Honest Love (29 page)

I bowed my head.  “Claire, look at me, please.”  I did.

“I’m sorry for what happened to you.  I hate it, actually.  But I’m here to say to you that none of us judge you on the actions of your ex-husband.  What we see is a woman that loves our boy.  Let him love you and those great kids.  I want to get to know them.  And if something ever happens to my precious boy here…”  Claudia burst into tears and leaned over me to kiss Derek’s bandaged forehead, “…well, you and your kids will always be a part of us…of our family because he loves you and wants to marry you.” 

“Claudia…I don’t know what say.  I…thank you.  I need him to be okay.  Jake and I were married nearly twenty years and I never felt for him what I do for Derek.  I think it was because of the circumstances surrounding our relationship. But Derek…”

“I know, honey.  I see it in your face and I understand it.”

“Thank you!”  I stood and hugged Claudia.  She was kind and loving.  “It means so much to me, truly.”

“I know.  I felt the same way with Jim’s parents.  We are your family now, no matter what.”  I fell apart and cried on her shoulder.

*****

Claudia insisted I stay with Derek and even offered to go stay at my house with the kids.  She said she wanted to get to know them and was confident Derek was in good hands having me there with him.  I found out later that she also knew the attending physician, Dr. Allen, through Kyle, so she had an inside track to what was happening at any given moment.

You could say I loved her.  She was very much like me. 

Derek had been in his medically induced coma for two days and I was going nuts.  I’d gone home to shower and eat a few times, but that was it.  I’d even traced over the
Mrs. London
handwriting on the bottom side of my ring finger.  I had to.  It was ours and it made me feel closer to him.  It was weird that he hadn’t gripped my hand as hard after that morning with his mom.  I tried not to read too much into it. 

I sat beside his bed.  His hospital gown was shifted and I could see the writing of the tattoo on his side.  It was strange.  In the weeks I’d known Derek, I’d never really paid attention to the words, let alone asked what they meant.

But I could see them now.  They said, “L’amore e il perdono sono le due cose più difficili da accettare e per dare.”

I actually knew what it said.  It was Italian. I studied abroad the semester before I met Jake.  The tattoo said, ‘Love and forgiveness are the two hardest things to accept and to give.’ 
Amen.

I was exhausted.  My whole body just wanted to curl up in his hospital bed and sleep with him.  As I laid my head on the edge of the bed and tried to sleep, I suddenly became aware of loud talking coming from the hallway.  It almost sounded like a fight, but I wasn’t sure. 

I sat up and listened closely.  The voices…were familiar. 

Then, with complete clarity, I realized it was Abbi.  She must have been yelling at Derek’s family.  I gripped his hand and hoped like hell they would stop her from coming into his room.  Of course, I barely had the thought register in my head when the hospital door opened.  Abbi stormed in with Kyle and Jason on her heels.

“Abbi.” was all I could get out. 

“What the fuck is
she
doing here?  He’s my husband.”  The venom in her tone was unreal. 

“Excuse me?”  I stood right next to the bed, hiding Derek’s body from her as much as I could.

“Abbi how in the hell did you find him anyway?”  Kyle asked.  He and Jason had moved around her and stood next to me, protecting Derek. 

“Fuck off, Kyle.  It’s none of your business.”

“Like hell it isn’t.  You are not part of this family anymore Abbi.  You have zero right to be here.” 

Jason stepped toward her and started to grab her arm.  “Don’t you fucking touch me, Jason!”

He pointed right in her face and spoke slowly, his voice full of anger.  “Get this straight, Abbi…You. Are. Nothing. To. Him.  You are the last person on earth he would want here.  Claire?  She’s family…our family and you’re not getting near her or Derek.  Now, you can walk out the door by yourself or I will carry your fucking ass out myself.  What’s it going to be?”

Before she could answer, all sorts of alarms starting ringing in the room.  Something was wrong.  Derek’s machines were going crazy.  Kyle moved me out of the way and starting punching buttons, adjusting shit…hell, I didn’t know.  Then I heard him call the nurses station and give some order that had a team of people running into the room.  I backed out of the way.  “Kyle, what’s happening?  What’s wrong?”  I was scared to death.  The looks on everyone’s faces was so grim…especially Kyle’s.  He wasn’t Derek’s doctor, but he obviously knew what was going on. 

Dr. Allen burst through the door.  “Shit!  Kyle, what going on in here?”

“Not sure, Ryan but I’m afraid it might be a bleed.”

“Fuck!  Janice, call the O.R.  Let’s go, people.  Get him out of here.” 

We all stood in shock, even Abbi.  Jason had moved to stand beside me and had his arm wrapped around my shoulder.

“STOP!  Please, I need to tell him something.”  They all looked at me, but paused only long enough to let me lean down and whisper to him. 

“Please fight, baby!  I need you.  Don’t leave me, please!  I love you, Derek.  Fight for me…for us.”  I kissed his forehead, closed my eyes and prayed. 

“We have to take him, Claire.  I’ll go with him okay?”  Kyle was touching my shoulder. 

“Kyle…I need him.  Please.  Help him.”

“I know.”  Kyle kissed my forehead and in an instant the room was empty, except for Jason, Abbi and me. 

I looked at Jason, whose face showed that his heart was just as shattered as mine.  I crumbled to the floor, sobbing into my hands.  Jason walked to me, sat down and wrapped his arms around my body, crying with me.  “I can’t lose him.”

“I know, me either.”

I don’t know how long we’d sat there together, but neither one of us acknowledged Abbi, nor realized she’d left us at some point.

*****

Six hours. 

Six long, excruciatingly painful, emotional hours had passed and Derek was still in surgery.  The bleeding was ‘severe.’  That’s what we were told.  Kyle even called from the operating room and talked to Jason.  The look on his face told us all to prepare for the worst.  Claudia and Melissa fell apart, huddling in the waiting room corner.  Jason looked at me and I watched as Derek’s big brother let huge tears drain down his face. 

I stood just shocked…stunned.  I didn’t make a sound, but the tears streamed steadily.  I needed to call my kids.  I wanted them with me, but didn’t know if I could actually speak.  So I walked into the hallway and texted Matt.

Claire:

I need you guys to come to the hospital. Derek is still in surgery, but it doesn’t look good.  I want you three here, please.

Matt:

On our way, Momma.  We love you.

Claire:

Love you too.  Hurry

With everything that had happened over the last few days, Matt had been such a strong young man once again.  He’d handled everything for me so I could be at the hospital.  He was simply an amazing kid.  I slid my back down the wall and sat on the floor.  I didn’t want to go back into the waiting room.  I wanted to be alone.  I looked at the writing on my finger, rubbed it gently and cried.  I wanted my ‘happily ever after,’ but it was looking unlikely and I felt so broken.  I wasn’t giving up on Derek.  I was scared.

I bent my knees up, wrapped my arms around my legs and laid my head down.  I prayed that God would heal Derek’s injuries…whatever they were, however severe…and let him stay with me.  I begged, actually. 

I heard voices coming down the hall. It was Matt and…Jake?  What?  I looked up to see my kids and their dad walking toward me.  I was totally confused.  I stood just as they got to me.  Jake grabbed me, hugging me tightly as he whispered, “I’m sorry.”

I cried on his shoulder.  I didn’t care how he knew.  I was grateful to have someone with me who really knew me…had known me for most of my life.  It was comforting.  My family was around me…well, the family I once had.  I was too wrecked to care about all the crap anymore.  Hell, even in that very moment, I wished Kaye would’ve been there too.  She was once my friend.  “Thank you, Jake” was all I could say.

“Matt called me.  He was worried about you.”  I leaned back to look at Jake’s face.  He was concerned, but something else was there, too.  I looked at Matt.

“Sorry, Mom, I had to tell Dad.  I knew he would want to know.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me you’d found someone else?”  What?

“Why would I?”

“Because I would want to know…and not just because of our kids.” 

“Jake, it never crossed my mind to inform you of my dating habits.”  As soon as the words came out, I heard a ‘what the fuck’ come from behind me.

I turned to see Jason.  “Claire, why is he here?”

“Jason, this is Jake.  My kids called their dad.”  I motioned to Matt, signaling Jason to be calm about it.

He walked up to me and Jake, who still had his arm around my shoulder and stuck out his hand.  “Jason, Derek’s brother.”  Jake shook hands with him.

“Nice to meet you.”  Jake’s voice was tight…strained.  He was trying to be nice in light of the situation.  “I’m sorry to hear your brother was in an accident.  I came because my kids were really worried and what affects them…and Claire…affects me.”  He squeezed my shoulder.

I stepped out of Jake’s grip and looked straight at him.  “Jake, thank you for coming.  Would you mind taking the kids with you to the cafeteria and getting me some coffee?”

“Yeah, okay.  We’ll be back in a minute.”  They walked off, leaving me with Jason.

As soon as the elevator door shut, Jason said, “Why is he here, Claire?”

“My son called him.  Listen, all I can care about is Derek right now.  Jake…well, Jake is Jake.  He fucked up.  But he still cares about me.  I can’t help that.  He’s happily married, Jason.  He just thinks he still has some sort of stake in my life…my happiness.  He doesn’t.  Derek is my happiness and Jake has no place in our relationship…EVER.”  By the time I finished, I was sobbing and had laid my head on Jason’s shoulder, letting him hold on to me.  “Please tell me Derek is going to be okay…please.”

“I hope so, but I just don’t know.  I’m sorry if I upset you more.  It’s just that, you’re Derek’s girl.  And I know all about what that asshole did to you.  This family doesn’t keep secrets.  My brother told us everything, Claire.  We won’t let him toy with your emotions.  He doesn’t belong here…in this hospital with us.”

“I agree.  I told Matt to come up here.  I didn’t know Jake was at my house.”

“What?  Why would he be at your house?”

“Because his kids live there.”  I was done with his interrogation.  “Jason, stop, please.  Forget about Jake.  Derek and I understand all the ex’s crap, okay?”

“Okay.  Fine.  But promise me that if you need me to tell him to back off, just say so.  I want to help you…protect you like Derek would expect, that’s all.”

I smiled.  “Wouldn’t have anything to do with you being a cop would it?”

He laughed.  “Maybe.” 

“Jason!”  We heard Melissa yell from the waiting room and we both froze. 

“Come on.”  He took my hand and practically had to drag me back inside with his family.  I didn’t want to be in there.  I didn’t want to hear what I feared we were about to be told. 

Stepping through the doorway, I tried to read everyone’s faces, but couldn’t.  We all looked about the same…a mixture of terror and sadness.

Kyle walked in shortly after us. He was exhausted and unreadable.  “Hey everyone, well, he made it through the surgery.”  Everyone screamed with relief, hugged and cried.  “But he’s not quite out of the woods.  The shunt that was put in during the first surgery collapsed, so instead of it draining off the fluid, the pressure built up and caused a pretty significant bleed called an Intraventricular hemorrhage.  Had we not placed him in the coma, we probably would have caught it sooner because he would’ve been complaining of severe headaches, along vomiting, but the coma masked it.  We’re just lucky that something triggered his machines or we would have lost him for sure.  He would have slipped away, losing all brain function.” 

Everyone gasped.  “Now what?”  I asked.

“Well, he’s in recovery.  We aren’t putting him back in the medical coma.  We need to see him wake up and then evaluate if any damage occurred.  Based on how the bleed looked…the speed of its flow, it was a slow one, so we think the bleed had been going on for the last 12 hours or so.”

“When do you expect him to wake up?”  Claudia asked.

“Mom, I’m not sure.  It’s up to Derek now.  It needs to be sooner rather than later, though.”  He paused and looked at me.  “I need to go.  I have another patient to see.  Dr. Allen will be by in a little bit.  I asked him to let me tell you about the surgery and what was going on.”

I hugged Kyle.  “Thank you.”

“We all want him to be okay…especially for you, Claire.”

I sat in a chair and let all the information sink in.  ‘We would have definitely lost him’…I would have lost him.  I still might.  I felt sick.  I covered my mouth and ran to the bathroom, barely making it into the stall.  I heard someone come in behind me. 

“Claire, are you okay?”  Melissa had followed me.

“No.  I think the shock of nearly losing him was just too much for me.” 

I heard the sink running right before she brought me a wet paper towel.  “I know.”

“I’m okay.  I need to eat something, though.”  I stood and felt lightheaded.

“Come on.  I’ll go with you to the cafeteria.” 

“Shit!”

“What?”

“I almost forgot.  My kids are down there with Jake.”

“What the hell?”

“Don’t ask.  Jason has already given me the whole protective lecture about him being here.  Matt called him, not me.”

“I never figured it was you.  I’m just surprised he’s here…at the hospital.”

“I know, but truthfully, I was glad to see him.  We have a history, but he was always my friend.  Hell, I would have welcomed Kaye just to make me feel something other than pain.”