Holly Lane (14 page)

“You look pretty today, too,” Sophie said. And even just coming from her own child, it made her glad she’d put a bit of effort into her appearance when getting ready for work this morning, dressing up a simple wool skirt with her chocolate brown boots and a dark green sweater with a ruffle detail. She’d never completely let herself go during the past six months, but she also hadn’t taken the kind of care with herself that she used to. And today, for the first time in a while, she had.

As they moved up in line, Rachel came over to chat, complimenting both Sue Ann’s and Sophie’s fashion choices, and announcing that she and Mike had finally set a wedding date for next summer. Because both had large families who mostly lived out of town, it had been a challenge to find a weekend that worked for everyone. “And more good news,” Rachel went on. “We’re out of pie. Which means I can go home and help Mike put up our tree. His family is coming for the holidays, so I want to make everything as nice as possible.”

“Who’d have thunk it?” Sue Ann quipped. “Big city girl Rachel Farris creating a hometown Christmas for her fiancé’s family.” Rachel had left Destiny right after high school, but after a visit home the autumn before last, hunky cop Mike Romo had coaxed her into staying.

“Well, times they really are a’changin’,” Rachel acknowledged. “I never dreamed I’d find my heart’s desire here of all places.”

As Rachel departed, though, a little of Sue Ann’s good mood was dashed—something to do with Rachel’s comment about changing times. For so many of Sue Ann’s friends, things had changed for the better over the last few of years—she was the only one whose life had gotten markedly worse.

“Ho-ho-ho, who’s next? Step on up here, little boy, and climb onto Santa’s knee.”

Sue Ann looked up, squinting, not only because the last child in front of them had just been beckoned by Santa Claus, but because Santa’s voice sounded weirdly familiar—weirdly . . . like Adam’s. Deeper, of course, but . . . and that’s when she made eye contact with him. She’d know those blue eyes anywhere, and now they sparkled on her from above a curly white beard, somehow even turning her on a little, despite the Santa suit. She was so stunned that a laugh escaped her without warning, even as their gazes remained locked.

“What are you laughing at, Mommy?”

The words drew her glance down to Sophie, whose hand she held, before she glanced back at Adam again. “Nothing, honey,” she assured her, squelching her reaction, but she had to bite her lip to hold in a smile. First a reindeer, now this. How on earth had Adam gotten roped into playing Santa?

Yet then her smile faded a little, because—oh brother—he turned her on even in a freaking Santa suit? Even wearing a ridiculous red velvet jacket with a pillow under it and big white beard? Her stomach even fluttered then.

Oh no, this was awful.
I’m attracted to Santa Claus!
And a bad Santa at that! Since even with padding, the red suit was way too big for him, and his beard was the silly, curling kind. And his eyes were . . . oh, his eyes were the same eyes she’d peered into while he’d moved in her. And now the juncture of her thighs ached for him again. Yep, even as Santa.

She swallowed. Then let out a sigh. It had been bad enough that she’d still experienced that nagging yearning for him at the Christmas tree lighting last Sunday, but now . . . this seemed much worse.

Of course, it would help if she’d quit running into him everywhere. But in a small town like Destiny, that was difficult.

“A-h-hall right, Trevor,” Santa Adam was saying, keeping a bit of that deep ho-ho-ho echo in his voice, “you keep doing your chores and eating your broccoli and I’ll do my best on the iPod. Now down ya go.”

As little Trevor went on his way, Adam shifted his gaze to Sophie, saying, “Wh-h-hell, who’s this pretty little girl? Come on up, honey, and tell Santa what you’d like for Christmas.”

Adam was having about as much fun playing Santa Claus as he had pretending to be a reindeer, which wasn’t much, but for the sake of the kids he kept it well hidden. And he hadn’t thought about the fact that Sue Ann would probably bring Sophie, but just seeing Sue Ann—even in this stupid costume—was enough to lift his mood. Even if he felt her laughing at him. He guessed it really was pretty damn funny in a way.

After he scooped Sophie onto his lap, they posed so Sue Ann could take a few pictures. Then he spoke more quietly to Sophie—already he’d figured out that most kids were more comfortable if it felt like a private conversation rather than one their parents could hear. “Have you been a good girl for your mom this year, Sophie?” he asked.

She nodded. “Most of the time.”

“Good, good—that’s what Santa likes to hear. Now what would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?”

“There are only two things I want,” she said, sounding very clear and decisive on the subject.

“Well, what are they?”

“First, I want a reindeer.”

Adam pondered this. “Like . . . a toy reindeer? My elves make lots of nice toy reindeers.”

But Sophie appeared unmoved and Adam grew worried, especially seeing the serious look on her face when she said, “No, a real reindeer. Like the ones that pull your sleigh. I saw Prancer and Dancer at the Cincinnati Zoo last year, and I got to pet them and everything. So that’s what I want—my own reindeer. It can live in our backyard and I promise I’ll take good care of it.”

Aw, damn. She sounded so earnest, and so needful. How was he going to tell her he couldn’t bring her a reindeer? Well, maybe it would be easier if her second request was something more doable, something he was sure Sue Ann—or even he—could make sure she got. “What’s the other thing you want?” he asked.

And she told him softly, “I want my daddy to come home and live with us again.”

Oh shit. Adam’s heart broke then, right there on the spot.

And Sophie was looking up at him with such longing, such innocent desperation, that he had no idea what to do or say. So he spent a second wanting to kill Caroline Meeks for roping him into this—and then he did the best he could. “Sophie, honey,” he said, “as much as I wish I could give you the things you want . . . Santa brings presents, toys, things to play with. Isn’t there anything like that you’d enjoy getting?”

But Sophie just shook her little blond head, peering up at him as if he were . . . magical or something. And that’s when he remembered—Santa was supposed to
be
magical. Caroline had made this sound so easy, but it wasn’t, not at all. He held all these kids’ hopes and dreams in his hands tonight—and right at this moment, he held Sophie’s, and that was even harder because he cared about her so much. Hell, look at the mess he was in here.

And he didn’t want to crush Sophie, but he also thought it unwise to give her false hope. “Sophie, about your dad . . . Santa can do a lot of special things, but something like that . . . well, I’m afraid I can’t control people, or the feelings in their hearts.”
In fact, if I could control the feelings in someone’s heart, your mom would be spending a whole lot more time with me.
“Do you understand?”

She lowered her eyes sadly, but nodded, acceptant. And Adam felt more like a Scrooge than he had at any other time this whole holiday season. He couldn’t fix her family, and he didn’t know how to make her understand—since, hell, humans were complex, love was complicated, and he couldn’t even claim to understand it himself.

Finally, she raised her sweet little face back up to meet his gaze and said, “What about the reindeer? Can you bring me a reindeer? I want one sooooo bad.”

Aw Christ. What now? Again, this would be bad enough if it were some random kid he didn’t know, but Sophie was . . . Sophie. His goddaughter, for heaven’s sake. And he knew—too intimately, from his own kids—what she was going through right now. “The reindeer . . . ” he began uncertainly, “will be tough.”

She just kept staring at him, though, even when he’d finished, hope still shining in her eyes and almost silently begging him to go on. And that’s when he heard himself saying, “But . . . if anybody can get you a reindeer, it’s me, right? So . . . I’ll see what I can do.”

Uh-oh. He was pretty sure he’d just promised Sophie a reindeer.

But when a big smile unfurled on her face—just before she gave him a huge hug—it made it all worthwhile. Especially when he met Sue Ann’s gaze over Sophie’s shoulder as he warmly hugged her back.

“All right then, honey, down you go. You have a merry Christmas, okay?”

“Thanks, Santa!” she said, still beaming.

“Next,” he said, glancing to a little boy wearing gigantic glasses.

And then it hit him.
What the hell did I just do?
And how am I gonna fix it?
If he wasn’t already on Sue Ann’s “naughty list,” he sure as hell would be when Sophie told her Santa was bringing her a reindeer.

H
alf an hour later, everyone at the Santa party was eating, drinking, and making merry. Except for Adam, who had one last child on his lap. And Sue Ann, who was absolutely livid and planning on killing him as soon as he was done. “Um, why?” Jenny asked when Sue Ann shared this with her.

She spoke through tightly clenched teeth. “He told Sophie he could get her a reindeer.”

Jenny flinched, clearly as taken aback as Sue Ann had been. “Oh. Well, yeah, you should definitely kill him.”

Now Sophie was dancing around with some other little kids to the Hall and Oates version of “Jingle Bell Rock,” giggling and having fun, so maybe Sue Ann should be glad in a way—but what the hell was she supposed to do on Christmas morning when there wasn’t a reindeer under the tree? As if a reindeer could even
fit
under a tree, for God’s sake.

Just then, a glance to her right across the fake wintry scene revealed that Adam had sent the last child on her way and was standing up from the old leather wing chair they’d given him to sit in. The fact that he still looked ridiculous did nothing to calm her temper as she marched across the floor—dodging a crushed cookie and a stray red ribbon that must have fallen from some little girl’s hair.

He didn’t seem to see her until she was right in front of him, holding up her hand to stop him from moving forward, then even smacking his chest with her palm for good measure. “Hold it, Santa,” she snapped. “I need to have a word with you.”

“Uh-oh,” he said. Then took her by the arm. “If you’re gonna yell at me, why don’t we take it someplace more private.”

“Private schmivate,” she said in a loud whisper, but she did allow him to lead her away from the center of the big open area and down a short hallway. After all, she didn’t need to make a spectacle of herself—she was just getting
over
being Destiny’s latest spectacle. And she intended to completely ignore how good Santa’s hand felt on her arm.

“Okay,” he said when they were secluded in the narrow hall, “go ahead, let me have it. I told Sophie that Santa would try to get her a reindeer. I’m scum. I should be beaten with candy canes or something. I know. And I’m sorry.”

Hmm. Well, all that kind of took the wind out of her angry sails. So she just pursed her lips, let out a sigh, and feared she sounded more whiny than mean when she asked, “What were you thinking, Adam?”

And then Adam told her what else Sophie had asked for—for Jeff to come home—and her heart dropped to her stomach. “Oh. Wow.”

“So . . . I had to say
something
. And next thing I know, I’m telling her I can maybe come up with a reindeer. I didn’t want to—it just came out, ya know? And I knew I’d screwed up the second it left my mouth. I mean, believe me, I don’t want to be wearing this goofy outfit to begin with and it didn’t come with a training manual.”

“You do look pretty silly,” she admitted, her anger all but gone now.
Except for your eyes.
Your eyes are still absolutely gorgeous.
How had she gone all these years not realizing what amazing eyes he had? “And . . . I understand. About the reindeer. I’m not sure what I’m gonna do about it, but I understand.”

“Maybe I can talk to her. Not as Santa,” he said. “As me. Maybe I can set her up not to be too disappointed when it doesn’t happen.”

Sue Ann nodded appreciatively since she was tired of letting her daughter down. “That would help. A lot.” And—damn it—she kind of missed Adam’s touch now that it was gone. Though she still sort of felt it anyway, halfway between her wrist and elbow.

“Well, I’m the one who created the problem,” he said. “I can be the one to try to fix it.”

After releasing a sigh, she pointed out, “You aren’t the one who really created the problem.” That fell squarely on Jeff’s shoulders. And then her thoughts turned back to Dickens. “She must be feeling . . . really starved for love right now or something. She asked me for a stray kitten living at Under the Covers, too—but I said no, because it’s just one more responsibility to handle and my plate is already full these days. Maybe I shouldn’t have been so quick to refuse, though. I probably should have gone for the kitten before the reindeer thing got so out of hand.”

“Don’t be too hard on yourself, Sue Ann,” he said. “You’re a good mom.”

And that touched her—maybe more than the simple words should have. Because she tried so very hard to be a good mother. And despite his own transgressions, Adam was a pretty great parent himself. And since she hadn’t felt particularly gifted at much of anything lately, she truly meant it when she said, “Thanks.” She just wished she could quit feeling so tingly in his presence. Then she tugged playfully on his beard. “Bet you’re ready to get out of this thing, aren’t you?”