Hope Chest (29 page)

Rachel knew that Miriam Stoltzfus was her great-aunt Mim and that Anna Stoltzfus was her great-grandmother. She noticed a verse embroidered on the sampler:

A merry heart

doeth good

like a medicine.

—Proverbs 17:22

A sob tore at Rachel’s throat as she read the words out loud. She clung to the sampler as if it were some sort of lifeline. The yellowed piece of cloth gave her a strange yet comforting connection to the past.

Rachel’s gaze came to rest on the old Bible then. She laid the sampler aside and picked up the Bible, pulling open the inside cover. Small, perfectly penned letters stated:
“This
Biwel
belonged to Anna Stoltzfus. May all who read it find as much comfort, hope, and healing as I have found.”

Rachel noticed several crocheted bookmarks placed in various sections of the Bible. She turned the pages to some of the marked spots and read the underlined verses. Psalm 71:14 in particular seemed to jump right out at her:
“But I will hope continually, and will yet praise thee more and more.”
Rachel had been reciting this same verse for several months. Was God trying to tell her something?

Rachel was about to turn the page when another underlined verse from Psalm 71 caught her attention:
“For thou art my hope, O Lord Go d: thou art my trust from my youth.”

Hot tears rolled down Rachel’s cheeks as the words of verse 5 burned into her mind. All this time she’d been hoping to win Silas’s heart. She had praised God for something she hoped He would do. Never once had it occurred to her that the heavenly Father wanted her to put all her hopes in Him. She was to trust Him and only Him, and she should have been doing it since her youth. Instead, she had been trying to do everything in her own strength, because it was what she wanted. When Silas didn’t respond as she’d hoped he would, her faith had been dashed away like sunshine on a rainy day.

Rachel broke down, burying her face in her hands. “Dear Lord, please forgive me. Help me to learn to trust You more. Let my hope always be in You. May Your will be done in my life. Amen.”

Rachel picked up the precious items she’d found in Anna’s hope chest and turned toward her bedroom door. The Bible belonged to Anna’s namesake, and she should have it. The sampler belonged to Great-Grandma Anna’s daughter, Miriam, and Anna should have that, as well.

***

“It’s so good to see you again, Anna.”

Tears welled in Anna’s eyes as she sat at the table beside her mother. “It’s good to see you, too.”

“We’ve missed you, daughter.”

“I’ve missed you, as well.”

“You can still come home, you know.” Mom reached for Anna’s hand.

“I can’t, Mom. My place is with Reuben now.”

Mom’s eyes swam with tears. “I’m not asking you to leave your husband, but I’m hoping Reuben will want to return to our way of life, too.”

Anna shook her head. “I don’t think he’d ever be willing to give up his truck or the TV programs he enjoys watching.”

Mom stared at the table. She obviously didn’t know how to respond.

Anna moistened her lips with the tip of her tongue, wishing she knew how to express everything that was on her mind. “I must admit I’ve come to enjoy some things about the modern way of life, too.”

“Like wearing short hair?” Her mother’s wounded expression and mournful tone of voice let Anna know that Mom disapproved of her new look.

Anna reached up to touch a wayward curl. “It was Reuben’s idea that I cut my hair. He thinks I look prettier this way.”

Mom clicked her tongue, which Anna knew meant she was very displeased. She was about to explain things further, when her father stepped into the room.

“Some of our guests are leaving now, Rebekah,” he said, nodding at Mom. “Might be good if you went into the other room and said good-bye.”

Mom sat for a few seconds as though she was contemplating his suggestion. Then she motioned to Anna and said, “Aren’t you going to say hello to our daughter, Daniel?”

He grunted and gave his beard a quick pull. “Not much to be said, is there?”

Anna’s heart felt as if it would break in two. Why couldn’t Dad find it in his heart to forgive her? Why couldn’t he at least try to talk things through?

Mom maneuvered her wheelchair away from the table. “I’ll tell you what, Daniel. I’ll go say good-bye to our guests, and you can visit with Anna awhile.”

Dad blinked a couple of times as if he couldn’t quite believe what Mom had just said, but to Anna’s surprise, he pulled out the chair across from her and sat down.

Mom gave Anna a quick wink and promptly wheeled out of the room.

Anna drew in a quick breath and prayed for the right words to say to her father. “Dad, I—”

“Anna, I want you to know—”

They’d spoken at the same time. “Go ahead, Dad,” Anna said.

He shook his head. “No, you started speaking first.”

She swallowed hard as she stared at his face. Was his pained expression from losing his youngest son, or was her being here today what had caused Dad’s obvious agony? “I—I just wanted to say how sorry I am for hurting you and the rest of the family. I know it was wrong to hide the fact that I’d been seeing Reuben secretly, and I know it was wrong for us to sneak off and get married the way we did.”

Dad sat stoically, apparently waiting for her to continue.

Anna swallowed once more, hoping to push down the lump that had lodged in her throat. “Reuben and I won’t be returning to the Amish faith, but we do want to keep in contact with our families—come here for visits and all.”

Still nothing from her father. He remained silently in his chair, wearing a stony expression.

“I know you don’t understand, but I love Reuben so much, and even though I probably wouldn’t have decided to leave the Amish faith on my own, it’s what he wanted. If I was going to be with him, I knew I had to make a choice.”

He nodded slowly, and tears gathered in the corners of his eyes. “Love does that to people. Fact is, it can cause ’em to make all kinds of sacrifices.” He glanced toward the door leading to the living room. “Your mamm and I had a few problems when we were young and some misunderstandings that nearly kept us apart.”

Anna gave a quick nod. She’d heard from Mom about some of her courtship with Dad and knew they’d almost not gotten married.

“For a time, your mamm thought I only wanted to marry her so I could get my hands on the greenhouse. But I finally convinced the silly woman that it was her I loved and not her business.” Dad shifted in his chair. “I even offered not to work there if she’d take me back. Said I’d spend the rest of my days workin’ at my daed’s dairy, though it wasn’t my first choice.” He stared right at Anna and offered her a smile. “So you see, I do understand in some ways what caused you to move away. You wanted to be with Reuben so much that you were willing to give up the only way of life you’d ever known.”

Anna nodded, and tears rolled down her cheeks.

“I’m still not happy about you and Reuben goin’ English, mind you, but I am trying to understand.” He extended his hand toward her. “And I do still love you, Anna.”

She clasped his fingers, feeling the warmth and strength and reveling in the joy of knowing she was still loved. “I love you, too, Dad.”

***

Anna wasn’t in the kitchen when Rachel returned, but Mom sat at the table with her head bowed. Not wishing to disturb her mother’s prayer, Rachel slipped quietly out the back door. She found Joseph and Pauline sitting side-by-side on the porch. They looked so good together. Rachel was happy Joseph had found someone to love.

Joseph turned when Rachel closed the screen door. “Oh, it’s you, little sister. Nearly everyone’s gone home, and we didn’t know where you were. Anna was looking for you.”

A sense of panic surged through Rachel. “Did Anna and Reuben leave already?”

Joseph shook his head. “Naw. She said she wouldn’t go without talking to you first.”

“Reuben’s still inside talking with his folks, but Anna said something about taking a walk down by the river.” Pauline removed her shawl and handed it to Rachel. “If you’re going after her, you’d better put this on. The snow’s let up now, but it’s still pretty cold.”

Gratefully, Rachel took the offered shawl. “I think I will head down to the water and see if Anna’s still there. I’ve got something I want to give her.”

Rachel started out walking and soon broke into a run. The wind stung her face, but she didn’t mind. Her only thought was of finding Anna.

***

The rest of Silas’s family had already gone home, but he wasn’t ready to leave just yet. He wanted to hang around and see if he could offer comfort to Rachel. She hadn’t looked right when he’d seen her earlier, and after lunch he’d gone looking for her, but she seemed to have disappeared. He figured she must be taking Perry’s death pretty hard, and it had pained him when she hadn’t even responded to his hug. She’d felt small and fragile in his arms—like a broken toy he was unable to fix. It was as if Rachel were off in another world today—in a daze or some kind of a dream state.

He remembered hearing his mother talk about her oldest sister and how she’d gone crazy when her little girl drowned in the lake. He didn’t think Rachel would actually go batty, but she was acting mighty strange. He couldn’t go home until he knew she was going to be okay.

Silas decided to walk down to the river, knowing Rachel often went there to look for birds. Just as he reached the edge of the cornfield, mottled with snow, he spotted someone standing along the edge of the river. His heart gave a lurch when he saw the figure leaning over the water. Surely, she wasn’t thinking of—

Silas took off in a run. When he neared the clearing, he skidded to a halt. The figure he’d seen was a woman all right, but it wasn’t Rachel. It was her sister Anna. He approached slowly, not wanting to spook her.

She turned to face him just as he stepped to the water’s edge. “Silas, you about scared me to death. I thought I was all alone out here.”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you. I was looking for—”

“I used to love coming down here. It was a good place to think ... and to pray.” Anna dropped her gaze to the ground. “Sorry to say that since I left home I haven’t done as much praying as I should. I have started going to church with a friend, though, and I’ve come to realize that the only way to deal with life’s problems is to walk close to the Lord.”

Silas nodded. “Praying is good. I think it goes hand in hand with thinking.”

Anna smiled and pointed to the water. “Look, there’s a big old trout.”

“Rachel likes to fish.” Silas couldn’t believe that even a silly trout made him think of Rachel.

Anna grinned. “I think you and my sister have a lot in common. She likes to spend hours feeding and watching the birds that come into the yard.”

“I know. I bought Rachel a bird book and a pair of binoculars for her birthday.”

“I’m sure she liked that.”

“I thought so at the time, but now I’m not sure.”

Anna touched the sleeve of Silas’s jacket. “How come?”

He stared out across the water. “She thinks I don’t like her. She thinks I’m still in love with you.”

***

Rachel stood behind the trunk of a white birch tree, holding her breath and listening to the conversation going on just a few feet away. She’d almost shown herself, but when she’d heard her own name mentioned, fear of what Anna and Silas were saying kept her feet firmly in place. Was Silas declaring his love for her sister? Was he begging her to leave Reuben and return to the Amish faith? Surely Silas must know the stand their church took against divorce.

“But you’re not in love with me now, are you, Silas?” Anna asked.

Rachel pressed against the tree and waited for his response. She was doing it again—eavesdropping. It wasn’t right, but she could hardly show herself now, with Silas about to declare his love for Anna. Her thoughts went back to that day many months ago when she’d heard Silas say to Anna,
“When you’re ready, I’ll be waiting.”
Was he still waiting for her? Did he really think they had a chance to be together?

“I used to love you, Anna,” Silas said. “At least I thought I did.” There was a long pause, and Rachel held her breath. “Guess maybe we’d been friends so long I never thought I’d fall in love with anyone but you.”

“Have you fallen in love with someone, Silas?” Anna asked.

Rachel chanced a peek around the tree. Silas stood so close to Anna he could have leaned down and kissed her. He didn’t, though. Instead, he stood tall, shoulders back and head erect. “You were right when you told me once that Rachel is good for me. I love her more than anything, but I doubt we’ll ever be together, because I don’t know what I can do to prove my love to her.”

Feeling as if her heart would burst wide open, Rachel jumped out from behind the tree. “You don’t have to do anything to prove your love. What you said to Anna is proof enough for me!”

Silas jumped back. His foot slipped on a patch of snow, and he nearly landed in the water. Rachel raced forward and caught hold of his hand. “Be careful now. You’ll get what I have for Anna all wet,” she said, as he pulled her close to his side.