Hopeful (2 page)

Joe raised his brows. “Impressive,” he muttered.

When she got to their table, her cheeks were flushed.
“Kaffi?”

“
Jah
. For both of us.”

After she’d filled both their cups, Joe gave him a little kick.

Thinking quickly, Junior asked, “So, Miriam, how have you been?”

She looked a bit startled by the question. “Me? I’ve been
gut
. Why do you ask?”

“No reason. It’s just that, well . . . I mean, I haven’t seen you around lately.”

She looked at him curiously. “Where have you been looking?”

“Nowhere. I mean, I guess I haven’t seen you anywhere but at
gmay
, at church. And here,” he added, feeling like a fool.

Joe groaned as he took another bite of biscuit.

“Why were you looking? Did you need something?” Miriam asked.

His tongue was starting to feel like it was too big for his mouth. “Actually, ah . . . yes!” Seizing the opportunity, he added, “I’ve been wantin’ to talk to you about something.”

She set the coffeepot right on the table. “You have?”

“Yes. When do you get off work? Can I stop by?”

“You want to come by my house? Tonight?” Her cheeks pinkened.

“I do. May I come over?”

“You may . . . if you’d like. I’ll be off work at four.”

“
Gut
. I’ll stop over around six.”

“Do you need my address?”

“No, I know where you live. I’ll see you then.”

Miriam picked up the coffeepot, smiled shyly, then walked on.

When they were alone again, Junior picked up his coffee cup and took a fortifying sip. “See, Joe? That wasn’t so hard.”

“It wasn’t so
gut
.”

“Really?”

Joe leaned back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest. “You, Junior, are an idiot.”

“What are you talking about? I’m going to go over to Miriam’s house tonight and talk to her about Mary Kate. It’s a
gut
plan.
Wunderbaar
.”

After making sure Miriam wasn’t nearby to overhear, Joe hissed, “Miriam doesna think you’re coming over to ask about Mary Kate. She thinks you’re going courting. How do you think she’s going to feel when she discovers that you only want her help to get Mary Kate’s attention?”

For the first time, Junior was starting to realize that he should have thought things through a bit more. “Oh. Well, I didn’t think of that. I guess . . . the way I asked . . . It’s not going to go well, is it?”

“Nope. You’ve truly made a mess of it. This is not good, Junior.”

Warily, Junior glanced in the direction Joe was looking. Spied Miriam.

Noticed that she was standing near the hostess station. Her light blue eyes were bright with happiness. She was smiling softly.

Meeting her gaze, he felt his neck flush.

He had a sudden feeling that Joe was right. And that was not good.

Definitely not good at all.

This had to be the best day of her entire life.

After twenty-five years of hoping and praying for a change, of doing her best to be happy for her girlfriends when they’d fallen in love, after trying diets and hair tonics unsuccessfully to try to improve her looks, it had happened.

The boy she’d always wanted had finally looked her way.

God had finally answered her prayers! “
Danke,
Got,” she whispered. For a moment, she considered reminding Him that she probably hadn’t needed to wait quite so long for His blessings . . . but she decided against that.

After all, anyone who was anyone knew that the Lord worked in mysterious ways.

Standing behind one of the stainless steel counters in the kitchen, Miriam couldn’t stop smiling. She wasn’t sure what she’d done to finally attract the attention of Junior Beiler, but she wasn’t about to question her good fortune. After years of looking at him longingly, he’d finally looked back.

And now he was coming to call that very evening!

Across the vast commercial kitchen, her three coworkers kept glancing at her curiously. Finally, Marla spoke. “I’ve never seen you so happy to roll out piecrust. Why are you in such a
wonderful
-
gut
mood?”

Miriam was tempted to share her news. Marla was a good friend, just a few years older than herself, and recently married. Miriam knew that she’d relish hearing about a new romance. But even more tempting was the chance to hold Junior’s sudden interest close to her heart.

After all, there would be plenty of time for everyone to comment about their relationship when he took her out walking or for a buggy ride.

“I’m
frayt
today, that’s all,” she said airily.

Marla exchanged glances with Ruth and Christina. “Do you believe that our Miriam is simply happy, girls?”

“Not even for a minute,” Ruth answered, even though, at fifty, she was far from a girl. Ruth had been married, widowed, and now worked at the Sugarcreek Inn beside them in a way that made Miriam forget that she hadn’t always been there. And even though Ruth was English and favored faded jeans and T-shirts instead of dresses, aprons, and
kapps
, she was definitely one of their gang. “Come on, Miriam, give us a hint. Jana is in quite the mood today. Every time she comes in here, she fusses. Tell us something good.”

Miriam grabbed a handful of flour and took her time spreading it on the counter. “You all make too much of things. I’m merely happy, that’s all. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“There is if it’s a plain old Thursday in September. Which it is,” Ruth declared as she poured three cups of cream into the electric mixer. “I know, you’ve finally booked one of those trips you’re always talking about. Which one are you going on? The weekend in Shipshewana? The bus tour to Colorado?”

“My happiness has nothing to do with trips.”

Christina Kempf, twenty-two and adorable, looked over her shoulder while she did the dishes at the sink. As usual, her white
kapp
and violet dress looked as neat as a pin. “Does it involve a boy?”

Miriam wanted to continue to play it cool, but Christina’s question made her toss the rest of her resolve out the window.

These were some of her best friends. If she couldn’t share her news with them, she didn’t know who she’d share the news with.

“Yes,” she finally announced with a broad smile. “Yes, it does. The best thing just happened when I went out to the dining room to pour coffee. It was so
wonderful
-
gut
I can hardly believe it.”

Ruth turned off the mixer. “Well, don’t keep us in suspense. Tell us!”

“And be quick about it, Miriam,” Marla said with a broad grin. “I’m already imagining all kinds of things.”

Miriam breathed deep. “Junior Beiler asked if he could stop by my house tonight,” she blurted in a rush. “He said he has something he wanted to talk to me about.”

After turning off the faucet, Christina rushed to her side. “Oh, Miriam, he’s going courting!”

“I think so,” Miriam agreed. “After all, why else would be want to come over to my
haus
?”

“I certainly can’t think of another reason,” Ruth said.

Christina squeezed Miriam’s hands, her own getting covered in flour as she did so. “Junior is so handsome. He has such blue eyes, too.”

Miriam nodded. Though her eyes were also blue, they certainly weren’t the bright blue shade his were. “I know.”

“And his hair is so blond.”

“I know.” She’d always thought his blond hair was attractive. Much better than her mousy brown.

“I’m not sure who he is,” Ruth admitted. “Maybe I should go out to the dining room and get a good look at him.”

“
Nee!
” Miriam protested. “If you go out there you’ll stare at him. I know it.”

“I’m not that bad.”

“Yes, you are,” Marla said.

Still so happy to share her news, Miriam almost squealed. “I could scarcely believe it when he motioned me over to his table. I thought he only wanted
kaffi
. . . but he wanted to chat with me!”

“I’m so happy for you,” Marla said. “You’ve got such a good heart. I’m glad Junior has finally taken notice of you.”

“Me, too,” Miriam whispered to herself. Now that her big news had been shared, the four of them went back to work, Miriam still feeling like she was on cloud nine.

Then the kitchen doors opened and Jana glared at them all. “I could hear your laughter from the dining room! Just because Valerie is here to wait tables, it doesn’t mean you all can do nothing in here.”

Before any of them had a chance to point out that they’d been working, Jana snapped, “Whose turn is it to clear tables?”

Miriam raised her hand. “Mine, I’m afraid. I’m sorry. I’ll go right out and do that.”

“Honestly, Miriam, I don’t pay you to come in late and stand around the kitchen chatting. I suggest you get yourself together before you lose this job.”

Stung, Miriam rushed out to the dining room and hastily started clearing the tables.

Normally, the harsh words from her boss would have rattled her more. But today, nothing could spoil her good mood.

She hoped the day would fly by, since she was certain that the evening was going to be special.

At last, her life was going to change. She was sure of it.

The doctor glanced at Judith in obvious sympathy. “I truly am sorry to have to give you this news, Judith. Though the tests we ran do indicate that your body has recovered from the miscarriage, I cannot in good conscience recommend that you attempt another pregnancy. It would be too dangerous for you. And, I’m sorry to say, your chances of carrying a baby full term are slim.”

Judith Knox’s heart felt like it had broken into a million pieces. Reaching out, she gripped her husband’s hand as hard as she could.

Perhaps if she never let Ben go, she could make it through the next few minutes without completely falling apart.

Ben tensed. “But Judith is all right? I mean, she is going to be all right?”

Dr. Wallace nodded. “Yes, Mr. Knox. Your wife will be just fine, once she recovers completely.”

Around a ragged sigh, Ben whispered, “
Danke,
Got.”

Judith knew her husband was grateful, and that his prayer was a good one. She was glad that her body was healing like it should.

But that didn’t change the truth, the only truth that Judith could hear right now. Forcing herself to meet the kind English doctor’s gaze, Judith murmured, “So, it’s over.”

“There are other ways to have a family, Judith,” the doctor said kindly. “When you’re ready, we can talk about that.”

“That’s not what I want.” Looking down at her light gray dress and apron, she squeezed her eyes shut and prayed for strength. She felt so shaky and uneasy she wasn’t sure she was even going to be able to continue the conversation without dissolving into tears. Once she regained her balance, she murmured, “Dr. Wallace, please forgive me. I don’t mean to make things harder for you.”

“There’s no need for you to apologize. I understand. This is a difficult time.”

Ben gently wrapped his free arm around her, holding her in the most comforting of embraces. “
Doktah
, are you sure about this? I’m no doctor, but it seems to me that many women are still able to have babies after a miscarriage.”

“That is true, Ben, but Judith has an unusual situation.” In the blink of an eye, Dr. Wallace once again started spouting scientific data and percentages. Enzymes and something about scar tissue, too.

It was much of the same information the doctor had just said a few minutes before, but even the second time, it was just as confusing and difficult to hear.

Judith let the words flow over her, barely listening to the doctor’s answers to Ben’s carefully thought-out questions.

All she really cared about was the doctor’s conclusion—that she would never have a baby of her own. As the eldest girl of seven children, she’d been anticipating motherhood all her life. Now she was going to have to let that dream fade away.

And worse, she was unable to give Ben the perfect family he’d always longed for. A chance for him to be the father his father never was.

Her body had failed them both.

At long last, Dr. Wallace walked to the examining room door. “I am very sorry, Judith. I cannot tell you how much I wish I had different news to tell you.” Pausing with her hand on the door handle, she added, “I believe God has a reason for everything. Perhaps one day we’ll know why He made this decision.”

When they were alone in the room, Ben quietly got to his feet, crossed the room and plucked a pair of tissues from the box next to the sink. After handing them to her, he held out his hand. “Let’s go home, Judith. You’ll feel better once we’re back in Sugarcreek.”

She wiped her eyes and followed him out the door. She kept her composure as best she could, while he paid the receptionist, then guided her down the quiet hall.

When their English driver arrived, she allowed Ben to help her into the back of the van. She looked out the window while he told the driver that they’d changed their minds about going out to lunch. That it would be best to simply return to Sugarcreek.

When they got to their home, the two-story house that Ben had grown up in but was now theirs, Judith attempted to smile politely while the driver chatted about the weather and the opening of the new ice cream parlor next to the library.

Once inside, she did her best to pretend that she wasn’t devastated. She knelt down and patted their two cats and let the dog outside. She opened the refrigerator, pretending that she actually cared what she was going to make for lunch.

But before she could pull out the fixings for chicken and dumplings, Ben pulled her into his arms. “Leave it,” he said. “Come here and let me hold you.”

“Oh, Ben.” Then, at last, the dam burst. Her tears flowed, and she let herself cry.

After a bit, he guided her to their couch, the one they’d inherited from her parents, which had more than a few lumps. Pulling her close, she rested her cheek on his chest.