Holding On To Love (17 page)

I finally realized my life has always revolved around whether or not there was anyone out there good enough for me, which in all honesty is something every woman prays for. Right? I just didn't know how long I could hold on to Andrew's love anymore. It was more of a comfort knowing he was somewhere always looking out for me or watching over me, but I hadn't felt his presence in so long, I didn't know if I'd imagined it or if I was truly going crazy.

I wanted. No. I needed a sign or something from Andrew to let me know my feelings for another man weren't wrong. That it was okay if I moved on. I decided today would be a perfect day to pay him a visit. It had been almost six months since I'd visited his grave.

With new determination and a caffeine buzz, I walked to my room, pulled out my laptop and toted it back to the kitchen table. I opened it, pulled up a travel site and searched flights from Phoenix to Denver. Luckily for me, they had a last minute deal and a round trip ticket would only cost me $200.

"Morning, Ally," Kennedy yawned.

"Good morning," I said a little to cheerfully.

"What're you doing?" She asked glancing over my shoulder.

"I made a decision this morning. I need to visit Andrew. I know you won't understand even if I try to explain it to you, but I need to do this," I said.

"Try me," she said.

"Really Ken, you'll think I'm losing my mind."

"I've been your best friend since high school and I already think you're nuts, so let me have it," she said as she poured a cup of coffee and sat down at the table across from me.

"I'm booking a flight to Colorado," I said and took a sip of tea.

"You're right, you are crazy. I should probably call the warden and tell him you've escaped from the loony bin," she joked.

I giggled, "I'm serious and I know this is crazy, but it's something I need to do."

"Alright, I get it. But let me ask you something," she said and leaned forward.

"Anything," I said.

"Would this have anything to do with a certain hot, hockey player?"

"I don't know yet. Every time I'm near him, it's like my body is telling me to rip his clothes off and jump him. But my heart keeps telling me that my body is a damn traitor and I need to tap the brakes," I said.

She laughed and choked on her coffee. "You should definitely listen to your body. How long has it been since you've had sex?— And that doesn't include your battery operated boyfriend —I mean, how long has it been since you've been with a guy? Honestly."

I dropped my gaze to the backlit keyboard on my laptop and I shook my head.

"Oh my God— You can't be serious... Andrew?" She asked.

I shrugged. "Well, sort of."

"What do you mean 'sort of'?"

"Remember how I told you Brody and I kissed?"

"You did it? Didn't you?" She asked quietly.

"No, not exactly. He just...um..." I stuttered.

"He what? Spit it out! I'm dying over here," she said, her gaze fixed intently on me.

"He um...well, lets just put it this way, he gave me the most amazing orgasm in the elevator...and we didn't even...do it, you know?" I whispered. 

"Shut up!" She screeched and I held my finger to my lips to shush her. "Sorry...um, why the hell didn't you tell me this before?" She whispered.

"Because I knew this is how you'd react."

"Oh, shut up. This is the most exciting thing I've heard all week. Well, besides Wren getting her nipples pierced, but this is way better," she said as she bounced in her seat.

"Shhh. I don't want Zac to know, he'd probably flip," I said.

"Okay. Okay. Don't worry, I won't tell him. But this is so freaking awesome." Her smile grew and she giggled like a gossipy teenager.

I shrugged. "I'm not sure how awesome it is, since I screwed it up, all because I don't know if I'm ready to move on, Ken," I paused and rested my forehead in my palm. "I miss Andrew so much, I think about him almost everyday; his laugh, his goofy smile and his smell. The day he died, a part of me died with him. I'm so afraid that my ability to love or even care about another person might be seriously damaged— I mean, what if it happens again? What if I give Brody a chance and something happened to him?— I don't think I'd ever be able to live with that."

She scooted toward me and rested her elbows on the table, "I hate to say this, 'cause I know he's been an ass, but I think he's made an improvement just from what you've told me," she paused and inhaled deeply. "Honestly, you'll never know what happiness and true love really are if you don't tear down that wall you've been hiding behind for so long. You can't keep blaming yourself for what happened to Andrew, it'll kill you if you do. It's okay to feel, sometimes you get hurt, but you learn to move on. Come on, Ally, take a step forward— your new life could be right there in front of you, but you'll never know unless you find out."

"You really are a good friend and I know if I really want to start anything with Brody, then I really need to visit Andrew— to say goodbye," I said quietly.

"I think that's a great idea and what kind of friend would I be if I didn't come with you?" She asked.

"Seriously? You'd do that for me?" I asked.

"Um, hello? Best friends forever, means I'm always gonna be there for you, no matter what. But if you ever keep anything, like what happened with you and your hot hockey star, from me again, I'll be forced to send you to friend time-out."

"Promise," I said.

"So, when do we leave?" She asked.

"I have a lunch meeting with Jeanette today to see if I still have a job, but I thought we could leave tonight or tomorrow morning."

"I say, we leave tonight, but only if you get things squared away with your boss. I only have a few appointments this week, but I think Gage can take care of them," she said happily.

"Alright, it's settled then. I'll buy our tickets when I get back from lunch with Jeanette and we'll leave on the next flight out," I said.

"Yay! Girls time! I'm so excited!" She squeaked, "I'm gonna go start packing my bag."

I finished my tea, closed my laptop, tucked it under my arm and headed back to my room, so I could get started packing too.

My bag was packed and I was looking forward to some time away from the chaos in my life, even if it was for only a few days. By the time I had my things together and organized in the hallway it was already half past twelve.

I pulled on a pair of beige sling back wedges and grabbed my purse before heading out the door. I hurried past the kitchen and snatched my keys from the hook beside the door.

"Morning Sis," Zac called from the kitchen.

"You know it's already twelve thirty?"

"I just woke up, so technically it's still morning—"

"I'm on my way out, but there's still some coffee left and Pop-Tarts in the pantry," I said cutting him off as I swung the front door open. "See you later, Bro."

"Thanks, you're the best sister ever. Love you," he called.

"Love you too," I said and closed the door behind me.

The heat of the afternoon sun had already managed to raise the temperature to 110 degrees, or at least that's what my car's thermometer read. My legs stuck to the seat and I cursed myself for buying a vehicle with leather. I checked my mirrors and backed out of my spot. I turned onto Main Street and headed toward the city. Normally, without severe traffic it only took me about fifteen minutes to reach the magazine's building, but I knew I didn't have much time to spare, so I jumped onto the 202.

I exited the freeway and headed into the sea of high rises. I finally reached the GO! Arizona Magazine building, which was one of the tallest buildings in downtown. I flashed my name badge to the parking attendant and he raised the gate. I parked my car on the fourth level in the massive concrete parking garage and headed for the elevator on the opposite side of the garage.

I punched the call button and waited. A few moments later, the door opened and a burst of cool air hit me. I stepped inside the empty elevator and pushed the button for the ground level. As the doors closed, memories of my recent elevator rendezvous came crashing back to me.

Not now, Ally. Focus.

I felt the anticipation build between my thighs as I remembered the way he took control of my body. My back against the cool elevator wall as he caressed my breasts and thighs with his strong hands. The thought sent tingles down my spine. 

The elevator came to a stop a moment later and I shook my head to clear my mind. I stepped out onto the sidewalk and put my sunglasses on. I walked to the end of the street and rounded the corner. I caught a glimpse of the sandwich shop a few yards ahead of me.

I pulled my phone from my purse. 12:57 pm. I quickened my pace and spotted Jeanette waiting outside the door. I waved and she signaled me to hurry.

"Hey, Jeanette." I said as I caught my breath.

"Ally. Good to see you as always," she said as she flipped her shoulder length red hair away from her neck.

I opened the door and we both hurried in to get out of the heat. The smell of fresh baked bread made my stomach growl and my mouth water. We approached the counter and placed our orders.

"Chicken salad on whole wheat and a medium iced tea for me," I said.

"That sounds good. Make it two, please. For here." She said and handed the girl behind the counter her credit card.

The cashier handed Jeanette a small plastic tent card with a number on it, our iced teas and we headed toward the back of the deli. We found a small table in the back corner and sat down.

I sipped my iced tea, a little nervous as to what Jeanette would have to say to me, but before I could apologize, she spoke up.

"Before you say anything, please let me tell you how happy I am you're okay. I received a copy of the police report this morning and already have a phone call into Bob Golding over at the Daily News regarding Mr. Parker's actions."

Wow, that's not what I expected from her at all.

"Thank you, Jeanette. And I really am sorry for blowing this story, you have every right to fire me. I would totally understand," I said.

"Fire you? No, sweetie. I'm not gonna fire you. I'm going to give you another chance to make it up to me."

"Okay," I said, confused.

"Have you heard of the Fern's?" She asked.

"The hotel chain? Yes." I said as the food runner interrupted with our sandwiches.

"Thank you," we said in unison and he scooped the plastic number from our table, leaving us alone with our food. 

"Well, Mr. and Mrs. Fern are throwing their daughter, Seraphine, a birthday party on Friday night— Mr. Fern contacted me directly and asked if we would be interested in doing a human interest piece on their family— And of course I agreed to it, since no one has ever been given access to do a story on them...ever," she said and her eyes lit up.

"Yes, I've heard they're impossible to interview," I agreed.

"Not impossible, they just don't like being bombarded with questions about their daughter's sexual encounters. If you know what I mean," she said quietly.

I nodded.

"So Mr. Fern has agreed to an interview Friday night at Seraphine's party. This is where you come in. We've been given an invitation for two, you will be accompanying Corey Whitman," she paused and took a bite of her sandwich, "You've met Corey right?"

"I think so, he does all the spotlight articles, right?"

"Yes. And you'll be his date. It's a formal masquerade ball, Friday night at eight o'clock. I've already made arrangements to have a car pick you up at your home at seven. Corey will meet you outside the ballroom around seven forty-five. I suggest you do some research on the family, just to be prepared."

"Of course," I nodded and took another bite.

"Ally," she whispered, "if we get this story, it will mean big things for the magazine."

"Understood. I won't let you down, Jeanette— I promise."

"I know you won't, just remember to have a good time. You've seemed down lately. I don't need to know the details, but I hope you can get your ducks in a row and knock this story out of the park."

"Yes, of course. I've had a lot on my mind lately, but I promise I won't let my personal matters interfere with my job. I love working for the magazine and for you. This is by far the best job I've ever had," I said.

"I'm happy to hear that, Ally. Now—" She said as she reached into her bag, pulled out a glittery invitation and handed it to me. "Here's your invitation. Your name has already been added to the list, but you will need this just in case."

I took the card and tucked it into my purse. "Jeanette?" I asked. She looked up at me and smiled.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you again for giving me another chance."

"Sure, Ally. Just don't screw this up," she joked.

"I won't," I promised.

"Good. Well, I've gotta run. I have a meeting with the board members in twenty minutes," she said as she took the last bite of her sandwich.

"Good luck," I said smiling.

"Thanks, I'm gonna need it," she laughed, picked up her purse and headed out the door.

I waved goodbye and finished my lunch, alone. Nervousness washed over me as I realized I'd never attended a formal...well, anything for that matter. I didn't have anything to wear and I knew once again, I would need Kennedy's help to prepare for the gala. First, I needed to get home, buy our plane tickets, reserve a hotel room and a rental car.

I scooped up our empty sandwich baskets and my purse, tossing the baskets into the trash bin on the way out. I slid my sunglasses on and braved the heat once again on my way back to the parking garage.

Instead of taking the elevator, I opted for the stairwell, which turned out to be a sweltering mix of musk, piss and B.O. I gagged and pinched my nose shut, but continued on to the fourth level. I swung the door open and sucked in a breath of fresh air. I jogged to my car and made my way out of the oven-like parking garage as quickly as possible. Once I was on the street, I rounded the corner and headed onto the 202 towards home.

I swung the front door open and was greeted by a very excited Kennedy, who was hauling her suitcase toward the foyer.

"Yay, you're home," she said as she set her bags next to mine.

"Did I miss something?" Zac chimed in from the living room. "Where are you two going?"

"We're going to Colorado for a couple of days to see some of Ally's old college friends," Kennedy said.

Good cover, Ken. I'd have to thank her for that later.

"Oh. Well, why wasn't I invited?" He asked.

"Girls outing. No boys allowed," she said and a devious smirk crept across her face.

"Well, if that's the case, I don't wanna go anyway— When will you be back?" He asked.

Kennedy shrugged.

"Thursday night. I have a thing for work Friday night."

"Okay cool— Well, I'll hold down the fort while you guys have your girl time together," he called.

"Work thing?" Kennedy asked quietly.

"Yeah, I'll tell you about it later, but I've gotta go book our tickets now," I said and retreated to my room. Kennedy followed, sat crossed-legged on my floor and waited patiently.

I pulled up the travel site on my laptop, booked two tickets to Denver, a hotel room and a rental car. After entering all of our information into the database, I printed out a copy of our itinerary.

"Okay, we're all set," I said. "Our flight leaves at five fifteen tonight."

She clapped and snatched the paper from my printer.

"How much do I owe you, friend?" She asked.

I had never intended on her paying me for the trip because it was my idea and she just so happened to be tagging along for moral support.

"Don't worry about it. You can buy me a drink on the plane, 'cause I'm gonna need it."

I, like many others had a fear of flying. Usually, I'd pop a Xanax and zone out, but I hadn't refilled my prescription and we didn't have time to worry about it now. Our flight would leave in two and a half hours and we needed to get moving if we were going to make it through security in time.

"Don't you have any Xanax left?" She asked as if she'd read my mind.

"Nope, I'm all out. But I'll just get a drink or something at the airport. Don't worry, I'll be fine."

"Uh-huh," she said shaking her head. "If you say so."

"We've gotta go if we're gonna make it in time," I said, tucking my laptop into the front pocket of my backpack, since I had to retire my messenger bag. I grabbed my make-up bag off the bathroom counter and stuffed it into the backpack.

"I'm ready when you are," she said and I could sense the excitement seeping from her pores.

"Okay, I've gotta grab a quart sized baggy for my shampoo and stuff and then we can go."

"Already done," she said. "I figured it would be a waste of space for both of us to pack them, so I just packed mine and we can share."
              "Good thinking. Thanks."

I lugged my backpack into foyer and set it next to our suitcases.

"Zac, we're leaving now!" I called down the hallway.

A moment later he came jogging in to see us off. He picked me up and squeezed me.

"Love you, sis. Be careful," he said and planted a kiss on the top of my head.

"You too. Try not to burn the house down, while we're gone, okay?" I joked.

"I'll do my best," he said and turned to Kennedy.

He gave her a tight hug and kissed her forehead.

"Take care of my sister, Skittles."

She smiled brightly. "I will, don't worry about us."

We raised the handles on our suitcases, opened the door and rolled them down the sidewalk towards my car. I opened the back gate and we lifted them inside. Kennedy's made a thump when she let it go.

"Jesus, what the hell did you bring?" I asked.

She laughed, "Nothing, just a few pairs of shoes."

"It sounded like a set of weights," I teased.

She punched my arm and got into the passenger side. I started the engine and Kennedy turned the radio on.

As we reached the freeway, Justin Timberlake's new song filled the speakers and I belted out the lyrics at the top of my lungs.

"I will never understand why you like him so much. I just don't get his appeal," she protested.

"He's hot and I've had a crush on him since I was twelve," I said as I swayed to the catchy beat.

"I knew you were insane, but this explains everything," she laughed.

"Shut up!"

"I'm sorry, I'll let you and JT have your moment together," she teased.

"Damn straight," I said and conti
nued to belt out the lyrics to "Take Back the Night".

Twenty minutes later, we arrived at Sky Harbor International Airport. I parked in the garage adjacent to the airport, so we wouldn't have to walk so far.