Hope Rekindled (16 page)

“Who said you would?” He shook his head. “Deborah, we can’t keep such things from each other.”

Deborah sniffed and he handed her a handkerchief. “I’m sorry. I know I was wrong. My mother told me that I couldn’t even think of marrying you if I didn’t trust you with the truth.”

“And what is the truth?”

“I want to use my knowledge and training. I want to continue to learn from you, and I want to marry you. I’m afraid, however, that once we marry and I have a baby, it will all end. I can hardly follow you around to the mills and logging camps with a baby on my back.”

He smiled. “If anyone could, it would be you.” He reached up and pushed back damp strands of hair.

For several moments, neither said a word. They stood quietly gazing into each other’s eyes. Deborah fought back her doubts. “When I left to attend the university, I did so out of a love for learning and a love for my family. I wanted to help with the business, and my father often said that it would be wonderful to have the help. I thought that meant that it was expected of me. Here I am again putting thoughts and feelings into your heart and mind that may or may not be true. Please forgive me.”

He smiled. “Only if you forgive me first. I knew it was going to be a shock to bring home the children. I wanted to consult you—to figure it out together, but there was no time to contact you. I was uncertain as to how you might react. I knew five children would be rather daunting. Of course, Jimmy and Tommy don’t need our attention like the others do. Even Darcy is pretty self-sufficient.”

Deborah thought of the thirteen-year-old. “She’s very much like I was at that age.”

“You said,” Christopher began thoughtfully, “rather . . . your brother said that I could stay in the cabin on your property.”

“That’s true.”

“Would it be possible for us to stay there after we marry?” he asked.

“I believe so. At one time Lizzie and G.W. had planned to move into it, but Lizzie prefers the big house, and Mother loves having them there, as well. Since they added on, there’s really no need to move into the cabin.”

“Then perhaps we could live there. I don’t know how big it is or if we could add space for the children, but if we could, perhaps we could open an office there. We could put out word that people could come and be treated there for their ills and injuries. If we have a baby, you could run the office when I need to go out to the mills. Would that be acceptable?”

“And I could continue to train and attend patients with you until we started to have children?” she asked, feeling her cheeks grow hot. Talking about marital intimacy was hardly something a proper lady did.

“Exactly. And perhaps by that time, the mill here will be reopened and the area will need a full-time doctor again.”

Deborah nodded. “I would think so. Goodness, but I never considered that.” She looked at him. “And you wouldn’t mind? Are you sure?”

He pulled her back into his arms. “I’m quite certain. Marriage is about compromise and working together. It’s also about being honest. Please don’t keep things from me, Deborah. We can work through anything . . . together.”

She relaxed against him and sighed. “I’m so sorry, Christopher. I’m going to do better, I promise. I’ve been so afraid that perhaps I didn’t even want to be a mother—that I would be awful at the job.”

He laughed. “You would make a remarkable mother, and if God blesses us with a child, I’ve no doubt you will love him or her just as you love me. Right now you’re afraid, but I intend to help you get over your fears.” He drew her fingers to his lips and kissed them gently. “I can be most persuasive.” He kissed the back of her hand and glanced up.

Deborah felt her breath catch. Goodness, but he was so very handsome, and he loved her. She felt her heart skip a beat as Christopher touched his lips to hers. Deborah wrapped her hands around the back of his neck and sighed. Her mother was right. Honesty and openness was much better than holding secrets and fears in silence.

C
hristopher handed Euphanel some money. “I want you to have it for the children. Deborah and I talked, and we’re putting off the wedding trip.”

Euphanel shook her head. “I wouldn’t hear of it, Christopher. We’re getting by just fine. We’ve been remaking old clothes and using up material on hand to see to their needs. The garden is producing in abundance, and G.W. and Arjan killed two hogs just last week and you brought in food not long ago. We have plenty to feed them and they’re earning their keep—believe me.” She threw him a broad smile. “You hang on to this money in case you need something.”

“But you bought them new shoes. Those didn’t come free. I should have seen that they needed them, but it didn’t even cross my mind.”

Euphanel led him to a chair. The summer kitchen was hot and steamy from cooking, but Christopher barely noticed. He had far more on his mind. He’d tried everything he could to get a nice sum of money together, but folks were bad off. Those who could pay usually did so in trade—a chicken here, a sack of pecans there.

“You seem worried.” Euphanel went back to the oven and peeked at her bread.

Christopher wasn’t sure how to broach the subject of his fears with this woman. She would be his mother-in-law soon—at least he hoped she would—but Euphanel Vandermark was also strong and capable. She’d endured far more than taking on someone’s orphaned children.

“There isn’t much money to be made in this area,” he finally said. “If the mill were back up and running, and if Albright hired me on to be the company doctor, then things would be better. Still, I can’t see that happening.”

Euphanel listened and nodded. “And it’s hard to take on a wife and family without an income.”

“Exactly. Deborah loves it here and I know she would hate to move, but it might be necessary.”

“It happened that way for me, as well. I loved Georgia, and the last thing I wanted to do was move to Texas. Still, it was necessary for many reasons.” She lifted a pot lid. Steam roiled from the pan and filled the air with the undeniable scent of molasses and brown sugar.

“Smells good,” he told her.

“It’s my special beans.” She gave the pot a stir, then replaced the lid. “Secret recipe.” She smiled and sat beside Christopher. “Deborah will do what has to be done. My daughter is strong and knows that life is unpredictable. She is also determined to overcome obstacles.”

“I know, but I don’t want to be the one to take her from her family and all that she loves. It’s bad enough I’d be saddling her with an instant family. She worries about how that will affect her ability to help me.”

“I know. We talked. Christopher, you and I both know that life doesn’t always look the way we think it should, especially when you’re out of step with the times. Deborah has always been that way. She wants to be the Proverbs thirty-one woman—doing it all—working hard—providing for her family—using her mind. Yet society today puts many obstacles in her way.”

Christopher worried the brim of his straw hat. “I want to give her a good life. I want to make her dreams come true. I know she longs to practice medicine and that she loves helping people. We talked about this the other day, and I was confident things would work out.”

“But now you’re not?”

“Well, there isn’t enough work to keep me busy. If I can’t earn a living here . . . well . . . we’ll have to move to a bigger town.”

Euphanel reached over and patted his arm. “I’d hate to see you go, but you have to do what’s right for you and your family.”

“But you don’t understand. If we moved to a bigger town, then I’d definitely need Deborah to take care of the younger children. I had a solution in mind if we stayed here, and part of that depended on having family nearby. I knew you and Lizzie would help Deborah out if we were to have children—especially if Deborah continued to practice medicine. Moving away wouldn’t allow for that.”

“I see your point.” Euphanel leaned back and wiped her face with the hem of her apron. “Have you prayed about this?”

“Until I’m all out of words.” He turned to face her. “I love your daughter.”

Euphanel smiled. “I know that full well.”

“But I cannot condemn her to a life that she would hate, just to marry her. That would be a more selfish act than I could live with.”

“Christopher, you need to let her be the judge of that. Lay out the situation and let her know what has to be. If she decides to walk away, then that’s her choice.”

He shook his head and dropped his gaze to the floor. “I just don’t know if I can live without her.”

On Saturday evening, when everyone was gathered informally in the living room, Jimmy announced that he’d arranged with Mr. Huebner to take a test to show that he qualified to graduate from high school. The discussion about the week had already been lively, but when Jimmy told them about his plans, the conversation took on a whole new enthusiasm.

“Your folks would no doubt be mighty proud,” Arjan said.

Jimmy nodded. “Ma wanted me to go on with my studies like Christopher did.” He looked to his brother and grinned. “Of course, I don’t have plans to deal with blood and guts.”

“Can we go outside and play with the puppies?” Jonah asked.

“Please? It’s still light,” Emma added.

Mother checked the clock on the wall. “You can go for just a few minutes. I’ll send Darcy to come get you when your bath water is ready. Remember, tomorrow is church, and we need to look our best.”

“I hate havin’ a bath,” Jonah said, shaking his head as he stalked toward the door. “I’m not that dirty.”

Mother and Lizzie exchanged a smile with Deborah. The boy was so covered in dust he might very well turn the bath water to mud.

“Have you thought about what you want to study if you go on to college?” G.W. asked Jimmy once the younger children were gone.

“I love numbers. Anything to do with mathematics,” he replied.

“And you just have to pass a test in order to move ahead?” Arjan asked.

“Yes. It’ll show that I’ve learned all that I need to know in order to go to the university. Mr. Huebner said he’s more than confident I’ll pass. Especially in mathematics. He says I’m well ahead of him in that.” Jimmy’s smile revealed his pride. “He said if the test shows I’ve done just as well in my other subjects, I can attend a university next fall. Of course, dependin’ on the college, I’ll probably have to take a test for them, too, but Mr. Huebner said if I pass one, I can prob’ly pass the other.”

“That’s wonderful news,” Deborah said. “I am so happy for you. I know you’ll enjoy college—I certainly did, and the test I had to take was not all that difficult.”

“Mr. Huebner says there are some great schools here in Texas, but I think I’d like to go back East. Those schools have been around for a lot longer and have more to offer. I want to teach college one day.”

“That’s an admirable career,” Mother said.

Christopher remained silent, and Deborah found that strange. “What do you think of all of this?” she asked him.

All attention turned to the doctor. Christopher looked almost startled by the question. “I am very happy that Jimmy is of a mind to follow his dreams.” He looked to Tommy. “I’m proud of what Tommy has accomplished, as well.”

“I sure don’t want to go to college. I just want to work in logging. I like working outside—it’s so much better than the work we had in town. In fact, I don’t want to go back to school at all. I was told that here, I don’t have to. Besides, with a job I can help take care of the family.”

“We will discuss that later,” Christopher told him. Tommy shrugged but said nothing more.

Deborah knew Tommy’s idea wouldn’t bode well with Christopher. The younger Kelleher had spent only a short time in the logging industry and had no idea of the dangers involved. Christopher, on the other hand, knew them only too well. She tried to give Christopher a smile, but he wasn’t looking at her. In fact, despite the fact he was sitting beside her, Christopher was quite far away. He seemed troubled; maybe he was worried about Jimmy leaving. Maybe he thought his brother wasn’t ready to face the world.

Mother got to her feet. “I’m going to get the bath water ready. Darcy, would you please go call Jonah and Emma back to the house?”

Darcy had stretched out on the rug to study an atlas. She glanced up with a yawn. “Yes, ma’am,” she answered and closed the book. She got to her feet, mindful of the new skirt she’d actually helped to make. “But they won’t like it.”

Everyone chuckled. Deborah knew the girl was right.

“Christopher, why don’t you spend the night here? Use the cabin. I know you prefer to go back to town and keep an eye on what’s yours, but one night surely won’t be too great a risk,” Arjan told him. “We could all head in to church together in the mornin’.” He smiled at Deborah. “And if you had a mind to do a little spoonin’ on the front porch, well, we’d make sure to keep the lights down low.”

Lizzie giggled and G.W. nudged her. “If they don’t take up the offer, we just might. Since the twins are already asleep, we could use a little spoonin’.”

Deborah got to her feet and held her hand out to Christopher. “Oh, no you don’t. The porch is ours. Go find another place to court your wife.”

One by one, the family dispersed. Deborah waited until the silence hummed in her ears. “Are you coming?”

He looked up and nodded. Without a word, he got to his feet and took hold of her hand. Deborah drew him out to the porch. “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”

Christopher looked at her for a moment, then let go his hold. Walking away a few paces, he planted his hands on the porch rail and stared off into the growing darkness.

Deborah followed. “Christopher, what’s going on? Why are you so distraught?”

He heaved a heavy sigh. “I just don’t know how to make it all work.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Jimmy and school. The family . . . us.”

She grasped his arms and forced Christopher to face her. He didn’t resist, but she could see by the look on his face his reluctance to discuss the matter.

“I’m not sure I understand, but I do know that secrets between us are no good.”

He nodded. “I know, and maybe that’s why this is so hard.”

“Please sit with me. No harm can come from discussion.”

Christopher allowed her to lead the way again and took a seat beside her on the swing. “I’m afraid harm might come from this one. Or at least disappointment.”

Deborah shuddered and rubbed her hands against her arms. Christopher didn’t seem to notice, however, and for that she was glad. Was he upset with her? Was he only now really thinking about what she’d said regarding children and her desire to be a doctor? Did he regret having asked her to marry him?

She tried to ease into the conversation. “Jimmy seemed quite excited about attending a university.”

He nodded. “But I don’t know how I could ever afford to send him—and yet, I promised.”

“That’s what this is all about?” she asked, trying not to sound too hopeful.

“Partly.” He leaned back against the wooden frame of the swing. “I can’t seem to make any money. Folks around here—what few there are—want to trade goods for doctoring. They’re as bad off as the rest of us because of the mill being destroyed.”

“But I thought you were having a better time of it, riding out to the surrounding areas.”