Holding On To Love (13 page)

My head buzzed from the whiskey. I stumbled off my bar stool, the pub seemed like it was closing in on me and I suddenly needed some fresh air.

"You gonna be alright, man?" Finn said, steadying me with a hand on my shoulder.

"I just need to get the fuck outta here," I said, doing my best not to sound like a drunken fool.

"Let me help you get home," Finn offered.

"Nah, I'm good, brother," I said and turned to walk out of the bar, but Finn stopped me.

"Hey, B?" He asked with concern in his eyes. "I know that shit with Ally is messed up, but you really need to come clean and tell her what you know."

I ran my hand through my hair and shrugged. "I know...Trust me, I want to. I just need to figure out how I'm gonna tell her— "

"Sleep on it and I'm sure you'll figure something out tomorrow," he said.

"Yeah, I guess."

"Just remember, it's better to tell her something, than not say anything at all," he said and clapped me on the back.

I nodded. "Thanks, Finn. See you tomorrow," I said.  

I swayed back and forth for a moment before I trudged down the hallway and out the back door. The sun shone so brightly that it stung my eyes. I wiped the sweat from my brow and wandered down the alley. I saw the familiar flight of stairs lining the back of the brick building and took each step slowly as if my life depended on it.

Once I reached the top, I fished my keys from my pocket and shoved the key into the lock. It popped open and I was met by a cool breeze from the vacant apartment. My apartment. When I purchased the building for the pub, the realtor mentioned the 3000 square foot space above the bar. Once I'd been handed the keys, I decided to gut the massive space. I assumed from the looks of it, it was once used as a dance studio, since every wall was lined with mirrors. Either that, or it was some freaky sex club, I chose the latter.

It took a shit load of man power, late nights and a serious bundle of cash, but I finally had my own place. My perfect bachelor pad. It lacked decor and furniture. A small leather sofa in the living room, a flat panel TV hung on the wall adjacent to it, and some bar stools around the island in the kitchen were all I had. We framed in two rooms, a master bedroom and another for an office. My bedroom was my sanctuary, actually just my king sized bed and the two person shower in the master bath.

I closed the door behind me a dragged myself into the bathroom, splashed some cold water on my face, shimmied out of my shorts and tossed my shirt to the floor. I was fucking shit-faced. I needed to sleep this off or I'd be useless at practice tomorrow. I sauntered over to my bed and collapsed onto the cool, soft sheets. I closed my eyes and dreamed of Ally. Her beautiful eyes, those soft, full lips, and her long legs. I envisioned them wrapped around me while I had my way with her; kissing every inch of her sweet smelling skin, nibbling at her neck and sucking on those perfect breasts until she screamed my name. I wanted to feel her around me, hear her beg for more until she couldn't take anymore.

"Fuck, Ally," I groaned. She felt so good, so wet and so tight.

"Yeah, baby. That's it. Ahhh," she moaned, "I'll take care of you."

I felt her hands move across my chest and her lips on my neck. I gripped her hips and rocked her back and forth over me. She jerked her hips forward forcing me to fill her completely. My cock throbbed as she dug her nails into my chest. She was close, I could feel her tighten around me.

God, she felt good. 

"That's it. Come for me, my little fox," I breathed.

She quickened her pace and clawed at my chest.

"Ah...Fuck," she moaned as her entire body shuddered and she collapsed onto my chest.

"Holy shit, B. That was incredible," she whispered as she nibbled my ear lobe.

I knew that voice. And it wasn't Ally's.

Fuck. What have I done?

I opened my eyes to find Seraphine straddling me and my dick twitched as I caught sight of the bitch choking it to death.

"What the fuck, Sera?" I shouted as I lifted her off of me, tossing her like a rag doll to the empty side of my bed. "What the hell are you doing here?"

At least she had the decency to put a condom on me and I inwardly thanked her for that. I reached down, slid the condom off my throbbing dick and tossed it to the floor. 

She leaned onto her side and perched her head on the back of her hand. "Good to see you too."

"Don't play fucking games with me, bitch!" I snapped, pulling myself to the edge of the bed. I lowered my head into my hands. I was definitely still drunk and my head was minutes away from exploding. "What are you doing here, Sera?" I asked calmly.

"You asked me to come over. Don't you remember that?" She asked, lifting herself off the bed. She rummaged through her purse and knelt down in front of me. "See," she said, holding up the text message I'd clearly sent her several hours ago.

Fuck. Blurred vision or not, I saw my name at the top of the text. Double fuck.

"Alright. You got what you came for, now go," I said.

She didn't move.

"Please, Sera. I don't have time for your bullshit. And my fucking head is killing me," I said, rubbing my temples.

She hopped up, grabbed my robe off the back of the door, slipped it over her shoulders and sashayed into the bathroom. I rolled back over onto my pillow and closed my eyes.

Fuck. How could I have thought she was Ally? And who the fuck let me drink so much? Damn it.

A moment later, Sera appeared with a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin.

"Here," she said, holding them out to me.

I reached for the bottle and twisted the cap off. I lifted it to my lips and let the pills fill my mouth.

"What the fuck, B? Uh-uh, not on my watch," she said, reaching her fingers into my mouth to fish out the twenty or so pills I was attempting to swallow. 

"Open," she demanded. And I let my jaw fall open. "Two or three. Not the whole God damn bottle. Here, drink this," she said as she held the glass of water to my lips.

I took a sip of the water, swallowed my pills and rolled back onto my side. I felt the mattress shift as Sera climbed in beside me.

I rolled over to face her. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" I asked.

She smiled as she traced her finger down my chest and stomach. I gripped her wrist before she could go any further even though my cock was hard as fucking stone.

"Come on, B. I got mine, but I can clearly see that you still need yours," she purred and reached her free hand down to grip my cock.

I shook my head slowly. "No. Just go, Ser," I pleaded, "I don't wanna fuck you when I'm like this."

Her hand moved slowly up and down and her thumb grazed the tip of my dick. I didn't have much self control left, she'd broken me down and I desperately needed to get rid of this hard-on. I flipped her onto her stomach, she arched her back and closed my eyes as I guided my cock into her.

"Oh god, yes. Fuck me hard, B," she moaned.

"Don't talk or you'll fuckin' ruin it for me," I scolded.

"Sorry," she whispered softly between labored breaths. 

I gripped both of her hips with my hands and plunged into her as far as I could.

"Ahh, yeah," I growled.

I rocked her against me faster until the only noise in the room was our sweat laden skin slapping together.

"Oh fuck. I'm gonna come baby. Faster," she begged. 

I slammed into her harder, feeling her body quiver under my hands, and I knew she was close.

"Yes. Fuck yes!" She screamed as I continued to punish her with my cock.

A few pumps later, I quickly withdrew and stroked myself until I came; before collapsing onto the bed from sheer exhaustion. 

I wiped the sweat from my forehead and ran my hand through my damp hair.

Sera rolled to her side and quietly slid off the bed. My eyelids were heavy again and my fucking head hurt ten times worse than it did before.

She strolled to my side with her clothes in her hands. "Mind if I take a shower, baby?" She asked.

I'd about had enough of her shit, but I was too drunk and too damn tired to care. "Fine and then get the fuck out," I muttered and closed my eyes.

It was already noon by the time I'd done some laundry, cleaned the kitchen and took a shower. Kennedy left for the shop and our new lazy houseguest, Zac, was moving his things into the basement. I had a few hours to kill until I had to meet Nancy at the ice arena, so I decided to enjoy my free time with a new book I'd downloaded onto my eReader at the pool. I changed into a two piece hot pink bikini, grabbed a towel from the linen closet and stuffed it and my eReader into a beach bag.

"Going down to the pool, Zac!" I shouted down the stairs.

He peered around the corner at the bottom of the steps. "I'm almost done here. You want company?" He asked.

No, not really. Not that I didn't enjoy all this time I was getting to spend with my brother, I just really wanted some alone time.

"Sure. I'll meet you down there, okay?"

He nodded and waved. "See you in a few."

I slipped on a pair of flip flops, snatched the pool key from the bowl in the foyer and headed down to the pool. Our community of townhouses surrounded a courtyard with a gazebo, a club house and an Olympic sized pool. I rounded the corner, noting there were only a few other people in the pool area, none of which were children.

I smiled, knowing I'd be able to have the peace and quiet I so desperately craved. I found an empty chaise lounge, spread my towel over it and tossed my bag to the side. I slipped my flip flops off and skimmed the surface of the cool water with my toes before diving in.

The pool was refreshing and I felt instantly relaxed. I swam lazily back and forth across the large pool in an open lane normally designated for those who wanted to do laps. I rolled onto my back, closed my eyes and let the sun soak into my skin.

Images of Brody and Andrew danced in my head. I longed for Andrew's sweet words and they way he always made me feel like I belonged somewhere. But Brody did things to my body and mind. I couldn't help but to replay our conversations in my head. He'd opened up to me, said he didn't know why he felt so comfortable telling me about his life and that alone made it harder for me to stay away. Something about him made me feel again, he was exciting, and reckless.

Ugh. I was seriously beginning to think my mental stability was on the verge of plummeting into a deep abyss.  

I swam to the edge of the pool and propped my chin onto my hands. I didn't know how to handle my feelings for Brody. I'd spent so damn long trying to keep Andrew close to me, that I'd forgotten how to love or be loved. Maybe letting him in wouldn't be such a bad thing.

"Yo, sis!" Zac called from the gate that lead into the pool area. "Come let me in!"

I pulled myself over the edge of the pool, slung the towel around my shoulders and grabbed the key from the bottom of my bag. I slipped my flip flops on so the concrete wouldn't burn my feet and skipped to the gate to let Zac in. 

He swung the gate open, tossed his towel and sunglasses at me before getting a head start on his epic cannonball into the pool. I laughed and shook my head. I set his towel and glasses onto the chaise next to mine. I laid back against the warm lounger and watched him do a flip off the side into the pool. He'll probably never grow up, I thought to myself.

I took my eReader out of my bag and slid the switch on the bottom to turn it on. I realized I'd had several new books downloaded and just hadn't had any time to read any of them. I scanned the screen for one that stood out and clicked on it. The cover featured the face of a young woman who looked how I felt at the moment and the book was actually called, "Torn". I knew it'd be a good one, since I too, was feeling 'torn' at the moment.

Two hours had gone by, which I hadn't even noticed since I was completely immersed in Caleb and Ryleigh's story. I finished the chapter and set my eReader back into my bag. I collected my things and kicked at Zac's bare feet. He twitched a little, but didn't wake up.

"Zac," I said, kicking him again, this time harder, "I'm leaving."

He shifted in his seat and wiped his chin with the back of his hand.

Yes, he drooled in his sleep.

"Huh?" He asked, sleepily.

"I'm leaving. You coming?"

"Nah. I'm gonna stay out here for a little while longer, cool?" He said.

"Sure. I'll leave the door unlocked for you," I said waving over my shoulder as I quickly walked to the gate. 

Once home, I arranged my outfit on the bed, pulled out my only matching bra and panty set and headed for the shower. The warm water washed over me and I felt my anxiety melt away. I knew in the back of my head that this interview was going to be one of the hardest things I'd ever have to do in my career. I went over the questions one by one and toyed with the possible answers each player might give.

You've got this, Ally.

It was half past three and I'd already fixed my hair three different ways, deciding I'd just leave it down. I put on a little more make-up than necessary, got dressed and added the jewelry Kennedy lent me. I slid my feet into my silver peep-toe wedges, grabbed my messenger bag, phone and keys before heading out the door.

The sky had quickly turned dark since my sun filled time at the pool and I knew a big storm was on it's way. The wind picked up and the temperature dropped a few degrees making the heat of the summer sun much more tolerable.

I clicked the lock on my keychain and climbed into my SUV. And as always, I checked every mirror twice before backing out of the space.

The ice arena was only about fifteen minutes away and I knew traffic would start to get a little hectic this time of day. I turned the radio up and sang along with Justin Timberlake's new song. There's definitely something striking about a man in a suit and tie, I thought. How I'd love to see Brody all dressed up with me at his side.

Oh, dear. Here I go again. Get a grip, Ally. Sheesh.

I turned onto Main Street and glanced to each side of the road for address numbers on any of the buildings. To my right, I spotted 2220 and I knew I had a few blocks to go. A few traffic lights later, I rounded a bend just past city park and caught my first glimpse of the massive stadium. It wasn't just a tiny arena like I'd originally thought. It was huge.

I pulled into the entrance that was marked, "Press" and was greeted by a robust, dark skinned security officer wearing an orange vest. I slowed to a stop and rolled my window down.

"Afternoon, miss. Do you have your credentials?" He asked.

"No sir, I have an appointment with Nancy Taylor, the Rattlesnakes PR director. My name is Allyson Monroe," I said.

He nodded and pulled a radio from his side. He spoke quickly, waited for a response before slipping the radio back onto his belt.

"May I see identification, Miss Monroe?" He asked.

"Of course," I said, rummaging through my purse. I pulled out my driver's license and my company ID card. I handed both to him and watched as he looked over each one carefully. He reached for his radio again and I began to worry. Maybe Jeanette had forgotten to let Nancy know Marissa was sick and I'd be taking her place. I reached into my bag and pulled out my phone, just in case he needed proof that I was actually here on business and not some crazy "Puck Bunny".

A few moments later and he handed my ID cards back to me.

"I'm sorry Miss Monroe. I don't show any record of you on Mrs. Taylor's appointment list."

"I know. Give me a second and I'll have my boss give Nancy a call and straighten this all out," I said as I began texting Jeanette.

"I'm sorry, miss. I have policies and procedures to follow. I can't let you in without the proper documentation."

Okay, now he was starting to piss me off. I just needed to get a hold of Jeanette.

"I understand that, sir. I'm telling you, this is all a huge misunderstanding. If I can—" I began, but was interrupted by a familiar voice.

"Harold, my man! You giving my girl a hard time?" Brody shouted as he jogged across the parking lot.

Harold smiled and motioned for me to stay put. So I did. I mean, where the hell was I gonna go? He turned to meet Brody and the two fist bumped. Brody watched me over Harold's shoulder intently as he spoke. He flashed his dimpled grin and waved. I waved back and held up my ID's for him to see. He nodded and continued speaking with Harold.

Harold turned and walked back to my car as Brody jogged off toward the arena.

"My apologies Miss Monroe. Mr. McCabe explained everything. It turns out, he'd forgotten you were coming to watch him practice today, so your name was never added to the list," he explained and handed me a blue card with the number 29 written on it. "Take this card to the front entrance. They will print you a temporary access card and give you directions from there."

"Uh," I began, still a bit confused. I took the card from Harold and nodded, "Sorry, for the mix-up, Harold. Won't happen again."

"No problem, Miss Monroe," he said as he leaned into my car and whispered, "next time, just tell me you're a bunny. No need to be ashamed, darlin'."

I cringed, but instead of arguing, I nodded and thanked him kindly.

Me? A puck bunny? Oh-no, I don't think so.

I found a space in between a tiny hybrid and a gold Jaguar. I tossed my phone, the blue card and my ID's into my messenger bag. I opened the door and hopped out. I slung the bag across my chest and walked toward the main entrance.

I showed my card to the guard at the door, who directed me to the administration offices.

"Down the hall, last door on the left," he instructed.

I did as he said and followed the hallway until I came to the last door. I opened the door and was greeted by an older woman behind a desk. Her glasses sat at the tip of her nose and he long silvery hair was pulled back into a tight bun.

"May I help you, miss?" She asked, peering over her glasses.

"Yes. My name is Allyson Monroe. I have an appointment with Nancy Taylor at four o'clock. I'm from Go Arizona magazine," I said.

"I have a Marissa Clemmons here, but no Allyson," She said.

"I know. There's been a little misunderstanding. See, I'm filling in for Marissa who's sick. The arrangements were made a while ago through my boss Jeanette Brown. She must have forgotten to call and let you know I'd be filling in for Marissa," I said and handed her my ID card. "I can get her on the phone if you'd like to verify."

She looked at me quizzically and spoke softly, "Uh. None of my business of course, but if that's the case, why are you holding a bunny pass?" She asked.

My cheeks flushed red and I shoved the card into the pocket of my bag. "I know this looks bad, let me explain. I was trying to get into the press lot and obviously they didn't have my name on file—"

"Obviously," She said.

I shrugged and continued, "My friend, Brody McCabe saw I was having trouble, so he told the guard I was here for him so he'd let me pass. I know it's silly, but I didn't know what else to do. Honestly, this is my first interview with an athlete and I'm terrified. I'm so sorry for all the confusion."

She snickered and pushed her glasses up onto the bridge of her nose. "Okay. I'll see if Nancy's available. You wait here for a moment, I'll be right back."

"Oh, thank you— Uh—"

"Rose," she said, answering my unspoken question.

"Thank you, Rose. I appreciate all your help."

She nodded and disappeared behind the curved wall that divided the offices from the main lobby area.

I pulled out my phone to text Jeanette...

OMG I'm here and they have no record of me coming to do the interview

A few seconds later, my phone dinged...

I'm so sorry. Forgot. Fixing now :)

I felt finally felt relieved that this would all be taken as one giant misunderstanding.

Thanks :)

I texted back and hit send.

I shoved my phone back into my bag and waited for Rose to return. The lobby area was small with very few decorations on the walls. I found a small leather love seat at the edge of the lobby and took a seat. The office was quiet and I could hear the faint clicking of keyboards in the distance.

A few minutes later, Rose appeared from the hallway smiling, causing the wrinkles around her mouth to grow deeper.

"Okay Allyson. Nancy will be with you in just a moment," she said and returned to her chair behind the desk.

"Thank you, Rose," I said.

I heard my phone chime again, so I pulled it out. The text was from Kennedy.

Did you know there are such thing as hockey groupies?

I laughed quietly and texted back.

Yep! And apparently I'm now part of the Puck Bunnies. Yay me.

A moment later another text came through.