How to Be a Rock Star's Ex-Girlfriend (14 page)

“Hi Cara,” The café was quiet when I walked in. “What’s new?”

“Well, can I move back in with you?” Cara looked like she was going to burst with a combination of excitement, shock, and a little sadness.

“What? What happened? Are you and Dylan fighting? I was so worried that you guys would fizzle out or stop getting along …”

“It’s nothing like that. We’re still great, you worry too much! You mean you haven’t heard anything yet?”

“What’s going on, Cara?” She was being really evasive now, looking away, and studying the floor.

“Maybe I shouldn’t tell you. I think maybe Braden should talk to you first.”

Now I was really curious and more then a little worried. “What does it have to do with Braden? I thought that there was plenty of room for the three of you in that house. Are you two not getting along? Was this move his idea? You better just tell me.”

Cara took a deep breath and finally made eye contact. “They’re moving to the Cities.”

“What? Who?” I was too surprised by Cara’s announcement to make any sense of it.

“Braden and Dylan. They’ve been offered a standing gig at some club downtown Minneapolis. So, they’re moving. And now I need a place to live, since I am not moving with them.”

“Where? I mean, when? How?” I shook my head as if to clear it, but it didn’t do any good. “Okay, when did they decide to move? I just talked to Braden last night, and he didn’t say anything.”

“Dylan has been talking to this club manager for a while, I guess. But everything came together yesterday. This morning Dylan told Braden that they got the gig, and they immediately started packing, musical equipment first, of course!”

“Oh.” I was trying desperately to stay calm, but all I could think of was how far away he would be now. We had just started over! A two hour commute wouldn’t exactly bring us to the place where we needed to be.

“Ava, are you okay? I still think that I should’ve waited for Braden to tell you. I’m sure he was planning on doing it tonight. I just wanted to make sure that I could move back.”

“Of course you can move back. I was getting lonely in the apartment by myself. It’ll be just like old times! Well, I should go. I think I’ll stop and talk to Braden on my way home. When do you want to move in?”

“Are you sure you want to go talk to him right now? You seem a little upset. You could wait until I’m done with work, then I could go with you. We could even grab some of my stuff while we’re there. What do you think?”

“I know you’re just trying to help, but I think I should just go there. I’ll help you pack up later if you want. You could even stay over tonight if you want.”

“I’d love to stay over.” I think Cara knew that I really needed her to be with me tonight. She gave me a quick hug. “I’ll call you before I come over. Bye.”

“Bye.”

The idea of life without Braden was crazy! This was not what I had expected when I suggested starting over. I truly thought that we’d “date” for a month or so and then slide back into our old relationship, but without some the issues we used to have. Now it looked like I would have to rearrange my plans. I was notoriously bad at long distance relationships.

After Dane and I broke up in college, I started dating a really cute boy in my Lit class. His name was Danny, and he was from Michigan. The tricky part came when the school year ended, and we both went home for the summer. Being young and naive, we made promises to call and write and continue our relationship until we were together in the fall. I wrote him one letter before I was completely bored with the idea, and back to checking out guys at the beach with Cara and Sophie. Danny, on the other hand, wrote me at least one letter a week, going on and on about how much he missed me, how he couldn’t wait to see me again, and the count down of how many days until we were back together. Yuck! It was a little too pathetic for me. By the time the first day of school came around, I had a fantastic tan, the perfect back to school outfit, button-fly jeans and a white baby tee, and a new boyfriend. That boyfriend only lasted a month.

I knew my limitations when it came to keeping things going. I know I need constant attention and adoration, and that’s just not possible in a long distance relationship.

But I was getting ahead of myself. I didn’t even know what Braden would want to do. Maybe he would tell me that we were finished, and the move was his way of getting over me. Or maybe, there was just too much to think about.

“You heard.” Braden took one look at my face and knew. “Did Cara tell you?”

I followed him into the messy house. It was obvious that I had interrupted their packing. “I stopped by to see Cara after work. She thought I might already know. Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I didn’t know what to say. Nothing was definite; I didn’t want to freak you out. I know how you feel that my music takes first place, what was I supposed to tell you? I may be moving two hours away to pursue my dream? That wouldn’t have gone over well.”

“I know that I’ve had a hard time with everything, but haven’t I been better? I wanted us to have a shot at a future. What happens now?”

“I thought, maybe, you’d come with me.”

That simple statement stole my breath. In all the scenarios that I had come up with, that wasn’t one of them. It didn’t match with my idea of taking it slow.

“But we’re still trying to work things out. I’m not sure that moving together is a good idea.”

“Don’t think about all the negatives, think about a new start in a new place. It might be just what we need. Plus, I know that you want a chance to move forward with your career. Maybe you could get a transfer or a promotion to another Bookworm. It’ll work, I promise!”

“I don’t know, Braden. It’s all a little quick for me.” I started pacing around the room. “I know this is a great opportunity for you. I won’t ask you to give it up, but I don’t think that I can go with you.”

Braden started to speak, but I put my hand up to stop him. “Think about the problems I’ve had with the band. Do you honestly think they won’t exist in the Cities? You’re moving there for the chance to play at that club every week! I’m not ready to be number two again.”

“You’re letting all that same shit get in the way of us being together. What are you afraid of? What happened with Sophie was a long time ago! We agreed that we weren’t right for each other and moved on. I’m sorry that we never told you, but we never told anyone!”

Now Braden was the one making a hole in the carpet. He paced the apartment, waiting for me to say something, anything. Neither of us spoke, the tension of the moment acting as a barrier between us. Although everything I had said was true, part of me still longed to scream ‘Yes! I’ll go with you!’, but I couldn’t. If we went to the Cities together, I just knew that we would end up worse off then before. Braden would spend more and more time on his music, leaving me alone. I would feel neglected and start to nag and pout. I’d have too much time to think about Braden and Sophie and worry that young, first love would always have a bigger place in Braden’s heart then I did.

After what felt like forever, Braden came up behind me and pulled me close. “Does that mean you’re not coming?” His voice was barely above a whisper.

“I think it’s better if I don’t.” I turned and fell into his arms, and we both began to cry. No matter what we said and how many promises we made, it was over.

CHAPTER 14
 

Cara moved back in, and our life returned to the way it was pre-Braden. Almost. Before I met Braden it was easier to assume that life was better when you were single, that if you coupled up, you’d miss all the fun. I still believed that being single was awesome, there was something about doing only the things that made
you
happy that just felt right to me. But now I knew what it was like to do things for someone else, someone that you loved, and that was a whole different feeling.

I knew that Cara had a hard time with the big move too, but for other reasons. She missed having her fall-back guy around. That sounds a little harsh, and it wasn’t all true. The two of them had gotten really close over the months that they had lived together. They were still in the habit of sleeping with each other in between boyfriends or girlfriends, but they also spent hours talking. Cara was Unspoken Theories biggest fan. It was killing her to be this far away from all the action. She’d already taken two trips to the Cities to see them in concert. From what she said, they were doing great.

The other change was that I had no desire to date, casual or otherwise. We went out two, sometimes three times a week, to dance, to party, to get out of the house. Cara tried to get me to double with her a few times, but I loathed the idea of being on my best behavior and making small talk with some jackass that just wanted to sleep with me. I used to find it amusing to put those guys off, to turn them down. Now I had lost my taste for the game.

I thought about Braden a lot, too much in fact. I imagined the whole break up scene going differently. In one dream scenario, I said yes when he asked me to go with him, and we ended up happy and living together in an apartment in the Cities. In another, I asked him to stay, and he did, and we were happy.

Every song on the radio reminded me of him. I wore out my eighties CDs listening to all those break up songs that tear your heart out. Suddenly I understood what they were singing about! Once I lay in bed all day, with
‘You were meant for me’
by Jewel playing over and over. I even got out the CD Braden had made for me and forced Cara to analyze what each song meant and if the tone of his voice during the personalized message was really loving or not.

When I didn’t think about him, when I kept busy, things were great. I knew that I had made the right decision; it wasn’t healthy for me to follow him to the Cities or tie him up in a long distance relationship when things weren’t right to begin with.

After a really wild party one night, I came home alone. Cara was off with a cute waiter named Will. She had snagged him right before Shaken closed, after eyeing him from across the room for most of the night. I was sure to hear all the details the next day.

I went to the kitchen to pour myself a glass of water and there on the fridge was a picture of the four of us, Cara, Dylan, Braden, and me. I had forgotten it was there. We had all gone out to eat one night and just for fun had gotten all dolled up. The hostess at Knight’s had taken our picture, and after making a copy for Cara, I had stuck it on fridge.

Suddenly, I couldn’t remember why I had pushed Braden away. He was a great guy! Here was proof of how good we were together. Had I made a huge mistake?

Even though it was after one in the morning, I picked up the phone. Dylan and Braden’s number in the Cities was on the phone list since Cara called there quite a bit, but I never had.

It rang and rang; I had forgotten that they would probably still be at the club. Finally, the answering machine picked up. “Hey, you’ve reached Dylan and Braden. Leave us a message.”

“Umm, this is Ava. I know I shouldn’t have called.” By now I had tears running down my cheeks, and even though I was trying to be quiet about it, I was sure that they would hear them in my voice. “I was just thinking about stuff. Did I make a mistake? I’m sorry. Please, just forget I called. I guess I just had a bad day. Well, bye.” I hung up the phone, embarrassed to have made the call at all. If it would have been a day or two after he left, I could’ve understood. But it had been over a month. So, I did what I do every time I need to have a good cry but don’t know how to. I went and stood in a hot, hot shower and let the tears fall.

By the next day, the world looked brighter. I couldn’t remember why I had felt like my world was ending. It was normal to feel bad every once in a while. I went to work and focused all my energy on our customers and making the store look perfect. At closing time, I was actually smiling, and not my fake, the customer’s always right smile either!

Cara wasn’t home yet when I walked in. I knew that she was closing at CaffeiNation, so it would take a little while to clean up. Our message light was blinking, so still in a fairly decent mood; I strolled over to listen to it.

Braden’s voice filled the room. “Ave, I got your message. I wish I would have been home when you called. I miss you. You can’t imagine what your message did to me. Call me.”

That was all it took to drag me down again. There was so much emotion in those few short sentences. For one brief moment, I imagined calling him back. The trouble with that was that I didn’t know what I would say. Nothing had changed; I was still obsessing over all the little things and the one big thing that had ended our relationship. Add to that, he was now living in the Cities. What good would it do to talk to him? I just needed to get over it.

Going out was not on the agenda for that evening, but I decided that the first step to getting on with my life was to embrace my single status. I immediately went to my closet to put together the perfect winter clubbing outfit. I wanted something that would grab everyone’s attention. I was still in the middle of rummaging through all my clothes when Cara walked in.

“What are you doing?” She looked at all the stuff on the floor, then back at me. “Are we having a garage sale?”

“You’re very funny! I’m trying to find something to wear out tonight.” I went back to my digging.

“I didn’t know we were going out tonight. I thought you said before that you wanted to stay in, you were sick of that entire scene.”

“I changed my mind.” I pulled a sheer gray turtleneck out of my closet. “Perfect!” I turned to Cara. “Can I borrow your gray heels? I think they’ll look great with this top.”

“Ava, sit down for a minute. Why are we going out? Does it have anything to do with Braden’s message?”

Shit, I’d forgotten to delete the message. “No, of course not. I just had a good day at work and I need to work off some extra energy. It has nothing to do with Braden.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that you called him? I mean, why did you call him? What’s wrong?”

“I really don’t want to talk about it. It was a mistake. I just felt a little bad yesterday, and I wanted to see how he was doing. What’s wrong with that?”