His (Hers #5) (15 page)

My wife looks beautiful in her glowing state. Her long dark hair was pulled back, and piled on top of her head, just the way I’ve always loved it. A thin sheen of sweat covers her entire body and she looks so amazingly at peace for the amount of pain she has been in for hours. It was the calm before the storm because it would only be a matter of time before it would be time for our baby to be born.

“Pressure,” Seven mumbles from the bed and one of the midwives quickly comes to her attention. The older lady with a long grey braided ponytail looks like she belongs on a hippy commune.

“I’m going to check your dilation, okay Seven?” Seven can’t reply, so she just nods in agreement. I think by now, Seven was just screamed out. The colorful language that flew from her mouth had been entertaining for a few hours. We laughed and poked fun at her, and now she was just too exhausted to keep it up.

“Wow, well that explains the pressure. Baby’s head is right there. It’s time to push Seven, are you ready?” A tear silently streamed down my face as I think about the fact that we didn’t get this moment with Marley. Everything was an emergency. The calm of the room is in stark contrast to what we experienced with our daughter.

“Yes,” she mumbles and begins to reposition herself on the bed.

The various midwives hustle around the room while Star and Lyric move off of the bed, but never leave her side. I watch in awe at the beauty of it all. The support and dedication. The miracle of life, folks. There is nothing more beautiful.

I make my way to Seven, praying she won’t snap and stab me or try to rip my dick off for what I have done to her. Kneeling on the bed, I whispered into her ear.

“I love you, Seven.”

“Next contraction, push,” the midwife instructs and Seven complies. She is on a mission to get that baby out. With each contraction, she pushes until her face goes through every shade of red and her knuckles are completely white, while she clenches onto my hand.

“FUCKING HELL THAT HURTS! OH MY GOD! MY VAGINA! HE’S BREAKING IT! HE BROKE MY VAGINA!” Seven screams as she pushes one last time, and the room echoes with healthy newborn cries. I am torn between laughing and crying. Her words are hysterical, but the sight of our newborn baby is enough to take my breath away.

“Oh my god! He is out! He is OUT!” she screams as she tries to catch a glimpse of his face. I kiss her cheek and we both hold each other as the midwife cuts the cord and bundles up our baby.

Seven

Present

As I looked down into the arms of this precious baby, I couldn’t help but notice how much bigger he was. When Marley was born, she was tiny. We couldn’t hold her or touch her and now, Levi and I lay together in our bed holding onto to the brand new life we brought into the world. I brought into the world actually… with my broken vagina to show for it.

I slowly start to unwrap him, checking out all of his fingers and toes. Examining every inch of our new baby boy… wait?

“Um, where is his penis?” I stare in shock. The baby, I had been told, but he was very much missing a vital boy part. Replaced with the same kind of equipment both myself and Marley have.

“Congratulations, it’s a girl!” the midwife said with a smile on her face. “What a great surprise!”

Levi and I both looked at each other and spoke at the same time.

“We are NOT trying for a boy!” I said while he said…

“I’m never gonna have a son!”

Every person in the room bursts into laughter.

“I guess we need to come up with another damn name now.” I say. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t annoyed. We were totally prepared for a little boy: Name, nursery, everything. Now we have another little girl who I know is going to partner up with Marley to cause trouble for the rest of her life. I thought I was fucked with Marley. Now, I am double fucked.

“How about London?” Levi suggests. I love the idea since the city is so important to our relationship. Had we never gone there together, we wouldn’t be where we are today.

“I was thinking more along the lines of Willow,” I tested the waters. Seeing what Star would think. My best friend jumps on her feet and starts sprinting across the room until she is once again at my bed side. The tears roll down her face and she smiles brightly. I can honestly say, the idea may not have been the most well thought out. But Star isn’t pissed. She looks touched.

“What do you think, Star?” I ask and patiently wait for her reply. Levi and I exchange cautious glances, waiting for her answer. Minutes seem like hours as we wait.

“I would be honored.” Star replies as she weeps. “I know it was probably really hard for you to ask, but I couldn’t think of a better person to use that name. It has so much meaning to our family.” Star says in between sniffles. My heart swells with the love for her, and the fact that she just referred to all of us as family. Yeah, we act like one big family… but we never talk about it like that. We never use the word
family
to describe whatever fucked up crew we have going on now. But that is exactly what we are.

“I guess we really are a family huh?” I smile. “I think Willow London Parker would be a perfect name. What do you think Levi?” I leave the ball in my husband’s court, but I can tell he isn’t going to fight me on this name.

“I have to admit, I am kinda disappointed we didn’t get to use our boy name… but I couldn’t think of a more perfect name for a perfect little girl.” I can see him looking at our second daughter and falling in love with her. The same look and glances I got when we first met and it brings me back to that same place. I could have never imagined that we would be where we are today, but damn, I’m glad we are.

I look down, noticing my clearly deflated belly. My baby is gone, and I don
’
t know if she will survive her premature birth. My own foolishness may very well have cost me the life of the only person I have ever valued more than myself. I didn
’
t listen and I didn
’
t understand how serious this all was.

Levi paces across the room, never looking me in the eye. The first time I have seen him in almost three weeks since he served me with divorce papers and this is how we reunite. The stress is clear on
his face and I can see the wrinkles forming around his eyes. He hasn
’
t shaved in days and by the look of his hair, I am guessing he hasn
’
t showered either. The closer he gets to me, the more I can smell the pungent aroma of expensive liquor on his body.

“
So I leave to get my shit together and you become an alcoholic? How fuckin
’
cliche, Levi.
”
I can
’
t help myself. It pisses me off that he gets to do what he wants, drink alcohol and whatever while I was stuck with my feet up and in a fuckin
’
nut house trying to make sure I don
’
t have my daughter early
…
even though I did anyways.

“
Don
’
t fuckin
’
start in on me, Seven. None of this is my fault!
”
He lashes out. I
’
ve never seen Levi this mad.
“
You don
’
t get to throw insults when our daughter is two floors above us in the NICU fighting for her life! You don
’
t have that right, Seven. YOU DON
’
T HAVE THAT RIGHT!
”
his face is red as he screams at me.

“
I have the fucking RIGHT to do WHATEVER the FUCK I WANT, Levi. YOU LEFT! You handed me divorce papers and walked out on me! You pushed me! You caused all this!
”
And while I don
’
t believe he really is to blame I try and make him hurt just as much as I do right now. It
’
s the only defense mechanism I have left. Hurt before I am hurt anymore.

“
What do you want me to say, Seven? That I am sorry? That I regret what I did? Do you want me to tell you how much I wish I could turn back the clocks and take it all back? Because I do! I wish I could go back and take that stupid plan back. I wish I could have kept you from going to Woodstock to begin with. I wish none of this ever happened. But I can
’
t take any of it back. I thought I was doing the right thing. I was just trying to call your bluff. I should have known better.
”
Levi hangs his head in shame and collapses into the chair in the corner of the hospital room.

What the hell? He didn
’
t want a divorce? What kind of game was he trying to play with me? I am torn between being really confused and really fucking pissed. I am happy that he wasn
’
t adamant on ending our marriage but livid he would go through such extremes to try and trick me into doing what he wanted.

“
You mean to tell me the divorce papers were all a game? You never wanted to end our marriage?
”
I ask. The tears begin to stream down my face and with all the shit I
’
ve been through, this is just way too fucking much to deal with. My sanity is slipping and my emotions are completely out of control. First, Marley coming early, and now this? I am unsure of how much more I can take.

“
Seven, you are my forever. I only want you. But
…”
he lets out a sigh and runs his fingers through his hair, which is in desperate need of a cut,
“…
you are so hardheaded. I had no idea what to do. You left me with no choices. No matter what I did, I couldn
’
t get through to you.
”
I can see the pain in his face. He wears it for the world to see. Unable to hide his emotions from anyone, including me.

“
No one could. This is all my fault.
”
I cradle my head in my hands and begin to sob.
“
The only thing that would make me stop acting like a selfish asshole has happened. My daughter is here, early, and in danger. I did this! I caused this, and if anything happens to her
…
it is all my fault.
”

The guilt is overwhelming. This is all my fault. I hurt my daughter and I am never going to be able to forgive myself for this. I should have been protecting her the way my parents never did. I promised her from the start that I would be everything they weren
’
t all those years.

“
I want to see her,
”
I say to Levi.
“
I want to go to the NICU and see her.
”
I demand. I begin to frantically push the nurse call button. They try and answer me over the intercom system, but I am too frantic to answer them. Levi sits by my bedside and holds my hand as the hospital staff slowly trickle into my room. The more they speak, the further away they all sound. Their voices talk about me like I am not even here.

“
We are going to have to medicate her and transfer her back to the mental health ward, Mr. Parker.
”
one guy with a jacket says. They all hurry around the room, but I can
’
t follow all the action. The room is getting dark. Shit
…
I
’
m tired. My body relaxes into the bed.

And the room goes black.

I blink my eyes open and I am in my bedroom, holding my daughter as friends and family surround us. I am not in the hospital room on the day Marley was born. I am here, in the present, with my new baby. The memory catches me off guard. I’ve done my best to block out the first few months of Marley’s life. It is sad, but it is true. I wasn’t well. I still am only getting there. But today I feel like the whole second chance thing I got… well I knocked that bitch right out of the park.