Hollywood & Vine (32 page)

Anders shook his head. “Understatement of the fucking year.”

“I’m sure those most recent pictures of you and Aubrey kissing in front of her house didn’t help.”

Anders was on his feet in an instant. “She kissed
me
. I didn’t do anything other than talk some shit to get her to back off. She kept asking questions that were none of her business and instead of telling her to fuck off, I made things worse. Not that anyone should be surprised.”

“Whoa.” Nathan put his hands out in front of him and slid to the other end of the couch. “Calm down. Jesus.” Dropping his hands, he nodded before speaking. “Can you answer something for me?” When Anders didn’t respond, he continued. “How long has something been going on with you and Josie?”

Anders sighed and turned his back to Nathan. He didn’t want to look him in the face while whining about some girl. “Since before Arizona. Since I started filming this movie.”

Nathan gaped at Anders, stunned by the realization that Anders had been with the same woman for months. “Then why on Earth did you agree to a publicity relationship with Aubrey?”

Anders turned around and threw his arms out wide, his eyes dark and angry. “Because I fuck everything up. Come on, Nathan, it’s what I do. This is why I should never have let myself get involved with Josie. I should have walked away. Any time I try to have more, I just screw things up, just like with Eva.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it. You’re not responsible for what happened with Eva. Get your head out of your ass and quit having a pity party. She doesn’t deserve a second thought. Unless, of course, you’re comparing her to Josie. Are they the same, Anders? Is Josie playing you?”

Anders wrapped the material of Nathan’s shirt in his hands before he realized what he was doing. With clenched teeth he tried to control the anger shaking his hands. “Don’t ever compare Josie to Eva. Ever.”

Nathan wasn’t going to back down. For years he watched Anders harden and close himself off. He’d never been the most pleasant guy and always carried an air of superiority about him, but now he was just a shell of the man he was before Eva came back. “I’ll stop when you do.”

“Fuck you,” Anders spat. He shoved Nathan’s chest before releasing his shirt and stepping away.

Nathan smoothed his hands down his chest. “So not like Eva then. Got it. So tell me, Anders, if things are strained between you and Josie
―
enough to make you act like an even bigger asshole than normal
―
how would going out tonight make the situation better?”

“I don’t think Josie gives a fuck about what I’m doing. She asked for a break, and she hasn’t tried to call me once in the past week. It’s pretty clear where things stand with us.”

“God, you’re an idiot.” Nathan held up his hand when Anders opened his mouth. “She asked for some time. You think a week is unreasonable? Do you have any idea how difficult you can be to deal with? Shit, I wish I could ask for a break and we’re not even dating.”

“Yes, yes, I’m a dick. Get to the point, Nathan.”

“My point is, if you want any chance of salvaging your relationship with Josie, the worst thing you could do is go anywhere other than to her.”

“I’m not going to beg for forgiveness for who I am.”

“Well, there’s your first mistake. I beg for forgiveness all the time. Even when I’ve done nothing wrong. Sometimes you have to pick your battles. It’s about give and take. You have to give her a reason to want to be with you. Other than your lovely personality, of course.”

“Asshole.”

“Yes, exactly.” Nathan rolled his eyes and wondered what was wrong with the girl crazy enough to get involved with someone like Anders. “You’re going to have to give, Anders. You can’t continue to take and expect it to be enough. No woman is going to be okay with that. I know you’re hesitant to trust, but you either have to push your limits or accept it’s never going to work.”

“I have pushed my limits. Christ, she’s the only woman I’ve slept with in months.”

“Oh, God,” Nathan groaned. “You’re hopeless. Are you saying not sleeping with other women has been hard for you? Because if so, you need to leave Josie alone. You’re not interested in a relationship with her.”

“No. Shit. That’s not how I meant it. I don’t want to sleep with anyone else. I just want her, but she’s so fucking difficult. She argues about everything and pushes my buttons. It’s a constant struggle.”

Nathan chuckled and lifted his brows in amusement. “Well then, she sounds just about perfect for you.”

“Shut up.”

“Look, maybe Josie’s waiting for you to show her you want to be with her. Maybe she wants some kind of reassurance.”

“I’m not the one who left. I never wanted a break. She did, not me. Why should I fix what I didn’t break?”

“It all goes back to give and take. Imagine the roles reversed, and you had to see pictures of her and some guy out together.”

“Fuck that,” Anders spat. He thought about seeing Josie laughing with that intern at the studio. “No fucking way.”

Nathan nodded. “It’s no fun when the shoe’s on the other foot. Take a minute to imagine how she feels. You’ve decided to hide your relationship. I assume that was your decision. You’ve got to put yourself out there. I understand why you’re hesitant, but if you care about this girl, if you want a shot with her, it’s your only option.”

Anders paced in front of the couch. “We’re never going to last. Our entire relationship was doomed from the very beginning.”

Nathan shrugged. “Then let it be done. Go out tonight. Act like you’ve always acted and cut your losses.”

Anders’ chest tightened and his shoulders slumped in defeat. With a resigned sigh he said out loud what they both already knew. “I don’t want…I can’t.”

“Then go talk to her and stop being such an idiot.”

Anders huffed out a laugh and jammed his hands in his pockets. “Just when I thought you were going to be nice.”

“Nice to you? Ha. You’d eat me alive. Now go.”

Anders nodded and followed Nathan to the door. “Thanks for talking to me.”

“Thanks for listening. I like this girl already.”

“Don’t get any ideas,” Anders warned, slipping back into his familiar demeanor.

“There you are.” Nathan laughed.

While Anders crawled behind the wheel of his car and steeled himself to make Josie listen, Josie paced the length of her living room. She promised herself a week. A week to think about their relationship and her expectations. The sad part was the only thing she’d figured out was that she missed him. A lot. That was the only constant.

She didn’t know if missing him was enough. One thing she was certain of, however, was that she didn’t want to spend another day without talking to him. Grabbing her purse and keys, she moved toward her front door, freezing the moment she opened it to find Anders standing there.

His eyes widened before determination flashed across his features and propelled him forward. He cradled her jaw and swept his thumbs over the apples of her cheeks before tightening his grip. He lowered his gaze to her lips and shook his head. “No more time, Ivy. You’ve had enough.” Then he kissed her.

The breath left her body and her hands trembled as she wound them into his hair. “What”
―
she panted, pulling away
―
“are you doing here?”

“I couldn’t stay away.” He walked her backward until they were inside and kicked the door shut.

“What about the paps?”

“I wasn’t followed.” He dropped his hands to her biceps and squeezed before his brows furrowed. “Where were you going?”

Josie let out a breathy laugh and walked them to her couch. “To see you.”

His answering smile was part relief and part cockiness. “Oh, yeah?”

Josie rolled her eyes, but she’d be a liar if she said she hadn’t missed his conceited attitude. She missed all of him. “Don’t get too cocky.”

“Oh, I have no doubt you’re more than willing to put me in my place if I do.”

“Damn straight.”

They eased onto her couch and stared at each other for a moment. Anders was the first to break the silence. “I missed you.”

Butterflies fluttered in Josie’s stomach and a tingle of excitement buzzed across the surface of her skin at his admission. “I missed you too.”

“I don’t like breaks.”

Josie nodded in agreement, but when she lifted her head, her eyes said otherwise. “I needed it to think.”

Anders’ throat bobbed as he swallowed hard. He searched her face for some kind of clue, some indication of her decision. “And?”

Josie shrugged. “I still don’t have any answers. I don’t know what I’m doing, Anders.”

“So what? You’re done?” Anders shook his head. “I don’t want that. There has to be something we can do.”

Josie smiled. She wasn’t expecting that response, not when he usually just made demands, no questions asked. “No. Not done. But we do need to meet in the middle on some things. Like, you need to tell me when something like Aubrey kissing you happens. Actually, you need to never, ever agree to a fake relationship with anyone again.”

Anders groaned. He wondered how many arguments they could have avoided if he’d told Aubrey and Clarence to go to hell in the first place. “No shit. I promise you I’ll never do anything like this bullshit again.”

“And I want to know things about you. I don’t expect you to spill your guts and tell me your entire life story all at once, but the thing is…” Josie sucked in a deep breath, and before she could talk herself out of saying what was on her mind, she spoke. “I want more from you. Because how I feel about you now, it’s not the same as it was in the beginning. What we did before doesn’t work for me anymore.” She knew she was exposing herself, but it was on her terms. This was her way of laying her cards on the table and being in complete control.

Anders’ throat tightened and his heart hammered in his chest. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying I could fall in love with you. It…it might already be happening, and I can’t be the only one giving. I need you to be in this with me.”

Anders wanted to bolt. He wanted to erase the words from his head and pretend they never happened. Love? He wasn’t looking for that. He didn’t want it. He cared about her. But love? Love was brutal. Love broke people. Love ruined everything.

“You’re not in love with me.” His tone held an edge of desperation he was unable to hide.

“I don’t know what I am.” Josie’s shoulders rose as she pulled in a heavy breath, her face heating with the sting of rejection. “But I’m trying to be honest with you. Obviously it was a bad idea.”

Anders realized what he said a second too late. “No. No, I don’t mean…I just... Fuck.”

“I didn’t say that to force declarations from you. I’m telling you our situation is different now. What worked before isn’t enough now. Jesus.”

He felt her pulling away, setting up her walls and locking her defenses into place. She wanted to be with him. She wasn’t ending their relationship. That’s what he needed to focus on. “Things have changed for me too. I don’t want to hurt you, but I can’t make guarantees any more than you. I can promise you this: you can trust me. You’re the only one I want. I’m not a cheater. I know I’ve fucked up with how I’ve handled everything so far, but if you’ll give me a chance, I’ll do better. I want to do better for you.”

“And you’ll stop trying to deflect every time I ask you something personal?”

Anders pulled her against him and buried his face in her hair. “I’ll deflect less?” The smile in his voice was unmistakable.

“It’s a start.” They had more to discuss. So many things needed to be hashed out, but for the first time in a week, she felt settled. She wasn’t uneasy or anxious because in his arms the outside world melted away. All the reasons she asked for time faded like distant memories. No Aubrey, no secrets, and no insecurities about the future. In his arms she felt safe. He felt like home.

She knew it wouldn’t last. When they walked out the door and back into the outside world, all those hurdles would be right there waiting. But for the first time in their relationship, she was going to be the selfish one.

“J
ust let me go,” Madison begged for the tenth time. “She won’t care who shows up.”

“If she has a complaint or issue with her costume, I’m going to be the one fixing it anyway. Besides, I did okay last time. She mostly just talked about herself. That’s a topic I don’t have much trouble tuning out.”

Madison rolled her eyes and nodded. “I suppose.”

“I’ll be back later!” Josie called over her shoulder and walked out of the room.

She rapped on the door to Aubrey’s trailer then pushed it open when Aubrey yelled come in. With her most professional smile, she crossed the room to Aubrey, who stood in her undergarments with a sour expression.

“Hi, Aubrey.”

“Oh good, you’re here. Listen, I need some changes made to the clothes I’m wearing for my scene on Friday.”

Josie stiffened. She planned to stay away from the set on Friday. It was the day Anders and Aubrey would film their sex scene. Schooling her features, she tried not to think about how she should have let Madison come after all. “Changes? What’s the matter?”