How Spy I Am (39 page)

“Thanks.” I faded into
invisibility.

I found the Macon
location without too much difficulty. The data stream buffeted me
gently while I hovered outside, sizing it up. It didn’t seem any
different than any other server or firewall. I gave a mental shrug
and eased into it.

The benign data stream
morphed into a vicious riptide, and my consciousness tumbled
helplessly. Around and around, slamming into the server only to be
repelled and dragged under again, I spun with dizzying speed, panic
building. I couldn’t even identify back or forward. Which way was
retreat?

Utterly disoriented, I
flung my consciousness in all directions, visualizing a spiderweb
with sticky anchors at each nexus. Some of my anchors connected
with the data tunnel, and I dragged myself out of the vortex, my
data packets quivering with the terrified pounding of a heart I
didn’t even possess. Floating in the data stream, I willed calm,
waiting for the shock to subside. At last, I collected myself and
turned for home.

It was gone.

Panic suffused me. Not
even a trace of my connection to Kane remained. No scattered
remnants of myself to follow back to Sirius.

Oh, God, what if the
connection had ended somehow? What if the Sirius network had gone
down, and my consciousness was trapped here forever?

Trapped in endless
data tunnels…

The tunnel imagery
induced a rush of claustrophobic terror. I tried to breathe through
the panic attack, but my lungless self couldn’t draw a breath.

Suffocating!

White blindness
descended while my hysterical consciousness churned the data stream
into a maelstrom of unconnected bits.

Unmeasurable time
later, slow thought penetrated my terror. I was only data,
electrical impulses held together by my own consciousness. Data
doesn’t need to breathe.

I slowed my struggle,
and the data stream around me resumed its course like a muddied
brook running clear again.

Stay calm. There had
to be a way back. I’d found Macon without any markers. Surely I
could find Sirius.

I cast careful feelers
out.

Nothing.

Stay calm. There had
to be a way.

I extended my
quivering consciousness farther. Soon I’d find something familiar.
Soon I’d find my way home.

Still nothing.

Panic swooped in
again. I was fighting it with grim desperation when the first faint
echo called my name.

Aydan Kelly.

I snapped my virtual
self into focus, diving after the data packet.

Aydan Kelly.

More packets from the
same direction.

Aydan Kelly.

Glorious realization
flooded me. Spider was doing web searches. Calling me home.

I gobbled up the
packets and followed the trail.

When I burst into
Sirius’s virtual file room at last, I flung myself at Kane’s
avatar, clinging to him desperately and completely heedless of our
audience.

“Aydan, thank God!”
His arms closed tightly around me. “Come on.” He hustled me to the
network portal and we stepped through together.

“Aaagh! Son of a
bitch!” The pain lanced through my eyes and I jerked my arms over
my head, writhing and whimpering in an attempt to escape it. When
Kane’s real-world hands began to soothe the suffering away, it was
all I could do not to burst into tears.

At last the pain
subsided enough for me to open my eyes. I slumped against the arm
of the sofa and regarded the ring of white faces surrounding me.
Even Kasper looked shaken.

“Aydan, thank God.”
Spider touched my shoulder as if reassuring himself I was still
there. “We thought we’d lost you.”

“We did lose you,”
Jack said tremulously. “You vanished off my monitors. All that was
left was basic autonomic brain activity. All your higher functions
were gone.”

“You vanished out of
the network, too,” Kane added. “I thought I’d lost you the last
time, but this time you were really gone. It was like all the life
was sucked out of the sim. Everything went flat and all the
constructs vanished. I was just standing there in a blank
void.”

“What happened?”
Kasper demanded.

“I made it to Macon
all right. But when I tried to go into their server, it was like
being in a spin-washer or something. I kept getting flung around
and around in circles and I couldn’t figure out how to stop it or
which way was home or anything.”

“It must have been a
proxy server,” Kasper said. “It would have just dropped your
packets. Or kept bouncing your request back.”

“That’s what it felt
like. Like getting bounced around over and over, really fast.” I
felt a flush of embarrassment rising. “And then I panicked and
couldn’t find my way home. Thanks for calling me, Spider. That was
really smart.”

“It was the only thing
I could think of,” he said. He patted my shoulder again with a
shaking hand. “I’m glad it worked.”

“So am I.” I dragged
myself closer to upright and turned to Kasper. “So how do I get
in?”

“You can’t.”

“Bullshit. There has
to be a way.”

“I said, you can’t.”
He gave me a supercilious look that turned into a grimace of
annoyance when I opened my mouth to argue again. “You can’t access
their network through their proxy server,” he snapped. “It will
just keep rejecting you. It simply won’t allow your data request to
pass through.”

“But that doesn’t make
sense. There has to be a way around the proxy server. If they’re
connected to the outside world, I should be able to sneak in
somehow, shouldn’t I?” I demanded. “Isn’t there a back door or
something?”

“No!” He glowered at
me. “That’s the whole point of security servers… Oh, for heaven’s
sake, this is a complete waste of time. You don’t even know enough
about network architecture for me to explain. Just trust me. You
can’t do it.”

The mule-stubborn part
of my personality dug in its hooves and brayed defiance. “You said
you didn’t know. You’re just guessing.”

“Oh for… Fine! Go back
and try again. Go and get your neurons even more scrambled than
they apparently already are. Leave your body in a vegetative state.
See if I care!”

“Fine!” I returned his
glare and closed my hand around the network key. “Spider, be ready
to call me home again.”

“Stop!”

Kane’s bark made us
all jump. “Aydan, give me the key,” he snapped.

I caught myself
responding instinctively to his commanding tone, and pulled my hand
back instead. “No. My call.”

“No, it’s not. I’m
responsible for your safety. Give me the key.”

I felt my chin jerk
down and my fist tightened on the key. I was opening my mouth for a
retort when Kane spoke again, his soft tone a complete
about-face.

“Aydan, please. Just
wait a minute. Let’s think this through first.”

I struggled and won
against the irrational urge to tell him to stick it. Dammit, why
did he have to go and get all reasonable?

I released my clenched
teeth enough to grind out, “It’s very important for me to get into
that network. The only other alternative is to fly back to Macon.
And I really,
really
don’t want to do that.”

“Why is it so
important?”

“B-because…”

Shit, I couldn’t tell
anyone the real reason. I cast about frantically for
inspiration.

“Because if Dr.
Cartwright was the ghost, I have to know how he got into our
network,” I blurted, trying to hide my relief at pulling a
plausible explanation out of my ass on short notice. “I think there
might be some clues in the Macon network.”

I eyed the circle of
frowning faces.

“Let me dig into it
first,” Spider said. “Just give me a chance to do some more
research and maybe I can come up with a safer way for you to get
in.”

“Good idea,” Kane
seconded, his face clearing.

“Yes,” Jack agreed. “I
don’t want to see you flatline again.”

“You won’t find a
way,” Kasper muttered. “It’s impossible.”

I scowled at him.
Yeah, he’d really like it to be impossible, wouldn’t he? If he was
working with the evil Knight, shutting me out of the Macon network
would make him very happy indeed.

I needed answers,
dammit, and I didn’t have time to piss around. Still staring at
Kasper’s unprepossessing features, a slow idea began to form. I
wrenched my gaze away from him and forced an agreeable expression
onto my face.

“Okay, you guys,
you’re probably right. Thanks, Spider. Let’s call it a day. I’m
bagged.”

Murmurs of relief
greeted my announcement, and Spider and Jack began to pack up their
equipment. Kane eyed me suspiciously.

I turned an innocent
face toward him. “Did you get your Expedition back yet?”

“Yes. The bomb squad
didn’t find anything.”

I stayed seated on the
couch while the others moved toward the door. I widened my eyes
slightly at Kane, willing him to get it. “Did they identify the
bomb in my car? Was it similar to the one in the motel?”

He shot me the
faintest frown before his cop face smoothed over, and he meandered
to the desk chair and sank into it, propping his feet on the desk
and linking his hands behind his head.

“They’re still doing
the analysis. It would have been a considerably smaller bomb in
your car, though. Has Stemp arranged a new vehicle for you
yet?”

We both watched the
other three trail out as I replied. “Not yet. I liked that Legacy,
but I don’t know if there was another one available…”

I stood and wandered
to the door, stretching. When I peeked out, the hallway was vacant,
and Kane gave me a piercing look when I turned back to him.

“What was all that
about?” he demanded.

“I need to ask you a
favour.”

“What is it?”

“Can you get me a
trank gun? Not a ballistic trank. I need one of the little quiet
ones.”

He examined me
cautiously. “Stemp would have to approve it.”

“Shit.”

“Why do you need
it?”

“I can’t tell
you.”

“Is it for your other
op?”

“Yes.”

“Why don’t you
requisition it through your other chain of command?”

“I can’t.” I cleared
my throat so I wouldn’t choke on the lie. “My other op is so deep
undercover, I can’t have anything that can’t be explained away. The
only way to explain a trank gun is if I get it through this chain
of command.”

Kane nodded slowly.
“So that explains why you weren’t carrying a weapon until Stemp
issued it to you. I wondered why you were such a good shot when you
swore you hadn’t shot a handgun in thirty years.”

“I explained that to
you. It was just…”

“Yes, you explained
it. Trap shooting and archery.” His lips quirked up. “You have an
explanation for everything.” His sexy laugh lines crinkled. “Come
on, then, Ms. Innocent Civilian. Let’s go tell Stemp you need a
trank gun.”

“Why would I give you
a trank gun?” Stemp’s bland face revealed nothing.

I drew in a deep
breath. Here we go.

“You issued me a
handgun to defend myself. A trank gun would allow me to use
non-lethal force instead. It would be safer for all concerned.”

“Your handgun can be
used for non-lethal force. You’re a good shot. You won’t kill
anyone accidentally, and I’ve approved your use of lethal force if
necessary. The handgun is the appropriate weapon for you to
carry.”

“I need a trank gun.”
I tried not to speak through gritted teeth, but Stemp’s slightly
raised eyebrow indicated I hadn’t succeeded.

“Tell me the real
reason why, and I’ll consider it.”

I shot a hopeful
glance at Kane, but he watched me in silence, wearing his cop face.
No help there.

I unlocked my jaw and
rolled my stiff shoulders, stalling while I marshalled my lies and
half-truths. “It’s for my other op.”

“Then you need to
requisition equipment through that chain of command.”

“I can’t. I’m too deep
undercover. I can’t use any equipment that can’t be explained
away.”

Stemp’s poker face
never altered. “Then I can’t issue it to you. You said I can’t know
about your other op, and I have no plausible reason to give you
that kind of weapon for your current assignment.”

“For chr…” I bit off
the oath and unclenched my fist. “Look. During the course of my
other op, I’ve discovered a potential threat that could blow our
project right out of the water and result in massive leaks of
classified information to hostile powers. I need that damn trank
gun.”

Stemp went still. “Why
aren’t you reporting this through your other op? And how will a
trank gun help you?”

“I told you, I can’t
get
a trank gun through my other op! And I need it to… um…
I’m still gathering information, I don’t know who’s a good guy and
who’s a bad guy, and I can’t afford to take a chance with a lethal
weapon.”

A lengthy silence
ensued, and I held myself still, fighting the rising urge to wave
my arms and yell.

Stemp spoke slowly at
last, his face and voice completely without expression. “If a trank
gun is necessary for information-gathering, it could be taken to
mean a subject will be captured and offered various means of…
persuasion to provide the information.”

I met his eyes
squarely and said nothing.

“You are aware that
many types of persuasion are illegal, and I can’t sanction their
use.”

“I’m aware. I don’t
plan to use any illegal methods of persuasion.”

He gave me another
long, impassive appraisal. “That statement would undoubtedly
register true on a polygraph.”

“Yes, it would.” I
unclenched my teeth again. Stay calm.

“But things don’t
always work out the way you’d planned.”

The last of my
patience burned away. “I only need it for a short time. If by some
bizarre chance I get caught with it, I’ll swear I stole it, and you
can act all shocked and amazed. You know I won’t rat you out. You
hold all the power. All you have to do is start talking about my
op, and I’m toast.”