Honor Reclaimed (All About Honor) (30 page)

Chapter
15

John knew that putting his marriage
back together would not be easy.
 
Try as hard as he could, there was no way he could get around his
feelings of betrayal by both his wife and his best friend.
 
He tried not to blame Eirian, but deep
down inside he could not help believing, knowing Drew as he did, that if Eirian
had seriously resisted Drew would not have forced himself on her.
 
Yet, Drew said there had been bruises,
so she must have tried to resist.
 
Oh, why could he not just accept what Drew told him and go on with his
life.
 
As hurt as he was, he still
did not want to loose Eirian’s love and respect.

Eirian was having similar thoughts.
 
She was trying to convince herself to
forgive John for not trusting her.
 
She had been the victim in this ordeal.
 
She had been violated, used against her will.
 
It was not as if she was a willing
participant, yet she did not seem to be able to convince John of that
fact.
 
True, she was guilty of bad
choices.
 
She should never have
asked Drew to escort her home to Severn Manor.
 
He was not her husband, nor was he a family member.
 
She had thought of him as a brother,
which
was why she had felt comfortable in requesting his
assistance, but she had been clueless that his feelings ran much deeper.
 
How had she missed that?

Apparently, John had not missed
it.
 
He had been aware of Drew’s
true feelings.
 
Why had he not
trusted her enough to speak with her about Drew’s infatuation?
 
If she had known, she never would have
been alone with Drew.
 
Was it
because John was not sure enough of her feelings to trust her with the information?
 
Had he been afraid that she might
return Drew’s affections?
 
How
could he think that?
 
Did he not
really love her enough?
 
Did he not
know her or the depths of her feeling for him?
 
What had she ever done to make him distrust her?

The bottom line was, when she had
needed him, John had failed to protect her.
 
When he had the chance, he had turned his back on her, and
betrayed her trust in him.
 
She was
not sure she could forgive him, yet she knew she had to find a way because she
loved him.
 
She would just have to
try harder.

She had been so relieved when her
cycle finally came.
 
She was
usually as regular as clockwork, but she had missed her cycle this last month
and she had been convinced she was carrying Drew’s child.
 
She was not sure if being late was due
to the stress of the situation, or if she may possibly have been pregnant but
lost the baby.
 
Either way she was
happy that she no longer had to worry about being pregnant with Drew’s
baby.
 
Now she and John could
resume their relations in just a few days.
 
Maybe that would make him easier to live with.
 
She had never seen him so short
tempered or in such a foul mood.
 
She missed their intimacy.
 
Why was life never simple?

She was in much more discomfort than
she usually was during this time.
 
By mid-afternoon she took to her bed.
 
It was there that John found her when he returned from going
over the last details for the
firm before John turned the
reigns back
over to Thomas.

“Darling, are you ill?
 
It is not like you to lounge in your
bed this time of day.”
 
John was
truly concerned.

“It is a female malady.
 
Do not worry yourself my love.
 
In fact, this time I do not regret the
discomfort it brings, as it is a blessing it has arrived at last.
 
There will be no child from the night I
was with Drew.”
 
Eirian watched
John’s reaction carefully trying to judge his thoughts.

“You did not do anything dangerous
to bring it on did you?”
 
John was
terrified at the thought, especially considering what had happened to Gwen when
she aborted his child.
 
Gwen had
come very close to dying, and as betrayed as he still felt, he did not want
Eirian to do anything that might endanger her life.

“Absolutely not!
 
This is the normal act of nature, for
which I am very grateful.
 
Now
maybe we can get on with our lives.
 
We can resume our relationship and maybe we can find our way back to
where we were before you left for Scotland.”
 
She only prayed that they could.

“Before you slept with Drew you
mean.”
 
John spat out at her.

Eirian reached out and slapped
John’s face with all of her pent up frustration, “That is it John.
 
I will not live this way any longer.
 
I want you to start divorce proceeding
against me immediately.
 
I can not
continue to live this way.”

“Eirian, you do not mean this.
 
I know you could not really want us to
part.
 
I love you.
 
Do you not still love me?”
 
John begged her to reconsider.

“It is not a question of love.
 
I have told you this so many times
already.
 
I did nothing wrong.
 
I did not ask to be raped.
 
Can you not
understand, I was raped?
 
I
did not desire the union.
 
I fought
him to the best of my ability and I was terribly distraught as a result.
 
Rather than supporting me when I needed
you, or even believing in me when I asked you to, you continue to blame
me.
 
I will not put up with it any longer.
 
When we return to Wales, I will move
back to Severn Manor, if my father will have us.”
 
Eirian could not believe that she could say these words
without shedding a tear.
 
She was
just worn out by the constant guilt that had been thrust unfairly upon her.

“You will not take my children from
me.
 
If you insist on leaving, you
go alone.”
 
John left very little
doubt that he was serious.

“You can not mean that.
 
Even you could not be so cruel.”
 
Eirian was incredulous.

“Try me,” was John’s only response
just before he slammed out of the door.
 
He was so upset that he did not even notice that Gwen was stand there in
the hall with her hand to her heart.

When Eirian heard the knock on her
door she hoped that it was John returning to apologize for his behavior and beg
her forgiveness.
 
She was
disappointed when Gwen opened the door and asked to be permitted to enter.

“Eirian honey, I could not help but
overhear a part of your argument with John.
 
Is there anything that I can do for you?”
 
Gwen hated to see her friend so
distraught.

“No dear, thank you.
 
I am afraid there is nothing anyone can
do.
 
We are going to get a
divorce.”
 
With that statement, she
dissolved into tears.

Gwen gathered her young cousin in
her arms and held her as she cried herself out.
 
Once Eirian had herself back in control, Gwen took Eirian’s
hands in hers and looked her in the eyes, “Sweetheart, is it because of Drew?”

“How did you know?”
 
Eirian was shocked that Gwen had
interpreted the problem so quickly and so accurately.

“It really was not hard, honey.
 
If John is seeking a divorce it has to
be for adultery, as you did not abandon him.
 
I am sure that you would not have been seduced by just
anyone and I have known for quite some time that Drew was in-love with
you.”
 
Gwen felt very sorry for
Eirian and very grateful that she had been spared this shame.
 
The good Lord knew that Thomas would
have had plenty of cause.

“Eirian, can I ask Thomas to talk to
John?
 
Maybe he can convince him
not to file for divorce.
 
Maybe if
you separated for a little while and let your emotions cool down he could be
convinced to reconsider.”
 
Gwen was
still hopeful that some solution could be found.

“No Gwen.
 
It is I that asked for the divorce.”
 
Eirian’s voice cracked again.

“But why?
 
Surely you know that you cannot be with Drew.
 
He is married now and will live an
ocean away.
 
Do you love him that
much?”
 
Gwen was in disbelief.

“I do not love him in that way at
all.
 
I never did.
 
It was all a terrible mistake, one that
could have been avoided if anyone else had told me about how Drew felt about
me.
 
I was entirely unaware of his
feelings or I never would have asked him to escort me home.
 
He was always a gentleman, in his own
way, to me.
 
Of course he flirted,
but that was his nature.
 
It was
always harmless, or at least I thought it was.
 
John knew, but he never told me.
 
Now I find out you knew as well.”
 
Eirian could not help being resentful.

“Eirian honey, you could have told
him no.”
 
Gwen was trying not to
place blame.

“I did.
 
I begged him to stop.
 
I fought to the best of my ability.
 
I was raped.”
 
With this statement, Eirian dissolved into tears again.

“I can’t believe it.
 
Eirian, will you tell me exactly what
happened?”
 
Gwen was shocked.
 
She could not believe that Drew was
capable of violence, especially against a woman.

Eirian explained to Gwen the
circumstances of the rape.
 
Gwen
was slightly relieved to know that her confidence in Drew was not totally
displaced.
 
She was, however,
terribly disappointed in John’s behavior.
 

“Sweetheart, do not give up on your
marriage just yet.
 
John is just
hurt, but I feel sure he will come to understand given time.
 
I assume there is not going to be a
baby from that night.”
 
Gwen hated
to ask, but it would make her job easier if she did not have to contend with
that.

“No, thank goodness.
 
That is why I am in bed.
 
I think I may have had a close call, as
I am never late.
 
I missed my cycle
last month.”
 
Eirian was obviously
relieved.

“Honey, you just rest now.
 
We will talk later.”
 
Gwen leaned over and kissed Eirian’s
check.
 
She closed the door quietly
behind her, and when directly in search of John.

Gwen finally located him sitting
alone in the downstairs office.
 
He
had been there drinking since he left Eirian.
 
“John, may I come in please?” she asked.

“Gwen, I am not really in the mood
for company at the moment.”
 
John
replied.

“You know, I really do not
care.
 
I have some things that I
want to say to you and you are going to listen whether you like it or
not.”
 
Gwen did not intend to be
intimidated.

“This is really not a good time
Gwen.
 
Perhaps we can have this
conversation tomorrow.”
 
John
hedged.

“I will talk now and you will
listen.
 
I never thought you were a
hypocrite, but I just found out that I am wrong.
 
How in the world can you blame Eirian for what happened to
her after what happened between us?”
 
It was rare that Gwen referred to those times, as she preferred to put
her past behind her.

“That had nothing to do with
Eirian.
 
It was Johane’s right to
spurn me, but it did not involve Eirian.”
 
John was adamant.