His Love Shattered (Love Shattered #2) (4 page)

Courtney

When I wake up I feel rested and one hundred times better than before.  I assume I have slept through the night because Lillian is sitting by my bed holding a bundle of bright pink in her arms. Shit if it isn’t morning then that would mean Lillian escaped the maternity floor. I wouldn’t put it past her though.

“Please tell me you didn’t escape the maternity floor Lil?”

“Cool it sis. I was discharged first thing this morning. I have been sitting here for forty five minutes waiting for your sleeping ass to wake up. Would you like to meet your niece or did you wanna go back and catch a few more Zs? Go ahead I have nowhere to be.” She jokes with me and then stands to walk over and hand me the sleeping baby girl.

“Lillian do not curse in front of my niece.” I scold playfully.

I look down at my beautiful new niece in my arms. I am instantly in love. She has a head full of light colored hair and an adorable button nose. She looks just like Lillian. She is perfect. I love her just as much in that moment as I loved my own kids the day they were born. I have wanted to be an aunt for as long as I can remember. All of my sisters have been aunties to my kids for twelve years and I have always been the oddball out without nieces or nephews. Now I finally have a niece and I couldn’t be more proud of my sister.

While I am admiring the sweet baby in my arms, I keep glancing at the door hoping to catch a glimpse of Dexter sneaking in. I wonder where he is this morning. He claims he hasn’t left my side at all only to eat and shower. So I guess that must be where he is right now.

“Yeah okay so anyway. I named her Lillian Faith. I just had to name her after myself. Since Greg isn’t in the picture anymore and I have pretty much done everything myself this whole pregnancy. I thought it was only fair she be named after me. Faith, I chose because we never give up faith in this family and that always get us through. We are one strong family when we stick together.” She explains.

“Whoa Whoa Whoa. Back the truck up. You left Greg? Finally got some sense knocked into you huh?”

“No dummy. He left me while we were in Alabama. I guess you don’t remember any of that though since you can’t seem to remember anything from right before you got your new job according to Dexter.” At the mention of his name I peer over at the door again hoping he will walk through.

“Yea, I can’t remember anything at all just bits and pieces here and there of odd things. No memories of this Dexter guy at all. Is it true? Am I really in love with an actor?”

“You’re not just in love with him Courtney. He means everything to you. This love runs deeper than any high school love thing you had going on with Dave. Can’t believe he is alive by the way. But this thing with Dexter is ten times more than anything you ever had with him. I have told you as much already before. Hopefully you can figure that out on your own. I hope that even though Dave is back you won’t end up shattering Dexter’s heart. He has been so good to you. He treats you the way you deserve to be treated. I really like him.” My sister is always giving it to me straight. That’s one of the things I love about her.

How am I supposed to just set Dave to the side though knowing what he did for us? We have kids together and we used to have a great life together. I don’t even remember Dexter. It feels only right that I should be with Dave. After all I am actually still married to the guy because he isn’t even really dead. At least I assume we are. I have no clue how all that legal crap works. I will have to ask Dave whenever he decides to show back up again.

I glance at the door again. Oddly enough not looking for Dave, but for Dexter.

“Why do you keep glancing at the door? Who are you wishing will walk through it?”  Lillian lifts a curious eyebrow.

“Am I that obvious?” I laugh out. “Honestly I am looking for Dexter. He was here last night. I thought he would be here when I woke up.”

“Well, I wouldn’t be expecting Dexter walking through the door anytime soon. Rob and Dexter left early this morning to head back to Alabama. I think Dexter may have left you a letter right over there.” She flicks her finger towards a folded up piece of paper on the bedside table.

That must have been what Rob needed to talk to Dexter about last night.

Lillian walks over and grabs the letter. I snuggle up to my beautiful niece Lillian Faith and   take in her sweet baby smell. I give her a little kiss on her head and hand her back to her momma and I take the note from Lillian.

“Thanks for this Lillian. Also thanks for bringing little Lillian Faith down to see me too. I can’t believe I missed her being born. So Dexter told me Rob filled in for me. I really hope I get my memory back soon. It seems like a lot has happened recently.” All of this confusion is starting to give me a headache. I rub my temples where the tension is building up.

“Rob and Dexter have been great. They were supposed to go back to Alabama to finish filming this season of
By the Light of the Moon
weeks ago. After the tornado they both decided they weren’t leaving our sides until they absolutely had no choice. I guess that time came because they both had to leave early this morning. I think their agents and producers were starting to get pretty pissed because they kept putting off having to leave.”

After Lillian tells me that I ask for some alone time so I can read my letter Dexter left me. I need some time alone with my thoughts. I take the letter and unfold it and what I read brings tears to my eyes.

My Dearest Courtney,

I hate that I am having to leave you like this without explaining everything in person. I tried to wake you but you were sound asleep and wouldn’t have it. I wanted to let you know first off that I did not want to leave you right now. Not while you are in the hospital when you need me the most. Duty calls though. I haven’t been back on set in weeks and Rob and I have missed a few appearances while we have been here. So we really didn’t have a choice but to go back home and film. I plan on working my ass off though. That way I can get back to you as quickly as possible.

I really hope that your memory will come back soon and we can pick back up where we left off. If I could go back in time I would re do that whole night over again. Instead of trying to be so romantic and go all out for our first time together I would go back in time and change the way I handled it all. I came to the realization that our love runs so deep and strong you didn’t need all that romantic stuff to make you happy and that our love would have been enough to make that night special. I promise that when you remember everything I will do everything I can to make up for what happened. When the time comes around that we share our first time together it will be everything you ever dreamed it to be.

It sucks that I can’t be with you right now. I hope that while I am gone you will think of me; in the mean time I will work my ass off so that I can get back to you. You have my number in your phone. If you feel up to it text or call me. I got you a new phone the other day. Yours seems to have gotten lost in all of the craziness. I hope that was okay. The new cellphone is over on the table. I love you Courtney from the very bottom of my heart. I will see you soon.

Love Always,

Dexter

I read over Dexter’s letter several more times until I heard the door to my room click open. I look up to see Dave coming through. I hope I hid the disappointment on my face. I was hoping it was anyone but him coming in just now.

I knew we had a lot to talk about but I just wasn’t up for it after reading Dexter’s letter.

“Hey Courtney. I was hoping we could talk. This is the first chance I have had to get back here. I have to be extremely careful when I come off the island. Even though I have grown out my beard and hair, it would be bad if anyone recognized me. The guy we’re testifying against next week is being held without bond but we aren’t supposed to be seen in town. That also leads me to another thing I need to talk to you about.”

Since it seems that this is one of the only chances we will get to talk to each other I set my emotions about Dexter aside and listen to what he has to say.

“I am listening.” I say quietly.

“Well you know before when I told you we couldn’t tell the kids I was alive? Well that wasn’t entirely true. We can’t tell them at all. Ever. When I left you guys I went through extreme measures to make sure everyone thought I was dead and to make sure that this guy that I am testifying against had no idea who I was or that I had a family. I could have taken all of you with me that day but I didn’t want that life for you all.” He starts to explain but I cut him off.

“So you would rather us think you were dead? While all along you are living on a deserted island that is only accessible by boat only an hour away from us this whole time. How could you do that to us? Don’t you think we would be much happier if we at least got to be with you Dave?” I yelled. I am furious now, I have finally snapped. All this playing nice not remembering shit and people trying to convince me of these things that are my life now. I have finally lost it. No longer able to reel in my temper I punch the pillow beside me. Sending pain through my back up my spine and throughout my head.

That was not a good idea.

“Courtney you need to calm down before you aggravate your injuries. As far as anyone is concerned I am dead. I have a new identity. I am not Dave Bedford anymore and we aren’t even considered married anymore Courtney and for the record you need to stop calling me Dave. That’s not who I am anymore. I couldn’t ask you to leave your family behind Courtney. If you all had come with me we would have had to leave our whole lives behind. You couldn’t have had any contact with your family anymore and I know how close you and your family are Courtney. You might have been okay with the decision at first but after a while it would have worn you down. I just couldn’t ask you to do that.”

“Well what about after this guy is in prison for good? Then you can come back to us and then we can tell the kids? That’s what you said before to Dexter that you planned to come back to us.” I can already tell by the sad look in his eyes that I am not going to like what he has to say next.

“It’s not that simple Courtney. There is a lot more to it than that. This guy could have a family, friends, fellow gang members that want revenge. I am not going to be able to return to our old life.” He shakes his head.

“Then what was all that shit you were talking to Dexter about? Building our dream home in hopes to get me back?” I don’t know how I should be feeling but right now I am pissed.

“All of that was just a bunch of added bull shit to get him riled up. However, if you want to live there it’s all yours. I am sure we can figure out some way to make sure it goes to you without having any connections to me. Once the trial is over I am being relocated again. I had to fill the officials in on the fact that I have been back on the main land. They want to relocate me after everything is a done deal. People are going to see me at the trial and they may recognize me if I stay. You can all come with me if you want to Courtney, we can start our life over and we can take the kids. We will all have new identities and start fresh in another state. We can get new jobs and the kids will go to a new school. We will all be together again, the only downfall is that you would not be able to have any contact with your family ever again once we leave. That’s the only option where we will be able to tell the kids about this. We were very lucky from the beginning that we even had the option of you getting to stay here. I went to great lengths to make sure no one knew who you were. Some of the wives and kids left with their husbands.” Huh that makes sense now. I was friends with some of the other wives and they seemed to have dropped off the face of the earth. I just chalked it up to thinking it was just because of my own grief and we just lost touch.

“I don’t know what to say. That is a lot to take in. A lot to think about. I need some time.” I tell him.

“I understand. I will leave you be for now and give you some time to think. I will need a decision soon though so they can get the ball rolling on our location and everything else involved. I also have to say that living with me, even if we move, there is always the possibility of being found. It would be a life of looking over our shoulder at every turn. Always being suspicious of everybody you meet. I know you’re strong Courtney but living like that sucks and it’s hard. You could potentially be putting you and the kids at risk. You need to ask yourself if having a life together is worth the risk and giving up all of the things you have just to be together again.” He pauses at the door to my room and looks over to me. He sounds like he is trying to get me to stay like he doesn’t even want us to go with him.

“I still love you Courtney. I will pop back up in two weeks I will need your answer then.” I just nod my head.

“Just for the record Dave. I would have gone anywhere with you back then. You meant that much to me.” That seems to satisfy him.

If only he knew I wasn’t so sure that I would be willing to go anywhere with him now. Especially if it meant possibly putting the kids and myself in any danger. I may love him now but it wasn’t a love like before. I can’t explain it, but seeing him now just doesn’t excite me the way it used to.

My mind begins to race. Could I leave my family and everything I have ever known behind and uproot the kids’ lives so that they can have their father back again? One that they believed to be dead. Do I stay and continue to live like we have with them thinking he is dead? I am sure I could tell them the truth one day. Would they hate me for that if I decide not to go?