Honor Unraveled (5 page)

He wondered if she were as moved as he was. Jesus, they were electric together. He stroked his hands down her back, moving lower to cup the swell of her ass. Fuck. He wanted her. Still frenching her mouth, he lifted her, spreading her legs around him as he leaned her back against the door. He broke from the kiss to lick his way down her neck to her collarbone. He tugged her hips forward, grinding himself against her core, rotating her against the wide ridge in his pants.

Her lips parted. She tightened her arms around his neck. He could feel the hot puffs of her breath below his ear. He continued moving against her, faster and faster, grinding against her, banging her into the door, until he felt tension tighten her body. Her legs and arms squeezed him. He felt, rather than heard, the soft cry that broke from her when she peaked. And then he heard nothing but thundering blood in his ears as his balls shot hot semen up his cock.
 

God, what he would give to be in her, to feel her body around him, against him. Already, he was getting hard again. He leaned against her, his forehead against the door, his cheek to her hair. He couldn’t believe that he had her in his arms at last, that they’d just shared what they had. He eased a hand from her bottom, ran it up her back, forked it into her hair.
 

“I’ve missed you, Ivy-mine. So goddamned much,” he whispered, groaning his words against the side of her head. They were both breathing deeply. She was still clenching his neck. Her breath puffed along his neck. He buried his face in her hair, pulled her scent deep inside him. “You see, Iv? We are not done.”

She didn’t immediately answer. Eventually, her hold on his neck eased. She shook her head. “We aren’t the children we once were. We know better than to give in to this passion and let everything else be damned.”

He nuzzled the side of her head, her cheek, feeling the soft skin of her face with his nose and cheek. “This isn’t a discussion that involves anyone or anything outside of us. Our daughter is taken care of. We will always take care of her. This isn’t about our jobs or our friends or our families. This is us. We’re adults now. And this grown man wants to fuck you senseless. What does your grown woman want?”

“It doesn’t matter what I want.”

He lifted his head and looked at her. “Since when?”

“Since I became a mother.”

He eased her to her feet, keeping his arms around her to steady her. He frowned, trying to make sense of her comment. “I’m not tracking.”

“You’re bad news, Kit.” He drew back, straightening. “I don’t mean that like it sounds. The work you do is important—I know that. You’re an honorable man. But this isn’t about us. It can’t be. What kind of a life are we giving Casey if she has to live it cloistered here in this neat, controlled environment? She has no free will here. This is a critical time for her to learn self-reliance, to socialize with her peers, to make mistakes and figure out how to resolve them. She needs a normal life. I can’t give that to her here or with you.”

“It’s cowardly to hide behind a child.”

“Cowardly? Or is it that one of us has grown up and one hasn’t?”

Kit stepped back. It was cold away from her. He could feel the pull between his desire and his obligations. He was good at what he did. Lives depended on him. But doing the work he did and having the family he wanted didn’t mesh. At least, not to Ivy.

How much was he willing to give up, one for the other?

Ivy stayed in the den after Kit left. It was starting again, only days back in close proximity, and already they were like wildfire and wind when they were together—dangerous and destructive. She folded her arms around her waist and walked toward the patio doors. Her first instinct was to run from him, go far, far away. But she couldn’t—not without Casey.
 

She had no natural defenses against him. She never had.
 

She needed a plan. And fast.
 

Kit wandered into the sitting area outside the suite of rooms he shared with Ivy and Casey. The sun had set long ago. He didn’t feel like joining the guys for a drink in the billiards room. Rocco, Mandy, and Zavi had settled in their rooms on the floor above him. The girls were playing pool. Val and Angel were in the movie room playing
Halo
. Casey was asleep in her room.

He was too edgy for sleep. He and Max had shot a few hoops on the basketball court before Max had to finish getting ready for his assignment.

Maybe Max’s mission was what had him so edgy. The WKB were like any other one-percenter motorcycle club. Violent. No day was complete if blood wasn’t spilled. They fought among themselves. They fought outsiders. They fought the law. They fought for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Drugs and sex. Position within the club. It was as if they were missing a gene, like wild humans running in packs. The WKB was a true outlaw club and going undercover put Max’s life in jeopardy.
 

Ivy had a new puzzle spread out on the table by the window. Kit scanned the jumbled pieces and found a few to snap together while he mulled the topic at hand.

Something was different about the WKB’s behavior lately. They were organizing. Toning down their public image. It was a significant change for an outlaw gang, something that could only be orchestrated by new management. He hoped Max could get to the bottom of it.
 

Kit considered the puzzle. At first glance, it looked like an unrelated collection of fragments. But of course, it wasn’t. It had a pattern, a purpose, an ending. Not unlike the mess with the WKB. Somebody, above the two US divisions, above the international branch, knew how the pieces fit together. And one by one, he was snapping them into place.

Who was it? And why?

Kit sat on the sofa as he pondered the pieces of the WKB puzzle he couldn’t see.

“Dad?” Casey came out of her room.

He pulled himself back to the present and looked at his daughter. “It’s late. You should be in bed.”

“I can’t sleep. I don’t like being here alone.”

“You aren’t alone. This house is full of people. Rocco, Aunt Mandy, and Zavi are upstairs. You’ve got a walkie-talkie. If something scares you, you can get Mom or me. And you have your safety necklace. You can always get one of my team members with that.” Max had set each of them up with an alarm medallion, about the size of a dog tag, which had an RFID in it. It gave them a way to send an alert even when radios or phones were out of commission or out of reach.

“Yeah.” She crossed her arms, then came over and sat on the coffee table in front of him. “Can I stay up with you?”

“No. You need to sleep.”

“I thought we could talk.”

“About what?”

“You. I told my friends you were a commando in the Army, but they didn’t believe me.”

“I’m not in the Army anymore. It’s best if you don’t talk to your friends about me.”

She shrugged and shoved her hands between her knees. “Yeah, well, they didn’t believe me about you.”

“It doesn’t matter. You and I and Mom know the truth.”

“It does matter. It matters to me.” She looked at her knees, then up at him, the pain in her eyes jumbling his heart. “I was even starting not to believe in you. I’d never seen a photo of you until Kelan gave me one. Mom had a few yearbooks, but you weren’t in them or were listed as one of the students without a picture. I went through her box of photos from when she was a kid, but there were none of you.” A breathy gasp broke from her. Her face was tight, as if she fought tears.

“Whoa, now. Come here.” He opened his arms, wondering where the hell the landmarks were in this uncharted dad territory. She climbed onto his lap and folded her arms around his neck, then proceeded to waterboard his shoulder. He rubbed her back slowly.
 

He remembered those days at school so damn clearly. He hadn’t had his picture taken because he couldn’t afford to buy the stupid photo packs. And it wasn’t like his mom wanted them anyway. She was pissed when he spent any money that could have been better put to liquor or crack. He usually skipped school those days. Hell, he usually skipped school. Until Ivy.

“I guess I didn’t realize how important those pictures would be one day.” He leaned back to look at Casey. Her big blue eyes were liquid pools. Her face was red and blotchy. He smiled and kissed her forehead, then reached for the box of tissues on the side table.

“I have an idea,” he said as she blew her nose.

“What?” she asked through the filter of the tissues.

“Let’s play a game of Truth.”

She sniffed. “What’s that?”

“It’s where we take turns asking each other a question. No matter what we’re asked, we have to tell the truth. If one of us decides not to answer, the other person gets to ask another question. Want to start it?”

She nodded. She wiggled off his lap and knelt next to him on the couch. “How old were you when you met mom?”

“Seventeen. Do you like living in Wolf Creek Bend?”

“No. How old are you now?”

“Thirty-one. Why don’t you like it here?” Kit asked.

“I like it
here
. I don’t like it in town. The kids aren’t very nice.”

“Hey, what are you still doing up?” Ivy asked as she came into the little sitting room. “I thought you were in bed hours ago.”

“I was, but I couldn’t sleep,” Casey answered. As she turned to face her mom, Ivy gasped.

“What happened? Oh, honey….” She sat on the coffee table and opened her arms. Casey reached for her like it was an instinctive action. Kit watched the two of them, glad they had each other, wishing he could be part of their bond. Ivy sent him a questioning look over Casey’s head. He lifted his shoulders and gave a little shake of his head.

“C’mon, I’ll get you back to bed.”

“No, Mom.” She settled back on the sofa next to Kit. “Dad and I are talking. Please, let me stay up.”

Kit looked up at Ivy. “Please. We need this time. As soon as she quits talking or falls asleep, I’ll send her back to her room. It’s summer. She doesn’t have school in the morning. She can sleep in if she wants.”

“All right. I’m just down the hall playing pool with Fiona and Eden if you need me.” She stood up and frowned down at them. “Not too late,” she warned before leaving.

“Thanks, Mom!” Casey wiggled back into position, facing him. “It’s my turn.”

“No, it isn’t. You hadn’t finished telling me what you don’t like about living in town.”

She sighed. “I guess there aren’t very many new people here. Mom said it’ll take awhile to settle in. It did for her when she was a kid. But we’ve been here a year.” She looked at him. “The kids don’t believe I have a dad.”

“Everyone has a dad, or had one, though they don’t all live with their kids.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t even have a picture of you. I hadn’t even met you.”
 

He wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close, then held up his phone and snapped a pic of them together. “You do now,” he said as he texted it to her. “Your turn.”

“Do you love me and Mom?”

“Yes.” He followed up quickly with his question, hoping to distract her from that train of thought. “Do you enjoy karate?”
 

“I love it! So why aren’t you and Mom together?”

Kit looked across the room as he struggled to find the right words. He had to respect Ivy’s choice, though he didn’t understand it. And he had to be careful not to put Casey in the middle of his struggle to win her back.

“Sometimes, the people you are in high school and the people you become as adults aren’t always the same. You change. We changed.”

“But you love her.”

“Sometimes love isn’t enough.”

Casey silently contemplated that. “Are my grandparents still alive?”

“Your mom’s parents are. Did you ever meet them?”

“Once.”

She wasn’t forthcoming with any details. He tucked his chin in and gave her the look that said he was waiting for the rest of the story.

Casey shrugged. “I didn’t like them. They made Mom cry.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t understand it. They hollered at her.”

Kit felt as if a fist had twisted his guts. “How old were you?”

“Three, I think. It’s the first thing I can remember. We took a bus to Denver after that. I never saw them again. We lived in a shelter for a while.”

Kit struggled to find the words to express what he was feeling. “I never knew what happened to you. Were you scared?”

“No. I had Mom. She had me.” Casey played with the hem of her pajama top. “The people there were nice. They helped Mom get a job and looked after me and the other kids. I went to first grade there.” She looked up at Kit, a kid version of her mother’s eyes. “We got your letter then.” She smiled. “Wait here!”
 

She hurried across the room and into Ivy’s bedroom, reappearing a minute later with a worn envelope. A chill crept over Kit’s skin. He recognized the envelope. He’d sent it while he was in Afghanistan. It was the first one he’d written to Ivy that he knew she’d received.
 

Casey sat on the coffee table again and handed it to him. “Mom keeps it in her jewelry box.”