Hot Cooking Spanker Wanted (17 page)

Farm
people get up at unbelievably early hours. Cows were milked and
chickens were fed by the time I came down to breakfast and I hurried.

We
held hands as we prayed again. Ryan rubbed my hand again. I had
missed him last night but I wouldn't have been able to make love with
him with his parents next door.

That
was something that I thought was very odd. Ryan was quiet when we
made love but I wasn't. I apologized again and again for it, but he
always laughed and said it was normal. It embarrassed me but it was a
lot like getting a spanking. You always say that this time you will
be quiet and it never works. I told him that once. That had him
rolling.

After
we had eaten we piled into the car. I sat in back with Ryan, holding
hands. His father kept looking into the rear view mirror. I had a
feeling that he was watching Ryan more than me. At least I hadn't
made a bad impression on him, as being wanton.

We
parked in the church parking lot and people swarmed around Ryan. He
held on tight to me as he shook hands with old friends and other well
wishers. I got the impression that this would have happened if I
would have been there or not. He introduced me to the crowd. Then his
father herded everyone inside. Once inside everyone was very quiet.
Ryan led me to the family pew. It was almost at the front.

We
sat and waited for the pastor and said hello to the people sitting
around us. The pastor came out and made a few announcements. He even
announced that Ryan was home visiting and that he had brought me
along to meet his parents. As if the whole room full of people didn't
already know that.

We
stood to sing the entry hymn. Ryan and I were sharing a book. It was
a song I knew well. I had been in the church choir since first grade.
I had never sang in front of Ryan before, but this was something I
thought I was kind of good at, but you can never hear yourself. We
were standing so close together and he had his hand at my elbow.

The
music started and then it was time to sing. I sang like I normally
did. I couldn't hear him singing at all. I dared to peek at him and
he looked just surprised. I couldn't tell if he was happy or mad. I
just sang on. By the second verse he was smiling and I wasn't looking
at the book.

We
sat when it was finished. He leaned in to me. “How did you do
that?”

“
Church
choir. Twelve years,” I whispered back. His body was shaking, as he
tried not to laugh.

After
church the men flocked together and his mom took me off to meet her
friends. “God certainly did bless you with a fine voice,” she
told me.

“
A
bit of talent and a lot of hard work. I sang in my church choir
before I moved off to Germany.”

“
Really?
How long were you a part of the choir.”

“
Twelve
years.” Wow I had managed to impress her. I did want them to like
me.

“
Why
didn't you let me know that you can sing?” He said it with an
accent that was getting more southern by the second.

“
Because
I didn't know until just now when you said that, that I could.” I
smiled up at him.

“
Well
you can, darling. Why does it seem like I am always finding something
new about you every other day?”

“
That's
just because you're paying attention.” I walked off and joined the
women again. I felt his eyes on my backside as I walked away, but it
was in a good way.

The
stay with Ryan's parents was over quickly and we went back to work.
Him to the film, me to my apartment to finish the book. One day he
called and told me that he had been suggested for the lead in another
movie. He had auditioned and got the part. He was very excited about
bringing home a lot of money so we could get married.

I
pretended to be excited about that but I just wanted him at home. I
missed him so much and I was going back to my old ways of staying up
late and sleeping in except that I slept in a lot later than before.
My body was just used to getting the right amount of sleep. I guessed
it just demanded it now.

I
finished the book and proofread it several times. My publisher wanted
it right away so I sent it to her without putting it aside for a
month but there wasn't any time for that. She would read it and send
it to her editors and if they had any questions they would call me.

I
had been confessing to Ryan about my strange sleeping habits and when
he came home to visit he scolded me but he didn't spank. I was glad
about that.

He
was predicting a major burn out. I told him that I would be good and
take a vacation when I was finished. He made me promise.

Writing
that book had tired me out so much. It had ended up longer than the
first one.

It
was odd to go shopping and see my own face on the tabloids. That we
were a pair was all over the media. They loved the story and pictures
of us kissing were everywhere. The pictures were older already but
the same kisses got shot from different angles and made then look
more. The picture we presented was a couple very much in love. I
liked that.

I
even bought a couple where I thought the pictures were especially
nice and hid them away at home. I wasn't sure if Ryan would approve
or not.

I
was back to shopping everyday just to get some exercise and in the
hopes that I would wake up a little. I knew that I needed Ryan
cooking and caring for me every day to really feel better, but he was
the one working.

It
should be me taking care of him when he came home to visit. I had
kind of admitted to myself that I was sick. I made a doctor
appointment and worried how he would react if I ended up having
something like an iron deficiency caused by the wrong nutrition. I
was eating perfectly so I would have good blood results.

We
had been doing a lot of talking about moving in together. It only
made sense, and we would save money that way. That was also something
he liked. He was worried about the future. He rolled his eyes when I
told him that I would write him a best seller before I would let him
starve.

Ryan
wanted to be the one bringing in the money. It all fit into his –
being the man, breadwinner beliefs. It was part of who he was, so I
accepted him as he was and loved him for it.

I
didn't tell him about the doctor visit I had arranged, because I was
pretty sure what was wrong with me. I had a feeling that I had a
little surprise for him.

I
was late by two weeks in the meantime. I knew he wanted a family but
he also wanted that nest egg. He probably would be thrilled but I
still worried that he would be a bit disappointed that it had
happened so soon. He was very correct about things, like marriage
first and then children, but we had been having unprotected sex since
the get go. It was to be reckoned with.

I
was obviously happy about the baby because I caught myself talking to
the baby and when I stood I tended to rock sideways on my feet and
hum. I was looking forward to my appointment tomorrow. I went to bed
early and got lots of rest a healthy breakfast but not too much
because I figured that they would be weighing me. Then I was off to
the hospital.

I
told the nurse that I was here for my appointment. I felt like I was
already a beaming mother. I waited in a chair and dared to read a
parenting magazine while I scolded myself that I might be setting
myself up for a disappointment.

The
nurse called me in and I got undressed, and into one of those
terrible paper hospital gowns. I felt so stupid. The doctor came in,
and of course it was a male doctor. He started talking to me like I
was dressed. He told me that he was a fan and that he could hardly
wait for the movie. I told him that they were finished filming it but
they still had to polish it up for the movie theaters.

Then
he seemed to remember why he was there with me in the tiny room with
me wearing paper clothing.

“
So
what brings you to me today?” He was grinning at me.

“
Well,
I haven't been feeling well lately. Tired even though I am sleeping a
lot, dizziness and I'm two weeks late.” I was blushing red by the
time I finished.

He
smiled, “I understand. Well let's get started then and see if we
can confirm your hopes.”

He
checked me over which was too embarrassing to talk about. While he
was at it he even asked very personal questions. He took blood and
gave me a cup to pee into.

Yes,
even best selling authors don't get out of that. He announced that I
was pregnant and then he sent me off to a gynecologist for more
details. I got checked over again, but this time it was all about the
baby so I didn't mind as much. The doctor was also a woman, which
helped.

I
was the happiest woman in the world when I left the hospital.

My
neighbor was getting her mail when I came in. “Wow, you are in a
great mood, aren't you?”

I
just nodded stupidly.

“
Did
he propose or something?” She was one of the few who had no idea
who my boyfriend was. She didn't go to the movies and apparently she
didn't read the tabloids either. But as a single mom it was hard for
her to do things like that. When she had a babysitter she then she
went on dates but not to the movies. I invited her to go along with
me one night.

The
premiere was going to be a huge event. I would go to the one here in
America and the one Germany. I could hardly wait to hear Ryan
speaking German. Well, to see my boyfriend with his voice dubbed
over. Maybe when he heard about my good news he wouldn't be my
boyfriend anymore. Maybe my fiancé, or maybe he would take me by my
hand, and cart me off to the courthouse, or Vegas, and he would be my
husband.

“
No,
but he talks about us getting married like it is a done deal.” I
smiled on and she looked at my stomach.

Her
jaw dropped. “How far along are you?”

“
Just
a few weeks. I just came from the doctor's. I really am expecting. I
have to tell him right away before it somehow leaks to the press. He
should hear it from me. I've got to call him.”

“
No,
this is a special moment in life you should tell him in person. Men
always react badly to that sort of thing on the phone.”

I
nodded at her and thought about everything. We said our 'have a nice
days' and each went our separate ways. I was still smiling like
people do in commercials.

I
went right to the phone. I needed to talk to him. I had to tell him
everything. Sharing everything with him had just come so natural.

His
phone was shut off. I waited a bit and tried again. I was thinking
about buying him a pair of tiny baby booties and sending him one with
express mail. Would he like something like that? No, he would call
yet today and I couldn't keep something this big to myself.

I
tried calling him a couple of times but I couldn't reach him. I felt
like I would just burst if I didn't tell him right away. I called the
airport and booked a one way flight to him. I would try to call him
again on the way but I had to tell him now. I wanted him to tell me
how happy he was and that this was what he wanted too.

I
parked in long term parking just in case. He would want to see that I
was properly feed, especially now that I was eating for two.

I
was able to get on a plane without drawing any attention to myself.
Something Ryan couldn't do anymore and the movie hadn't even started
yet. But advertisements were everywhere. His picture was up on
billboards. He looked great. I'd bet many a woman envied me. And I
was even carrying his child too.

At
the airport I had to wait awhile. So I quickly went to a newsstand
and bought the latest issue of Parents' Magazine. I was glad that no
one saw me doing that. I imagined Ryan reading in a tabloid that he
was about to be a father.

My
suitcase arrived and I carefully lifted it off of the conveyor belt
and rolled it along behind me. It was already late. Ryan would say,
past my bedtime. But now that I was pregnant I actually did want to
live by his rules. 'Father knows best,' I smiled to myself.

Ryan
would really want this. He would be worried at first because we
weren't married and we didn't have a house yet, but we could get all
of that accomplished in nine months.

I
waited for a taxi. When it was finally my turn, I hopped in and told
the driver where I needed to go.

I
practiced what I was going to say. It was so late that I would be
waking him up. So I practiced what I should say to a man who would
probably be squinting against the light from the hall as I stood in
front of his hotel room. I went through different scenarios. 'Honey,
we're expecting', or 'Ryan, you really can't let a woman in my
condition stand out in the cold hall' but I would probably just stand
there and start crying, while he flipped out, trying to figure out
what was wrong with me. Why was it that the whole world thought of me
as being a mature grown up adult, and the one person who truly knew
me, knew that I was a wreck, that had problems taking care of herself
on a daily basis, was the one person who honestly loved me.