Holding On (32 page)

“
And now going back to
work!  No I won’t say anything, sweetie.  Apparently Hem
and Sadey approve and I trust them completely.  You just don’t
lose yourself with Mr. Cowboy. If he’s the gentleman you say he is,
then he will wait for anything further until you’re
comfortable.”

Relieved that I hadn’t
ruined anyone's night by leaving early from the club, I mentally
put away all of my thoughts of Shame and start in on this research.
 The task itself is simple.  Search, find, print.
 Just enough mindless work to keep me busy.

The day flies, at lunch I
text Sadey to check in. I haven’t seen her since Saturday night but
we’ve been texting since then.  Hem has her seized up with him
most likely overwhelming my friend.  I’m leery if he’s pulled
his tyrant head from his ass and has apologized for making her
watch what happened to Ace.  That was too much for a girl like
Sadey and he didn’t have the right forcing anything at all on her,
let alone that.

*ME:  Hey Sade, what are your
plans tonight?  Would like to catch up, I miss you.

She generally holds her phone fairly
close so she doesn’t miss the chance to socialize, with anyone.
 So I know I should be getting a text back before my lunch is
over.

*Sadey:  Hem is
leaving for an overnight trip with Shame tonight.  I’m
thinking girls night, no Oreos though please. I have been feeling
little light headed all day, no comment needed.  Sugar will
put me in a coma!  How about just some wine and girl talk?
 That sound good?

She’s funny. Isn’t wine just sugar in
fermented form?  

*ME:  Whatever you want, it’s all
about you.  See you at home, I will stop for your wine and my
Oreos.  ;)   xxoo M.

Lunch is almost over, then just three
hours and I’m on my way to girl time!  

So just an hour later, I’m
still at my desk and reviewing some of this research that was
requested on a specific suspect drug runner in town.  The name
isn’t familiar but what jumps off the paper is the address of Greys
office in town.  Then his name is in this article.  It is
dated just a few months ago, what the heck?  This had to have
been on the local news too because it is in this paper, I had to
have missed it!  Appears that Greyson is being named in
association with a known thug from another town.  

Greyson would never
associate with people he deems smaller in status than him.
 This has to be a mistake.  I print the rest of the
articles and finish the folder I’m working on for it, racking my
brain trying to figure out what on earth caused Greyson to put
himself in a position to deal with those people.  The more I
see Greyson, think about him and our time together I’m starting to
wonder how well I really knew him.  

It’s a sad thought to think that the
people who you thought you knew most in your life, you really
didn’t know at all.  Shames face pops into my head, I push it
away unsure I could live with the fact that I may not have known
him either.  

*****

*HEM:  I’m away tonight, club
business.  You are to take care of my girl, do not do anything
stupid.  Stay close to home.  Do you get me?

Walking in the door to my house and
getting my phone out of my purse I find that Hem is in his Sergeant
Rude and Bossy mode.  Does this really turn people on?
 There is a distinct line between hot alpha and domestic
asshole.  Could me just me, but my brother tends to walk on
the asshole side quite often.

*ME:  Ilu2 brother.
I’m fine. Yes, all good here.  Did you say something about
staying safe? Because if so it got lost in translation of your
asshead behavior.

*HEM:  Jesus Christ, Shame has
his hands full. Just do what I tell you.  Ilu now tell me you
get me and you will stay close to home and be safe.

*ME:  I GET YOU.

I have always thought using
capital letters in text messages is rude, I don’t do it as freely
as the boys do so when I finally use them, they get
my
message loud and clear
and I just sent Hem a nice big translated ‘Kiss my ass’ without
having to say it with vulgar. Men are dumb and in need of lessons
but I’m in no mood to educate.

“
Sadey, something smells
delicious!  What are you cooking?”  She never cooks, she
definitely can cook but she doesn’t enjoy it.  Hem is going to
be a lucky man if he can convince her to cook for him more than
once every few months and the occasional holiday.

“
I was in the mood.
 I made salad and pasta for us.  My pasta made from
scratch, too.  I figured you were in need of some serious
carbohydrate therapy after your weekend and since your bitch of a
friend was so involved with trying to make things right with her
man, she wasn’t here for you and will try to make it up to you now.
 I’m sorry, Mace.”

“
I’m a big girl, I can
wipe my own nose.  I’m glad you and Hem have started to talk
more about where you guys are going.  I worried about him when
he was gone trying to find Switch.  He left with so many
questions about you two, but since they were answers only he could
give I knew he just needed time to sort it out in his head.
 So how are you guys now?”

She blushes, second woman
today that is about to describe her butterflies and I have to sit
there and listen like the good friend I am as my personal
misfortunes linger throughout the room.  How lovely for
me.

“
We are good.  He and
I talked, really talked after we got back from Shell Horns.
 By the way, wow for Peyton and her man, Dave or Don or
Derek.”

“
Derek” I corrected
her.  I’m a name person, so get it right or stop trying is all
I’m sayin’.

“
Yes, that’s it.
 He’s sweet and he looks at Peyton like Shame looks at….”
 She catches herself then recovers. “Shit, sorry
Mace.”

I shrug my shoulders
knowing that just as it took time for people to adjust to Shame and
I together, it will take even more time to adjust us
not
being together.
 Sucks all around but as Shame says, it is what it
is.

“
I’m good girl, go
ahead.”

“
We talked about what
happened that night with Ace, he apologized for being so crazy.
 He said he was jealous and knew there was some truth to what
Ace was saying about how he treats me at times.  Hem realized
that another man had listed his weaknesses when it came to he and I
and it pissed him off.  He told me Ace had feelings for me,
but I think Hem has made all that up in his head.  Ace and I
are friends, I think of Ace as a very dear friend.  Hem said
he would try to come to terms with that and he said he will forgive
Ace eventually for stepping out of line, for me.”

Damn could this beautiful green eyed
girl be more friggin clueless?  It really is apparent to
everyone but her that Ace has feelings that left friendship avenue
weeks ago and now lives at the corner of love and lust alley.
 This is one of many reasons I love her though.  She is
beautiful in so many ways and she gives away her beauty to others
without even knowing it.

“
I’m not sure about Ace’s
feelings toward you, but they don’t matter as long as you are
comfortable being his dear friend and Hem is comfortable with that
as well.  You love Hem, not a person in this town doubts that
and I hate that Hem does.  So you worked things out, are you
guys together as in together or are you together as in just trying
to find your way through?  It isn’t probably my business but I
love you both and more importantly than knowing where you guys are
at, just want to be sure you are happy.  Are you happy with
him Sade?”

“
I’m more than happy.
 All my life I’ve loved him, like really loved him.  You
know that I have never imagined a forever with anyone else.
 Now that I actually have him though, it is more than what I
thought it would ever be.  You know what I’m talking about
cause you feel a bit of the same emotions with Shame.  Have
you ever really looked at Shame?  I mean, not in the obvious
way because we both know that Shame is the all-consuming alpha,
crazy, beautiful, here let me drop my panties for you, stand beside
you in the wind cause your natural scent makes me cling to you,
kind of way…” I put my hand up, just like Hem does to get her to
shut the hell up and stop talking.

“
Oh my god Sadey Marie
Lyons, did you just imagine Shame naked in your head?  Cause
the way you just described him I think you just removed his clothes
and they are strung out all over the imaginary floor!”  She
blushes and throws the napkin holder at me.

“
Please!  I’m with
your brother who is his own beauty, but I’m human and I’m a girl.
 Shame is the essence of male beauty.  I’m taken but I’m
certainly not dead.”

“
Jesus, I’m so telling Hem
you said all of this if you don’t promise to cook for me at least
twice a week for the next month.”  I’m such a bitch for
blackmail but damn this woman can cook and she knows that for my
love of food I would sell her ass out!

“
Done, you evil witch.”
 No one said Sadey was dense.  If I were to tell Hem then
he will blister her ass just like he enjoys doing so much, from
what she tells me anyway.  Yuck!  Mental picture snapped
and immediately deleted!

We sat through dinner and
just talked about meaningless things such as household chores, the
groceries she’s going to need to get so she can cook for me, bills,
and work.  She has been looking for a job, but she went to
college to be an architect so there’s not a lot of demand here for
that.  

To be honest, she majored in that
because she felt pressure from her parents.  Sadey is the only
child and all her life they tended to force things on her.
 She used to tell me that she never felt the light shine on
her because they consumed her in dark clouds.  She has no
intention of leaving our home town so she has to find something
here that’s worth doing.  

We say our goodnights and head to bed
just after 10 o’clock.  Girl time used to be partying and
drinking and living it up, we are only 22 now but an outsider would
think we acted much older. I’m sure that some of this has to do
with Hem and Shame. The older they get, crazier they act, and the
more risks they take has aged us.

I’ve had a long Monday but
luckily I have evaded any alone time and avoided my thoughts of
Shame.  I laugh out loud at Sadey’s description of him.
 She’s right.  He really is the essence of male beauty
and right now, alone and feeling lost I truly miss his essence.
 Deep breaths, I need to keep the hurt at bay.  It does
help knowing he’s out on a ride though.  It doesn’t stop me
from wondering if he’s thinking of me as the miles pass, but I’m
certain I’m thinking about us enough for the both of us.
 Dammit, so much for keeping this shit at bay.

A loud crash has stirred
me awake.  I glance to my alarm clock and see its 3:33 a.m.
 I wait a few minutes to see if I hear anything else, I don’t
but can’t shake a sick feeling that something is wrong.  Maybe
someone is here in the house.  Sadey sleeps like the dead
after she consumes as much wine as she did so no way she would have
heard that.  I’m going to get up and check on her and the
noise. Remembering the text from Hem, he was adamant about staying
close and being safe, I grab my brothers little league bat that
I’ve kept in the back of my closet all these years as
protection.

First stop is Sadey’s
room. I open her bedroom door, so dark in here I can’t see her in
her bed so I walk closer and flip on her night light.  She’s
not in bed and I’m starting to panic.  I’m running down the
hall screaming her name and I still get nothing.  Yelling
wildly through the house checking all rooms.  Kitchen, living
room, her room all come up empty.  Going back to my bedroom to
call someone, anyone, to share my concern I pass the bathroom in
the hall and sigh in relief because I haven’t even checked there!
 I never claimed to be Sherlock Holmes so I cut myself some
slack.

My relief is short lived.
 Opening the door I see Sadey laying on the floor in an
unnatural position.  SHIT!  

Rushing to her I start to
panic. “Sadey, Sadey.  Are you awake?  Baby, can you hear
me.”   

Leaning over her I can
feel she’s breathing so I calm a bit and get up to grab my phone
from my room.  I’m not sure who I’m calling right now, either
a prospect at the Club or 911.  Coming back to her with phone
in hand I can see she may be losing color.  I’m not a doctor
and this is Sadey so I’m siding with calling to get help for her
first then calling someone to help keep me calm.

After calling 911 and unlocking the
front door, I return to Sadey and wait.  I have about three
minutes to decide if I should call Hem now or wait until she’s
evaluated.  I know I shouldn’t but there is one person that
shares my love for her and he’s here, in town. Hem may be livid at
me for doing this, but I’m calling Ace.

“
Who the fuck calls
someone at 4 o’clock in the fucking morning, Mace?  Jesus.
It’s a good thing I like you or ….”  Damn I don’t have time
for this!

“
Shut up Ace, Sadey is
unconscious. I called 911 and they are in route.  Meet us at
Memorial in 10.”  Click.  I don’t want to explain to Ace
verbatim or change my mind in calling him.  Hem isn’t happy
with Ace but hopefully in his heart he knows if anyone should be
with Sadey in his absence, it should be someone who cares about her
and I can’t do this alone.