Holding On To Love (16 page)

Since I've met Sera, I've stopped at nothing to keep her fucking happy, but this fantasy world she created would end Friday night. If I had to file the damn paperwork for a proper permit, then so be it. This would be the last time she'd use me as her excuse to get out of marrying that uptight prick, junior partner at her father's law firm.

I slammed my fist onto the cool granite countertop and breathed heavily. Now I wasn't only just dealing with thoughts of one woman, but two. Thank God for that or I'd have to call a shrink.

I needed peace from my wandering thoughts, so I stripped down and ran the shower as hot as I could possibly stand it. Steam quickly fogged the glass surrounding me. I leaned my forehead against the cool marble and let the water run down my back, relaxing my tired muscles and calming my mind.

Images of Ally flooded my mind. So vulnerable, with her back pushed against the elevator wall; her trembling legs wrapped around my waist as I delved into her sweet, drenched pussy. Her pleas replayed over and over in my head, begging me to make her come.

God damn, that was the hottest thing I'd ever heard. Suddenly, I craved her cotton candy scent, her blushing cheeks, the way she half-giggled when she was nervous, and the way her blue eyes sparkled when she was turned on. I couldn't take the battle going on in my brain any longer. Either I needed her to be mine or I had to stay the hell away from her, forever.

I turned the water off and pulled my towel from its hook. I wrapped it around my waist and shook the excess water from my hair like a wet dog. I padded into the kitchen, opened the door to the fridge. Left-over chicken or left-over pizza? I pulled out the box of left-over fried chicken and a beer. I took a seat on the soft leather couch, clicked the TV on, and devoured the cold chicken piece by piece. Three hundred fucking channels and not a damn thing on. I settled for the local news, but it must have been a slow news day because the 'Top Story' was "Local law enforcement called to rescue kitten from flooded drainage ditch".

I finished my chicken and beer. Deciding I was better off calling it night, I shut the TV off and wandered into my room. I dropped my towel to the floor and slid in between the sheets. Within seconds, I was out cold.

I didn't recall much of my drive home. I had shed the last of my tears as I pulled into the parking space in front of our townhouse. I checked myself in the rear-view mirror and I looked worse than I felt; my eyes were extraordinarily puffy and my nose was bright red. I swung the car door open and clutched my broken bag to my chest. Still dazed from all the events that had taken place through the course of the day, I dragged my feet to the front door and pushed it open.

I headed straight to my room and shut the door behind me. I dropped my bag to the floor, curled up on my bed and closed my eyes. Visions of Andrew danced in my head; it was the last memory I had of us together right before he was taken away from me forever. He looked over at me and flashed his goofy smile. His eyes turned from chocolate to emerald, his clean shaven face grew scruffy, and his short hair now covered his forehead. His smile disappeared and everything around us went dark.

I awoke to someone rapping on my door. I rubbed my eyes and yawned.

"What?" I asked in a groggy voice.

"Ally, are you alone? Can I come in?" Kennedy asked.

"Yeah, sure."

She swung the door open and bounced onto my bed.

"Wow. You look like shit."

"I know I do, but thanks for pointing it out," I said.

"Seriously, Ally. I was worried about you and you never responded to any of my texts," she said as she reached down and touched my arm. "Jesus fucking Christ! What happened to your wrist?"

I rubbed my wrist, the bruise was now quite visible and it hurt to touch it.

"Long story. Can we not talk about it right now?" I said sleepily.

"Bullshit. Tell me what happened or so help me..."

"Fine," I said cutting her off.

I told her about Dustin and his perverted advances, how I missed the interview with the players and how I was sure Jeanette would probably fire me now.

"And Brody was there when this shit all went down?" She asked.

"No. He showed up after I kneed that asshole in the balls."

"Jesus, Ally, how horrible. Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yeah, I'm okay. Just tired," I yawned.

"So, what about Brody?"

"What about him?"

"Well, he shows up like a knight in hockey skates, threatens to kill the guy and that's it?" She pried.

"Pretty much," I lied.

"You're not telling me something," she said as her eyes grew wider. "Oh my God. You didn't."

My cheeks flushed; there was no way I could keep anything from Kennedy, she knew me better than I knew myself 90% of the time. I shifted on the bed and crossed my legs. I recalled our moment alone in the elevator and the thought sent shivers down my spine.

"God no, we just kissed. We were in an elevator for Pete sakes," I lied again.

"Oh, you'd be surprised how much you can do in an elevator," she bragged.

I rolled my eyes. "Anyway, so we walk out together and he stops and tells me he was the one who pulled me from Andrew's car the night of the accident."

Kennedy's jaw hung open. She looked just as shocked as I did when Brody told me.

"No fucking way," she said.

I nodded.

"But, how was he so certain it was you?"

"I don't know. He just said he knew it was me after I'd told him about the accident."

"Freaky."

"Totally," I agreed.

"So, he told you and let me guess, you pulled an 'Ally' and left him standing there in the middle of a parking lot."

I buried my face in my palms and held back the tears.

"What was I supposed to do, Kennedy? Just let him think everything was okay? Let him believe he did the right thing? That there wasn't a chance to save Andrew?" I choked out.

"Ally, I love you and you're like a sister to me. But I think you need to give him a chance. He came clean, so to speak, and you just ditched him in a parking lot— Jesus, you could be fucking dead if he hadn't come when he did. Do you realize that? And I know Andrew would agree with me when I say, sometimes the universe works in mysterious ways. He was there because you needed him. He saved your life, Ally. At least you could do is apologize for treating him like pond scum. Because I know men, and I'm sure he feels like dog shit right now."

"You're wrong, Kennedy. I lost Andrew and now I know why. I can't apologize because I'm not sorry for the way I feel. It's not fair. It should've been me, not him." I sobbed, tears staining my cheeks.

"Stop it! This is crazy talk. I won't listen to another word of it, until you— and I'm sorry I have to say this but— pull your head out of your ass," Kennedy said before sliding off the edge of the bed and disappearing down the hallway.

This time I couldn't side with my best friend. Something inside of me died that night and I'll be damned if I forgive the one person who may have prevented it. If only he'd taken Andrew out of the car first, he may have had a chance. If he'd left me to die, maybe Andrew would be living the life he'd always dreamed of.

I laid my head back against the pillow and drifted to sleep once again.

"Andrew, do you remember the first time you told me you loved me?" I asked in a husky voice.

"Of course, how could I ever forget, Love?"

"Tell me. Tell me that story. I need to hear it right now," I coughed. 

"You remember that day we walked through the oval on campus?"

"Yeah," I said roughly, this sore-throat was gonna be the death of me I just knew it. I rubbed my neck and groaned.

"I'm so sorry, baby. Don't talk. I hate seeing you sick, I just want you to feel better." He said, as he sat on the edge of my bed holding my hand.

I coughed and groaned again. God it hurt.

Andrew reached over and gently rubbed my back and continued with his story.

"It was fall and the leaves had already turned. We were walking back to the student center when a gust of wind picked all the dead leaves up and swirled them around in front of us like a mini tornado. Your eyes lit up and I watched as you skipped over and picked up the only red maple leaf in the pile. You handed it to me and told me, 'I know its not quite perfect...but this is my heart and I want you to hold onto it for me.' You took my hand and swung it back and forth, but the only thing I could think about in that moment, was how I'd been so damn lucky to have found someone like you. I love you, Ally. Because of that day, I've loved you ever since." He said.

I smiled and my eyelids grew heavy from the cold medicine. "I love you more," I whispered and closed my eyes.

I opened my eyes slowly and glanced at my alarm clock: 2:52am. With the memory of Andrew fresh in my mind, I flopped my legs over the side of the bed, rubbed my eyes and knew there was no way I'd be able to sleep now. I rose from my bed and tip-toed down the hallway, into the kitchen. I pulled a glass from the cabinet and filled it with cold water from the refrigerator's tap. I took two gulps and re-filled it.

The entire day's events loomed over me like a dark storm cloud. I hadn't gotten the interviews and I knew Jeanette was going to flip her lid. I felt my shoulders tense and I took a few more heavy gulps of water before setting the glass on the counter.

Crap! Jeanette. She still doesn't know I didn't do the interview.

I made my way back into my room quietly and shut the door behind me. I unplugged my laptop from it's port, carried it over to the bed, opened it and waited for the familiar screen to load. A few moments later, the home screen popped into view. I clicked my email icon and waited for it to open.

Holy shit! 58 new emails! That can't be good.

I scrolled through, noticing most were from Jeanette.

I clicked on the oldest one.

To: Allyson Monroe

From: Jeanette Pearson

Subject: Where are you?

Ally,

Where the hell are you? You haven't returned my calls, texts, emails. Is everything ok?

-J

Next email, also from Jeanette, basically said the same thing. As I looked through each and every email from my boss, I noticed she had become more concerned for my well being than actually giving a shit about the interview. I deleted them email and started a new one.

To: Jeanette Pearson

From: Allyson Monroe

Subject: I am so sorry...

Jeanette,

I am so sorry for what I've put you through by not calling, texting or emailing you back. Please forgive me for that.

I have bad news, but I think it's better if I tell you in person. Can you meet me for lunch today around 1:00pm?

-Ally

I clicked send and waited. Not because I thought she'd be awake at three am, but because I felt my world slipping away from me and I needed a swift kick of reality to bring me back. Usually Jeanette was the perfect person to snap me out of my funk, but no new emails, no texts, nothing.

Time seemed to move at a snail's pace and I prayed for morning, just so I could make some noise around the house without being chastised for it. Lately, it seemed Kennedy and Zac were night owls and I was more of a morning person. 

I was thankful that Zac had chosen the basement, since it's a well known fact that my brother is a certifiable slob. Kennedy didn't seem to mind sharing her bathroom with him, but I'd heard her argue with him about keeping the toilet seat down. I'd known he'd done it on purpose just to get a rise out of her, since my mom etched it in his brain to put it down.

I couldn't sit still any longer, my body was humming with nervous energy and I needed to get out of the house. I pulled on a pair of athletic shorts, a sports bra and slipped my feet into my favorite pair of running shoes. I laced them quickly, tied my hair back, grabbed my mp3 player and tip-toed out the front door.

I put my ear buds in and clipped the mp3 player to the waistband of my shorts, tapped play on "Ally's Running Mix" and jogged to the end of the sidewalk. The White Stripes filled the silence and I bounded off down the street towards the park. The early morning air was cool and a light breeze rustled the trees along the abandoned street. The dim orange hue from the street lights cast a shadow along my path as I ran. After a mile or so, I picked up my pace, pushing myself so hard that my lungs constricted and my legs ached. I slowed to a walk and caught my breath. I hadn't ran that hard in over a week, so my muscles burned and sweat poured from my forehead. I jogged the rest of the way back and by the time I arrived at the townhouse, sunlight was just beginning to peek over the plateau in the distance.

I opened the door quietly and went straight into the kitchen for some water. I filled my glass and emptied it in four gulps. I filled the glass again, tip-toed my way back into my room and shut the door behind me.     

I heard the familiar ping from my email, I turned the laptop to face me and clicked the tiny envelope icon to open it.

To: Allyson Monroe

From: Jeanette Pearson

Subject: RE: I am so sorry...

Jeez, you're up early.

I'm glad to hear you are still alive. You had me worried, girl. We do need to talk and lunch at 1:00 would be perfect. I'll meet you at that sandwich place on the corner next to the office.

-J

I hit reply and typed a simple 'OK' and clicked send. I stripped my clothes off and headed for the shower.  I let the warm water wash away my wandering thoughts of Brody and before I knew it, I'd been in the shower for almost an hour. I turned the water off and wrapped the plush towel around my shoulders. I dried myself off and slathered myself with my favorite cotton candy scented body cream.

I pulled out a clean pair of purple lace panties and a nude bra. I slipped my well worn, yellow sundress over my head and ran a brush through my damp locks.

I glanced at my alarm clock and realized it was nearing nine o'clock. I padded into the kitchen, started a pot of coffee and some hot water for my tea.

The tea kettle whistled and I'd already had a tea bag waiting in a mug for the hot water. I checked my phone for any new messages, which of course there were none, although it was a routine now and I felt incomplete if I didn't check it.

I wrapped my hand around the hot mug and let my mind wander once again. As I stared into my cup of tea, I envisioned what it would be like to be someone's everything again.

For three years, I'd spent my nights alone in my own bed with a good book or a silly romantic comedy. Even though Kennedy had done her best to set me up on dates with various guys, I always found myself bored of them and wondered if there would ever be another Andrew out there somewhere.