His Heart for the Trusting (9 page)

“Not really,”
Mitch said, glancing up at her as he kept his attention on the mare. 

She stopped and
turned to him.  Mitch was looking at her, his eyes filled with the same
questions she’d seen in the kitchen.  

Then he said,
“She still could bolt at any time.”

Sara gripped
the splintered rail.  “But she hasn't.  She came to you when she could have
easily just kept running in circles.”

“Trust isn't an
easy thing for her.  She still doesn't know what to think.”

“She let you
put the bridle on her.  You didn't have to chase her.  She came to you.”

“I have to win
her trust.  And when I have it, I can't abuse it or she'll never give it up
again.”

Mitch carefully
took the bridle off Midnight and took a few steps away.  Midnight followed like
a stray dog.  Amazing.

“Does she trust
you now?  Enough to ride her?”

With his head
low, Mitch shook his head.  “We still need a little time together before she'll
allow me put a saddle on her.  Right now, she's letting me know her
boundaries.”

“She let you
put a bridle on her as if she didn't even know you were doing it.”

He chuckled and
glanced up at Sara, his face bright with a smile.  “Oh, she knew.  But she's
still making up her mind.  She wants to trust me.  I can tell.  And maybe one
day she will.”

“Mitch?”

He looked up at
her again from across the corral.  He was incredibly handsome.  His dark hair
was the color of mica in the fading light, and his eyes had turned from blue to
a smoky gray.  He stood tall, his weight shifted to one hip as he held the
reins of the bridle.

Such strength.

Sara remembered
all too well how it had felt earlier to be in Mitch's arms.  Her heart still
raced with the memory.

“What if she's
never ready to trust you?”

Mitch's
expression grew serious, pulling her into his gaze.  He took a few steps
closer, his boots kicking up dust from the ground as he walked.  He stopped a
good ten feet from where she was standing and said, “I can wait as long as it
takes, Sara.”

# # #

Chapter Five

“I'm leaving.”

A jolt of panic
hit Mitch square in the center of his chest like electric shock from a socket. 
If he hadn't held tight to his spoon, he would have dropped it in his Corn
Flakes.

“Wha-why?”  His
eyes darted to the packed bags Sara carefully placed on the floor by the
kitchen door.  “I thought everything was going okay.”

Sara's lips
lifted ever so slightly at the corners.  Her dark eyes deepened with a mixture
of amusement and bewilderment.  “What on earth are you talking about?”

“Me?  You’re
the one who just said you're leaving.”

Her lips now
curled into a full-blown smile and the spoon finally slipped from his fingers
and plopped into the bowl of milk directly below. 

“You didn't
hear a word I said last night, did you Mitch?”

Last night?  He
thought back to the night before and drew a blank.  They'd talked briefly
during dinner.  And even then, neither of them said much because Jonathan
fussed and Sara kept getting up from the table to soothe him.  She'd said he
was cutting teeth and would probably be a little cranky for a while until it
broke through the gum.  After dinner, she spent some time rocking him to
sleep. 

Mitch had
welcomed the reprieve.  Things had been a little...tense between him and Sara
since the incident in the workshop.  They talked amiably, mostly about
Jonathan.  Beyond that, he'd just been too busy for either of them to have time
to talk about anything else, let alone get past the awkwardness they'd felt.

He'd kissed
her.  It was just a little kiss, but he could almost still taste her lips, and
feel the soft sweetness of her as he’d held her in his arms.  Yeah, that had
been a real swell idea, especially in light of what he'd suspected had gone on
in her marriage.  She had to have thought about it a thousand times since then,
just as he had, and finally decided it was time to pack her bags.

But no, there
was something else.  Mitch searched the events of last night again and drew
another blank.  He'd been so tired lately his mind was a bit foggy.

“What did we
talk about?” he finally asked, admitting defeat.

“My taking
Jonathan to the reservation today.  It's mom's day off and I thought I'd go do
a little investigating, maybe even connect with an old friend or two so I can
best plan out the next few months.  I want to meet with the school principal
and see about setting up some classes for storytelling in the curriculum.  Mom
said she'd watch Jonathan while I did all that.”

It sounded
vaguely familiar.  He'd been working the horses more and more lately, pleased
with the progress he'd made with them.  He's gone straight to the corral after
dinner.  After that, he'd gone into the workshop to finish the final touches on
the baby's crib.  He'd been so tired when he'd walked upstairs that he'd gone
straight to bed and slept like a dead horse. 

No, he'd met
Sara in the hallway for just a brief moment before he'd turned in.  That must
have been when she'd mentioned her plans. 

Mitch shrugged
apologetically.  “Yesterday was a really long day.”  He nodded to the overnight
bag.  “What's that for?”

“I have some
things, some presents to give my family.  It was easier to stuff them all in a
suitcase with the things Jonathan was going to need than to carry everything
loose.”

He nodded his
understanding.

“You look
relieved.”

Mitch gave a
quick laugh and settled back in his chair, wiping the spilled milk that
splattered on the table with a paper towel.  “I am.  I thought you were
leaving.  For good.”

Abruptly,
Sara's expression changed and Mitch didn't want to go where he knew this
conversation was going to take them.

“I'm going home
eventually, Mitch.  I thought you understood that when I agreed to help you
take care of Jonathan.”

“I know.  You
did.”  Not that they talked about it much or that he liked the idea.  But Sara
had made her intentions clear.

“Have you had
any luck finding a replacement for me?”

“No.”  He
wasn't being fair, he knew.  He hadn't even begun looking for another nanny. 
When did he have time?  Besides, after Sara, no one would be able to live up to
his expectations.

He needed
exactly her.  He wanted her.  In more ways than he cared to admit.

“Would you like
me to ask around?  People on the rez are always looking for good jobs.  Mom
might even know of a few girls that may be interested.”

His head jerked
to her and he saw immediate alarm sharpen her features.  She quickly pulled a
chair away from the table and sat down next to him.

“I wouldn't
make any offers of employment.  Anyone I thought was right for the job I'd
merely refer to you.  You'd be able to meet them and make your own decision
about who is a right fit for you and Jonathan.”

You're the
right fit for us, Sara.  He didn't say the words, knowing he’d be completely
backing out of their arrangement if he did.

He didn't want
someone else moving into his house.  Someone with different ways, different
likes, different pictures to hang on the wall.  It was hard enough for him to
admit he needed Sara.  He'd finally gotten used to the idea and now she was
talking about leaving.  Sure, she'd always talked about her plans of being a
storyteller.  But somehow, he couldn't imagine her really leaving him.  Them,
he corrected himself, silently.

“I just figure
I could make it easier for you by helping things along since you have so little
time.”

“Sure,” he
said, a little harsher than he intended.

He walked to
the refrigerator and yanked the door open.  A pitcher of formula was already
made and chilling.  He had to move it to reach the milk.

She glanced at
the cereal bowl on the table.  “Do you want something else to eat?  A bowl of
cereal is not that much.”

“You don't have
to feed me.  I can take care of myself.”

Sara looked at
him thoughtfully, lingering to see what emotion was behind this sudden coolness
that had filled the air around them.  “I know I don't have to.  Pass me the
pitcher of formula please?”

He did so, and
grabbed the carton of milk for himself.

“Since I
obviously missed our conversation last night, why don't you fill me in?  Are
you going to be gone the whole day?”

“I made you a
lunch.”

His shoulders
sagged slightly.  “That's not why I'm asking.  Corrine cooks for the whole
crew.  I’ll never starve here on the ranch.  I’m just asking.”

She was going
to find a replacement.  For her.  Mitch knew it was coming.  He'd known all
along this was just a temporary arrangement.  But the thought of having someone
else here in Sara's place just didn't settle well with him.  He glanced around
the kitchen.  She'd be gone and everything about her would go with her.  He
didn't like the thought of that.  He only hoped that her sudden push to leave
wasn't because he'd been an idiot the other night when he’d kissed her.  

“I suspect
we’ll be gone most of the day.  I'll probably be back later this evening, if
you don’t mind.”

Why would he
mind?  It was the first time in a long time he'd have his house to himself
again.  No crying.  No cares about waking up the baby.

“Are you sure
it’s okay with you?” she asked when he didn't respond.

He glanced at
her then and realized his mind had drifted.

“Sure.  In fact
it may work out nice.  I can paint the walls in Jonathan's bedroom and set up
the crib.  Get it ready to move him out of your room.”

She smiled. 
“There's no rush.  It's easier to have him in the room with me until he's
sleeping through the night.”

“A new nanny
might want her own room.”

Her expression
was unreadable.  After a short pause, she gave a quick nod and went about
filling bottles with formula for the day.

Jonathan
started to cry and Sara quickly abandoned the bottles to tend to his son. 
Mitch closed his eyes and gave himself a hard word silently.  He wasn’t being
fair to Sara.  She hadn't lied to him or led him on.  He was the one who had
changed the plan.  He wanted things to stay exactly the way they were.  But
sooner or later, they would change.  After his charming mood today, she just
might make certain it was sooner rather than later.

* * *

Sara reached
down and scooped Jonathan up from his cradle into her arms.  She loved the feel
of him, the way he smelled and the way his face suddenly transformed when his
eyes caught sight of her or Mitch.

Mitch had given
her the cold shoulder about going to the reservation today.  She wasn't sure
exactly what was bothering him.  Maybe it was because of her offer to help look
for her replacement or that she was taking Jonathan away from the ranch for the
day.

Part of her
hoped it was the latter.  He'd bonded somewhat with his son, but Sara could
tell that there was a wall there, carefully kept in check as if he were waiting
for Lillian to come back and tell him that it had all been a lie, that Jonathan
wasn't really his son at all.  Or maybe because he had every intention of
tracking Lillian down and giving Jonathan back.  Whatever the reason, Mitch was
keeping a careful distance. 

But none of
that was any of her business.  She'd told Mitch she was only going to stay
until he found someone permanent for the job.  She had her plans to move back
to the reservation, teach the stories of her culture to the children.  Nothing
had changed.  She glanced down at the now fully awake Jonathan, who was
grinning up at her with a drooly, toothless grin.

Her heart
squeezed.  This had changed, as she knew it would.  She nuzzled the baby's neck
until he let out a high-pitch squeal of delight.  She was becoming very
attached to this beautiful baby.  He wasn't just a child that she visited at
the daycare and then handed over to the arms of his mother.  This child looked
up at her with an innate trust that children only reserved for a parent, a
primary person in their life.

Except, she
wasn't Jonathan's mother.  She wasn't a permanent part of his life or Mitch's
life.  Soon she would leave.  Sara’s heart gave another tug of pain and
longing.

For all their
sakes, she should make it soon.

* * *

“It's
beautiful, mother.” Sara said, holding the blue and white dress up for view. 
The tiny metal “fringes” that had been sown all the way around the jingle dress
sounded like rain as she moved.

“I knew you'd
like it,” Alice said, her face beaming with delight.  “A little over a year
ago, after Mandy came back to Texas, I had a dream that you were wearing it.”

Sara tried not
to show her shock.  The jingle dress was used by Native American women to dance
at the Powwow.  Many stories were told of a sick child who needed healing.  The
child’s grandfather had a dream that the little girl was wearing a beautiful,
colorful dress that jingled as she moved, making music.  The child had been
healed. 

“Me?  But
mother, I don't need to be healed?”

Her mother eyed
her knowingly.  “Are you sure, sweetheart?”

“I've visited
my doctor before I left California and I'm as fit as can be,” she said, knowing
full well her mother wasn't talking about her health.

“You're still
so unsure of your step.”

“I'm getting
steadier on my feet,” Sara quickly insisted.  “It's been a long time since I've
been back to the rez.  Los Angeles is so different.  The people, the
environment, the pace…everything.  It's taking a while to slow down and really
feel like I'm home.”

“It's not home
that hurt you.”  Alice wrapped her hands about Sara's as she held the dress to
her chest.  “He hurt you, didn't he?”