House of Payne: Rude (14 page)

He stared, not sure he heard right. “What?”

“Sex is fine. Sex is great. But once you’re done, you’re done. You’re out.”

“Out?”

“Of my bed. Of the apartment. Out. I’ve never slept with anyone in the same bed with me. Ever.”

His jaw almost dropped. “Seriously?”

“It’s a thing with me. Even now with you, I was only dozing and never lost track that there was someone else in the room with me. I can’t just…be completely unconscious for any real length of time when there’s someone close by. It’s impossible. I can’t do it.”

A thousand questions hammered in his brain, but she didn’t need to be grilled now. Besides, he pretty much knew all the answers anyway. “I told you, you’re safe with me.”

“I know you did, and I appre—”

“But those are just words. I get that.”

He watched a wave of gratitude roll through her expression. “You do?”

“Sure. The only way you’re really going to believe me, with both your mind and your heart, is if I prove it to you.”

She blinked. “Prove it to me?”

“There’s only one way I can prove that you’re safe with me, and that’s to stay the night with you. Come morning, you’ll see the world’s still spinning and you’re as safe as you’ll always be whenever we’re together.”

“But I’ll never be able to sleep with you here in my bed. Tell you what, let’s have sex and then—”

“Nope.” He grinned at her stunned look. Yeah, he was pretty sure this was the first time that offer had ever been refused. But it was time she understood he wasn’t like the other lightweights she’d dazzled, then tossed out before they could get their bearings. “Like you said earlier, the mood’s broken, but I’m okay with that. We’ll order some pizza, hang out, watch some TV…” He glanced at the foot of the bed and froze in genuine horror. “Holy Mother of God.”

“What?”

“You don’t have a TV in your room. How can you not have a TV in your room?”

“I’ve never had a television in any bedroom I’ve ever been in. Bedrooms are for sleeping and having sex, and that’s it.”

“Jesus, you did have a deprived childhood.”

“I’m going to tell your parents you said that.”

“I suppose I can handle no TV for tonight, just like you’re going to handle sleeping in the same bed with me,” he decided, though he didn’t bother to hide his suffering. “But we need to go shopping for a TV. For real.”

“Rude—”

He hunched down to give her a hard, silencing kiss before rolling out of bed. “That’s not negotiable, Sassy Pants. The only thing that’s negotiable on the table now is the thickness of the pizza crust. That’s one thing I don’t give a shit about.”

The glow of morning light seeped through Sass’s closed eyelids, and with a sigh she surfaced from thick, cocooning layers of sleep. But she was too cozy and warm to even think of moving, so she only managed to open her eyes.

And latched right onto Rude’s sleeping face.

Shocked, she stared at him, his head less than a foot from hers and sharing the pillow she’d cuddled up with. His leg was in between hers and one of his arms was nestled in the indentation of her waist, while her leg had somehow draped itself over his hip. She wasn’t surprised to find him there, or to find out how well they fit together despite their size difference. What shocked her was waking up beside him.

In order to wake up, that meant she’d fallen asleep.

The weird thing was, she couldn’t even remember when she’d drifted off. One second she’d been dreading what would assuredly be yet another long and sleepless night. The next, she woke up with him snuggled against her like he was her favorite cuddle buddy.

How had that happened?

There were other memories that came in crystal clear. The pizza they’d ordered had tasted like manna from heaven, and it had delighted her to absurd levels that their choice in pizza toppings worked so well together. The microbrew she kept in stock for Scout washed everything down perfectly. But as they’d eaten and talked about favorite kinds of beer—she wasn’t a connoisseur, whereas Rude enjoyed everything, though the darker ales were a particular favorite—she hadn’t been able to relax. Every time Rude opened his mouth, she’d expected him to bring up her overreaction to being held against her will.

Every time he spoke, he never brought it up.

It was almost like in his mind, it had never happened.

It didn’t make any sense. If their roles had been reversed, she would have wanted to know what the hell had kicked off a full-blown panic attack. But not Rude. He’d just taken it all in stride and handled her with exactly the right amount of firmness and understanding.

And that was when it hit her—he
did
understand what it was like to feel so completely out of control, because he’d once been there himself. She knew he wasn’t stupid; far from it. He’d been through hell, and from the sound of it he’d gone through some heavy-duty counseling to come to grips with the shit he’d been forced to endure. That had to be where his knowledge in how to handle her epic freak-out had come from. It hadn’t even fazed him.

Except…

He no longer wanted to have sex with her.

The room seemed to darken as she stared at his whisker-shadowed, sleeping face. Of course he wouldn’t want to have sex with her, she thought, a shaft of deep, bitter loss stabbing through her. She hadn’t exactly been at her most attractive yesterday. No wonder he’d politely declined the invitation. It was just her damned luck, she thought with a twisted non-smile, carefully untangling herself from him and sliding her legs over the edge of the mattress. She’d just found the guts to go all-out sex-bomb on him, and five seconds later she blew a damn circuit and lost her mind and her chance.

If that wasn’t self-sabotage, she didn’t know what was.

“’Morning, baby.”

She froze just as she was about to rise to her feet, and a monster wave of awkwardness hit her hard. How was this morning interaction shit supposed to go? “Um… hello.”

Oh,
wow
. Brilliant conversationalist, that was her.

Sass couldn’t blame him for the amused sound that rumbled sleepily from him before an arm hooked around her waist and his body curled around hers, his face burrowing cozily into the small of her back. “I like your bed even though it’s fucking purple. Mine’s bigger, but that doesn’t matter when you’re all wrapped up in each other. You can tell me which you prefer when you stay over at my place.”

What, was that what happened with no-sex relationships? People had sleepovers? Should she bring a sleeping bag and he could braid her hair? “Uh… where do you live?”

“Finally, a personal question. And it didn’t even kill you.” He gave her a friendly squeeze before he moved his face against the small of her back… and she felt the brush of lips against skin.

Hello, indeed.

“I’ve got an apartment about three miles from where we are now, in Little Italy off Roosevelt. I don’t have the killer view you do, or the square footage, but I’ve got great neighbors who watch my place when I’m not there, and keep me from starving when I am.” Another kiss pressed against the small of her back, this time with a tasting sweep of a tongue that threatened to melt her spine. “Mm. Speaking of which… I’m hungry, Sassy. And with you tasting so damn good, I don’t think I’m going to be able to resist you.”

Dizzy delight went off like fireworks inside her, dissipating the odd desolation that had been there only moments before. But she had to make sure she wasn’t misunderstanding. This was Rude, after all, and she’d never been able to figure him out.

“Last night you said the mood was broken.”

“That was last night. This is now. Now,” he added, running his tongue along the indentation of her spine until she shivered uncontrollably, “I’m in the mood to make you moan until you lose your voice. And I’m hoping like hell you’re in the mood to do the same with me.”

Chapter Thirteen

A tidal wave of irrational relief swept through Sass. It eased the tension from her muscles until she relaxed into the curve of his body. With a tentative smile, she glided her fingers over his forearm positioned just beneath her breasts. “You want to know the truth?”

She felt the nip of his teeth, a sweet zing of sensation. “Always.”

“I like the thought of making you moan. A lot.”

“
Fuck
.” The arm that was wrapped around her waist tightened a moment before his hand slid under the loose fleece of the pajama top she’d changed into the night before. “You trying to kill me, woman?”

“You’re not that fragile, are you?”

“You’re going to find out soon enough.”  His fingertips drew light patterns along her stomach and rib cage. Almost tickling, definitely stimulating. “Damn, you’re soft, Sassy.”

She continued to stroke his arm. “You like?”

A growling sound came from him, and his arm tightened. “I more than just
like
. I’m addicted to the feel of you. Even in public all I want to do is touch you. When I’m away from you, my hands hurt with their emptiness, and all I can think about is being with you again.” His palm slid slowly upward, drawing out the anticipation until she thought she’d snap. Then he moved at last, cupping her naked breast in his palm, and the skin-to-skin contact made her gasp out loud even as her back arched her into his hand.

Yes.

“Beautiful.” The single word rumbled out of him before he moved to sit behind her. His long thighs framed hers, and her butt snuggled back against his crotch. She could feel the press of his erection, getting harder and more insistent by the second, and it kicked off a surge of wetness at the juncture of her thighs. She bit her lip to stifle a moan, but she couldn’t stop from squirming as the sensitive tissues of her cleft pulsed with need.

“Rude.” It was a tense thread of sound, whispered on a shallow breath. She leaned her head back on his shoulder and placed one hand over his at her breast, a veil of fleece separating them, while her other hand landed on his thigh and gripped him hard to communicate her need. He had slept in his jeans and nothing else, and the barrier of denim was something she suddenly resented. “It’s crazy, how much I love your hands on me.”

“It’s not crazy. It’s the way it’s supposed to be.” The growl of his voice shivered along her skin seconds before her top went up and over her head, and he was filling his hands with her breasts. “Mouth, Sass. I need it.”

She turned her head and met the heat of his kiss with the fire of her own. If desire had a taste, it was there on Rude’s lips, and the promise of heaven was in the caress of his tongue. The combination of his mouth loving hers and his hands on the bareness of her body destroyed whatever defenses she had left, and all that was left was yearning. She began to turn to face him, but he gently forestalled her, one hand coming to splay over her belly to hold her in place.

“If I see you and feel your body rubbing against mine, I’m going to fucking lose it. I need you to stay where you are until you’re right on the edge. Which is where I already am.” He said it almost apologetically, as if he regretted being that excited by her. She sure as hell didn’t regret it, and she couldn’t help but smile at the prospect of ratcheting that excitement up even more.

“If you want me to catch up, you’re going to have to do more than kiss me.” She looked back over her shoulder at him, then caught her lip between her teeth when he tweaked a nipple between his forefinger and thumb. “Your kisses are amazing, but it’s going to take more than that to bring me up to…
oh
.” The last word was lost in a gasp as he again tweaked and rolled both nipples this time, and the sweetness that those fingers created had the muscles in her lower abdomen tightening with arousal.

“I can do that.” His breath feathered against her hair a moment before his mouth latched onto her lobe and sucked it into his mouth. “I can definitely do that.”

She never had a doubt.

“The thing is, you’re wearing too much.” Rude trailed his hands down her ribs and over her belly to the low-riding waistband of her pajama bottoms tied with a canvas cord. One tug loosened it, a sensation that brought relief to her over-sensitized skin, and she let out a small sound when his fingers slid underneath.

“You’re in charge of how this goes this time around.” His voice was a deep, rough-edged purr against her ear. “Fast. Slow. Hard. Soft. Gentle. Rough. Any of it. All of it. I’ll give it to you however you want it. But after that it’s my turn, and I like it wild.”

She wanted to assure him that she was a strong supporter of wild, but he chose that moment to slide his hand into her panties. The catch of her breath was audible. Then it was held suspended in her lungs as his fingers delved into her cleft, sliding through the slickness gathered there.

“Damn, Sassy.” His voice was almost unrecognizable in its raggedness. With gentle mercilessness, he stroked his finger along her channel until her body jerked and a low, drawn-out whimper escaped her. “You’re so wet. Do I turn you on that much?”

She didn’t care that he sounded smug. She didn’t care about anything except that he kept touching her. “Yes. Oh…
yes
.”

“Good.” He rewarded her by focusing pressure on her clit, while his mouth opened on her neck. She shuddered at the scrape of his teeth before he sucked her taste into his mouth, even as his free hand pushed the remainder of her clothes past her hip. Taking his cue, she kicked her PJ bottoms and panties off and opened her legs wider to give him better access. “That makes us even. Whenever I see you, I get so hot I feel like I’m on fire. I have to make sure I’m standing behind something, or everyone’s going to see I’m pitching a fucking tent because you’re near me.”

“I…” Pleasure drugged her, infiltrating every part of her thoughts until it was the only thing she knew. Her hips moved her against his hand, and she reveled in the intensifying delight blooming through her. “I don’t believe that.”

“Then you probably won’t believe that for the past year you’ve had the starring role in every fantasy I’ve jacked off to, but that doesn’t make it any less true.” He changed his caressing rhythm, increasing the tempo until she writhed with it, the lush sensations magnifying to the point of sweet, sweet anguish. Small sounds burst from her with each gasp, and instinctively she pushed her ass against the hard cock with every needy roll of her hips, because as good as his touch felt, it could be better.

He could be inside her.

As if he’d read her mind, his free hand went between their bodies and slid down, searching for and finding her threshold. Another broken moan whispered from her as he slid an exploratory finger into her. A rush of pure feeling hit her hard, as the folds of her cleft were now swollen and pulsing so urgently with arousal she ached with it. She never wanted it to end, this blissful haze he’d filled her with, but all too soon he moved, pulling out to guide her gently to her feet.

“Gotta get a condom out, baby. Need to be inside you now.”

For a response, she ripped open the nightstand’s drawer and fished out a box before he could get his own. She was proud she was capable of that much dexterity when he’d pushed her to the knife’s edge of magnificent insanity. She was only sorry he had to abandon his erotic ministrations for the few seconds it took to kick off his jeans and apply the protection.

The payoff, however, was worth it when he turned her so her upper body lay on the bed, her ass in the air, while he spread her legs wide apart. The only problem was that she was still facing away, and she enjoyed the view of him far too much to give that up quietly.

“Rude, I want to see you.”

“And I need to see you do some full-tilt screaming at the top of your lungs. This first time, Sassy, is going to be perfect for you.” And with that, he carefully entered her.

She gasped his name as he filled her, her interior walls stretching to accommodate him, and there was a lot of him to accommodate. She arched her lower back and pushed her breasts into the mattress, deepening the angle of penetration. As he seated himself fully into her, a fissure of pleasure hit her nervous system like an earthquake.

“Oh…
yes
.” She barely heard the words leave her as she pushed back to find that addictive sensation again. Then she couldn’t help but do it again and again, because to be still was to lose her glimpse of heaven. He helped her chase after it by gripping a hip with one hand, while the other reached around to the front and continued to work her between her legs.

The pleasure magnified and tightened so hard she thought she might implode in on herself and disappear forever. Instead the tension suddenly released, exploding so sharply she clutched at the sheets and almost pulled them off the bed, her cries mindless and triumphant and half-muffled by the mattress. Ecstasy rippled through her in pulverizing waves, and it was still going strong when he pulled out, flipped her so that her back hit the bed, and he instantly positioned himself between her bent knees and entered her once more.

As she drifted back down to earth, she at last got to watch him as their bodies merged, and all too soon it was his turn to get swallowed by the pleasure. Her name ground out between his bared teeth while his eyes squeezed shut, the tension in his face bordering on agonized as he thrust into her so powerfully he moved her across the mattress. Then the tension broke, and the vivid relief of pleasure was so beautiful to witness it triggered another mini-release in her, a release that was somehow more satisfying than the first. Her cries mingled with his, and to her ears it was the sound of heaven on earth.

Lazy lassitude drifted in as their breathing calmed, and she glided her hands in random patterns on his back while his face buried in her neck. Only as peace settled around them did something surface in her memory.

“Why a year ago?”

He stirred against her neck, but didn’t raise his head. “Hmm?”

A shiver hit her at the contented, sated sound. Strange, how even a sound from him could affect her like a physical caress. “You said you’ve been thinking about me for a year. What happened a year ago?”

“I’ve been wet-dream
fantasizing
about you for a year,” he corrected, and turned his head just enough so his lips were against the place where shoulder met neck. “I always thought about you. Though I’ll admit they weren’t always nice thoughts, since I thought you were being mean for not forgiving me for being King Turd of Shit Hill when I was sixteen.”

She snorted.
Nice
. “So, what changed your thoughts into fantasies?”

“You became my greatest regret.”

Her sleepy amusement vanished under a wave of shock. “What?”

“Yeah.” At last he lifted up on an elbow to stare down at her, and something in her stomach dipped and flew all at the same time when she saw the softness of his eyes. “It’s kind of cliché, but when you think you’re about to check out, your life really does flash in front of your eyes. For eight days I had that whole life-review shit rolling around in my head to keep me company, and the one thing that stood out the most was
you
, and how I’d treated you.” He shook his head. “Let’s just say I didn’t like what I saw.”

“I almost feel like I should apologize for that.”

“That was what
I
wanted to do. You were a loose end that I couldn’t stand leaving undone. There I was, a world away from you, and all I wanted was to see you one more time. That was all I wanted—just to have a chance to look you in the eye and tell you that I’d basically sucked as a human being when I was a kid and that I was sorry. I
had
to stay alive long enough to get back and make peace with you. That motivation kept me alive, Sassy. I don’t think I would’ve made it without you.”

An invisible hand clenched around her chest, and she stared up at him while she tried to figure out why that clenching hurt in such a beautiful way. “While I’m glad it gave you focus in order to stay alive, I don’t want to be a regret for you, or anyone. Life is too short for things like that.”

“Don’t I know it.” For a moment his eyes were clouded with something so terrible it hurt her to see it. Then he lifted a broad shoulder and gave her a lopsided smile. “You stopped being my regret and started being my X-rated fantasy around the time I saw you in Michaela’s birthday party video that Frankie posted.”

She remembered the birthday party Frankie threw for her middle child Michaela, but she didn’t remember anything special about it. “It was an eight-year-old’s birthday party in the backyard. Nothing remotely X-rated happened.”

“It wasn’t so much the content as it was
you
.”

“
I
was X-rated? Funny, you’d think I’d remember that, especially at an eight-year-old’s backyard birthday party.”

“Ah, that sassy mouth. Turns me on so fucking much.” He caught her chin and held her still for a hot kiss that ended much too soon to satisfy her. “I’d been stateside for a few months, and one of my docs recommended that I go online to try to reconnect with the clean, unsullied, everyday life that I’d had before—a life that I no longer felt I had a right to be a part of. Up to that point, I was having a hard time focusing on anything that didn’t have to do with the guilt of still being alive while the rest of my team had been torn to pieces. Going online seemed kind of a lame-ass thing to do to counteract all that darkness, but I figured, what the hell? Nothing else was working. So I sat down, turned on the tablet, and I found… you. The woman who’d dragged me through the worst time of my life—or at least the thought of you had. And then suddenly there you were, the first person I saw. It was like magic.”