HIGHER (The Indigo Lounge Series) (17 page)

Chapter Twenty-One

A shudder of revulsion scoured
his insides and Zach felt her hand tighten around his waist. When the shaking
didn’t stop, he drained his wine and willed his unraveling control back into
his body.

“Zach, there was no possible way
you could know that things would end up that way. Thousands of people
experiment one way or the other when they’re young. Not everyone turns into a raging
addict.”

He winced and saw contrition
cloud her eyes.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean it that
harshly.”

He shook his head. Only Bethany
would state the blatant truth then apologise for the delivery. “Did you?”

“Did I what?”

“Did you experiment?”

Her gaze slid away and she shook
her head. When he winced again, those blue eyes slammed back into his. “Not
because I was some goody two shoes. The only reason I didn’t try anything was
because one whiff gave me a violent headache.” She gave a mocking laugh and
shrugged. “My body was warning me not to mess with it. And I was too chicken to
disobey it.”

“You weren’t chicken. You were
being sensible.” He gazed down into her stunning face, amazed all over again by
how incredibly gorgeous she was, inside and out. How incredibly lucky he was to
be sitting here with her. To shamelessly let her sooth away the sharp knife of
memory that threatened to slash his insides to shreds.

“What’s going on in that head of
yours, Zach?” she asked softly.

He slid his hand from her nape to
her jaw and down to her plump lips. “I’m thinking If only I’d met you then,
instead of…” he stopped himself for the futile wish even as another jab kicked
his heart into his gut again.

What sort of bastard was he,
wishing a woman whose life he’d messed up and ended away from existence? “God,
you must think I’m a fucking A-hole by now.”

She gave a soft gasp. “No. We all
wish things to be different in hindsight. I wish I’d fought harder when I was
being held under water and I thought I was about to die. I wish I’d told my
parents what a fucked up individual he really was. I wish I’d confronted Chris
about my suspicions that he was cheating long before he pulled the rug from
underneath me. It’s natural to want a different outcome after the fact. The
best we can do is to make life the way we want it right now.”

“You’re fucking incredible, you
know that?”

“I know.”

A laugh jerked out of his
constricted chest. She leaned forward and offered her mouth, and greedy bastard
that he was, he took it, groaning at the goodness and pleasure that just
kissing her brought him. He cursed under his breath when she started to pull
away before he’d had nearly enough.

“Tell me the rest.”

Tension whipped up a storm inside
him. “The cycle continued. She would get clean for a while, then relapse. The
month before grad school ended, I’d almost gotten the first Indigo Lounge
blueprint finished. She was excited by the concept, even helped with some great
ideas about the whole thing.”

He felt Bethany begin to tense
beneath his touch and he silently cursed. He knew he would be climbing the
walls by now if it was her telling him about an ex.

Sliding a hand under her thighs,
he picked her up and repositioned her in his lap. He trapped her to him with a
hand on her hip and felt her relax a little into him.

Breathing easier, he forced
himself to continue. “A couple of weeks before the maiden Indigo Lounge flight
her family started pressuring her to return home.”

“She didn’t want to return, of
course,” Bethany stated.

He glanced at her. There was
nothing but simple understanding in her eyes, as if she knew exactly what had
motivated Farrah. “She was in love with you.”

Pain seared his chest and burned
from the inside out as he recalled just how messed up things had been back then.
“I guess you could call it that.”

Bethany’s gaze dropped and her
breath shuddered out. His hand tightened on her hip, desperate to hang onto the
connection he felt when he looked into her eyes. “Baby?”

“It’s okay,” she muttered. Her
eyes lashes fluttered before she glanced back at him. “I’m okay. So you felt
the same way about her, I guess?”

“I liked her. I enjoyed her
company…when she was sober.”

Her beautiful mouth compressed.
“Don’t trivialise your feelings for my sake, Zach.”

“I…fine, I was into her. She was
smart and funny when she wasn’t using. When she was using…it was a different
story.”

“But the sex was great. Right?”
she whispered.

He held his tongue and forced
himself to just breath.

She slowly stiffened and he felt
her withdrawing from him. His fingers dug into her hip and he cursed.

“Fuck, Bethany. Don’t you dare
compare yourself to her. Because she would lose. Every time. But I told you I
would never lie to you. I like sex. You know that. And yes, we were compatible
in the sack.” He released her hip and gripped her chin. When she raised her
gaze, her eyes shimmered with pain. “But nothing comes close to what you do to
me. No one has ever made me feel what you, and no one else will. Believe that
or I will be forced to prove it to you.”

When her eyes raked his face and
paused at his mouth, he forced himself not to abandon this insane confession
and just rip their clothes off and make good on his threat.

“Tell me you believe me.”

“I believe you.”

Relief poured through him. Her
body gradually relaxed against his, her soft curves settling into his harder
ones. She still wore the sexy, floaty number she’d worn to dinner and he gave
in to the need to lift her hem and slid his hand between her warm thighs.

Her breath hitched beautifully
and her eyelids fluttered again. “Zach…”

“It’s okay. We’re not straying
off subject. Not yet anyway. But I get to exercise my right to touch you.”

Her head settled on his shoulder
and he breathed a little easier. “Okay.”

A part of him wished she would
fight him so he could abandon talking and let his body take over. Cowardly, he
knew, but reliving what had happened six years ago had never been easy for him.
He trailed his hand down and back up, struggling to find the right words.

“A week before the launch, her
brother called, told her he was coming to get her. She freaked out. At first, I
didn’t really see the big deal. She was only going home for a while, just to
show her parents she was okay. I even offered to go with her.”

Bethany frowned. “What was the
problem?”

“She flatly refused to go. I’d
been keeping an eye on her and knew she wasn’t using. So I knew she wasn’t just
being high and irrational. I called her brother and tried to get to the bottom
of what was going on. Turned out her family had arranged for her to marry some
guy she grew up with.” Residual rage filled his vision for a moment before he
blinked it away. “Remember how I told you what an unstoppable dick I was back
then?”

Wide blue eyes held his, sympathy
softening the vivid depths. “She was with you. It couldn’t have been easy to
hear she was promised to someone else.”

His grip tightened and his chest
filled with awe at her complete understanding. “It wasn’t. My dickish behaviour
really emerged then. I may have told her whole family to go fuck themselves.
Even though a part of me knew she would be better off back in Marrakech where
her access to drugs would be hugely minimised and she had a chance of getting
clean once and for all, I still took the stubborn prick approach. She was mine
and I wasn’t letting her go.”

She looked down and shut her eyes
and he fought not to be swallowed by panic. “Bethany?”

“It’s okay. I just need a
minute,” her voice was barely above a whisper.

His hand crept higher, brushed
her between her legs and her eyes flew open.

“I can’t stand it when I can’t
see your eyes, baby. When you look at me, even when you’re seriously pissed at
me, I feel I can cope.” Unable to help himself, he pressed harder. His cock
thickened when his fingers met her dampness. Her shudder echoed within him. When
her hips twitched against his hand, he sighed.

“The IL trip was a five-stopper,
starting from Vegas. The morning we were supposed to leave, Farrah’s brother,
Karim, landed at JFK and called to say he was on his way to Vegas to bring her
home.” He swallowed as icy shiver broke over him. “I’d never seen such naked
fear. She went completely insane. I suspected she’d scored some drugs but I refused
to believe she’d relapsed again. I tired to talk to her but she was completely
irrational about the whole thing. I’m not sure whose idea it was but all of
sudden the idea of getting married was on the table.”

Bethany’s mouth quivered and he
knew he needed to finish this quickly. Hearing him describe his relationship
with another woman couldn’t be easy for her. Hell, he was in hell reliving it.

“We were in the right place. I
had enough people on speed dial to make things happen. Plus I was getting a
chance to win against her asshole of a brother. We got married an hour before
we went on the first IL flight.”

“And then what happened?”

Regret and sorrow bit deep into
his gut, threatened to claw him inside out. He buried his face in her hair and
shut his eyes. “Then Armageddon took a left turn into hell.”

Chapter Twenty-Two

Bethany stared up into Zach’s
face and watched the ragged anguish eating him alive. His eyes were still
tightly shut but his hand was pressing deeper between her thighs, as if he was
grounding himself.

Reaching up, she touched his
cheek and he blindly turned his face into her hand. His eyes remained closed
but a film of tears sparkled on his lashes. His jaw was rigid with the pain he
was holding in and her heart tore wide open for him.

She was beginning to have an idea
of what had gone on with Zach and Farrah but even the insane jealousy ripping
through her couldn’t stem the sympathy she felt for what he’d gone through…was
continuing to go through.

The shimmer of tears grew and his
nostrils flared as he tried to control himself. “Oh God, Zach.”

A huge shudder raked his frame.
“I can’t tell you anymore, baby. I’m sorry,” he rasped, his voice thick with
pent-up emotion.

“I know.” Sitting up, she kissed
his hard cheek, then nuzzled his shadowed jaw. I know.” She scrambled to think
of something else to talk about. Anything to take his mind off the past and the
turmoil churning in the air. But every other subject she could think of was
trivial and inane.

She kissed the corner of his
mouth and started to scramble off him. He held on tight.

“Let me up, Zach.”

“No.”

“If you don’t let me up, I can’t
pack a bag to come home with you.”

Intense, shimmering eyes met
hers. He slowly inhaled. “Are you serious?”

She nodded. “If you want me to.”

He snorted. “I should spank you
for that statement.”

“You’re always looking for an
excuse to spank me, and yet you never have.”

The shadows receded and that heat
she was so familiar with slowly replaced them. “Is that a challenge, Peaches?”

She leaned closer and nipped his
lower lip. “It’s an indirect suggestion that I wouldn’t mind experiencing the
palm of your hand against my peaches.”

His big body jerked. Beneath her,
his cock grew into a rigid imprint against her butt cheek. That she’d
successfully diverted his mind was blatantly obvious.

The hand between her legs slowly
slid up and down. “You’re getting wet, Bethany.”

She gave a jerky nod. “It’s a
state of being that only needs you to be close.”

His eyes darkened. “Shit, I wish
we had time for a Christ-you-undo-me fuck before you pack.”

Her insides sizzled with
anticipation. “What’s the hurry?”

“My attorney is calling me back
in an hour. I want to be in a position to fuck you straight after so we need to
move quickly. I can take the call here but I think a visit to your toy room is
in order.”

The sizzling escalated to a
full-blown electrical current running through her.

He stood up with her in his arms.
Taking her lips with his, he strolled to her bedroom and let her slide down his
body.

Remembering what had happened the
last time they were in here, Bethany glanced warily at him.

A hard smile lifted one corner of
his mouth. “I’m still devising ways to pay you back for your birthday treat,
Peaches. But nothing is going happen here right now. You’re safe so get
packing.”

Shivering, she moved away and
grabbed her weekender.

Zach lounged against the door and
watched her with an unwavering focus that sent tingles up and down her spine.

When she had everything she
needed for another workday and the weekend, he held out his hand for her bag.
“Ready?”

She nodded. “I just need to grab
my laptop and papers then I’m good to go.”

In the living room, he shrugged
into his leather jacket and waited till she gathered her stuff.

The elevator ride down barely
registered because Zach refused to take his eyes off her and she was drowning
in him.

Vlad’s gaze flicked between them
as they passed, the mild concern in his eyes telling her he’d probably seen the
photo too.

“Do I need to be worried about
him?” Zach arched his brow at her as he walked her outside and held the back
door to his car open for her.

“He likes to keep a brotherly eye
on me, is all.”

“As long as that’s all it is,” he
replied.

The partition to the front was
open and she smiled at Philip. He nodded and the car moved into traffic.

“You can’t growl at every man who
looks at me, Zach.”

“You underestimate my motivation
to keep you mine,” he snapped as he pressed the button to send up the
partition.

She rolled her eyes. “And I
thought we were getting on so well,” she sighed.

He laughed, his teeth flashing in
the semi-darkness. “We are, Peaches. As long as you get where I’m coming from
where you’re concerned, we’re completely okay.”

She shrugged. “I guess I need to
practice my growl where you’re concerned too.”

“Your helpless purring when I’m
deep inside you is all I need.”

Her deep blush brought another
laugh and her heart lifted to see the anguish greatly diminished. He would
never get over the circumstances leading to Farrah’s death, and she now
understood the bleakness she saw in his eyes sometimes. But seeing him smile
again made her heart lift with joy. Which was why she didn’t mind that he
teased her with hot words and heated glances all the way to his place. She
didn’t even mind when she stumbled on the way to his private elevator when he
described in precise detail how he intended to fuck her.

He installed her bag in his
bedroom and mixed her a drink after he came downstairs. After delivering
another sizzling kiss, he reluctantly pulled away.

“You have free run of the place.
If you need anything, use the buzzer on the wall and Philip will help you. I’ll
come and find you when I’m done.”

She nodded and watched him walk
way.

Tall, impossibly gorgeous and
totally devastating to her senses, she continued to be stunned by how much more
depth there was to Zach. And she admitted she was terrified by what lay ahead
of them.

With a past plagued with drugs
and a highly turbulent relationship, she couldn’t help but dream up scenarios
that would be equally devastating of how Farrah had died.

She wondered through the condo,
trying not to let her imagination run away with her. She let herself remember
the guy who’d had tears in his eyes as he talked about ruining a young girl’s
life. Whatever came after that, Zach had proved once and for all that he was
human, and compassionate; that he felt guilt and regret.

That had to be enough, surely?
She shivered and realized she’d wandered into the swimming pool room.

Water shimmered under
strategically placed lights, casting moving shadows along the walls.

The water was deep. Much deeper
than anything she’d ventured near for the past decade. She risked getting
closer to the edge of the water, slowly. Then breathed out when her
freak-o-meter didn’t start screeching out of control. She walked round the pool
and back to where shallow steps led into deeper water.

Gathering the skirt of her dress
in one hand, she slowly lowered herself onto the first step and sat on the edge
of the pool.

Swimming and water were part of
Zach’s private life. She was shameless enough to wish to be a part of that
life. Flexing her toes in the cool water, she sipped the tequila-based cocktail
Zach had fixed for her.

She was finishing her drink
twenty minutes later when he walked in.

Sharp eyes darted from her
immersed feet to her face and a smile broke out on his face.

She returned the smile, a spurt
of pride welling up in her chest.

“Hey Peaches,” he said as he came
to crouch behind her. His hand slid round her nape and up into her hair.

“Hey,” she responded, tilting her
head up to watch his face. His incredibly handsome profile knocked the breath
from her lungs.

“Think I’ll be able to convince
you into the water anytime soon?”

She swallowed before she could
speak. “I’m willing to give it my very best shot.”

His smile widened. “That’s my
girl.”

He rose, went to the shelves
holding the towels and brought one back with him. After drying her feet, he
picked up her shoes and tugged her after him.

“You told me your high school
crush was swimming. So you were a swim jockey?”

He looked back at her and nodded.
She noted his smile was a little strained. “Swimming was my whole life back
then. I competed all the way to nationals.”

“Why was it your whole life?” she
asked, half holding her breath in case he shut her down.

But he merely tugged her to his
side and hurried along the hallway toward his bedroom. “Because it was my means
of escape from home and from my mother.”

Her breath caught. He kissed her
mouth and pushed her into the bedroom.

“Don’t look so surprised,
Bethany. I’m a fast learner. And I’m learning very quickly that opening up a
little with you gains me serious brownie points. You can ask me another
question later and I’ll answer. But right now I need to pay you back for my ten
days of suffering. After that I’ll see about building up more brownie points.”

“But…we’ve made up since then!”

He laughed, a pure predatory
sound that jerked her heart to her belly and flipped it back up.

He hooked his fingers under her
dress straps and started lowering them. Her strapless bra quickly joined the
heap at her feet.

The moment he spotted her indigo
thong, the ruthless anticipatory gleam in his eyes that had been sparked since
they left her place grew. Every time he turned those grey eyes on her, a fresh
tingle of hot anticipation slammed her sideways.

 
“You think that was making up? You tying
me up and having your way with me?” He kicked his shoes away and reefed his
shirt over his head. His chiseled chest rippled as he moved and her mouth
watered shamelessly.

“My poor, poor Peaches. I haven’t
even been anywhere near your ass throughout this so-called making up period. So
tell me, you think I’m anywhere near appeased?”

She swallowed. “No. I’m thinking
this is where you fuck me until I break in half?”

He laughed again. “Oh baby, I
love the way you blush when you say that. But yeah, I’m fresh out of mercy
tonight.”

He picked her up and threw her
over his shoulder. His rough stubble grazed one ass cheek as he strode
purposefully for the toy room.

Even hanging upside down she
guessed which gadget Zach was heading for. When he stopped beside the rocking
horse, she whimpered.

“Is that a moan of anticipation I
hear?” he mocked.

“No, it’s a put me down before I
pass out groan.”

The hard slap of his hand against
her ass was unexpected and stung hard enough to make her eyes water.

“Zach!”

The next thing she felt was his
fingers digging beneath her thong before the sound of ripping satin tore
through the air. Before she could protest, her twin globe received an equally
sharp smack.

Three more smacks per cheek
followed that left her gasping and extremely turned on.

“Are you ready to behave,
Peaches?”

She bit her lip and nearly
answered in the negative. But the need to have him inside her trumped any other
desire ripping through her. “Yes,” she answered hoarsely.

“Then you think you can dig out
your nails from my ass so I can put you down?”