“Why don’t you come over to my place on Sunday and see if that helps ease the psychic connection?”
Hol y experienced conflicting responses to the suggestion. The idea appealed to her, and it would be an interesting experiment. She was desperate to get a break from the stimuli, but she was also experiencing a deep fascination with it and making a total break would be hard. She suspected it would be more tempting as time went on—there was only so much X-rated sex and emotion a woman could experience second-hand without going insane, surely? She mustered a smile. “I might do that.”
Monica stroked her chin between thumb and forefinger thoughtful y. “Maybe it’l fade, with time. The longer after the accident the lesser the connection wil be. You know, as he gets better and you are less concerned about him. It might have been triggered by your concern at the time of the accident.”
“I hope so, because this kind of deep connection could send me to lala land. I’m getting incredibly intimate details from his love life and everything.”
Monica looked at her questioningly.
Hol y nodded and rol ed her eyes.
“Didn’t you say he lived with another bloke?” Monica asked.
“Uh-huh.”
“Are they lovers?”
Hol y nodded again, relieved that her older sister had put it into words. She didn’t think she could say it aloud.
Meanwhile Faye was waving her free hand at them while scrol ing through data with the other. “I think I’ve found something.” She stared at the screen, her eyes flitting as she scanned the information. “Yes, I knew it. If you save someone’s life you become responsible for it. It’s an ancient Zen Buddhist belief.”
Perplexed, Hol y stared across at her. Faye looked as if she thought she had it al sorted out now. The irony was too much for Hol y. “And does it explain why I, Hol y Evans, have been ascribed an ancient eastern right of responsibility regarding another person’s life?”
Faye gave her a disparaging glance. “I’ve bookmarked the page for you. Maybe later you’l feel like studying it in detail.” Switching off her phone she tucked it into her bag and folded her arms loosely across her chest, thwarted.
“Tel us,” Monica said, drawing Hol y’s attention back, “have you mentioned it to Joshua, or discussed it with either him or his partner?”
“No way! Can you imagine bringing that up in conversation… Oh, and by the way, since your accident I know exactly how you are feeling al the time, especial y when you and your boyfriend get it on.” She blurted it out before she even thought about what she was saying. Her face flushed. “Oops. I didn’t mean to say that bit out loud.”
Faye’s eyes rounded. “Oh my, it’s that detailed?”
Hol y put her elbows on the table and rested her head in her hands, suddenly weary now that it was out. “Yes, and it’s driving me insane. It’s like having a ful -on live sex show running in my head when they are…you know, together.”
Across the table, it was Monica’s turn to give a wry smile. “Welcome to my world, honey.”
Hol y lifted her head and nodded. “Yes, now I know how tough it’s been for you al these years.”
Was it a gift, or was it a burden? Hol y stil hadn’t decided.
“I’d love to come to dinner, thank you so much for inviting me.” Hol y’s response to Stewart’s invitation was immediate and instinctive, but as soon as the words were out she wondered what the hel she was thinking of. Sitting at a dinner table in close proximity with the two of them al evening…
Sounds
divine
. That was lust speaking—not to mention a hefty dose of curiosity—and she knew it. When she tried to be more level-headed about it she realised it was a ludicrous idea.
Even now, when they were standing on the second floor landing casual y chatting for a couple of minutes, al she could do was look at Stewart and imagine him the way she’d seen him in more intimate circumstances. The man was a total hunk, and she almost felt as if she’d had firsthand experience of his dominant touch, because of her psychic connection with Joshua. Her libido was ramping up, making her al hot and bothered, and this was a quick chat. Being with the two of them like that for any length of time would be damned hard work and it was liable to push her over the edge.
Stewart grinned at her, and that left her blushing and speechless. Ever since she had moved in, two years before, she’d thought he was an attractive man. Back then she was sharing with a friend. Caroline used to joke about the hunk next door. He left early in the mornings and Hol y had to go out of her way to catch a glimpse of him. She was glad she did. The man was downright gorgeous. Of course she hadn’t a clue that he was into other men, not back then.
Caroline used to cal him the Scottish hunk. With his defined features, spiked blond hair and gym-built body he was a downright treat to look at. He lived in the city but he was no metrosexual. His gruff accent and forthright manner made it even more of a treat. Besides being the quintessential gym man, he’d kept the rugged quality of his homeland in his manner. She’d never have guessed that he was gay and until her psychic link with Joshua developed she was oblivious. They didn’t act like a couple around each other, not in public at any rate.
Stewart was obviously pleased that she’d agreed, and his smile was so devastating it was hard to muster a suitable excuse to backtrack and say she had a prior engagement.
“Great, it’l be fun,” he said, genuinely pleased. His gaze flitted over her, as if he was intrigued by her appearance. Her dental hygienist uniform did that to some people, as if they were trying to work out if she was a nurse or what.
“How is Joshua feeling, now that he’s back at work?” She asked the question to give herself a moment to reconsider whether she should make her excuses and stay away.
“Much better, thanks. In fact things are almost back to normal, which is a big relief for everybody involved.” His Scottish accent sounded so good, she could listen to his voice al night.
Yes, she mused fleetingly, it was a shame she couldn’t hear what he whispered to Joshua while he handled him. She jolted at her own wandering thoughts. She’d spent the past few days cursing the fact she could feel it al and now she wanted more. It was because he looked so good. Being in the presence of one of them was certainly not conducive to creating distance. Just looking at Stewart in his long-sleeved fitted T-shirt and jeans only made her think about what he would look like stripped off.
“I’m sure it must be,” she responded. “It was a scary business.”
“It was, and we both appreciate what you did that day.”
She shrugged. “It was nothing, real y. Anyone else would have done the same.”
“No, they wouldn’t. Besides, you knew what to do. I’ve had some first-aid training for my job at the gym, but I wouldn’t have handled it as wel as you did.” He gave her a warm smile, and it was reflected in his eyes. He looked at her fondly, grateful y. His affection for Joshua was obvious.
“Oh, you’d manage. It’s amazing what happens to us in an emergency situation. We pul the resources out of nowhere.”
Why did such a gorgeous guy have to be gay?
she wondered vaguely. It felt wrong to be thinking that, but the way he smiled at her warmed her right through. “I have to confess,” she added, “I hadn’t realised you two were partners before that day.”
Stewart’s smile faded. “Sorry, what did you say?”
“I said I hadn’t realised that you’re gay.” The words were out by the time she noticed the frown forming on his forehead. “Oh, God, I’m real y sorry.
Have I said the wrong thing?”
He blinked. “Yes and no.”
He was surprised by her comment and Hol y wished the earth would open up and swal ow her. “I’m so sorry. I’ve spoken out of place.”
He shook his head. “Not at al , it’s just that not many people are aware that Joshua and I are more than flatmates.” He stared at her with curiosity.
“How did you know?”
Hol y lowered her eyelids before responding. “Oh, just cal it intuition.”
She didn’t want to go into the reasons. She and her sisters were cautious about such things. As kids they’d watched Monica being ridiculed and bul ied because of her abilities. Children could be especial y cruel, but it was a lesson learned early, and over the years the three of them had accepted that the least said about that side of their lives was best mended.
Her curiosity got the better of her though. What did he mean by that, yes
and
no? She forced herself to meet his gaze. In retrospect he didn’t seem offended by her comments, just surprised.
As if prompted by her glance, he continued. “I’m bisexual, and I’ve been openly bisexual for a number of years. Joshua and I met when he came to my gym last year. Joshua used to live with a woman and I’m his first male partner. He split with his girlfriend when he realised he was attracted to me.
He’s now coming to terms with that, and he is…wel ,” he paused and gave a wry smile, “he’s trying to identify as gay, but I’m not sure he has to be so pedantic about it. I guess it’s his way.”
Bisexual. Of course
. It felt as if a piece of jigsaw had slotted into place. Stewart was a sexy, chil ed kind of guy, and it made sense. She was fascinated about Joshua’s history, too, but tried not to be too avidly interested lest she look like the proverbial nosy neighbour. It was hard not to, the man had just revealed that he was bisexual. She let the word and its implications run back and forth in her mind, and when she did her body responded.
Women
and
men? Was that at the same time, or separately?
Al she could do was stare at him and imagine it. Her libido was already roused and it responded to the new information rapidly, her body growing even more hot and restless. It was kind of shocking, too, to find herself so aroused by questions of gender and sexuality. It wasn’t something she’d ever even thought much about, not before her intimate voyeuristic encounters with Joshua and his lover. His
bisexual
lover.
Hol y had to glance around the mundane landing of the flats, with its bland numbered doors and utility stainless-steel lift doors, to ground herself.
“That must be incredibly hard for Joshua.”
It felt like an understatement.
Stewart’s expression grew pensive. “Yes, and I’m afraid he makes it even harder on himself. He was happy with his girlfriend, until he realised he loved me more. For me it’s about attraction to a person, not their gender…does that make sense?”
Hol y nodded. It wasn’t anything she was familiar with, but what he said did make sense.
“It’s a big step for him and he hasn’t even told his family yet. That’s why we are not,” he gestured openly with his hands, “out as a couple, as it were.”
A nerve in his cheek flickered, and she sensed he wasn’t entirely happy with that but was going along with it for his partner’s sake.
“I see.”
“My attitude is to ask why we have to define our sexuality, but I think it’s just the way he has to be, to come to terms with it. At the moment the big step is getting him to come out to his family.” He stared at her for a long moment, a wry smile lingering around his mouth.
The two men were dealing with issues beyond what she’d realised. There was occasional y a nagging sense of unease and tension in Joshua, but she’d figured that was about his accident. She felt such a fool now, having blundered into their private life with her heavy-handed comment. It was, perhaps, an inevitable side effect of having Joshua’s highs and lows of emotions fed into her psyche. That didn’t make it any better. “I’m sorry I spoke out of place.”
“Don’t be.” He shrugged his shoulders and pushed his hands into his jeans pockets. “Actual y, it feels good for me to talk about it while I’m waiting for him to settle. Thank you. However…maybe you should avoid commenting about it to Joshua when you come over.” He winked at her.
“Oh, don’t worry,” she replied, hurriedly reassuring him, “I won’t.”
He smiled and nodded, gazing into her eyes most directly.
How odd, she now felt as if she had a secret bond with Stewart, who was the man she didn’t have a psychic bond with.
Great
, she thought to herself,
this gets more and more complicated.
Should she even have agreed to go to dinner?
Images flitted through her mind and sensations darted over her skin, her womanly centre flickering to life as she recal ed everything she’d experienced because of her connection with Joshua.
I should say no, but
… It was such a temptation. She wanted to sit at a dinner table with them both. Just once, to see what it was like. They wouldn’t know how much she saw, or what she felt.
It was like a forbidden pleasure, but it was one that Hol y couldn’t resist.
* * * *
Joshua loosened his tie, poured himself a glass of water from the cooler in the main office and glanced at his watch. Another hour or so and he would be good to wrap up for the day. His current focus was on Asian stock rates and the markets had been winding down. Rol ing his shoulder in slow circles, he loosened the tight muscle across his injured col arbone. That evening he had a check-up booked with his doctor and he hoped to get the al clear on his injuries before he headed home.
Stewart would be back there by now, and hopeful y he’d caught Hol y. Joshua real y missed seeing her in the mornings. It was a bind having to get the Tube to work, but he needed to find a new bike before he got back to his regular routine. He had a spare bike but it was from his student days and it didn’t have the range of gears he needed. Travel ing by Tube train was the one part of London life he couldn’t abide. That and taxi drivers who paid no attention to cyclists on the road. Pushing dark thoughts aside, he focussed on what he might cook for Stewart and Hol y instead.
It would be good to see her again. There’d been something incredibly comforting about having her by his side when he was first whisked into hospital. Normal y things like injuries and check-ups didn’t bother him, but she had a calming, uplifting presence, and that meant he’d been able to laugh at his situation even when he’d been in pain and wondered what the hel was broken and what wasn’t.
Stewart teased him about the way he’d talked about her presence, cal ing it his ‘near-death experience’, but it wasn’t like that. There was a gap in his recal . Then through the red haze of pain and confusion he’d heard her voice cal ing his name. As her familiar features came into focus he recal ed how fretful she’d looked. When he’d responded, relief took the place of concern and she’d smiled. It was that smile he remembered most of al . It was reassuring, like a gift, and it went way beyond exhibiting her concerns for him. It warmed him inside somehow, forcing him to take a deep breath and manage the pain.
The worst of it had been when they’d laid him out on the stretcher and put him into the back of the ambulance. That’s when he’d felt the ful force of the injury. She’d held his hand and told him to squeeze hers tightly. He did, and it was as if she’d taken some of his pain away. Odd, but true.
“Hey Josh,” a voice behind him said, “I’ve got a little bit of office gossip for you, something you might like to know.”
Joshua surfaced from his memories.
Sul y Lloyd stood beside him, paper cup at the ready for some water. Joshua stepped aside, making room for him. Sul y had started work in the City around the same time as Joshua, and they’d been friends as wel as col eagues for many years.
While he helped himself, Sul y nodded his head in the direction of the reception area. “I have it on good authority that the new receptionist, Helen, is quite taken with you.”
It took a moment for Joshua to realise that the grin on Sul y’s face indicated this was hot news. Joshua found himself startled to have such a suggestion put his way. It had to be because he had come to terms with being gay, but he hadn’t yet announced it because he had to tel his family first.
Inwardly, he laughed at himself. Here he was thinking his sexuality was a big deal, and now he was surprised people didn’t know already. He took another sip of his water before he responded, finding himself wil ing to confide in his workmate, a man who he’d known and trusted for nine years.
“I’m not on the market for a girlfriend, if that’s what you’re getting at.”
“I’ve heard she’d love a date with you. She’s told at least five or six people in the office, and my money is on the fact she’s hoping one of us wil tel you. Am I the first to mention it?”
Joshua shook his head, amused. “Yes, you’re the first, but I’m stil not interested.”
Sul y pul ed back his head, giving a show of amazement. “Seriously? But it has to be…what, five months since you split up with your ex?”