Honey on Your Mind (28 page)

“Are your ears burning?”

I put the remote control on the coffee table as I sat down on the couch. “Huh?”

“Are your ears burning? I was just talking about you.”

“You were? Good things, I hope?”

“Always. I was just going to give you a call. What are you up to?”

“I just got home from Shane and Kristina’s.”

“So you heard?”

I frowned. How did he know about the baby? Shane said he hadn’t told Jake yet and gave me the green light to do so.

“Heard what?” Maybe he was talking about something else?

“Oh, just some NBA gossip.”

Something in his tone told me he wasn’t being entirely forthright.

I decided to tread cautiously. “You mean gossip about whether or not Shane’s going to retire?”

He didn’t answer for a moment, and I got a weird feeling in my stomach.

“Jake? You still there?”

“Sorry, got a little distracted. Yes, still here.”

“Is everything OK?”

“Yeah, just got a lot on my mind right now. So what’s up?”

I closed my eyes and decided to ignore the pit in my stomach.

“So, um, anyhow, when I was visiting Shane, he
did
share some big news, but it wasn’t about basketball. Actually, he and Kristina shared the news together.”

“Yeah? What did they say?”

I opened my eyes. “Kristina’s pregnant.”

“No way. For real?” He sounded genuinely surprised.

You really didn’t know?

“Yep, she’s about two months along. They’re thrilled.”

“That’s awesome. I need to call him. Things are just so crazy right now. Taking those few days off for Christmas really put me underwater.”

His voice still sounded…
strange
, and I got the feeling he was itching to get off the phone. Or maybe
I
was the one itching. There was no denying the awkwardness between us, which seemed to have appeared out of nowhere.

“So I guess I’ll let you go, then?” I intentionally posed it as a question. “You seem a little distracted.”

He sighed. “Yes, I am. I’m sorry, Waverly.”

The pit in my stomach tightened slightly.

“It’s OK. I know you’re busy,” I said softly.

“Yeah, I’m swamped, I’m sorry. But listen, there’s something I want to talk to you about. Just not now.”

The pit turned into a massive sinkhole.

“You’d like to talk?” I whispered.
No one
wants to hear those words from a significant other, especially someone whose fiancé once broke up with her two weeks before their wedding by telling her they needed to “talk.” Jake knew what had gone down with Aaron. He knew how afraid I was of getting hurt again.

That can’t be what’s going on here.

It can’t be.

He cleared his throat. “Yeah. But I think we should do it in person.”

Do
it
? Do what?

I swallowed. “In person?” In-person talking is even worse.

“I was thinking of coming up for New Year’s. Does that work for you?”

“New Year’s? I thought you had that work party.” The Hawks’ owner was throwing a big bash and Jake thought it would be in bad form to skip it. Since I’d be working anyway, I’d encouraged him to go.

“I still can’t make it for New Year’s Eve, but I could fly up New Year’s Day, probably in the afternoon.”

“Um, OK, sure.” Part of me wanted to just ask him what he wanted to talk to me about, but a bigger part was too scared to hear the answer.

“Listen, I’ve got to run now. I’ll let you know when I book my ticket.”

“OK.” My lips felt numb.

“Bye, Waverly.”

“Bye, Jake.”

I hung up the phone and slowly placed it on the coffee table.

He hadn’t said, “I love you,” before hanging up.

I sat extremely still for a few moments, then quietly lay down on the couch and began to cry.

“He really said you need to talk?” McKenna asked.

“I think technically he said, ‘I want to talk,’ but you get the picture.”

“And he didn’t say about what?”

“Nope.”

“Oh, sweetie, that doesn’t sound good.”

I frowned into the phone. “I know.”

It was later that evening, and I was back on the couch, although now I was in my pajamas and eating an enormous bowl of chocolate chip ice cream with fudge sauce. I’d finally emerged from the Dark Ages and bought a Bluetooth earpiece, which made eating ice cream while chatting on the phone, something I’d struggled to master for years, much easier.

“Maybe he just wants to tell you about the job offer in person?”

“Call it women’s intuition, but I don’t think so. Plus, don’t people usually give good news like that over the phone? It’s the bad news they deliver in person, right?”

She didn’t reply for a moment, so I knew she agreed with me.

“You think maybe he’s going to ask you to move out there with him?”

I sighed. “I don’t know. I want him to ask me, but I have a weird feeling about it all.”

“Things went well at Christmas, right?” she asked.

I nodded. “Yes. His family was great, really great. Everyone except his mom. And if I hadn’t overheard her like I did, I would have thought it went as well as it could have.”

“She sounds a bit uppity. I bet she was wearing pearls. Was she wearing pearls?”

I laughed. “How did you know?”

“Just a feeling.”

“She’s a bit stiff, that’s for sure. And I’m clearly not her version of the ideal girlfriend for Jake. Apparently Holly, otherwise known as
Miss Perfect
, has that title.”

“Please, you know Jake loves you for
not
being perfect.”

“I hope that was a compliment.”

“It was. The way you describe Jake’s mom makes me think of Andie’s mom.”

I sat up on the couch. “Oh my God, you’re totally right. She’s
just
like Andie’s mom. A little cold, a little distant. Very traditional. I could tell she likes things just so.”

“Is she a bitch?” McKenna asked. “Andie’s mom is definitely a bitch.”

“I really don’t want to think she’s a bitch. Maybe she’s just hard to get to know?”

“Bitches are usually still bitches once you get to know them.”

I laughed. “I think she’s just old-fashioned. The fact that I have a career and live in a different city and am obviously not centering my whole life around Jake, it’s like she’s insulted or something. It’s like she thinks I’m saying he’s not enough for me.”

“Did she ever work outside of the home?”

“That’s a good question. Jake and I have never talked about it, but he has a sister and a brother, and raising three kids sounds like enough work on its own without having another job.”

“Do you think that’s what Jake wants too?”

I put my ice cream down and hugged my knees to my chest. “I don’t know. I don’t think so.”

“So you’ve never talked about the future?”

“Not really. But I didn’t think that was because we didn’t
have
one. I thought things were going great. Do you think it’s possible that I’ve been misreading things?”

“I can’t answer that for you, Wave.”

I sighed. “I know.”

“Well, what if he asked you to move to LA. Would you do it?”

I bit my lip. “Do I have to answer that right now?”

“It sounds like you might have to soon.”

“I just…it’s just that I really like what I’m doing right now.”

“I
love
what you’re doing right now. I’m so proud of you.”

I didn’t reply. I just stared at the wall.

“Waverly?”

“What if he breaks up with me if I don’t want to move?” I whispered.

“Why would he break up with you for that?”

“Well, think about it. We all saw how hard it was when I lived in California and he was in Atlanta, right?”

“Right.”

“And it’s much better now that I’m in New York, but it’s still a challenge, right?”

“Right.”

“So while taking a job there would be a step forward in his career, wouldn’t it be a step backward in our relationship? A big step?”

Her voice suddenly sharpened. “Waverly, listen to me. First of all, you’re just going to make yourself sick if you worry about that, OK?”

I nodded. “OK.”

“And second, no matter
what
he says, you need to stay true to yourself, OK? You need to remember that this isn’t all about what Jake wants, OK? What you want matters too. Will you promise me that you’ll remember that?”

I kept staring at the wall.

“Waverly?”

I nodded. “OK, I’ll try. But…” My voice trailed off.

“But what?”

“But what…but what if…I end up losing him?”

“Are you willing to give up everything you’ve worked so hard for?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

“But would you give it up
now
? Right when everything is just taking off?”

I looked at the boxes of Waverly’s Honey Shop products stacked against the walls of my living room. One in particular caught my eye, the pink Honey Tee that said: I
KNOW NOTHING, BUT AT LEAST
I
KNOW THAT.

How fitting.

“Waverly, did you hear me?”

“Yes, sorry. Spaced for a minute there.”

“I know you love him, but would giving up everything,
now,
make you happy?”

I looked at the Honey products again and shook my head. “No,” I whispered. “Not now.”

“That’s what you need to remember, OK? Your life is already in major upheaval, so it’s not the time for you to be making any drastic decisions. I realize that Jake is a wonderful guy, and I really want things to work out between you two, but no matter how much you love him, you’re asking for trouble if you give up everything you’ve worked so hard for. Please don’t forget that, OK?”

“OK,” I said slowly.

“Listen, I really hate to do this, but Elizabeth is crying for her bottle, and Hunter’s at the hospital, so I need to go. I’m sorry, Wave.”

“It’s OK, I understand.”

“I love you. You know that, right?”

“Yes. And thanks, Mackie. I love you too.”

I hung up the phone and put my face in my hands.

Is this really happening?

Suddenly I thought of Paige, who was clearly sacrificing, in her own way, for love. Whatever she was dealing with couldn’t be easy. Had I been too quick to judge her? Had I been wrong to judge Gary? Maybe he really did love her.

I stood and picked up the Honey Tee. It was the one that had landed me the Jordan Brooke account—the weekend we’d first met Gary in Chicago.

I really do know nothing,
I thought.

• • •

I didn’t sleep much that night, and when I finally opened my eyes the next morning, I had a thought I hadn’t had in months.

I want to go for a run.

I looked at the clock on my nightstand. It was only seven, which gave me plenty of time before I needed to be at the studio. I jumped up and stripped off my pajamas, then dug through my drawers for a pair of running tights and a long-sleeved T-shirt. I put them on and topped off the outfit with the warmest fleece I had. I hadn’t yet gone for a run in the winter cold of New York and had no idea if my makeshift getup would do, but I had to get outside and clear my head.

I grabbed a pair of gloves and my keys and was off.

I decided to run toward the Brooklyn Bridge. As I passed the subway entrances at Court Street and then Borough Hall, I watched people in their winter coats and scarves descend into the ground on their way into Manhattan. Despite my anxious mental state, I was glad to be in my own world for a bit and not about to join the underground rat race just yet. I turned left on Court Street and headed into frosty Cadman Plaza Park. While the sidewalks surrounding it bustled with people, the park itself was mostly quiet, its benches empty and still. The turf field at the center, normally filled with soccer players or friends tossing a football, was dusted with a light layer of snow.

I’d forgotten to put on a hat, and as I ran through the park, I could feel my ears beginning to freeze. I held my hands over them for a few minutes and wondered how much longer I could run before they chipped off.

By the time I reached the end of the park, I could barely feel my face. I was about to give up and turn around, but then I saw the entrance to the Brooklyn Bridge.

Should I keep going?
Running over the iconic bridge had been on my to-do list since I’d moved to Brooklyn, but I just hadn’t found the time to do it. Or, I hadn’t
made
the time.

I’m going to do it.

I took the steps up to the pedestrian entrance to the bridge and set out west toward Manhattan. I looked up and took a quick breath in surprise. Since moving to New York, I’d crossed the bridge many times in a cab, but always at night, and the aboveground subway ran over the Manhattan Bridge farther north. This was the first time I’d been on the Brooklyn Bridge and taken the time to
look
at it–up close and personal.

It was beautiful.

“Wow,” I stopped in my tracks and gazed up at the structure. It was truly stunning, and I felt foolish for having lived literally in its shadow for so long without taking the time to admire it properly.