Hitting the Right Notes (17 page)

He fell silent again, chewing on his lip and probably thinking how to justify himself. Darya was truly flattered to hear his sincere words. She had never seen things that way. She had always thought that all of her power was fed by Jay’s energy and enthusiasm. She never saw things from his viewpoint. She had always refused even to try and see it that way.

“Then I thought I came to the only right solution – to let you continue your way on your own. To step aside and let you grow further – become the true star you were always meant to be.”

“How altruistic of you,” Darya could not keep the stinging irony inside her. He was claiming the purest motives, but the truth was that he had destroyed her, broken and damaged her to the extent that she was still struggling to pull herself together.

“I was young and inexperienced. We both were. Had I known that the things would’ve gone the way they did, I would’ve waited and found another way.” Jay jumped from his place and started pacing in the room. “I regret everything I’ve done. But one thing I know for sure – if I were to turn the time back, I would do it again – in a less painful way, but I’d do it. I would let you rise on your own, because your talent deserves it.” Jay was now facing the wall with his back towards Darya. His breathing was uneven; his broad shoulders rose and fell heavily. Darya wondered what was in his eyes at that moment. The caring side of her was almost ready to walk to him and wrap her arms around his torso, but the wounded woman, who had not yet digested what she had been told, was much stronger.

“Did my mom urge you to tell all of this to me?”

“No. She called two days ago and scolded me for being an irresponsible brat at keeping your trinket guitar.” Jay let out a nervous chuckle.

They both knew that Lucia Blake had played them like puppets, that they both had been dancing to her tune without even realizing it. Both would probably be endlessly thankful to her someday, as words stored for two decades had been finally talked and the relief from under their weight gave the incredible feeling of ease.

“Thank you for telling me that,” Darya eventually said.

Jay was still looking at the wall and sniffing his nose. “Promise me, D. that you won’t let all of that history go in vain.”

“You don’t deserve a promise.”

“I don’t. But I’m asking it for you.”

I promise
. Darya was not sure what was she promising and to whom and how to keep that promise. But all she knew was that she did deserve a promise – just for herself – the true herself, whom she had been punishing so fiercely and who had earned that promise. Darya smiled, while Jay continued to pretend he had found something terribly interesting on the wall.

Darya stayed awake the whole night.

Holding Sir LongChord in her hands, caressing its strings with her fingertips, yet being afraid to tug at them and draw sounds from the old instrument – all of this felt like a nostalgic flashback to her childhood. The guitar felt so fragile, as if it was holding all the weight of the past memories and could collapse under it if she dared to pull a memory carelessly. She ran her hands along its smooth shiny surface as if touching an old friend and being surprised that his face had not aged and wrinkled with years.

Hers had though. She looked at her reflection in the mirror like surface of the guitar and knew it was not only depicting her face, but it reflected all the emotions and feelings behind it. On that shiny surface she could
see
her own self much clearer than in any mirror. And Darya saw a woman whose heart was beating with her music.

“Welcome back Sir LongChord,” Darya whispered to her guitar. “It seems that our journey is not yet finished after all.”

She would’ve never believed in her own words one day earlier or even that very morning, but things had changed since her afternoon talk with Jay. Darya didn’t have much time to think and digest Jay’s words, but she knew she could breath and smile with so much relief now.

And some new inspiration maybe,
she thought.

Her fingers started their smooth dance on the strings. It came to her so naturally, as if she had not abandoned the instrument for over two decades. Surprisingly, Sir LongChord had been tuned and sounded clear and loud as it did in its youth. Darya made a mental note to thank Jay for tuning the guitar before returning it. She smiled and half guessed that her mother had made sure that the guitar would be returned in perfect state. Darya knew she should thank her mom in the morning as well. This new breath and new inspiration had been the greatest gift anyone had done for her in a long time.

Darya played some of her old songs and a few from the uncompleted recent album. She didn’t think about recordings, studios, concerts, audience – the thrill and horror of all of it. She didn’t think at all, but the way she felt about it had changed. Unlike before, the music was not tearing her soul apart, was not desperately flapping its wings and angrily shining brighter than any of the stage lights.

It is surprisingly at ease and peaceful.

Her music had always had the dark, aggressive edge. She had always been struggling with something and fighting to get to somewhere or trying to understand the tangled mess of her own thoughts and feelings. All of that was gone now.

She sounded like someone who was happy with herself, which Darya had never been until that night.

Even the songs written years ago were not just carrying that youthful angst and passion, but now sounded like sensitive homage to the long gone dreams. There was no regret in her voice, but understanding and acceptance.

Darya thought about ‘Raging Forgiveness” the most recent song she had written and the last one she had sang on the stage before falling into silence. She had been so angry about forgiving her old self, that she had written the song in one take.

Let’s see how you will sound, mate.

She even remembered her old creepy habit of talking to her songs and her guitar in her mind. That had been a secret that she had never dared to share even with Jay – he would’ve thought she had lost her mind. But she knew Sir LongChord could hear and understand her and she could always see in her mind whether the songs were happy or unpleased with her singing.

It was already dawn, and the darkness of the night was changing into different shades from dark violet and navy to light cerulean and sapphire. Such a great feeling to sing as the dark faded into light, as the night came to its end and the new morning light spread. Darya could feel a new beginning waiting for her.

As she sang the final lines of the song, she didn’t stop. The “Raging Forgiveness” was not ready to come to its end yet. The song smiled at her in her mind and Darya could feel the energy of a new song inside her ready to come out and amaze the world. It was not a completely new one. While she kept the leading motive of “Raging Forgiveness” this new song, which had no name yet, sounded much calmer and wiser. The anger and the storm of contradicting passionate feelings had calmed inside her and it was now floating leisurely. This second part of the song had opened her heart without holding back any of her true emotions, without hiding any fears; it was forgiving unconditionally and loving full heartedly.

This is “Simply Forgiveness” – with no rage, no anger. Simple and so truthful. I am ready for you. Welcome to the world, new song.

In the afternoon, Darya convinced her mother to listen to all of her songs again and again. She was so thrilled to have found this new sound and new voice in her, that she wanted the whole world to hear it. Not that she was so sure that the world was still going to want to listen to her… or even have the patience to give her another try.

“You sound really different,” eventually Lucia said and there was so much pride and admiration in her voice and eyes. She had never been a big fan of heavy music, and Darya knew quite well when her mother praised her for her hard work and when she truly liked the music she heard. This was a rare occurrence of the second.

“Thanks mom, I’m happy you like it.” Most times Darya felt an extreme need to hide from her mom and avoid long conversations with her, but right now there was so much she wanted to tell and she knew her mother was not only a good listener, but also a great adviser. It was ironic that only at age forty Darya felt mature enough to sit down and have a friendly talk with her wise mother, leaving behind her juvenile rage and teenage rebellious stubbornness. “I think I finally accepted that I can’t hide from music, because it is inside me. I want to do it and this is the sound that I guess depicts my feelings the best.”

“Well, your teenage songs were quite awesome too, but I’m glad you have finally crossed that bridge to your mature sound and your fans will absolutely love this new Darya!”

“Mom, I don’t think I’m ready to go into the chaos of music industry again. All that scheming and strategies behind the music…”

“You are right, Darya – you are too honest towards your music to play by those rules. They will devour you again.”

That’s exactly what had happened. A teenager, who was blinded by success and devoured by the chaos of the industry… It took her two decades to overcome it, but how she could be back without stepping into that deep dark pit again?

“Find your own way. You are smart enough to do that and have experienced people around you.” Strangely, Lucia paused right there leaving her last statement hanging. Darya somehow knew exactly what and who her mother meant.

Or maybe not.

Maybe it was what she was thinking about and she assumed that her mom would also see the same solution only because she needed her confirmation.

Darya shook her head and smiled. She was a mature confident woman, and though she loved and trusted her mom, this was her decision and her choice.

It took several days for Darya to finally refine her plan. Yes, she wanted to be back and she was going to be back in the music world, but as she had discussed with her mother, she was not going to play by the rules of the shark like producers. She loved Anthony like a father figure, but what he offered was not a world she could or wanted to jump in again. Darya had decided – if she was not going to play by the rules of others, she had to establish her own rules.

That’s what she really wanted: to build, to create something new, something that would benefit not only her own self, but many others, who had tried before and had failed. She knew the hardship it took to be back and she knew she could do something to make it a bit easier.

Darya had learned the most important feature about herself – she was never going to give up however hard it was. That was part of her success and that could serve as a success example. She knew she could inspire and excite others as well in showing how she didn’t give up and helping them to overcome the hardship of failure.

Her music had the power to inflame and influence people and she wanted to use it for her purpose now. And in order to serve as a good success story, she had to be back to success using the new path that she had in mind and was so excited to share it with everyone soon.

But first she needed a team. The first person she could think of was Kiara. Darya trusted her. She had had a lot of time to think over everything that had happened with her fashion company and Kiara herself had called several times to explain everything in details again and again. Darya had also checked all the correspondence and paperwork. The businessman who had practically stripped her of her company had been an experienced shark and had destroyed more than one company in such ways.

A smart, brave woman like Kiara, who above all was also sometimes naïve and trustful as well as caring could be a great asset for her new project. Yet, there was something that was holding her back. Darya knew that whatever she offered to Kiara, the latter would now accept. She would feel guilty and obliged, she’d want to prove she was worth and loyal and above all she’d set her mind to bring back all the financial losses she had had with the other company. Though all of these were quite good reasons to have her back, Darya needed her team to be by her side because of burning passion towards the idea instead of guilt or duty.

Thus, the decision was made. Darya offered Kiara quite a big allowance package until the end of her contract, so that she could take good care of her kids and have enough time to start a new career. Feeling heavy in her heart for letting Kiara go, she was still pleased with herself for making the right decision. She’d figure out how to find a great new assistant for the new project later.

The way Darya treated her new project and the new course of her life the next few weeks was relieving in many ways. Her worries and panic gone, her self-doubt vanished, she felt that from the moment she stepped on the path, which was true to her heart and from the moment she allowed herself to open up to the world, the right and bright things were to flow to her way.

She had found help and support in places that she had never expected.

The biggest surprise knocked at the door of her new office a few days later.

Darya was alone in the newly purchased building and since she had decided to build the office from scratch, she had started by painting the walls all by herself.

Kiara stood at the doorway in her business clothing, smart and stubborn expression on her face and as she spoke there was the desperate determination in her voice.

“I promise you, Darya Blake, you’ll be doomed for ages if you don’t hire me and you are going to listen to me until I state every single reason I have for you to do that!” It was funny that she started with those same words she had said four years ago when she first appeared at Darya’s house to fight and get the job she deserved so much. “I’ve heard you are starting a new project and I can see now you might need help with painting the walls and polishing the floor,” she had peeked inside and shook her head in dismay, “and, honestly, you do need some assistance in both.”

“I don’t think you can do painting job in that,” Darya pointed at her high heels and black pencil skirt. She could not hide her amusement from her voice though. Kiara was truly by her side and was ready to dive into wall painting or whatever it required. That was the passion she was looking for.