Hope Chest (21 page)

Silas’s disconcerting thoughts were jolted away when Abe slapped him on the back. “All right, I’m satisfied then.” With that, Abe walked away, leaving Silas and Rachel alone again.

“What time were you planning to head for home?” Rachel asked as Silas took a seat on the other bale of straw.

He shrugged. “Whenever you’re done eating your pie and drinking your hot chocolate.”

“Aren’t you going to have some?”

He chuckled. “I’ve already had enough food tonight for three fellows my size.”

Rachel finished the rest of her dessert and stood. “Guess I’d better go find Joseph and tell him I won’t be riding home in his buggy.”

Silas reached for her empty plate and mug. “I’ll put this away while you look for him.”

“Danki.” She offered him a heart-melting smile. He sure hoped he hadn’t made a mistake by asking to take her home. What if she jumped to the wrong conclusion and thought one buggy ride meant they were officially courting?

I didn’t have to ask her,
Silas’s inner voice reminded.
I could have conceded to Abe.
He gritted his teeth.
Never!

Rachel turned and walked away, but her presence stayed with him like the smell of new-mown hay. He really was looking forward to taking her home.

***

Joseph had been sitting on a log by the bonfire, talking with Pauline for several minutes, when Rachel showed up. He had planned to seek his sister out as soon as he’d asked Pauline if he could escort her home tonight, but she’d beat him to it. There was only one problem—he hadn’t spoke to Pauline yet.

“Silas just asked if he could give me a ride home,” Rachel said, bending close to Joseph’s ear.

He smiled. That was a relief to hear. At least now if Pauline said yes to his invitation, he would be free to escort her home without his little sister sitting in the buggy, listening to everything they said. “No problem. No problem at all. Have a good time, and I’ll see you at home.”

“Are you taking anyone home tonight?” she whispered.

His face warmed, and he knew it wasn’t from the heat of the fire. “Don’t know yet. Maybe so.”

She smiled and nudged his arm. “Okay. See you at home then.”

As soon as Rachel walked away, Joseph turned to Pauline. “Say, I was wondering if...”

“What were you wondering, Joe?”

He moistened his lips and swallowed a couple of times.

“Would you be willing to let me escort you home tonight?”

Pauline smiled at Joseph so sweetly that he thought he might turn into butter. “Jah, Joe, I’d be glad to ride home in your courting buggy.”

He grinned. “Great. That’s just real great.”

CHAPTER 18

A sense of exhilaration shot through Rachel as she sat in Silas’s open buggy with the crisp wind whipping against her face. She chanced a peek at her escort, hoping that he, too, was enjoying the ride.

Silas grinned back at her. “I think I smell winter in the air. Won’t be too awfully long and we can take out the sleigh.”

We? Does he mean me and him going for a sleigh ride?
Rachel closed her eyes and tried to picture herself snuggled beneath a warm quilt, snow falling in huge, white flakes, and the sound of sleigh bells jingling in the chilly air.

“What are you thinking about?” Silas asked, breaking into her musings.

Rachel’s eyes snapped open. “Oh, winter ... sleigh bells ... snow.”

He chuckled. “Don’t forget hot apple cider and pumpkin bread. Nothin’ tastes better after a sleigh ride than a big mug of cider and several thick hunks of my mamm’s spicy pumpkin bread.”

“My favorite winter snack is popcorn, apple slices, and hot chocolate with plenty of marshmallows.”

“I like those things, too. Guess there isn’t much in the way of food I don’t like.” Reaching into his jacket pocket, Silas withdrew a chunk of black licorice. “Want some?”

“No thanks.” Rachel studied him as he chewed the candy. In spite of Silas’s hearty appetite, there wasn’t an ounce of fat on him that she could see. He appeared to be all muscle—no doubt from doing so many farm chores.
I would love him no matter how he looked.
It wasn’t hard to picture herself and Silas sitting on the front porch of their own home, looking through binoculars and talking about all the birds nesting in their backyard trees.

She shook her head, hoping to bring some sense of reason into her thinking. Silas was only a friend, and he’d offered her a ride home from the gathering. That didn’t mean he had thoughts of romance or marriage on his mind. She couldn’t allow herself to fantasize about it, even if she did want more than friendship. She loved Silas so much, and each moment they spent together only made her more sure of it. She didn’t want to feel this way; it wasn’t safe for her heart. But no matter how hard Rachel tried, she couldn’t stop herself from hoping that Silas might someday declare his love for her.

As they pulled into Rachel’s yard, she released a sigh, wishing the ride didn’t have to end so soon. If only they could keep on going. If only Silas would ask if he could court her.

He stopped the horse near the barn and turned in his seat to face Rachel. “Danki for letting me bring you home tonight. I enjoyed the ride a whole lot more than if I’d been alone.”

“Me, too,” she freely admitted.

“You’re a special girl, Rachel. I can see why Abe would be interested in you.”

“Really?” Rachel’s breath caught in her throat, and her cheeks burned with embarrassment. The admiration in Silas’s voice had sounded so genuine.

“Jah, I mean it.” His gaze dropped to her lips.

For one heart-stopping moment, Rachel had the crazy idea of throwing herself into his arms and begging him to love her. She knew better than to let her emotions run wild, and she had too much pride to throw herself at him.

“Sure you don’t want some licorice?” Silas asked, giving her a crooked grin.

All she could do was shake her head, her thoughts were so lost in the darkness of his ebony eyes, where the moonlight reflected like a pool of water.

Rachel’s heart pulsated when Silas slipped his arms around her waist and pulled her close to his chest. She tipped her head back and savored the sweet smell of licorice as his lips met hers in a kiss so pleasing it almost lifted her right off the buggy seat. This was her first real kiss, and she could only hope her inexperience wasn’t evident as she kissed him back with all the emotion welling within her soul.

Suddenly, Silas pulled away, looking shaken and confused. “Rachel, I’m so sorry. Don’t know what came over me. I sure didn’t mean to—”

Rachel held up her hand, feeling as though a glass of cold water had been dashed in her face. “Please, don’t say anything more.” She hopped down from the buggy and sprinted toward the house as the ache of humiliation bore down on her like a heavy blanket of snow. She wasn’t sure why Silas had kissed her, but one thing was certain—he was sorry he had.

***

All the way home Silas berated himself. Why had he kissed Rachel like that? She must think he was off in the head to be doing something so brazen on their first buggy ride.

As Silas thought more about it, he realized as much as he’d enjoyed the kiss, it hadn’t been fair to lead Rachel on like that. She might think because he took her home, then went so far as to kiss her, it meant they were a couple and would be courting from now on.

Was that what it had meant? Did he want to court Rachel? Was he feeling more than friendship for her, or did he only want to be with her because she reminded him of Anna?

Silas slapped the side of his head. “What am I thinking? Rachel’s nothing like her older sister. Nothing at all. Guess I’d better commit the whole thing to prayer, because I sure enough wasn’t expecting this to happen tonight, and I definitely don’t have any answers of my own.”

***

“Sure is a nice night,” Pauline said, as Joseph directed his horse and open buggy down the road toward her home.

He nodded. “Jah, sure is.”
Especially since you’re sitting here beside me—that makes it an extra-special night.

She looked over at him and smiled, and his heart skipped a beat. “You have a nice buggy, Joe.” Her hand slid over the leather seat. “It’s obvious that you take real good care of it.”

“Danki. I try to keep it up to snuff.”

They rode in silence for a time, with the only sounds being the steady
clippity-clop
of the horse’s hooves and an occasional nicker. But Joseph didn’t mind the quiet. It felt nice to ride along with his
aldi
beside him. At least he hoped Pauline was his girlfriend now.

“What’s your family hear from Anna these days?” she asked, breaking into his thoughts. “Is she getting along okay out there in the English world?”

Joseph jerked his head at the mention of Anna’s name.

“Did you hear what I said, Joe?”

“Jah, I heard. Just thinkin’ is all.”

“About Anna?”

He gave a quick nod in reply. He didn’t want to spoil the evening by talking about his willful sister. He just wanted to concentrate on having a good time with Pauline. Was that too much to ask?

“Is Anna doing all right?”

He shrugged. “Mom and Rachel have both had letters from her, and from what they said, I guess she’s doing okay.”

“Mind if I ask how you feel about her leaving?”

“Guess what I feel is a mixture of sadness and anger at her for bringing a shunning on herself, not to mention the hurt she’s caused our folks.” He grimaced. “Mom doesn’t talk about it much, but you can see the look of sadness on her face whenever Anna’s name is mentioned.”

“That’s understandable.”

“And Dad—well, he’s just plain angry with Anna for running off the way she did, and if he weren’t Amish and not given to violence, I’ll bet he’d seek Reuben out and punch him right in the
naas.
” Joseph’s grip tightened on the reins, and a muscle in his cheek quivered.

“Are you angry with Anna and Reuben, too?” Pauline spoke quietly, but her pointed question cut Joseph to the quick.

He nodded. “Jah.”

Pauline touched his arm again, only this time her fingers moved up and down in a soothing gesture. “You might not agree with Anna’s reasons for leaving the Amish faith, but it was her choice, and the Bible says we must learn to forgive.”

“It’s not always so easy to forgive when so many people have been hurt.”

She nodded. “I know that better than anyone. I was terribly hurt when Eli jilted me and married Laura. I felt that she was an Englisher who didn’t belong with our people.”

Joseph made no comment, waiting to see if she would say anything more.

“While I was living with my aunt and uncle in Ohio, I came to realize I had to forgive both Laura and Eli. Carrying around all that anger and bitterness was keeping me separated from God.” Pauline smiled. “When I released the anger and confessed to God that I’d sinned, I was finally able to forgive those I thought had trespassed against me.”

“I know you’re right about me needing to forgive Anna, but seeing how Mom, Rachel, and the rest of the family have been affected by all this makes it that much harder.”

“Maybe you need to ask yourself how you’d feel if you were in Anna’s place.”

“What do you mean?”

“If you’d fallen in love with someone the way Anna did Reuben, and then that someone had decided to leave the faith, what would you have done?”

Joseph stared straight ahead as he kept the horse going steady and contemplated her question. If Pauline had proclaimed her love for him and then said she wanted to leave the Amish faith for the modern, English life, he guessed he probably would go with her. He loved her that much.

He released one hand from the reins and reached over to take hold of Pauline’s hand. “Well—if it was someone I truly loved, then I guess I would have gone English, too.”

She smiled and squeezed his fingers. Did she know what he was thinking? Did she know how much he cared?

CHAPTER 19

For the next two weeks, Rachel continued to help out at the Swartleys’ as often as she could, and for the next two weeks, she did everything possible to avoid Silas. It made her sick to her stomach to think that he had actually kissed her and then felt sorry about it. She really must be a fool if she thought she had any chance of winning his heart. After that embarrassing episode, she was sure he would never ask her to go fishing again, and he certainly wouldn’t invite her to take another ride in his courting buggy.

Silas had tried talking with Rachel on several occasions, but she kept putting him off, saying she was too busy helping his mother. Rachel knew her time of avoidance was almost over, for today’s preaching service was being held at their home and was about to begin. She was sure Silas and his family would be here soon.

The three-hour service seemed to last longer than usual, and Rachel squirmed on her bench, trying to focus on the songs, sermons, and prayers. Maybe her discomfort was because she had a view of the bench where Silas sat across the room. Beyond the flicker of a smile, she had no idea what he was thinking. Was it the kiss they had shared two weeks ago? Was he waiting for church to be over so he could corner Rachel and tell her he didn’t want to see her anymore? If she kept busy in the kitchen, maybe she could avoid him again today. That’s what she planned to do ... stay busy and away from Silas.