Highland Soldiers: The Enemy (22 page)

As she pulled the weapon back, Duncan slowly drew closer behind her. “Mari.” He spoke in a low, soothing voice. Firmly but gently, he gripped her wrist while he circled her waist with his other arm. “Mari, let it go, darlin’.” He spoke quietly in her ear until she let go and it dropped to the bed.

“Mari?”

She did not respond. Duncan coaxed her away from the body and into his arms.

An instant later, something caught Alex’s eye at the window. “The son of a bitch used a grappling hook to climb in through the window.”

Charlie pulled the bedding over the lifeless body. Duncan cast a dark look at the others as he circled Mari’s waist and led her out of the room, leaving the others behind to clean up.

She began to tremble as Duncan brought her to stand by the warmth of the fire. For a long while she was silent.

“I’m so cold.”

Duncan pulled her into his arms and held her, wrapping the end of his plaid about her.

Her teeth chattered. “I woke up and he was in my bed. He came in through the window.”

“I know, darlin’.”

Duncan held her tighter and cursed himself for not thinking that someone might scale the wall several floors up to the window. The thought of sleeping inside her room had been out of the question for a number of reasons, so he had decided to sleep outside of her door thinking he’d keep her from danger. He stroked Mari’s silken hair and held her head to his chest. “I’m so sorry.”

“I’ve been sleeping with Callum’s sgian dubh.”

“Aye.”

“I had to stop him. I had to stop him. He would have killed me just like he killed Ellen.”

“You did what you had to. You’re a brave lass.”

Duncan heard a scuffling sound and kept his arms about Mari, shielding her from the sight of Alex and Charlie carrying Kilgour away. They had wrapped his plaid about him to cover the blood, and carried him out to the street as though he were a drunken friend who had passed out. From time to time, they passed people, most of them too drunk or tired to notice or care about the three drunks who clung to the shadows. Along the way, they gathered rocks in the folds of Kilgour’s plaid, where they tied them. They walked along the Nor’loch until they found a small boat, which they rowed out to the middle. There they rolled Kilgour’s weighted body over the edge and watched him sink into the dark water.

With that business done, they returned to the apartment and burned what they could of the bedding. What they could not clean or burn, they took back to the Nor’loch and bundled tightly with rocks, and then dropped it into the middle of the loch. They returned to find Duncan by the fire with Mari asleep in his arms.

By morning the apartment was clean of blood, except that which had dried on Mari’s nightgown.

*

Mari awoke with a start and lunged forward. “No!”

“He’ll no harm you again.” Duncan pulled her back and said softly, “He’s gone. It’s all over.”

“Are you sure?”

“Aye, very sure. The lads took him away.”

She looked at Alex and Charlie, their clothes stained with Kilgour’s blood.

Alex followed her gaze and looked down at his leine. “Mari, are there any of Callum’s leines we could wear? I’d rather we not draw suspicion.”

“Aye, there are some in the bedroom.” They turned to leave, but Mari hastened to add, “Not the one hanging on the nail. I’ll get you some clean ones.”

Alex and Charlie changed into clean leines while Mari washed their plaids with a feverish vigor.

Duncan watched her with a troubled expression. “Mari, I’ll do this. Go take care of yourself.” He took over the washing. His eyes drifted down to the dried blood on her nightgown. “Get cleaned up, lass. We’ll want to burn that.”

Duncan finished washing the plaids and laid them out by the fire to dry. They were dark enough to mask any blood stains remaining, and as they were dragoons who had fought in recent battles, blood was not an unexpected sight on the men’s plaids. Mari bathed and emerged in clean clothes.

Alex and Charlie spoke quietly by the fire, while Duncan went to Mari and said, “How are you, darlin’?”

She shook her head. “I killed a man.”

“To defend yourself. You had no choice.”

His words did little to ease her troubled soul. There was little talk after that. Duncan took the last seat, next to Mari. He reached over and squeezed her hand for a moment to reassure her. He started to slip his hand from hers, but she held on. There they sat, staring into the flames.

*

The following day, Mari sat in St. Giles Cathedral and prayed. Duncan sat beside her and watched the tears trail down her cheeks. For a long while they sat there, until Duncan leaned over and said gently, “It’s time to go.”

She looked at him with round shimmering eyes, and she nodded.

As they left, she accepted his offered arm and clung mournfully to him. They stepped into the daylight. The sun brought into relief the uneven stone road and the shadows it left untouched on the stone walls around them. In silence, they walked. When they came to a close, Mari pressed her palm to Duncan’s arm, gently urging him to stay while she went into the shadows and wept.

Duncan followed and stood at a distance as long as he could. Then he lay his hand on her shoulder. “Och, Mari.”

She spun round as he reached his arms out. She flew to his embrace. When she’d cried herself dry of tears, she said, “Duncan, I pray and I pray, but I feel as though God will never forgive me.”

With a force that looked almost like anger, Duncan said, “If there is anything to forgive, He has done so already. If that is not true, may God strike me dead right here on this spot.”

Mari gasped. “Duncan, no! You must not speak so!”

“Aye, well I’m still standing here, so you must believe that He forgives you.”

“Then perhaps it is I who cannot forgive myself.”

“Och, well then, to that I’d say that if God forgives you, who are you not to agree?”

“I ken what you say. It makes sense. But my heart aches with the guilt. I have broken a commandment.”

Duncan lifted her chin and gave her a dark, piercing look. “Lass, I have killed men in fights and in battles. I dinnae ken how many lives I have taken, but there’s one thing I ken. It never is easy, but sometimes it is necessary.”

“A few days ago, I would have said that you’re wrong. I dinnae ken anymore.”

“Well I do. We both ken what would have happened if you had not fought back.”

“Aye. It was all I could think of. I could not let him do that to me.”

“Then you did what you had to, aye?” Duncan wiped her eyes dry with his thumbs. Then he brushed strands of hair from her face. His gaze swept over her face and rested on her lips for a moment. “Give it time, lass.” He put his hands on her shoulders and held her at a safer distance.

Reassured, Mari nodded.

A pair of men brushed past them on their way through the close. Their admiring eyes settled upon Mari until Duncan pulled her possessively into his arms and glared at the men. When they were well on their way, Duncan said, “In the meanwhile, you are not alone. Nor will you be. I’ll be here.”

Mari leaned her head on Duncan’s chest. Duncan stiffened and said, “So will Alex and Charlie and Hugh. We will help you through this.” With a quick kiss on the forehead, he led her back into the sunlight.

*

In the days that followed, Mari spent more time asleep than awake. One day she awoke at midday. When the shops opened after Hogmanay, the lads had bought a new mattress and bedding for Mari, and leines for themselves.

Everything seemed to return to their former routine. Life looked very much like before, except at night Mari would not sleep alone. Alex, Charlie, and Hugh took turns sleeping on the floor between the window and bed. It was the only way Mari was able to sleep. For a third time, Duncan made an excuse to avoid his turn, and Alex took note. He talked Duncan into going out for a drink. Hugh joined them, leaving Charlie behind with Mari, so she would not be alone. Before long, Hugh was at the bar, his attentions fully engaged by a pretty young barmaid.

Alex and Duncan sat at a small table nearby. With no warning, Alex asked him, “What are you doing?”

“I’m having a dram.”

“Do you think me daft? We’ve known one another since we were bairns.”

“Aye,” said Duncan. “Long enough to be sure you’re a pain in the arse.”

Alex leaned back and watched Duncan with narrowing eyes. “I’m not talking about having a dram, and you well know it.”

Duncan looked away as if he had not heard.

Alex narrowed his eyes. “I’ve seen you look at her.”

Duncan cast a dark look sideways at Alex. “And I’ve seen you look at her, too.”

“Aye. We all love her a little. But you love her a little too much.”

Duncan stared into his drink, his face devoid of emotion. After a long silence, he said, “Did you never wonder why I went to sea?”

“Well, no. I suppose that I thought you liked sailing.”

“I hate sailing. It’s a wonder I havenae boaked my guts into the North Sea.”

“How long has this gone on?”

“Gone on? Nothing’s gone on. I left.”

“And now that you’re back?”

Duncan met Alex’s eyes with a caustic glare. “I will not dishonor Callum, if that’s what you’re afraid of. And you degrade Mari by even suggesting she might. I’ll take the insult myself. Once. But I will not let you shame Mari. She knows nothing of this. Nor will she, because we’ll not speak of it again.”

Alex was numb from the shock of it. He’d suspected that Duncan might have grown fonder of Mari since Callum’s death, but he’d had no idea to what depth. He could have imagined this coming from Charlie, perhaps. Even Hugh. But Duncan? He was always the one with his feelings in check. He did nothing without careful thought.

Duncan finished his drink and got up for another. He brought another for Alex. “I could not sleep in her room. I dinnae trust myself with her. I might do something rash.”

With a sharp look, Alex leaned forward. “Like what?”

Duncan saw Alex’s alarm and hastened to say, “By my sword, I’d not force myself on her! How could you think that?”

Alex had seen Duncan this angry few times, and that was just as well. “Aye, sorry. It’s just that—”

“It’s Mari,” he said, finishing Alex’s sentence.

Alex barely hid his relief.

Duncan stared at his drink with sad eyes. “I would never touch Mari without her wanting me to, but she is lonely. She could easily confuse that with other feelings. I’m not sure whether I could be honorable enough to help her to see the difference.”

Alex did not disagree.

Duncan leaned back and stared into his drink. “I’ve kept my distance from her, but it was easier when Callum was here.”

“Callum?” Alex was troubled and made no effort to hide it. “You’ve been in love with her since before Callum died?”

“Aye. And each time we’re alone, I’m fearing I might tell her. In time, anyone else would have noticed. Not Mari. She sees only the best in people. But Callum would have sorted it out. In that instant, two loves would have been ruined. A love between friends would have been lost to a love that would never have been. I never had Mari, and I could not betray Callum and lose my best friend. So I went away. It was better for everyone then.”

“And now?” Alex asked him.

“Now? It’s worse than before. Can I steal her heart from a ghost? No. Nor will I torment myself by lying an arm’s length away in the dark.”

Alex eyed Duncan with sympathy. How had he not noticed?

Duncan said, “And now Callum is gone. And I wonder each day if I could have done more to save him. He was in my hands when the ship went down.”

Alex’s face grew ashen. “Are you saying…?”

“No!” Duncan shut his eyes as though he could shut out the truth. “But I thought of it.”

“But you did not act on it.” Desperate to hear the right answer, Alex said, “Duncan, tell me you did not act on it.”

“No! But it haunts me. I had hold of his arms. I looked at him as I gripped his arms, and I held on. The force of our friendship was so powerful that I was certain it would see us through. Live or die, we would do it together. Then the wave hit, and I lost him. I see his face every morning and night. And I wonder if I did enough.”

“What more could you have done?”

“Not want Mari.”

Alex looked at Duncan, who now seemed engrossed by the floor, and he wondered how Duncan had managed to hide it this long. But then, Alex knew of no secrets deeper than those of the heart. Nor was there a place further from logic. But logic had to rule now. Mari needed them all. She had left her home for a man who was gone. They were all that she had.

“She depends on you now. But you know that,” said Alex.

“Aye. She depends upon me to be a true friend. And each day I betray her.”

“So what will you do?”

Duncan finished his drink. “I’ll stay here until she is stronger. After that, she’ll have you and Charlie and Hugh. Take her home to the Highlands and see that she’s settled. She needs a home, and a family.”

“And you?”

“I’ll go back out to sea.” Duncan got up and went to the bar for more drinks.

*

They returned home to find Mari’s brother there, talking with her while Charlie eyed Jamie warily.

Jamie said, “Richard Cameron’s going to save Scotland.”

 “Is he now?” said Mari.

Duncan knew that tone of voice. She was trying to show Jamie respect, but she did not agree. Duncan took Charlie’s arm and pulled him into the other room. “Damn it, what were you thinking, letting him in here?”

“He’s her brother. She insisted. What was I to say?”

“No.” Duncan leveled a glare that made even Charlie uneasy.

“Duncan, he’s the only family she’s got.”

Duncan growled, “We’re the only family she’s got. We were the ones here with her when she needed him most. Where was he?”

Charlie met his bitter glare without flinching. Alex said quietly, “Calm yourself, lad.”

“He posed no threat to her,” Charlie said, as he put a few steps between them.

Duncan barely bit back his rage. “Callum’s dead because of what her brother did—or have you forgotten?” He looked away. The damage was done. All he could do was stand by and be there when she needed him. And she would. And each time that she leaned on him, his heart would break just a little bit more.