Holding On (45 page)

Sadey giggles at him. He’s so
charming, I want to puke.

“
Oh whatever. How about
you make yourself useful and start carrying this out then.” I toss
a plate full of cookies and he nabs one before heading back out.
Always lightening the mood, thank you for that Ace.

About two hours later, Shame and I are
dancing and having a good time with everyone else. Kegs and Honor
seem cozy in the corner and I haven’t had a chance to talk to
either one of them alone to find out the status there. I know Kegs
has relied on him heavily during things with Cherry and Honor has a
soft spot for her anyway, who knows then, maybe a blessing is
becoming inside of this tragedy.

Hem of course is sitting in his
leather chair watching everyone. He has Sadey in his lap and is
smiling at her in awe. She’s got her head nestled on his shoulder
and her hand is on her belly. Soon he is about to join her in this
bliss of parenthood.

“
Where you at, darlin’?
You’re million miles away from me. What’s up?” Shame is concerned
but he has no reason to be. I just can’t share something with him
and it is killing me. It isn’t my news to share though, so I have
to keep quiet.

“
Just thinking about a lot
of things is all.” Trying to pacify him now.

He stops dancing, shit. He
took my reply the wrong way. He moves me back and looks at my face,
searching for answers that I can’t give him right now.
Damn, just bear with me baby, soon you will
know
. He won’t stop looking at me like
that though. It dawns on me now what he’s asking, in his inaudible
way.

“
Shame, I’m fine. Nothing
wrong with me.” He sighs in relief and holds me to him close again.
I grab his hand and head for the bar, I am not one to drink a lot
but he is and I want him to relax so I’m going to get him another
drink. He follows closely behind me through the crowd and tells
Raider to go away when he approaches to talk to him, stopping our
movement.

We are sitting at the bar together,
he’s on the stool and I’m in between his legs with his arms around
my stomach. We are just talking about nothing and everything when
we hear Hem call attention. Hem has walked to the juke box in the
room and changed it from the loud ramping sounds of AC/DC to a very
slow mellow tune. He’s changed it to play Ed Sheeran’s ‘Kiss Me’.
Oh fuck! No he isn’t…. I recognize it and it finally hits me what
he has been so sneaky and quiet about today!

“
My family of friends I
want to address you for just a second if I can. Tonight of all
nights is a start of a big change for Mace and me. Saying goodbye
to a loved one isn’t easy, we all relate to this. It brings forth
in our minds how important it is to hold a moment and never let
another get away unpreserved and faceted to memory. The people in
our lives are with us for a reason, by fate or design or what have
you. It feels that I’ve spent my whole life searching for something
and never found it. After all those years of hiding from myself,
never believing I deserved happiness I have it now. It was within
my reach all this time.”

My brother and his way with words is
breath taking. Literally my heart is growing for them as I listen
to what he’s saying. He’s looking at his girl and grinning. Sadey
is standing next to him, as always she is oblivious as to what is
about to happen. I would giggle out loud if I wasn’t so awe struck
looking at the two of them standing up there, together. Hem is
holding her hand out in front of her and I’m waiting patiently for
my dense friend to catch on.

Shame already has caught on because
he’s kissing my neck from behind me while he’s trying to hold back
his smile, not showing anyone yet. He is gripping my hands at my
waist, telling me silently he’s enjoying every moment of
this.

I scan the rest of the crowd and Honor
has already stood up with this drink in hand about to toast to
them. Gunner is smiling from ear to friggin ear as he watches his
President spill his heart like the love sick fool we all know him
to be, for her. Kegs has her head down and looks like she’s about
to cry it out for Sadey but she’s holding it back, waiting
patiently to let it go.

After taking a moment to collect
himself, Hem continues. “I never knew anyone who had the patience
to love me with such intensity, even when I didn’t deserve it. I’m
so blessed to have someone in my life who is willing to serve as my
anchor, my post, and be the structure and frame of my life, if you
will. All of you know me, I can admit I have a big heart when the
situation calls for it.”

Oh God, he’s doing this! He turns to
Sadey and he kneels down on his left knee and pulls a ring box from
his cut. The man is huge, I mean he is a house, but he just knelt
with the grace of an angel.

I jab Shame in the side
signaling him to look up at them now since he doesn’t have to hide
his smile anymore, no one does. Sadey is staring at Hem now
finally
in recognition
as he continues.

“
Sadey, you have always
had my heart and you have all of it now. I gave you the final beat
during a dance at your house, not long ago while a song I chose,
told you how I felt because I was just too chicken to do it myself.
This is our song, Sadey girl. I love you and God knows it took me
long enough to admit this but damn if I didn’t always love you,
woman. Be my wife and I will repay you every single day for all
that you have given to me, just by giving me your love.”

He opens the box and shows
Sadey the ring. She doesn’t even take the time to look at it, she
is on her knees and literally is now
smothering
my brother with a series
of small kisses all over his face and between each one of them you
can hear her whispering just loud enough to him, “yes yes yes yes”.
There is not a dry eye left in the place. These two just do not do
subtle, ever.

Everyone cheers and starts toward the
couple in motion of congratulations. Shame lets go of me and starts
to Hem once they make eye contact to one another. Hem wants Shame
by his side, even now before the wedding. This was a big step for
my brother. I’m frozen in my spot, until I hear it.
Shit.

I turn around and my eyes go to a
furious Ace. His face is red, his hands are fisted, and is jaw is
working overtime. Oh my god, the man looks like he’s about to
explode. I move to action as quick as I can, at the same time Ace
is shrugging himself out of his cut and headed towards the door. He
glances my way just as he drops his cut to the floor and pounds on
the door to open it and he walks out of the building.

Reaching the door just in time to have
it not slam shut and draw attention I head outside. Ace is about to
mount his bike, helmet in hand. I had picked up his cut on the way
out and I’m holding it folded across my arm.

“
Ace honey, I already know
you’re not okay. Do you want to talk about it?”

“
Fuck you, Mace. Really?
You cannot fucking think that one of our little ‘cheer up’ sessions
will help me anymore.” He’s growling at me, livid.

“
Ace stop. Just talk to
me, I’m asking. You don’t even have to say anything either if you
don’t want. Just breathe for a few minutes before you take off on
that bike. You’re upset and you should calm down a little bit.”
Damn me, the second I say it I know I shouldn’t have. I can’t take
it back, though so I’m going to let him have his say. No one is
around and everyone is distracted inside, at least for a while. Who
tells someone to calm down when their world has just been blown to
bits?

“
SHUT THE FUCK UP, MACE!
DAMMIT! You do not know how I feel right now. You do not have your
heart in another room right now being held by another man. The same
other man who is old enough to be her fucking uncle! Same man who
hasn’t a clue how to treat a woman, I’ve watched him for years
Mace. I know what Hem is about. Even when I was just a teenager
loitering around this Club I knew a man whore when I saw it. He and
Shame both treated women like trash. Why do you think I used to act
like the way I did? Huh? Jesus. I wanted to
be
Hem so I acted like Hem. I
couldn’t keep it up though. Do you know why? DO YOU?”

I stand soundless and still, trying to
give him time to let it all out so he doesn’t make a massive
mistake and walk out of this Club for good. He’s losing patience
with me now though. The vein in his forehead is throbbing and I can
see his rapid pulse in his neck.

“
DO YOU FUCKING KNOW WHY
MACE?” He’s screaming so loud at me. I just nod back and forth
telling him wordlessly to continue working through his
rage.

“
BECAUSE I FUCKING LOVE
HER! I wanted to BE HIM because I LOVED AND WANTED HER! I would
have sold my true self out for the rest of my life by acting like
him, if she would have loved me the way she loves him. I can’t do
this anymore, no fucking way. I thought I could handle them
together, I told myself ‘Okay sure, I could wait for her’. Then the
baby, and fuck if that didn’t about kill me. This though? Stand by
and watch him marry her? I can’t. I’m out. I’m done.”

He throws himself on the bike, puts
the helmet on and before flipping the top down over his face and
cranking the pipes and he says, “Thanks for everything you tried to
do for me, Mace. If you ever get a chance and you think there is
ever a moment she needs to hear it, tell her how I felt about her.
Tell her how I will always feel about her. I love her,
always.”

With that, I watch him leave. I stand
outside in the dark alone holding his cut in my arms until I can’t
see his taillights anymore. I’m speechless. I’ve always known his
love for Sadey was powerful, but shit the man just gave up his
entire life for her in a sense. Jesus, that woman is loved even by
those she can’t ever love back. Hem better not fuck this shit
up.

After standing there pulling myself
together I turn to head back into the house. I’m met with a pair of
very pissed off eyes. Shame looks enraged. Lucky me I don’t know
how much he just heard or if he witnessed it all, but I am nervous
as hell waiting for him to address it.

“
So, you gonna share just
what the fuck that was about? Been waiting for you to call for
backup babe, I would have torn him to fucking bits had you said the
word. He seemed a little upset about Hem’s proposal. So go on speak
now, woman.” Oh yea, he’s seething.

“
Nope. I’m going to put
this away and go back inside and enjoy the evening with my brother
and share in his and Sade’s good news. So are you, so don’t start
your alpha bullshit on me right now.”

He smirks a bit, so I know he agrees
that this celebration comes first. “My alpha bullshit.”

“
You want me to explain
what this means, because I’m fairly sure you know exactly what I’m
talking about. C’mon Shame, let’s go join them inside, then let’s
go home and I will let you love me…. roughly.” That got his
attention.

He growls and in the next second I’m
against the wall with my Shame dressed tightly to me. Men are so
easily distracted, I almost feel bad.

As the night progresses, Hem remains
sober. He’s still on ready with everything going on around him.
Oddly enough but not surprisingly so I guess a few of the others
are sober as well. Gunner, Honor, Raider, they are all no longer
drinking. Shame has had a few but he keeps bringing them to me so I
continue swigging them down.

Hem has attempted to get Sadey to
drink quite a few times and he is starting to get a little miffed
that she’s not interested in liquor. He doesn’t know her to ever
turn down a margarita, no one does, so it is understandable that
he’s getting more agitated with every denial.

The music is blaring, people have
started to leave or head back to their rooms. Some have migrated
outside leaving a handful of us in here. I move to turn down the
music, trying to give Sadey a cue to go ahead and tell Hem. He’s
pouting because her lack of enthusiasm to drink and celebrate
tonight. She needs to run interference now before he ruins the
evening for them both.

I look around and find Shame starting
to clean up the bar, it is sooo not his job and he friggin knows it
but he’s trying to stall so in case Hem becomes an ass he can
diffuse the situation. He just still doesn’t know what the
‘situation’ actually is… yet…

Of course though, leave it to Sadey to
just drop the damn bomb like it’s lit, hot and about to explode.
Good Lord, I serious wonder that if Sadey and Hem ever become a
normal couple, how will anyone recognize them?

While I’m making eye contact with my
full of crap, poor actor, alpha male cleaning man, I hear Sadey say
it loud enough the whole damn room can hear it. She was spurred
because Hem started in on her again about relaxing and having fun
tonight and trying to force yet another drink on her.

“
PATRICK COLLINS YOU ARE
STUPID! YOU KNOW THAT? THE ONLY QUESTION LEFT WOULD BE EXACTLY HOW
STUPID ARE YOU?” That would be Sadey. She has her head cocked back
at Hem and is screaming directly in his face.

“
What the fuck, woman?
Explain your damn self. You’re moody, high strung, you’re Goddamn
eating everything in the damn house, twice. I thought you would be
happy for just one fuckin’ night. I ask you to marry me because I
love you, and I’m in love with you, but hell if you still ain’t
happy. Girl, you are wearing me down!” He rubs his hand over his
face in quiet contemplation but he’s not done, I can tell. “Are you
having period troubles cause I’m pretty sure you’ve got all the
fuckin’ symptoms!” Hem starts to stand up and down tumbles Sadey
off his lap, barely catching herself on her feet.