Honest Love (27 page)

After a shower, I sank into my cozy bed—naked, just because I could and because it reminded me of Derek.  I was half asleep when I felt a dip in the bed and gasped.  I grabbed the covers to hide myself from whichever kid was climbing in bed with me only to hear, “I’m in love with you and we are getting married.  So please stop whatever this is that has you so shut down.  It’s me, baby.  Don’t shut me out.”

“Oh, Derek.”  I threw my arms around his neck and kissed all around his face and neck.  “I’m sorry.  I just thought you needed some time…to tell your family.”

“No.  We will tell them together.  It’s
us
, Claire.  We. Are. A. Family.  Okay?”

“Okay.  Wait.  Did they let you in?”

“Yes, your kids are way smarter than the two of us, baby.”  He laughed and so did I. 

“Matt even said, ‘It’s about time you showed up.  She’s crazy without you, man.’  That boy of yours is one smart fella.” 

“I’m sorry.  I just felt…”

“I know what you felt, but you have to let that go.  Talk to me, okay?  You are my future.  Don’t let the past cloud that, baby.  I love you, Claire.  You.  Are.  Mine.”

“I.  Am.  Yours.” 

“Better.  Now, about sleeping naked…I’m not sure I approve of that when I’m not here.”  Derek made me laugh and it felt so good.

“I did it because I was thinking of you.”

“Really.  Hmm…”

“Yes, really.”  I wrapped my legs around his and curled up tight.  I wanted to be as close as I could.  “Make love to me.”

“You never have to ask that, sweetheart.”  I stripped his tee-shirt and shorts off in record time and let him fold me into his body.  We made love for hours, renewing our commitment to each other and whatever we would face in the future. 

*****

I felt a nudge, then a shake before I heard my name.  “Claire, hey, wake up, baby.  I need to go.”

“What?”  I sat straight up in my bed.  I didn’t understand what was happening.  I looked at the clock—5:47am.  “Derek, I don’t understand.  What’s wrong?”

“Hey, it’s okay.  I just need to go help.  It’s a wildfire.  They need anyone who can hold a hose, drive a truck…anything.  My chief called me a few minutes ago to see if I was back.  It must be bad if he’s calling me.  I’ll be back as soon as I can.  I didn’t want to leave without you knowing where I was.”  Derek kissed my forehead.  He was already dressed. 

“It’s not right.  Something feels off.  Don’t go.  Please.”  I had such fear building deep inside my gut.  I’d only known the ‘safe’ Derek…the injured one who wasn’t out in the middle of a fire, risking his life.

“It’ll be okay.  I promise.  They just need help.  It’s up in Black Mountain Ranch and is threatening homes east of there.  I’ll be back soon.  Okay?”  I felt panic set in.

“No.  Please don’t.”

“Hey.”  He cupped my face.  “I’ve done this plenty of times.  I know what I’m doing.  I realize you haven’t really seen this side of me, but I’m good at what I do and I stay as safe as I can.”  Derek kissed me.  “I’ll see you in a few hours, okay?”

“Okay.”  Tears were running down my face.  “I’m scared,” I whispered. 

“Don’t be.  I won’t leave you, Claire.  Do you trust me?”

“Yes.”

“Then, I’ll see you later.  I love you…with all my heart.”

I hugged my sweet Derek and kissed his beautiful lips.  “I love you, too.  I need you, so don’t do anything heroic.  Come back to me, please.”

He let out a little laugh.  “I will.  I want a life with you too much to take any crazy risks, baby.  Just trust me.”

“I do.  But this?  It’s different.”

“It is, but I’ll come back.  Now, sleep for a while.  I’ll crawl under these covers with you later and do crazy things to this beautiful body.”  Derek kissed me one more time and stood to leave.

“Be careful.”

“Always.”

He walked toward the bedroom door.  “I love you, Derek.”

Turning back to look at me, he said, “Oh, man.  I sure do enjoy hearing you say that.”  He held his hand over his heart.  “I love you, Claire.  I’ll text you when I can.”  He winked and walked out of my bedroom…our bedroom. 

I wanted to throw up. 

I had to believe that he would be okay, but I felt like something had a death grip on my heart. 

I heard the front door open and shut quietly.  I couldn’t sleep, so I turned on the television in my room and looked for fire information.  I wanted to know what Derek was walking into.  The news didn’t provide much comfort.  It was awful.  The fire was only ten percent contained and the winds and dry weather weren’t helping.  It was blowing toward a neighborhood just east of Black Mountain Ranch.  I knew there were a lot of houses around there. 

I got out of bed, went to the bathroom and put on clothes.  I felt too weird and vulnerable laying in bed naked.  By 7:00am, I was sick of the news, so I went downstairs and made myself some coffee.  My hands were shaking as I tried to pour cream into my cup.  I went outside to stop my mind from going insane.  As I held my phone close, waiting to hear from Derek, I prayed for him.

It was close to 9:00am when I finally got a text.

Derek:

Hi.  Everything is crazy.  I’ve never seen it this bad, but I’m okay.  I’m staying close to the truck since I’m injured.  Don’t worry.  Love you.

I immediately answered.

Claire:

Love you too.  Come home, please.

Derek:

Soon.

I waited and waited to hear another word from him.  But it didn’t come. 

My kids got up, ate breakfast and went about planning their day.  I briefly told them where Derek had gone when they asked me if he was still at our house.  I tried not to give away all the anxiety I was feeling, so I walked outside and sat by the pool, my phone pressed next to my chest. 

By lunchtime when Matt came into the kitchen to make a sandwich, I was a basket case and he knew it.  “Mom, are you okay?  Have you heard from Derek again?”

“NO! And I’m scared shitless, Matt.”  I’d never been so bold with my son and you could see by the look on his face that he understood how freaked out I really was.”  Why haven’t I heard from him again?”

Matt walked over and hugged me.  “Mom, think about it.  He’s probably so busy focusing on the fire and all the other guys that he hasn’t had a chance to call or text you.  I’m sure he’s fine.”

“Thank you, honey.  You’re probably right.  I just hate all this waiting.”

“Want me to make you a sandwich or something?”

“No.  I’m not hungry.  Maybe I should turn the TV back on.”

“Probably not a good idea.  How about if I go check it out online or on the TV in my room.  If I hear anything worth telling you, I will.”

“Yeah, that sounds better.”  I was still pacing around the kitchen and through the living room.  I couldn’t sit still. 

Twenty long minutes went by before Matt came back into the room.  His face was white as sheet.  “Matt…”

“Mom…I don’t want to freak you out, but they said on Channel 10 that the winds had shifted and the fire jumped the road into that neighborhood next to Black Mountain Ranch.  So they were calling all the firefighters in there to help protect the houses.”

“Oh, God…okay, but why are you looking at me like that, Matt.  What else aren’t you telling me?”

“There was an explosion…a house, I think, and five firemen are unaccounted for.”

I gasped and clapped my hand over my mouth when I saw Matt’s eyes fill with tears.  He rushed to hug me as I felt my stomach churn.  “Momma, Derek’s picture was on the screen with the missing guys.”

“NO!  Oh, God, no…”  I pushed Matt back and stared at him.  Tears were streaming down my face. 

I ran to the living room TV and sank to the floor as it came to life with live coverage of the fire and explosion. 

“Five San Diego firefighters are still missing along with two homeowners after the Black Mountain Wildfire flared up due to high wind gusts and caught two houses on fire…one suddenly and unexpectedly exploding.  What we are hearing from Chief Brent Duncan is that the fire fighters were from Fire Station 40 on Salmon River Road.  Among those missing is our local hero and former NFL player Derek London.”  The anchor looked at her partner.  “It’s times like this you hope the family isn’t watching us.  So heartbreaking.”

“I’m going to be sick.”  I put my head down on my knees as Matt came to sit beside me.

“Mom, who can I call?  What do I do?”  He was in tears too.

“I don’t know.”  My sobs were scaring him.

My phone rang in my hand and I jumped.  It was Melissa.  “Matt, I can’t.  Please answer it for me.”

He took the phone as I ran to the hall bathroom and threw up.  “Hello.” 
Sniff.  Sniff. 
“Yes, Ma’am, this is Matt.”  He paused to listen.

“She’s not doing so well.  She just went into the restroom.  I think she threw up.  I don’t know how to help her.  Can you come over?” 
Listening.

“Okay.  Hang on…Mom, it’s Miss Melissa.  She wants to talk to you.”

I stepped out of the bathroom and felt the weight of the world crush down on me.  In an instant, all I could see what my sweet Derek wrapping his arms around me, touching me, making love to me and asking me to be his forever.  My God, what was I going to do without him?  I started to cry more as Matt put his arm around me to hold me up when he handed me the phone. 

I didn’t say hello.  Melissa could hear that I was there.  “Claire?  Are you okay?  Have you heard from him?  He would call you first, you know.”

“No, not since this morning.  So you haven’t either?”  I burst into a fresh, new round of tears.

I could hear her crying too.  “No, honey I haven’t.  I was hoping you had.”  She sniffed a few times then said, “I’m sending Jason over to get you and the kids.  You’re coming to my house until we know something.  Okay?”

“Okay.”

“He’ll be there any minute.”

“Thank you.”

“He loves you, Claire.  He told me himself last week when he was pissed that I let you take the week off.”  She laughed a little on top of her tears.  “Did he tell you?”

“Yes, and I told him, too.” 
Sobbing.

Melissa burst into tears along with me.  “I’m scared, Claire.”

“I know.  Me, too.”  I heard the doorbell.  “Matt, can you get it.  It will be Jason, Derek’s brother.”

“Sure, Momma.”

“Get your stuff and hurry over here.  See you soon.”

“Okay.  But what if he comes back here looking for me?  I’m a little afraid to leave.”

“If you want, just have Jason stay there.  We’ll come to you.”

“Yes, please.  Come over here.”

“On our way.  I need to call Kyle.”  I’d never met Melissa and Derek’s brothers, but I was about to.

“Thank you.”

“We love you too, Claire.  You make him happy…like we haven’t seen in years.  He’ll be okay.”  She was trying to convince both of us. 

“See you in a minute.”  I couldn’t talk anymore. 

“Mom?”  I turned to see Matt walking in with Jason and gasped.  He was almost a clone of Derek, but with darker hair and no beard.  His eyes were red and full of worry.  He walked straight up to me and enveloped me into his massive arms, hugging the breath out of me. 

“Claire.  I’m sorry we have to meet under these circumstances.”

“Me, too.”  I felt safer with his arms around me.  They reminded me of Derek. 

He pulled back only slightly to say, “I’m Jason, by the way…Derek’s much better looking older brother.”  He smiled and I let out a sad little laugh.  “Don’t you worry.  I know he’ll be just fine.”  He crushed me to his chest again.

“I hope so.  I can’t lose him now.”

“I know.”  There was a long pause.  “He told me about you.  Our last conversation was all about you.  It was about a week ago.  He’d invited Kyle and me to dinner and we had a long talk all about you.”

I stepped out of his grip and looked at him.  “Why?”  I was confused.

“Truthfully?”  I nodded my head and he continued.  “He asked us what we thought about him being in love with a woman with three kids and how he should go about asking you to marry him.  He wasn’t sure what to do about talking to your kids.  He was anxious about meeting them, especially you son here.”  He pointed at Matt who laughed and raised an eyebrow.  “He wanted to join your family, not invade it.”

I smiled.  “He’s done both and I love it.  I love him.”  I burst into tears…again. 

Jason hugged me and led me to couch.  “Claire, I know my little brother.  He will do whatever it takes to get back to us…to you, especially.  Let’s just pray he wasn’t at that house.”

“Okay.”  I waited a few seconds then said, “Melissa and your other brother are coming here.  I was afraid to leave in case Derek comes looking for me.”

“Oh, good idea.”  His phone rang and after he looked at it, his face sobered the second before he asked, “Can I have something to drink?”

“Sure, water?”

“Yes, please.”  He was up and walking to my back door when he said, “Tell me,” right as he shut the door behind him.  I was sure I was going to throw up again.  He was hiding whoever it was
from me.

As I grabbed a bottle of water, I thought ‘fuck that’ this is my house and I walked outside to hand it to Jason and waited hear what he was saying.  I needed to know.  They all apparently knew all about me, so I was going to be right in the middle of whatever was going on. 

“No.”  Jason turned to me as he said, “She’s pretty fucking worried, what do you think?”  I gave a half smile and stood a little closer to Jason, who wrapped his free arm around me.  “No.  Come over here.  We need to be with Claire and her kids.”  He listened for a few seconds.  “Yeah, man.  K…see ya.”

Jason pocketed his phone, took the water bottle out of my hand and said, “Our brother Kyle…as smart as he is…sometimes that shit is just a moron.”  He laughed and it sounded like Derek.

“What did he say?  Does he know anything?”

“No.  He asked if you were okay.  When I told him no, he said ‘really?’  Such a dumb shit.  He knows how Derek feels about you and we suspected you felt the same.  Of course you’re not okay right now.”  He shook his head.  “Dumb Mother Fucker…sorry.”