Honest Love (28 page)

I smiled and huffed a small laugh.  “Thank you…for being here…with me.”  I swiped the tears that were rolling down my cheeks and Jason pulled me in closer.

“Of course.  We’re a pretty tight family.  Not sure how much Melissa or Derek told you, but we’re always doing shit together and stick really close by each other.  Our parents are flying in now from Aspen.  They travel a lot now that we are older, but not for long stints of time, especially since Melissa had children.  Hell, they live for those kids.  I told Kyle to let them know we were over here.  I hope that’s okay.”

“Sure.  I guess we’ll be meeting everyone all at once, huh?”

“Yep, now, where are your other two.  You have three kids, right?”

“Yes, come on.  I’ll introduce you.”  We walked back into the house right as Matt was opening the door for Melissa and another Derek look-a-like.  “Hey.”  Melissa and I practically ran to each other and hugged, tears flowing.  I heard Jason and Kyle talking around us.

“Nothing, man.  I called Max up at the fire station and he didn’t know anything.  This fucking sucks.”

“Could you say that louder, dude?  She’s got kids here.”  Jason said.

“Oh, sorry.”  Kyle winced as he looked at me.

I pulled away from Melissa.  “Hi, I’m Claire…the woman madly in love with your brother, Derek.”

They all smiled and laughed.  “Kyle.  Nice to finally meet you.  D wouldn’t shut up about you, so I knew he was totally smitten.”

I felt better having all of Derek’s family around.  “Nice to meet you too.  Thank you all for coming here.  I just didn’t want to leave.  He…well, we flew in yesterday and he stayed here with us last night and told me this morning he’d come back here after…”  I burst into tears and Jason quickly grabbed me and held be against him.  I could easily tell he was the protector of the family…oldest brother and all.  Kyle put his hand on my shoulder and just gave me a pat.  Melissa leaned into him and he did eventually wrap his arm around her and I saw her smack his chest as she cried.

“Momma?”  Jenna came running to me, tears streaming as Matt and Jon walked behind her.  Matt must have filled them in with what was happening.  I stepped away from Jason as my daughter gasped looking at all three of the other London clan standing in our house.  “Momma?”

“Jenna,” I hugged her tightly, “…these are Derek’s brothers and you know Melissa, his sister.”

“Momma is he…?”

“Oh God…”  I felt faint and my knees buckled.  Once again, Jason stepped in and held me up, then spoke to Jenna.

“We don’t know anything, sweetheart.  We just have to wait, okay?”

“K.”  Jenna looked at me, then leaned into Jason and he wrapped his other arm around her. 

“Why don’t we all sit?”  Melissa hugged Matt and Jon as she spoke.

Matt eyed Jason then walked to Jenna and scooped her around the shoulders, pulling her close. 
He
was her protector and wanted Jason to be clear on that.  I was very proud of him.  “Mom, do you want some tea or something?”

“Sure, Matt, thank you.  Will you make a pot of coffee?”

“Yes, Ma’am.  Jenna…Jon, come help me.”

My three kids walked to the kitchen as Jason’s phone rang again.  “Mom,” he said as he looked at me.  “Hey, mom, are you guys close?”  He listened then said, “Yeah, we’re all here.  Come on.”  Pausing, he looked at me before answering.  “I’ll tell her.  Love you.  See you in a minute.”  He hung up.

“Our mom is worried about you.  I know it may seem weird, but we all know pretty much everything about you.  Derek isn’t shy about telling us about his life.  She told me to warn you that she’s going to smother you.”  He winced and I saw Kyle and Melissa grin and scrunch their noses. 

“What am I missing here?”

“Well, we’re afraid we might run you off…especially our mom.  She loves fiercely and it can be overwhelming to people.”  Kyle answered this time.  They all laughed and nodded at some unspoken secret. 

“It’s okay.  I haven’t had that kind of attention in a long time.  With Jake…oh, God.”  My smile fell at the thought of Jake, my parents and all the loss I’d faced over the last several years.  I hoped Derek wasn’t going to be part of that.  The thought overwhelmed me and I suddenly couldn’t breathe. 

“Claire, honey…you have to breathe.  Matt?”  Someone was yelling for my son.

“Yeah?”

“Bring me a paper bag…hurry!”  I heard Melissa yelling.

“Can’t…Breathe…”  I muttered.

“Hang on, honey.  Just breathe.”  Melissa was trying to help. 

I felt a bag shoved into my face, heard a phone ringing, doorbell chiming, people scrabbling…it was chaos.  All the while, Melissa and Kyle were standing next to me calming me down.  “We’re here.  It’s going to be okay.”  Then, a pair of arms surrounded me. 

“Mel, get a few ice cubes.  Jason, carry her to the couch.”  An unfamiliar female voice was talking.  It must have been Derek’s mom.  “Hang on, honey.”  I was laid down and as my breathing steadied and I felt like a fool.  These wonderful people had a son and brother missing and they were having to care for me.  I worked like hell to pull myself together.  I didn’t understand the crazy, over the top shit I was experiencing. 

“I’m okay.”  I managed.  “I’m sorry.”  I was shaking my head and trying to get up.  “Melissa?”  She came to me.  “You guys should go.  I’m sorry.  I’m too…he’s your brother, their son…I’m…I can…I’ll be okay.  Go.  Please.  Be together.  I’m fine.”  My breath was back and I was standing, walking to the front door.  “Please, don’t worry about me.  I’m so sorry.  This is about Derek…not me and…”  I started to cry again and it pissed me off.  “Please.  I can’t.” 

“Claire.  Stop.”  Jason spoke.  “Do you know what he would do to us if we weren’t here taking care of you?”  The whole family laughed.  “He’d kick our asses…right, Mom?”

She paused for a second and I felt my face fall.  “Yes.”  I felt stupid.

“Jason, thank you.  I have my kids here with me, so I’m not alone.  I think you should go…wherever you guys go…even to his house.  I love Derek, with my whole heart, but I feel like I’m a distraction you don’t need.”

“Claire.”  Melissa looked at me, studying my words.  She knew what I was trying to do.  It wasn’t selfish.  It was for them. 

“Mom, Dad…guys.  Let’s give her some space.  Claire, we will be around the corner at Derek’s.  Call if you need anything…and I mean anything.”  She was holding back her tears. 

“I will.”  I wouldn’t.

“FUCK NO!  I’m not about to leave her here alone.  Mel, what the hell are you doing?  Derek would never forgive us.”  Jason, the protector spoke up. 

I laid my hand on his arm and spoke directly to him.  “It’s okay.  Just focus on bringing him back to me.  That’s all I want.  Please.”

“Claire, you don’t understand.  We can’t just leave and not take care of you.”

I closed my eyes, fighting like hell not to cry.  I took a breath, opened my eyes as I said, “Jason, you’re as amazing as Derek.  He must have gotten that protective spirit from you.  But I’m a pretty tough girl.  Go.  Find him.  I’ll be here waiting.”  Inside I was dying.  Outside, I was attempting to pull it together as his whole family watched. 

Melissa winked at me, knowingly.  Her mom nodded in understanding even as tears ran down her face and their dad, along with Jason and Kyle looked completely puzzled. 

Finally, Melissa and Claudia, took the boys by the arms and led them out the front door.  As soon as I heard it shut, I collapsed and cried. 

Jenna, Jon and Matt surrounded me and joined me.  “What will we do if he’s gone?”  I couldn’t help but to ask my kids the question. 

“We’ll be okay, Momma.  We are a family.  Derek wanted to be a part of it…of us.  We’ll be okay.”  Matt was such a good boy.

“Thank you.  I love you guys so much.”  We sat, just holding onto our tiny family and prayed. 

After a while, I made my way upstairs.  I didn’t want to lay in my…in our bed.  So I curled up on the chaise chair in the corner.  I wasn’t sure how long I’d been there when Melissa burst through the door. 

“Get up!  We found him!  He’s alive, but only barely.  Let’s go.  He needs you!”  I jumped up, not knowing the time or what had happened.  When we walked out the front door it was late…dark.

“Melissa, stop.  I’m so confused.”

“Get your ass in the car.  We need to get to Sharp Memorial.  He’s there.  It took us some time, but Jason did what you told him to do and found Derek.  He’s in surgery now.  We have to go.”

“Shit.  Okay.”  I jumped up and ran out.  “Matt?”  I yelled.

“Matt knows.  He’s got things under control.” 

“Go, Mom.”

“I love you.” I called back.

“We know.  Go.”

We climbed into Melissa’s Q7 and sped off.  “How did Jason find him?” 

“Jason is a homicide detective with the San Diego Police Department.  He’s been calling in favors all day.  Kyle’s a doctor, so between the two of them, they finally found Derek.  He was under a different name.  Fire chief’s pretty protective, especially with our brother.”

“But why wouldn’t people want to know Derek is okay?  By all accounts, the whole city would want to know that.”

“A few years ago, Derek sued a local TV station over posting his information after a nasty fire.  He’d been bombarded with all these fucking crazy-ass fans.  So, all the stations are leery about it.  I mean, he settled with the station for ten million dollars.  It was ugly.  The case was pretty cut and dry.  They leaked confidential medical information.  They are really careful now, especially with him.  No one knows he’s alive, Claire.  Just us and that’s because we have friends in high places.”

“How bad is he?”

“He has a pretty bad head injury.  That’s why he’s in surgery.  They need to relieve the pressure.  Once he’s out of surgery, they’ll leave him in a medically induced coma until the swelling has gone down.  It could be a while.  But he’s alive…today…right now.  You need to talk to him.  Keep him going.”

“Okay.  What about the other guys?  The four other firefighters?”

Melissa paused, took a breath and I knew.  “They didn’t make it.  So once again, Derek is our miracle.  He needs to hear your voice…I’m sure of it.”

“Okay.  You know I love him, Melissa.  I can’t be without him.”

She placed her hand on my leg.  “I know.  Just like I know you needed some space from my family.”

“No, it wasn’t that.  I felt selfish.  You all needed to concentrate on Derek.  I was a distraction with my emotions being all crazy.  It wasn’t fair to you.”

“I knew it.  So did the rest of us.  You are the perfect girl for Derek!  Abbi would have made it all about her.
You
are what he needs, Claire.”

“I just want him to be okay.  I need him.  He’s…well, he’s my other half.”

“I know.”  We pulled into the parking garage and Melissa led me to the ICU floor. 

“He should be coming out soon.  We didn’t tell you right away until my mom and dad could get here and sign surgery shit.  It was insane.”

“Okay.”  Truthfully, I was upset.  I’m his…well, I was his girlfriend and didn’t have any right to his care, but it still pissed me off.  What if it was a life support thing?  They could turn it off regardless of my feelings.  No, that was going to change.

We walked down a long white hall to the ICU until we found his room.  Melissa hugged me, then walked off and let me go in by myself.  He was laying perfectly still, tubes everywhere and I fell apart.  I walked next to him, so grateful he was alive, but scared shitless. 

“Hi, baby.”  I touched his chest. “I’m here and I love you.  Please be okay.  You promised.  Remember?  I need you to wake up and tell me what you said this morning.  Please.  I love you so much.  I can’t do this without you.”

I heard the beeping of the heart monitors, the in and out breathing of the ventilator.  It was awful.  The sun was down and I was exhausted, more emotionally than anything else.  I laid my head on the edge of Derek’s bed, held his hand and prayed until I fell asleep.

Chapter 31

Claire

I felt someone touch my shoulder and it startled me.  “Derek?”

“No, sorry, hun.  I just came to check on you and my son.”

“Oh, I’ll go and let you have some privacy.  I must have fallen asleep.  What time is it?”  I stood to leave, but had trouble letting go of Derek’s hand, but it wasn’t me.  He had a grip on my hand and his mom realized it at the same time that I did.  “Please tell me you see this?”

She grabbed my shoulders and cried.  “I do.  Derek?  Honey?  It’s mom and Claire.  Can you hear us?”  We both looked at each other, then looked down at my hand still gripped in his. 

We both let out a little laugh and Claudia said, “I guess that was a dumb question.  He’s obviously holding onto you so you won’t leave and he can’t answer me.”  She paused.  “Mind if I stay with you?”

“Oh my gosh, of course not.  I’d like that.”  I scooted my chair as close to the bed as I could and started slowly rubbing the back of Derek’s hand, first just random patterns, then I started spelling out words. 
I love you.  You are mine.  Mrs. London.  Need you. 

I just wanted to tell him those things over and over, but not in front of his mom.

“Claire, I’m glad he found you.  You’ve made him so happy.  Did you know he called me after you guys got back the other night?”

“What?  No.”

“He called as he was leaving you and the kids…going separate ways to go home.  He said he hated it.  He didn’t know how to handle the next step.  So, I told him not to waste even a minute thinking about it.  I asked him what his heart told him.  He said he loved you and there was no way he could go home and be in his house all alone, without you…and your kids.”

“He did?”  I squeezed Derek’s hand and let the tears fall.  “He showed up and my kids let him in.  I think Matt was really grateful.”

“Good.  I told him if he really wanted to be a part of your family, he’d have to fight for it.  I understand you, Claire.  See, Melissa is my daughter from my first husband.  He was killed in a car accident.  It was just the two of us for about five years.  When I met Jim…well, I was still so closed off and just a mess.  He loved me through it.  I hope you don’t mind, but Derek told me about you and what happened.  He wanted my input.”