Homesmind (7 page)

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Authors: Pamela Sargent

BOOK: Homesmind
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—What do You mean?— Anra said, her mind about to give in to terror. The wind howled. If she and Rulek did not control their thoughts, the wind their fear and anger had raised would sweep them away.

—They've hidden the truth from you— Rulek said. —Their power isn't what you thought it was. That must be what They meant—

A blurred image was forming in the corridor. Anra watched as it sharpened and became a leather-clad girl with long black hair. —Rulek— the girl called out.

"Wyke!" he cried aloud.

—Be at peace, my love. The Minds will mend. There's nothing to fear— The Minds, Anra realized, had called up the image, seeking to console him.

Rulek broke away and ran, his feet sliding awkwardly along the floor. The wind whipped at him, flattening his curls. The image held out its arms. Lifting himself, Rulek new up toward the tunnel that had carried him into the corridor. The Minds had only frightened him away.

The girl, still smiling, disappeared as the wind died.

/There is nothing to fear/ a low voice said firmly. A warm, soothing wave flowed into Anra. /We are old, and must tend to Ourselves. There are breaks in Our Net and We must mend them. Do not fear. The problem is under control/

Her mind was still. She looked around the hallway placidly, surprised that she had been so fearful. The Minds had calmed her. They'd had a few small problems—that was all. They would not fail again. Anra shook herself. Those cold, distant thoughts were not her own.

/Be at peace/ the Minds said. /We shall mend. We cannot abandon those We were built to serve/

Anra retreated toward the tunnel, wondering if the Minds were simply concealing Their own fear.

Rulek was sitting in the mouth of the cave. She hurried toward him, relieved that he had not fled back to the desert, as she had feared.

"The Minds will heal," she said as she sat down. "They assured me of that. They slept for thousands of cycles, after all—They might still drift into unconsciousness from time to time." She was trying to reassure herself. "At least now you know you weren't to blame."

He said, "They've stolen Wyke's soul."

"No, only your memory of her. Her soul is elsewhere now, at peace."

"You don't believe that. I sense your doubts. Are you all doubters in your village?"

"Some of us are."

"I can't condemn you for it. Had I embraced my own doubts and questions earlier, I might have saved Wyke. I might have held her in this world and brought her here with me. Instead, I saw her die and believed I could do nothing to save her." He struck the ground with his fist. "There's no refuge for me now. How I wish I could escape!"

"Rulek," she said helplessly. "Come with me. You'll have your refuge." She wanted to soothe his mind, but he had shielded his thoughts.

"I have no other choice." He stood up. "I'll go to your village with you now."

FOUR

Daiya had welcomed Anra back and had given Rulek a mat to sleep on. As he slept, Anra had told her guardians of his experiences. Daiya's mind had been filled with concern for the boy, but her aunt had also worn a strange smile on her face as she glanced from the sleeping boy to her niece. Anra had been embarrassed by Daiya's thoughts; the woman seemed to sense that she might feel more for Rulek than sympathy.

They were all sitting at their morning meal. Reiho, noting that he and Rulek were similar in size and build, had given the boy a clean brown tunic and pants; Rulek had seemed happy to shed his leather clothes, garments his parents had helped him to make. He said little, nodding politely during breaks in the conversation. He had not said anything during the journey to the village, either, and Anra had filled the silence with talk of her home, trying to prepare the boy for his new life. They had communed only once, when Anra had left her grief for Cerwen behind in the mountains, promising that she would cry for him no more. She had sensed that Rulek was making a similar decision about his own sorrows.

Chal gurgled and laughed as Daiya fed him porridge; Rulek glanced at the child pensively. "Thank you," the blond boy said aloud as he finished his own bowl of porridge. "You've been very kind." He was again avoiding mindspeech as he gazed at Reiho, seemingly trying to figure out what to make of a skydweller who wore homespun clothing and dwelled with an Earthwoman.

Daiya smiled. —You're welcome to stay with us for a while—

Rulek shook his head. "I'm old enough to live alone. I know you have empty huts here."

"You needn't live alone," Anra said to Rulek. "I was going to seek out another hut today—we could share it." She blushed, wishing he would open his mind; he might misinterpret her words. "As friends. A woman named Etey has offered to share a hut with me. She's a sky-dweller and could teach you something of their ways." Rulek raised his brows. "Unless you'd rather not."

"No," he said, "that's all right. I'm curious about them." His sad face brightened a bit.

"Etey was my mentor when I was a boy," Reiho said. "That means she was like a parent and guide to me."

"You have no parents?" Rulek asked.

"Not as you do. We're each a different genetic combination brought to term in an artificial womb." Rulek did not reply, and Anra wondered what he was thinking, worried that he was being exposed to too many new ideas at once.

"When you meet other villagers," she said hastily, "you can move to another hut if you wish. I'm sure you'll make friends before long." Her cheeks grew warmer. She had been afraid of letting him see how much she was drawn to him; now she wondered if he would think she was trying to push him away.

Anra led Rulek outside, pointing out the paths to the public space and the river. A few people in nearby huts waved from their doorways, nodding at Rulek in friendly fashion. The news of the stranger had spread quickly, as all news did. It was a good sign, the villagers were thinking; perhaps others would now come to join them.

The two walked along the dirt road toward the south field. As they neared the edge of the village, the huts on either side began to show the signs of neglect; the gardens were weedy, the roofs open to the sky. In several spots, only mounds of bricks marked the places where huts had once stood.

A gleam of silver caught Anra's eye. Etey was standing in front of one hut that seemed almost unmarked by decay. Nenla and Kal had once lived there, Anra recalled; they had moved nearer to the center of the village only recently. The two had added space to the structure, and had even repaired the huts nearest to it, as if expecting new neighbors to arrive. The roof needed some new thatching, but the walls were sturdy.

Etey came toward them. Rulek stared at her silver suit, and Anra wondered if he was seeing Etey as she really was. "Etey, this is Rulek," Anra said quickly.

The skydweller nodded. "The new arrival. I sensed it last night, when he first came."

Anra suddenly felt awkward. "I told Rulek he could share a hut with us. I suppose I should have asked you first."

"So we're to share a hut after all. Of course." She smiled at Rulek. "You are welcome—that is, if you don't mind living with one as strange as I." Even in Earth's language, Etey's words had a teasing, sardonic tone.

"I don't mind," Rulek said tonelessly.

Etey looked up; Anra turned toward the center of the village. Lydee's shuttle was returning. The small, domed craft hovered for a moment and then dropped, disappearing among the huts.

"Your aunt is back," Etey murmured. "I'll visit with her while you two explore our new home." Rulek watched her as she strode away, then turned and gazed out at the field near which the skydwellers' tent and shuttlecraft still stood.

Anra plucked at his sleeve, and Rulek followed her up the path to the hut's entrance. They entered a large room. A fireplace was in the wall facing the doorway; a table and two benches stood in the center of the room. The dirt floor was covered with debris—reeds, shreds of cloth, a few broken bowls, one of Fiella's old straw dolls. Anra picked up the doll for a moment, remembering when she had played with it in this room.

A weed was growing from the dirt floor, lighted by a beam of light shining through a hole in the roof. The corners of the room seemed mossy, and spiders had woven their webs near the dusty eaves. Two openings on either side of the room led to two smaller rooms.

Anra dropped the doll and examined the table; the wood was dry and slightly warped. She traced a line in the dust, recalling the meals she had eaten at that table. Nenla and Kal had been happy here; perhaps she would be, too.

"What do you think?" she asked, pointing toward one doorway. "You can have your own place to sleep, and Etey can take the other room. I'll sleep out here."

"This will be fine," he responded. She imagined that he was comparing the hut with the cabin where he had grown up.

Rulek wandered back outside. She followed, worried by his passive tone and lack of emotion. He was probably trying to sort out his thoughts; the village had to seem very strange to him still. She wished that he would lower his wall.

Rulek was again staring at the distant tent. "I sensed them before," he said. "Their minds are shiny and hard— they glitter like the stones my grandmother used to wear around her neck. I sensed their tiny, pulsing lights—like yours. Yet I couldn't read their thoughts."

"They don't often lower their walls."

"There's coldness inside them."

"Yes, but some kindness, too. All skydwellers are kind in their way, but many still fear Earth. Their world is a tame one. Etey's braver than the others—she's lived here before. Don't mind if she seems distant sometimes. Skydwellers don't have strong feelings."

"Feelings bring pain," he said. "Perhaps they're wiser than we are. I have much to ask your skydweller friend." He paused. "We'd better start cleaning out this hut."

She was about to follow him back inside when she felt a tug on the Net; Lydee was summoning her. As she prepared to reply, other voices suddenly joined in:

—Two have returned—

—I see old friends again—

—Cousin—

—Granddaughter—

Anra shielded herself, suddenly afraid of what Lydee was going to tell her.

Lydee was waiting for her in the public space. Except for a few small children playing with carved animals, the space was empty.

The two sat down in the shade of the shuttle. "We brought back another child," Lydee said. "Luret and

Wiland are finding her a home now." "But that isn't why you summoned me." "No. Anra, you must prepare yourself." "I already know what you're going to say. I heard it through the Net. Kal said cousin, and I heard Lei to say granddaughter. I knew what they meant. You brought my parents here."

Lydee nodded. "Marellon took them to Leito—then they'll visit with Daiya. They will want to see you."

Anra felt stunned and empty. "But I don't want to see them." She kept up her shield. "I had a life without them. What can I be to them now? What can I say to them?"

"Don't you think I understand?" Lydee answered. "I came here when I was younger, to parents I had never seen."

"But why did they have to come back now? Are they going to live here?"

"No. They'll only be here for a short time."

"Then why did they have to come back at all?" Anra glared at her aunt. "Everyone will force me to see them. They'll all tell me I should be happy to be reunited with them. They left me here—you can't force me to love them now." She wondered which would be worse; two strangers demanding love and respect they had not earned, or two people turning away from the child they had not wanted.

Lydee sighed. "No one will force you to do anything. We can all understand your feelings. Anyway, it's not only you whom they came to see."

"Good," Anra said harshly. "Then I won't have to see them."

"Their village is worried. They've sensed a disturbance in their Net, a weakening of their channel to the Minds. I've sensed it, too."

Anra tensed, thinking of what the Minds had said to her.

"I've spoken to Homesmind," Lydee continued, "and have reached out to the Minds myself. Your parents asked their village if they could return here and commune with us about this problem. That was hard for them to do, because Silla still fears us, and her village is still uneasy in my presence."

Anra tried to concentrate on Lydee's words. This problem was much more important than her worries about a meeting with her parents. That thought made her angry again. Only fear of what might be happening to the Minds had brought Silla and Harel here; they would never have come otherwise.

Lydee glanced at her, as if sensing her rage. "I told those people that we knew as little as they did, but Silla and Harel decided to return with us anyway. Perhaps it was easier for them to have a reason to visit."

"Do you think the Minds are hiding something from us?" Anra asked.

Lydee frowned. "Better not to speculate until we know more. First the news of the distant comet, and now this. I wonder what it can mean."

Anra wrapped her arms around her legs. "So my parents have come to speak of that. Well, let them do so, and then take them back. I'm not living with Daiya and Reiho now—I have my own hut. I can make my own decisions."

"They may not come to you," Lydee said. "It was hard enough for them to come to the village. If you don't seek them out, they'll assume you don't want to see them at all. Anra, if you turn them away now, you may never get another chance."

"A chance for what?"

"A chance to mend the breach." Lydee's voice was strained. "My parents would have buried me outside the village fields if Daiya hadn't given me to the cometdwellers. I felt nothing when I first saw those called my mother and father. But we did touch minds at last, and were reconciled." Lydee was silent for a moment. "It's good that I did reach out. Their deaths came quickly during that time of troubles. Had I turned away from them, I would have had no chance at a reconciliation."

Anra did not reply.

"One thing this world has taught me is how little time there can be. Cometdwellers think there is an eternity of tomorrows, that what is not done now can always be done later. You ought to think about doing what is right, however painful it is, before it's too late."

"You sound as if you're expecting something to happen."

"I expect nothing," Lydee said, "but I'd be foolish not to be ready for change. The Minds waver and a strange comet draws near, and we don't yet know what it all means. Speak to Silla and Harel. If you don't, you may regret it."

Anra got up quickly. "I have work to do." She walked away, refusing to look back.

All of Anra's friends had contributed some of their own food and wine to supper. The table, its wood restored by the ministrations of one of Etey's robots, was covered with plates of food.

With many to help, the work on the hut had gone quickly. The rooms were clean, the roof repaired. Rulek was getting along with her friends, doing better than she had expected. They had all felt his reluctance to talk of his past, but that hadn't mattered; they were willing to accept him, and he was something new in their lives. Anra recalled how he had labored, keeping the most difficult tasks for himself, as if relieved at having work to occupy his thoughts.

Etey stood near the doorway, speaking softly to Rulek. The boy had asked her many questions about skydweller customs. He had even smiled while watching her robot at work, fascinated by the machine—or perhaps by Barla, who had arrived suddenly at noon to help them. Barla was standing next to Rulek now, waiting for him to join the others at the table. They had all gone down to the river to wash up after the work of the day, and Anra, for the first time, had noticed how thin and scrawny she looked next to Barla, whose body had filled out. Rulek might have noticed the same thing. Anra tried to tell herself that it didn't matter, but the thought that she was not as pretty as Barla gnawed at her. Her resentment of the other girl was so strong that she had to shield her thoughts before they escaped her mind.

—I must go to Daiya's hut— Etey said suddenly to Anra. —She's expecting me. I'll return when it's time to sleep— The skydweller was averting her eyes from the meal, which included several dishes of meat and poultry; Etey still shrank from watching people eat such foods.

—Good night— a few young people called out as Etey departed.

Rulek followed Barla to the table, sitting beside her on the bench across from Anra. Kierlus, the tallest of the boys, had already claimed a dish of beef for himself. Anra surveyed the others at the table. Riene, who was sipping a cup of wine, gave Rulek a sidelong glance with her violet eyes; when he looked in her direction, she lowered her long lashes, then shook back her thick, sunstreaked hair. Viya, seated between Faeter and Jaan, fiddled with her short blond curls and stared intently at the newcomer with her dark-brown eyes, as interested in Rulek as in her meal.

Anra, behind her mental wall, was irritated. Her friends were acting unlike themselves. The girls simpered and batted their eyes, while the boys had spent part of the afternoon challenging Rulek to friendly tests of strength using both body and mind.

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