Hope Rising (8 page)

He nodded. “You can have my bread.” After dropping his piece into her lap, he darted toward the hospital.

His willingness to give what little he had brought a fresh lump to Evelyn’s throat. What would become of Louis as he grew older? Would he stay funny and compassionate or turn hard and angry when he realized what the war had robbed him of as a child? Would his life improve once the battles were over?

By taking slow, even breaths, Evelyn managed to work through the wave of nausea. When Louis returned with the water, she felt less queasy.

“Here.” Louis carefully placed the cup into her hand.

“Thank you.” She sipped the tepid water. “I don’t believe I’ll have any of the cheese, so you’re welcome to all of it.”

Louis ate every speck of cheese while Evelyn nibbled a few bites of bread. What she didn’t eat, she gave to him.

“Are you better?” he asked when all traces of their lunch had vanished.

“Yes.”

He plucked up a piece of grass and twisted it, without looking at her. “You will not…not die, will you, Nurse Gray? Like
votre mère
?”

“No, Louis.” She settled her hand on his thin shoulder. “I’m not going to die.” At least not in the way he meant.

Louis lifted his blue eyes and gave her a lopsided smile. “Good. Because you are my friend.”

Warmth, as radiant and bright as the sun shining beyond their circle of shade, spread through her at the boy’s sincere declaration. “And you’re my friend.” Evelyn gave his unruly black curls a tussle. “I’d better go lie down now. I have to work tonight in the hospital. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Louis hopped up. “
Oui.
I will think of another of
Grand-mère
’s stories.”

“I’d like that.”

He sprinted across the lawn in the direction of the village. Evelyn envied his energy. She slowly climbed to her feet, taking the cup of water and napkin with her. With her stomach mostly settled, fatigue swept in to take the place of her queasiness.

Her limbs felt spongy as Evelyn plodded up the stairs to her and Alice’s room. She slipped off her shoes and sank onto the bed. Twisting onto her side, she let her eyelids fall shut. Immediately worries crowded her mind like storm clouds. She pushed them away with thoughts of her time with Louis until she could no longer think.

She awoke sometime later and sat up. The clock on the dresser claimed she’d slept for four hours. Evelyn took a few more sips of water and realized the sensation in her stomach came from hunger this time, not sickness.

After splashing water onto her face in the bathroom, she donned her nurse’s cap and apron and went to dinner. Even before she reached the dining hall, she could hear the rise and fall of chatter that filled the old ballroom. Evelyn filed through the line for food, then located Alice seated at one of the three long tables.

“How was your shift?” she asked as she slid onto the bench.

Alice swallowed and waved her fork at Evelyn. “Crazy as usual. Corporal Campbell attempted to get out of bed today—unassisted. I swear if that man wasn’t so nice, I’d stick him on the pulleys just so he doesn’t attempt that again. I’ve never seen someone so determined to get out of here. And return to what? Fighting at the front again? I don’t understand it.”

As she ate, Evelyn half listened to Alice’s stories, but her thoughts were on other things. Why did Joel want to leave the hospital so badly? Like her, he no longer had the bright, hopeful future he’d envisioned. So why be in a hurry to get away? She hoped he wouldn’t leave too soon. Knowing someone else was mourning Ralph’s death eased her own grief to a small degree. Of course, having Joel around might also prove to be dangerous. Who else was most likely to guess her secret first, if he didn’t already know it?

She pushed her food around her plate as worry soured her appetite. Surely if Joel had guessed about her pregnancy, he would have said something already. He’d had ample opportunity when she’d shaved his face last night. The memory of his large, warm hand covering hers sent a shiver up her arms. How strange that she’d reacted to his touch in a way she hadn’t felt before.

Evelyn forced another bite to keep from drawing suspicion. Clearly her grief over losing Ralph had played havoc with her emotions last night. Joel was Ralph’s best friend, so naturally she would feel friendly affection toward him. What was the old saying about friends and enemies?
Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.
She wasn’t sure yet which one Joel would turn out to be, so she’d have to be more careful there.

“Then there’s Sergeant Dennis.” Alice’s exasperated tone broke into Evelyn’s troubled thoughts. “I’m liable to dump his lunch on him one of these days if he doesn’t quit hollering at me for things. Even though there’s two of us in there, he’s always calling out ‘Nurse Thornton, Nurse Thornton.’ It’s enough to make a girl go mad.”

“It’s because he likes you.” The words were out before Evelyn could grab them back. She feigned interest in her food, embarrassed at the askance look on Alice’s face.

“He does not. He’s always arrogant and demanding.”

Evelyn released a sigh and set down her fork. “That’s the way he can get your attention. Just be careful, Alice.”

“Be careful?” Alice lowered her voice as she leaned forward. “I don’t like him back, Evelyn. Even if I did, I would never act on those feelings. That could mean being sent home.” She gave an adamant shake of her head. “No, I’m going to be the model nurse and ignore his overtures. Just like I know you would.”

Heat flamed Evelyn’s face at the misguided perception. She attempted to swallow the bite in her mouth, but the morsel felt like a fist-sized rock going down her throat. She coughed in protest and scrambled to grab her water cup.

“Are you all right?”

Evelyn caught sight of Alice’s concerned face before she gulped down the water. At last the bite dislodged and she could breathe again. “I’ll be fine,” she rasped out. “But I—I think I’m done.” Better to make her escape now, especially if Alice returned to the ill-fated topic of soldiers and nurses.

“Okay. Good luck tonight.”

Evelyn nodded and headed to the kitchen with her dishes. At the bottom of the stairs leading up to the wards, she paused to straighten her cap and smooth her apron. What would Alice and the other nurses say if they knew the secret Evelyn hid behind her impeccable uniform and sharp skills? What would the sisters think? Anxiety tightened her stomach, making her wish she’d skipped dinner after all.

Stop worrying.
Evelyn gripped the worn wooden banister and squared her shoulders. As long as she remained at St. Vincent’s, she would do her duty—just as her father and grandparents had taught and expected of her.

As she had the night before, she ascended the two flights of stairs to Sister Marcelle’s office, where she collected the keys and ledger book. Tonight, though, she wouldn’t avoid Joel. She wanted to see how he was faring after getting out of bed earlier. Upon entering the ward, she found Nurse Kent and a now recovered Nurse Phelps assisting patients.

Evelyn took a seat and reviewed the ledger entries for each soldier in the ward. Alice had noted Joel’s attempt to walk without help. What had possessed him to do such a thing? Evelyn glanced in his direction and was both relieved and disappointed to see his eyes were closed. She liked talking with him, but she also relished the idea of putting off a conversation to learn if he knew her secret or not.

Satisfied with the state of the ward, she checked on the nurses and patients in the other. All appeared in efficient working order there, too. With the other nurses occupied, Evelyn agreed to pen a letter for a soldier who couldn’t sleep. She drew a chair beside his bed and wrote the words he dictated to her in a quiet tone. Perhaps that’s what she needed herself—someone to tell the truth to, who could then write it down for her grandparents.

She had just addressed the envelope when Nurse Kent approached her.

“There’s a soldier in our ward who’s struggling with his pain tonight. He insists on not having any morphine, but he isn’t going to get the rest he needs without it.” Nurse Kent frowned. “What should we do?”

Evelyn stood and carried her chair back to the corner. “Who is it?”

“Corporal Campbell.”

The name brought an instant quickening of her pulse and a strong swell of empathy to her heart. But why? Joel wasn’t any different from the countless other soldiers she’d attended to since coming to France. Evelyn dug her fingernails into her palms to rein in her emotions. She was only concerned for Joel because he was Ralph’s friend and because she knew, more than most, what he’d lost three days ago. He’d already been through so much; he didn’t need to add the agony of little sleep to it.

Evelyn blew out a soft sigh. “I’ll talk to him.”

“Thanks, Evelyn.”

She followed Nurse Kent out of the room and into the other ward. Her shoes marked a quiet beat across the floor as she walked toward Joel. His eyes opened at her approach, but he turned his face toward the wall.

“So they got you to bully me into taking the medicine?” he said when she stopped next to his bed. “I already told them I know there isn’t enough to go around. I’m not going to take medicine from some soldier who really needs it.”

“And what if that’s you tonight?”

He pressed his mouth into a tight line and didn’t respond.

“Nurse Thornton told me about your attempt to walk on your own today.”

“It wasn’t an attempt. I did walk.”

Evelyn swallowed a smile. The man was certainly stubborn. “Be that as it may, we are here to help you”—she lowered her voice—“not impede your progress, Joel. Which means I’d like you to take the morphine, so you can rest tonight.”

“Rest is only a temporary fix,” he muttered.

She wasn’t sure he’d meant for her to hear the words, but they conjured up the same desire to comfort that she’d felt last night. This time she wouldn’t give in, though; she would play her role of concerned nurse and that was all. “Then why are you so anxious to leave?”

“Out there…” He raised his good arm to gesture to the window across the room, but even that movement brought a grimace to his face. “I make decisions; I decide the best tactics and strategies for me and my men. But in here…” He dropped his clenched hand onto the bed. “I’m reminded every minute that there’s nothing I can control or change about what happened the other day.” He lifted his chin, his hazel eyes revealing the torment inside him. “I just want to be in control again—of my own destiny.”

Me, too.
She longed to say the words out loud, but she couldn’t. Not without revealing too much.

The need to reach out and touch his face, to ease his inward suffering, intensified. Evelyn clasped her hands tightly together to stop herself, her fingers aching with the effort. “I understand,” she managed to reply calmly, “but there are certain guidelines you need to abide by.”

The smell of iodine hit her from behind. Evelyn glanced over her shoulder to see one of the other nurses bandaging a wound. Normally the scent didn’t bother her, but she still felt queasy since eating dinner. That, combined with the smell and her lack of real sleep, brought a surge of nausea to her stomach.

Evelyn took a few cleansing breaths through her mouth before continuing. “In here, we ask you to listen to our tactics and strategies, just like you expect your men to listen to yours at the front lines. Tonight, that means the tactical decision of taking morphine in order to rest.”

A faint smile creased his lips. “My men might take orders better from you…Nurse Gray.”

She might have blushed at the compliment if she didn’t feel so ill. Unclasping her hands, she pressed her fingers beneath her nose to help block the smell.

“Nurse Gray?” She looked down at him. His brow had furrowed with evident concern. “Are you okay?”

Evelyn managed a nod. “I…uh…think something with dinner didn’t sit right.” She lowered her hand. “Will you take the morphine?”

“Is this one of those tactics you mentioned a second ago? You feign sickness so I’ll give in and take the medicine?”

“Hardly,” she said, giving a bitter chuckle. Could she make it through this conversation without running to the bathroom?

“You really aren’t feeling well, are you?”

Evelyn threw another glance at the other nurse, who appeared to be finished. Hopefully the smell would evaporate any minute and take her queasiness with it. “I’ll be fine.”

Joel looked skeptical at her halfhearted response. “You were sick the other night, too.” She could practically see his suspicions and conclusions clicking into place like cogs in a wheel. Alarm churned her stomach all the more. He wouldn’t guess the reason for her illness, would he?

“Please tell me if you want the medicine or not.” She didn’t want to stand here arguing anymore, not when she felt ready to vomit.

“I’ll take it. If you’ll answer a question first.”

Panic, and a sour taste, coated the back of her throat. The light from the window lit up his intense gaze. “I don’t know what sort of game you’re playing at—”

“No game. Just an honest answer to an honest question. Then I’ll accept the medication gladly.”

What did he want to know? The anxiety wasn’t helping her weak stomach. She ran a hand across her forehead. When had it grown so hot in here? If she refused to answer his question, would he refuse the medicine? Evelyn wasn’t sure she cared anymore. Except that this was Ralph’s best friend. She owed it to the man she loved to do everything in her power to help Joel.

“Fine.” After making certain the other two nurses weren’t paying attention, she inched closer to ask, “What is this all-important question?”

“Were you going to marry Ralph?”

Evelyn nearly laughed out loud with relief. “Yes.”

Joel studied her face, but she was no longer concerned what he might see. “Even though it meant being discharged?”

“Yes,” she repeated. All that fear had been for nothing. “I’ll get the med—”

“But why not wait until after the war to marry?” The inquiry came out no louder than a whisper, but it thundered as loud in Evelyn’s ears as shellfire. “Unless…you couldn’t wait.”