Hold My Hand (6 page)

Shea dimmed the lights
further, soft music was playing and lavender covered the scent of
clove. The massage was as relaxing as Shea had promised and soon I
was sitting in a chair with mud on my face getting a
facial.

“
I’m going to let Fawn
take care of you for a bit. She’ll do your facial and hair. Then
I’ll be back to finish us up today.” Shea left me with Fawn who was
much more buoyant and lively.

I heard all about the
exfoliator she was using, received directions on daily face
cleansing and got her opinion on the best choice for my hairstyle.
Much to my relief, she approved of the long style I already wore. I
don’t think I could’ve handled a completely new hairstyle at that
moment. Too much was changing and I needed some things to remain
the same. After the pampering and feeling like a million bucks,
likely what this treatment was costing William, Fawn returned me to
Shea in the first room we started our afternoon together.

“You can keep your robe on
and I’ll simply part it along the bottom or you can feel free to
take it off if that makes you more comfortable,” Shea instructed
me.

I laughed, my nervous laugh,
and left my robe securely fastened.

Shea patted the lushly
cushioned table and I hopped up. Shea placed one of her tiny warm
hands on my calf reassuringly as she separated the panels of my
robe. My anxiety edged up. It’s just a few hairs, I told myself
repeatedly in my head but the words did nothing to stem my
anxiety.

As she prepared the
wax, Shea talked to me. “William requested a small triangular area
of hair be maintained. I‘ll trim you to make the removal easier
then begin waxing from the exterior and work our way in. We can
take a break whenever you need it but the best thing for you is to
relax, close your eyes, listen to the music and focus on your
breathing.”

“Okay. You make it sound so
simple.” I breathed in deeply, knowing it wasn’t as simple as she’d
made it sound.

“I’ve done this enough to
know it’s going to hurt but also enough to know there are worse
things.”

I nodded and relaxed into
the table when she raised the volume of the music. I felt light
touches but chose not to look. I allowed the music to fill me.
After some quiet moments, Shea bent my leg to the side, opened me
and left me completely exposed to this virtual stranger. I cringed
inwardly but maintained my relaxed position.

The warmth of the wax as she
spreads it along the valley connecting leg to torso was soothing,
so incongruous with the next act to follow. I braced myself.

“Relax, Aubrey. Don’t hold
your breath. You were doing well with the deep breathing. Keep
breathing deeply. I will count for you. Deep breath in, two, three,
four, deep breath out, two three, four…” Shea comforted me.

It was somewhere in that
seventh breath when the burning, pinching, mother of all pain
struck. Shea quickly ripped the wax from my skin and with it, tore
my hair out. Just a few hairs, I told myself, but it was more pain
than I had even imagined. Tears ran from my eyes as I lay thinking
about how much more there was to be done. I wanted to crawl from
the table. I whimpered, unable to locate my center again.

“Aubrey, you’re doing this
for William. I know you want to please him. Keep your thoughts on
him and continue breathing.” Bending my other leg, she spread more
wax, “let’s breathe together again.”

This time, the tearing pain
came with the fifth breath. It hurt just as badly but focusing on
William, on my reward to follow was enough to carry me through.
Once Shea completed the top of my mound, she began spreading the
wax lower onto the labia region. I was spread out like a frog, both
knees bent out and up. Still doing my deep breathing, I prepared
myself for worse pain. After all, this area would be even more
sensitive; but God was with me in that moment because the wax was
miraculously removed with much less pain. A few more pulls, Shea
patted my legs, stretched them back out for me, massaged the tensed
muscles and told me my front was done.

My first thought was
great.
Wait
, was the thought that
immediately followed. “So we’re done?” I asked hopeful.

“Just the back left,” she
announced as if she’s saying it’s time for tea.

“
The b-back,” I
stuttered. Certainly not. I could not be thinking the right thing.
I was sure this wasn’t what she intended.

"Yes. It’s time to do the
back. You don’t want stray hairs in that region," she explained
before instructing me to turn over onto my stomach.

I did as I was told because
that’s just who I am. Aubrey followed the rules. I can do this, I
reaffirmed repeatedly in my head.

"I’ll need your help for
this part. Place your hands on your cheeks and spread them," Shea
commanded. I’m mortified. Certainly, my cheeks are enflamed with
embarrassment. No one has ever been this intimate with me before
nor am I certain I would want a person to be.

I felt the heat of the wax
as all this was racing through my head. I wanted to run, or at
least hide my face. I couldn’t think of William without feeling
more embarrassed. Then Shea tore off the wax and the pain ran its
course, not near as sharp as the front. A few more pulls and Shea
instructed me to lie still while she got the topical cream.

Shea talked to me about
aftercare, how often I’d need to return even though I didn’t want
to think about doing this again just yet, and assured me the heat I
was feeling would subside within the hour. She handed me the cream
to apply myself and left me to get dressed in the clothes William
had delivered before my arrival.

I escaped into the
forbidden.

Dinner was another
restaurant I would never have chosen. I wondered for a moment if
there was anything William and I had in common. As we exited the
car, William told Baylor to wait for us. Baylor gave me a smile,
nodded his head at William and returned to the car.

“It’s a Friday evening. Does
Baylor not get any time off?”

“He does. Tonight I planned
to take you back to my house and since we have only this one car in
the city, we need to return together.”

“
Together? Where’s
Baylor’s home?” As the door to the restaurant was opened for me, I
imagined life with a driver, a housekeeper and simply couldn’t
grasp it. It was a life so different from mine.

William spoke to the maître
de quickly before he turned back to me and smiled, shaking his head
slowly.

“Such an inquisitive elf you
are, Aubrey.” His hand stroked my cheek and I leaned into his
touch. My body craved him, moved towards him of its own free will.
I couldn’t help but avert my eyes to the floor when he was this
close. His presence was overwhelming.

“I want to learn about
you.”

With his thumb under my
chin, he raised my gaze to him before answering, “Baylor lives in
my guest cottage, and to answer your earlier question, yes, Baylor
has the weekends free unless we’re traveling. Does this meet your
satisfaction, little elf?”

“Yes sir.”

A clearing of the
throat behind me caught our attention. The maître de, waiting to
seat us, bowed slightly and we followed. Our table was near the
window looking out on the city. Tucked behind foliage, we were
isolated, with utmost privacy except for the darkened sky beyond
the window. This was one of those swanky places that required
reservations, the type I’d never frequented. My attire –the
beautiful clothes William had sent me- suddenly made more sense. He
would know I’d own nothing acceptable for this
restaurant.

There was no menu
placed in front of me. I remembered this from last time we ate at a
restaurant so I didn’t even ask. I sat quietly, smoothing down the
soft fabric of the shortest skirt I’d ever worn in all my life. I
liked it though. It made me feel pretty and feminine. When I
walked, it ever so lightly brushed against my thighs. I felt
lighter, more delicate but not so much breakable as I’ve felt in
the past.

Today’s experience has
liberated me somehow, leaving me to feel more like a woman to be
desired than ever before. William has brought this feeling to me.
If for nothing else, I owe him for this gift.

William’s voice wrapped
around me as he spoke and I returned from my inner thoughts. “I’m
pleased you enjoyed your afternoon at the spa.”

“It was an entirely new
experience. I still don’t quite know what to think of all that
plucking.” My sensor failed me again as these words escaped my
lips, and I’m graced with William’s robust laugh. I amuse him; my
sheltered, insecure little life amuses him. If not overshadowed by
the joy of William’s laughter, these moments would’ve caused me to
question myself.

“Aubrey, I can assure you
the plucking, as you call it, will well be worth it.”

“
I did enjoy the
pampering. I haven’t worn nail polish since I was a little girl and
my sister painted my toes.” He smiled at my confession before
looking to the approaching waiter bringing us wine.

I continued to observe him,
again from under lowered lashes as the waiter poured wine into
William’s glass and waited. After tasting, William nodded and the
waiter filled both glasses. He placed the bottle on the table and
left us, all this done without a single word so very much like I
remember from our last meal at a restaurant.

“You’ll enjoy this wine.
It’s sweeter than the last and I suspect you will found it quite
delicious.” William sipped from his glass and raised his eyebrow in
expectation. I picked up my own glass, placed the sparkling glass
to my lips and tasted the warm liquid as it rolled onto my tongue.
It was magical, true to his word; this wine was more delicious than
the first.

I embraced the feeling –the
newly waxed Aubrey drinking wine in this restaurant with this
glorious man– and I allowed the warmth from the wine, the amazing
tastes bursting on my tongue, to relax me.

Setting my glass down, I
felt myself smile. It was a good feeling.

“You’re smiling. I very much
like you smiling.” I liked this too. I could count how often I’ve
smiled in recent years – not nearly enough.

“Thank you.”

I reached to pick up my wine
glass again but William took it instead. He held it to my lips with
one hand while his other moved my hands to my lap. His eyes
remained focused on me as he served me sip after sip. I felt his
eyes watching as I swallowed and the nectar coated my throat. It
was mesmerizing to be watched by William and before I realized, he
was setting down my empty glass. I didn’t intend to drink so much,
not knowing what lay ahead of me tonight.

“Your cheeks are flushed
again. I found it absolutely beautiful.”

I said nothing. He left me
without words so I just sat, blushing, with my hands in my lap
where he placed them.

“
Remember, this is
where you say
thank you
sir
.” His voice deepened as he
guided me in our conversation, as always he was my teacher and I
was his student.

“Thank you, sir,” I repeated
and earned myself another smile.

When the waiter returned,
William ordered for us, and again the waiter left without a word
from my lips.

“So you enjoyed your spa
outing. And I am pleased with how beautiful you look.”

I blushed at his compliment,
“Thank you sir.”

“You will grow used to such
treatments,” he reassured me, stroking his fingers along the side
of my cheek. I looked up, shocked at the tender look in William’s
eyes.

“They make me feel
uncomfortable, like I feel in the restaurants you’ve taken me to.”
My confession was brave. I’d mustered the courage from somewhere
deep inside. At the last moment, I second-guessed my bravery but it
was too late.

“I know you don’t feel
comfortable but you’ll learn. In the meantime, I’ll enjoy having
you do things you aren’t quite comfortable with.” William poured
more wine into my glass but I reminded myself to keep my mind
clear.

I furrowed my brows,
confusion clear on my face, “I don’t understand.”

“
My little elf,
something I enjoy very much is power. I want to see just how far I
can push you, how much I can make you go beyond where you’re
comfortable. I want to see where your limits lie. And I want to see
what you’ll do when I’ve pushed too far.” William’s eyes were
glimmering. He appeared excited by these thoughts.

Stunned by his admission, I
sat in silence. I noticed my breathing had accelerated and I
reached for my wine glass to take another sip and calm my nerves.
Licking my lips, contemplating an appropriate response, I said
simply, “Thank you, sir.”

William was delighted. I saw
the happiness written across his face. “Sweet, sweet Aubrey, I also
look forward to giving you so many experiences you’ve never known.
The fact that it keeps you slightly off-balance simply means you
need me more than when you’re in control.”

“
Domination and
submission, I understand, sir.” Nodding my head, I felt the cozy
table we were seated at closing in on me. He was the lion. I was
the prey. The gazelle too paralyzed to move – it has new meaning
now. I fully understood the paralysis.

I was so grateful for the
moment our meals arrived. I waited as the waiter placed the plates
on the table, asked William if there would be anything else and
then we were alone again. Just William and Aubrey.

“
Will we always
share?” I asked softly, not wanting to question William’s
authority. I know better than to do this. I’ve grown up being
taught such a thing.
You stupid girl, do as you’re told.
To question my father would’ve meant a backhand or
degradation on my stupidity.