His Unbearable Desire 2 (8 page)

“You mean you’re okay with this?” he asked incredulously.

Ana raised her eyebrows and inhaled deeply.

“I can’t say that it didn’t take me by surprise, and I did think my life was in danger for a moment”

“I’d never hurt you.”

“-but it’s just who you are. I’m not going to ignore you because of it. I want to be with you, and this is you. Although, please don’t come charging at me like that again. It was rather frightening.”

“I’m sorry,” he said sheepishly, “I thought you might have been an intruder. You know how much I value my privacy.”

“I can see why now.”

“You know I’ve never ever told anyone this before. Not any other girlfriends, no-one.”

“What makes me so different?” she asked, thrilled that he called her his girlfriend.

He looked at her with a strange countenance on his face. He stroked her hair and kissed her lightly.

“I suppose that I saw you and I knew that I could trust you. I wanted you in my life, no matter what, and if it meant giving up my secret then that’s what I had to do. That’s why I wanted you to come here before last week. I wanted to show you properly, so you could understand. I hate the thought that I scared you. I never want to do that again. I am truly sorry.”

“You don’t have to keep apologizing, I get now why you’ve been acting the way you have been.”

Colton leaned back in bed and placed his hands behind his head, smiling widely. He started to laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Ana asked.

Colton looked down at her and then back up at the ceiling. He stretched his arms out and sighed with joy.

“I just feel so free and unburdened. You don’t know for how long I’ve been carrying around this secret, how I’ve always had to second guess myself. That’s why I’ve shut myself away. I just couldn’t be around people knowing that I had this beast inside me. But now I feel…I feel stronger now that I’ve told you. I feel like for the first time in my life I can actually be happy.”

Ana smiled at his joy and felt like she could be happy as well. It was gratifying to see him like this, and she was glad that he felt that he could open up to her with such a valuable secret.

“So can you tell me everything, like, how did it happen? How much of what you’ve told me already has been the truth?”

“It was all true. I’ve never lied to you,” he said, a serious expression coming over his face. “I just…changed the details a little bit.”

“Okay, so now give me the uncensored version,” she said.

“Well, when my parents died it wasn’t entirely the fault of the hunters. They were in bear form at the time and they thought they were safe because nobody usually went out there. Nobody was allowed out there really. But the hunters saw them and they saw bears, so they shot. When they came up to them my parents had changed back into humans and the hunters were punished for that.

I suppose I should feel pleased that they got caught but in a way I feel sorry for them because they didn’t know about any of this. Ever since then I’ve hated what I could become. I wanted to stop it, thought of it as a disease because it had gotten my parents killed and I didn’t want to end up the same way.”

“That’s awful. I can’t imagine what it must have been like feeling that way about yourself.”

“It got better over the years and eventually I learned how to accept both sides of myself, but I’m so different to the rest of the world. I just didn’t think anyone would understand. Girls I’ve been with before have tried to get it out of me; but I’ve never felt comfortable telling them. I’m just so glad I found you because you’re not like anyone I’ve ever met.”

“I don’t know what it is about me that’s so special really…”

“You’re warm, and kind, you have a good heart. When I’m with you I feel like the rest of the world doesn’t matter, and I feel like I can do anything. When I look into your eyes it’s like for the first time in my life everything makes sense and I know where I belong.”

They smiled and kissed lovingly again. Ana drew the sheets high and their naked bodies cuddled together in the warmth.

“When did you first know, I mean, did your parents tell you or was it something that just happened one night?”

Colton swallowed as his eyes drifted back to a long time ago when he had been a young boy, and his father had taken him for a walk through the mansion.

“It happened ever since I was born, on every full moon, but every time it happened my parents sedated me so I never woke up while I was in bear form. But then I got older and I knew something about me was different, and they knew they had to tell me. One day my father told me that it was a very special day. That it was a full moon, and that something wonderful happened. He took me through the house and told me that a long time ago back in Europe, where our ancestors came from, we were from a very powerful tribe that lived in isolation. Although not many of us were left we were still proud of our heritage. He told me that we were warriors, and that a war had been fought and we had lost, so we came to America in the hopes of starting a new life.

It all sounded exciting and scary, and as we walked he took me past a number of paintings of my ancestors. Their eyes seemed to follow me about the room and I felt them looking at me, unbound by time and space. My father went on to say that we were a noble people and that we had been given a gift, although at one time it had been a curse.

Centuries ago one of my ancestors slept with a gypsy who was part of a traveling carnival, but the next morning he left without saying a word. A year later the carnival came back and the gypsy tracked him down. He already had a wife and a young daughter so he didn’t want anything to do with this woman or his illegitimate child, and he sent her away.

Her scorn turned to anger and she came back with a vengeance. Using her gypsy magic she caused a storm that flooded their village, and his family perished. He went to find her, with death in his heart, and she felt the steely kiss of his blade. With her dying breath she spoke words that he didn’t understand, and as he was about to leave her corpse to rot, he heard the mournful cries of his son.

He walked over to the baby and looked down upon it. It writhed as it cried, and it was swaddled in dirty rags. The blood from the baby’s mother still dripped off his sword. He lifted the blade up, ready to strike and end the torment; but his hand trembled and tears welled up in his eyes as he looked down, and saw himself in his son.

The sword clattered against the ground. The man curled his arms around the baby and held it close to its breath, and took it away to safety. The two of them wandered the countryside like nomads, but on the next full moon, as the father kept watch over his son, he noticed the transformation take place.

At first he was scared, and his first reaction was to see it as a beast. But then the small bear began to play with him, and the man broke down in tears. All his life he had been cruel, selfish, and heartless, and he had only ever done what was best for himself, but he saw something in his son that redeemed him.

Instead of turning his son away as a monster the man showed him that he had been given a gift. He was stronger and faster and more powerful than any man alive, and it was up to him to use his abilities for good. They went around the countryside and tried to help innocent people who were unable to help themselves. They came out in the night and struck swiftly, and soon word spread of the mysterious man and the bear that ran alongside him.

Eventually it was time for the man to pass on, and as he lay down on his deathbed he told his son of all his sins. He said that the one good thing he done was to raise that boy into a man. Although he wasn’t sure if that one good deed balanced out all the evil things, he left the mortal realm with the knowledge that a hero walked amongst men. With that he breathed his last breath, and the son was left alone.

All his life his father had guided him but he had to make his own path. He carried on the work he and his father had started but he also yearned for something more. He found a small village and settled down; made a kinship with the people there and met a young maiden. But every month he disappeared and they knew not why. One month she followed him in secret and she witnessed his transformation.”

“Just like I did,” Ana interrupted. Colton smiled at her.

“Just like you,” he said, and then continued with his story, “she went back home and didn’t tell anyone about it until the next day when she revealed the truth.

She called him a hero but he didn’t believe her and he swore her to secrecy. She didn’t listen to him though, and she told the rest of the villagers. The next time he came back there was a feast waiting for him and they all thanked him for what he had done to protect them and to help their friends in nearby villages. They drank and sang in his honor, and later that evening he sought out the maiden and thanked her for believing in him.

He asked her to marry him, and that is where my family line began. He showed that just because we are cursed it does not mean that our lives have to be bleak. Over time other tribes revealed themselves, although I do not know their histories, but I like my history. My father spoke of it with pride and he told me that even though what happened to us is scary it’s a blessing, and we should see it as an experience that no-one else can share or understand. We’re more than animals, and more than men. We’re…something else.

I sometimes wonder how I would be different if they had not died, whether I would have followed in my ancestor’s footsteps instead of hiding away.”

“Have you ever thought of doing what he did and using your ability for good?”

“Sadly the world has changed and it’s much different than the olden days. My parents are proof of that. If word spread that a wild bear was running rampant through the city they would not stop until they found it and put it down, or worse, captured it and put it behind bars in a zoo. I would not wish that fate on anyone. It is why I come here or somewhere secluded and try to let those nights pass relatively harmlessly.”

“But you changed yourself in front of me today, you must have some control over it?”

“I do. Over time we’ve managed to learn certain techniques and these were passed down to me. But it takes great effort and it is not easy, nor desirable. You see Ana, being a bear is…it’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced. When I am in that form I feel more alive than I ever have been as a man. I feel completely free and unencumbered by this fragile body.

You may not know it because you have never experienced anything else, but humans are so limited. When I’m a bear my senses are heightened. I can hear and see things that I never can when I’m in this form. It feels like I’m taking a vacation from myself and everything feels new and visceral. The wind running through my fur as I’m running, the way my paws crunch against the ground, everything makes me feel amazing.”

He spoke with such reverence and passion that she wasn’t sure she could love him any more than she did in that moment. The story of his ancestors interested her greatly and she wanted to know much more. She wanted to know everything, and she was glad that he had finally let her in on his secret. They snuggled up as closely as possible and as light began to peak over the horizon they realized that had been talking through the night.

“I can’t believe it’s getting to be daytime again.”

“I guess when I’m with you time has a way of racing, just like my heart,” he said, and Ana swelled with love. They spent a while kissing and exploring each other’s bodies again but Ana paused when her hands reached the wound on his stomach.

“Was this…?” she asked, and she didn’t have to finish the question. Colton nodded.

“There was a fight with another tribe, the weekend when you saw Glenn. It happened that night. Look, Ana, there’s something else I need to tell you, one last secret.”

He looked at her with caring eyes and her heart caught in her throat as she wondered what it could be.

Chapter 8

Ana looked up at Colton, almost frightened of what he might say next. She thought he had told him everything, and that there were no secrets left. Was it ever going to end? Colton took another deep breath before he launched into the rest of his story.

“You have to understand, it’s not just me that’s like this. It’s the rest of my family as well. Glenn is a bear too. He was my mentor and he took me under his wing after my parents died, he tried to teach me, even though it meant that he mostly ridiculed me.”

Ana exhaled. After hearing everything she had heard that evening she didn’t think anything else was going to shock her, but there was more.

“The rest of our pack left because they didn’t understand what we stood for and they wanted to go away so it was only the two of us. I stayed out of loyalty and because it was the right thing to do, something my other cousins would never understand,” he scowled as he said this.

“But there are other bears, dangerous ones. We have to protect ourselves and that weekend we were going to run together to make sure that nobody was watching us. Then they attacked. There were four of them and they snuck up on us. Glenn was badly hurt but we managed to fight them off. He’s in a bad way, he’s been at the hospital ever since then.”

A mixture of feelings ran through Ana’s mind. Sympathy for Colton, but also a betrayal because now it was clear why Glenn had never called her. And all this time Colton hadn’t shown any signs that his cousin was in danger.

“Were you ever going to tell me?!” she screamed, sitting up. The sheets fell away and Ana shot out of bed. “You didn’t think I deserved to know?”

“What was I supposed to tell you? All of this? I still didn’t know if I could open myself up to you that much. I wanted to tell you, I really did, but I didn’t think it was in Glenn’s best interest. He was hurt really bad and I had to wait for him to turn back into a man before I could take him to the hospital. Ever since then I’ve been waiting for the full moon to take my revenge on the ones who attacked us.”

Ana was seething with rage but Colton’s face was set fixedly in grim determination, and she saw that he had been hurt just as sorely by this attack as Ana had. She paced the floor, and was tempted to flee to the hospital to see Glenn there and then. She hated that Colton had lied to her, and it seemed to throw her for a loop because everything she had felt towards Glenn since that weekend together, all that bitter hatred had been misguided and misplaced.

“I don’t like the way you lied to me,” she said.

Colton looked at her and held out his hands in supplication but it was too late for that.

“I’m sorry, I just…I wanted you all to myself. Seeing you with him, especially being so happy…it was too difficult for me. I was so angry that he might have told you what he…what we are and that it could have been me had I just been more forthright.”

“So you thought the best thing to do was just keep lying?” she said, her voice getting more and more high-pitched as she became apoplectic with rage.

“I couldn’t stand being without you, and I waited for as long as I could. I tried to stay away, knowing that I was bad for you, but I couldn’t. I can’t live without you Ana,” he said.

His eyes were filled with emotion but Ana’s were cold and calculating as she tried to process everything that had happened.

“I can’t focus on that right now,” she said softly. “Can I see Glenn?”

Colton’s face fell, and his voice sounded hollow and devoid of hope. He answered that Glenn had been in a coma ever since that weekend. That there wasn’t much use to visiting him as he wasn’t conscious of anything.

Colton sank against the edge of the bed and held his head in his hands. It was the same position he had taken when she had met him at the park. She could see that he was in some state of anxiety. For a moment she stopped pacing and put aside her own feelings of frustration.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“No, I’m not. You don’t understand what this means,” he said, and looked up at her.

His eyes looked bloodshot and raw, and his lower lip was trembling. He looked like he was holding in tears.

“It’s just me and him. That’s all the family we have left and if he dies, I don’t…I don’t know what I’d do. I’m all alone.”

His words sounded isolated and weak, despite the hurt she was feeling she still felt a great deal of emotion for him. She couldn’t simply ignore that, so she flung her arms around him and held him tightly. They both gained strength from their embrace and they held each other for a long time. Eventually Colton pushed Ana away and rose from the edge of the bed. He moved around and pulled on his clothes while Ana watched.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“I know what I have to do. I have to find these other bears and stop them before they attack again. I have to find out who they are in human form. That’s the only way I’m going to have an advantage.”

“But you said there were four of them, how are you going to defeat them when last time they almost killed Glenn?”

“I’ll find a way,” he growled.

“They don’t get to attack my family and get away with it. I’ve been prowling the woods for the past few weeks trying to find them but there’s no trace, and I’m sick of it,” he said, although Ana suspected that part of his frustration was due to her reaction.

“Let me help,” she said.

Colton shook his head.

“No, I can’t involve you in this. It’s not your fight.”

“I’m already involved. You and Glenn involved me in this so don’t stand there now and tell me to back off because I’m not going to do it. They hurt you and they hurt Glenn, and I’m not going to stand by and let them get away with it. If you wanted someone to just let you go off on your own then you picked the wrong girl.”

She smoldered with anger but Colton was impressed. She could tell that he wanted to kiss her, but she turned away from him and started to pull on her clothes.

“How do we go about finding them?” she asked.

Colton told her that they’d have to go to Glenn’s house because he had all the old tomes, and everything they needed would be in there. She agreed but said that she would take her car, while he roared away on his motorcycle. She watched him rev up the bike and then zoom away and she was filled with trepidation.

For a moment Colton had had her heart in his hand but the fact that he had kept Glenn’s injury from her was almost unforgivable. She couldn’t believe that after all this time there were still things that he had kept from her. She had been so broken up after she thought that Glenn had just abandoned her without trace. To know that all that hatred was based on a misunderstanding stung, and she almost felt guilty because of it.

Ana thought back to that weekend and the fact that Glenn was a bear put things in a new context. She understood now why he wanted to get rid of her, although the way he had spoken about her wasn’t at all okay. She remembered with how much derision he had spoken about her and how small and worthless she had felt.

Although she still felt strongly for them, Colton especially, there was still much to make her wonder about her place with them. Did they truly see her as an equal? It was infuriating because just when she thought she had sorted everything out she was then thrust back to a place of uncertainty and doubt. Given what she had learned she was sure that she wanted to give her heart to one of them. But which one?

Colton was the obvious choice, and she did feel strongly for him, so strongly that just thinking of him made her smile. Yet that quickly turned to a scowl when she remembered what he had kept from her. Her feelings for Glenn had diminished dramatically and she didn’t see how they could ever rekindle the flame that had burned so brightly for a short time. As Colton roared off in a plume of smoke in front of her she turned her engine on and whizzed off after him. However, as she drove to Glenn’s place she called the only person she knew she could trust, Angelica.

“What’s up chick? You weren’t here when I got up and there was no note, what happened? Did your handsome billionaire boyfriend take you away for a romantic weekend?”

“Something like that,” Ana said, breathing heavily.

“Uh oh, I know that sound. What’s wrong?”

“Well,” Ana said, and filled in Angelica about the recent happenings, although she left out the part about Colton and Glenn being bears because she figured that it was something best left for a face-to-face discussion.

She still wasn’t sure whether to actually reveal the truth to anyone else because it wasn’t her secret to give, it was Glenn and Colton’s. No matter what they did she wasn’t about to violate that trust Colton had given her, so when it came time to tell Angelica about what happened she adjusted it a bit.

“But then he told me that they’d gotten mugged and Glenn has been in the hospital all this time!”

“Did he tell you who attacked him?”

“No, just some random people. I know they don’t like thinking of themselves as billionaires but they should know better than to wander the streets alone at night. I just hate it because I thought finally he was being honest with me. I can’t handle all these lies!”

“But aren’t you over Glenn? I mean, he wasn’t exactly the perfect gentleman the last time you saw him.”

“I know, and I’m not saying things would have happened any differently; but it feels like Colton didn’t tell me so he’d think that Glenn was ignoring me and I’d start hating Glenn. I just would have liked to get over that myself rather than feeling manipulated into it.”

“Yeah, I get what you’re saying. But if the end result is the same does it really matter…?”

“I don’t know. Ugh, it’s all just such a mess. I wish things could just be simple.”

“You’ve been wishing things would be like that ever since I got back. I think it’s long past time you accept that this situation is not a simple one.”

“I know. I guess I’m just more upset that the opportunity to confront Glenn myself was taken from me. I mean, I feel like I can’t be mad at him now because part of the reason why I was mad at him was because he ignored me, but he only ignored me because he’s been in a coma! I mean, what would have happened if he had called me after that weekend. I don’t know if he regretted the way he spoke to me or whether he would have called me to apologize. And now I’ll never know.”

“Well, in these situations I think you have to take the situation as it is, whatever could have happened doesn’t matter now. You have to look at Colton and Glenn and figure out which one you want to be with, if you still want to be with either of them.”

“Well at the moment Glenn is in a coma so I couldn’t speak to him if I tried.”

“What are you up to? Are you still with Colton?”

“Yeah, we’re heading to Glenn’s to try and figure out who attacked them.”

“I thought you said it was just random people?” Ana realized her mistake and tried to cover for it quickly, but Angelica picked up on the silence.

“Yeah, I mean, uh, they were random but there had been a few muggings in the area so we’re just going to try and see if we can get any leads to pass onto the police. You know what they’re like in the big city, it takes ages for them to get anything done.”

She cringed as she lied to Angelica because it was such a transparent lie. She also hated deceiving her best friend like that, especially when she had spent much of their time together criticizing Glenn and Colton for being secretive. Angelica didn’t push too hard though, and Ana was relieved when her friend said that she had to go. They hung up and Ana continued driving to Newtown, although she was still none the wiser on what course of action to take.

She knew that she was in too deep to simply walk away from either of them, and the truth was that she didn’t want to. She felt strongly for Colton and if none of this had happened she was sure that she would have been completely and utterly lost in the throes of love. As it was there was part of her that wondered what Glenn had to say to her, and she couldn’t fully commit herself to Colton, as much as she may have wanted herself to, without speaking to Glenn first, depending on whether he actually woke up or not.