unsettled her. The wall she’d built carefully didn’t slow him down.

“No.” She ran her finger around the brim of her cup. He watched her in silence.

“What is it?” he finally asked with an edge to his tone.

“This arrangement. I don’t want it to get personal.” She looked at him with sincerity in her eyes and voice. She cradled her coffee in her hands, waiting for his response.

“Personal?” He crossed his arms over his chest and scooted down in his seat, as though he were settling in for a long conversation.

“Yes. I mean… When we are together, then we are together, but I don’t want any of this to spill over to my time alone. When you aren’t with me, you don’t have a say. You don’t control me outside the times we are together.”

“Like your career, money, that sort of thing,” he offered.

“Right, and everything else.”

“Explain everything else.”

“I read this blog where the woman was told what she could and couldn’t eat for the day, when to exercise, what to wear…I don’t want that. When we aren’t together, I’m in control of myself.”

“And when we are together, you aren’t,” he added.

“Yes.”

“What about other partners? Do you want to have other partners when we aren’t together?”

“No.” She rushed to say. “I don’t want…I mean…I know that we had sex a bit early on…and I know it’s cliché to say but…I’ve never done that before.” A fresh blush rose up on her cheeks. “That brings up another good point.”

“What does?” He took a sip of his coffee. 

“Love.”

“Love?” He grinned.

“It’s not a goal.” She brought her cup to her lips.

“Okay, let me get this straight. When we are together, you submit to me, follow my rules, and do as you’re told. When we are not together, you are completely your own person. I have no ruling there. You don’t want to have other partners outside of our…what did you call it? Oh yeah…arrangement, but you have no intention of letting love into our relationship.” He seemed to be holding back a smile as he listed her demands.

She nodded, feeling proud he’d managed to follow along with her. “That’s right.” She sat straighter in her chair.

He eyed her silently, his lips firmly pressed together.

“You can’t tell me love is a requirement.” She pushed on.

“This has to be the strangest negotiation I’ve ever been involved in.” He scratched his head behind his ear. “Love isn’t something you plan,” he informed her.

“I know. I just wanted to be sure you knew I wasn’t looking for it. So you don’t have to worry. When we are done, we are done. No hard feelings.” She folded her hands on top of her coffee cup and grinned.

“Let’s put the topic of love on the same shelf as anal. We’ll come back to it some other time.” He took a deep breath.

“Do we need to sign a contract or something?” she whispered across the table.

He smiled. “No, I don’t think we need to do that right now. I think we should just ease into things and re-evaluate in a few weeks.”

She agreed. A quick peek at her watch, and she widened her eyes. She needed to get home and get ready for the next day. She had a big deposition in the morning and knew her boss wouldn’t be ready enough for it if she didn’t get the file in order.

“I need to get going.” She gulped down her coffee.

“I’ll walk you.” He stood with her from the table.