How to Be a Rock Star's Ex-Girlfriend (17 page)

Even back in high school, when every other girl I knew was clamoring to snag an upperclassman; I was sticking to guys in the same class or younger. I was just grossed out by the idea of older men, I’m not sure why. Maybe it was because I remember being about fourteen, hanging out with Cara and Sophie, and thirty and

forty year old guys watching us walk down the sidewalks. Talk about inappropriate!

So, now, on top of my initial worries about this set up, I was also going crazy trying to figure out what to wear, what we would talk about, and how I was going to make it through the night. I couldn’t exactly be rude to one of Mark’s friends. It would totally embarrass Sophie.

I tried on a few of my typical date outfits, but somehow they didn’t seem right. A few of them were too flashy, one showed way too much cleavage, and they all were just too casual. What do guys his age like? Plus, he was Mark’s friend, and Mark had always been a little uptight! I wasn’t about to show up in tight, low cut jeans and a tank top.

At the last minute, after work on Friday afternoon, I went shopping. I had four hours to get ready for our dinner. I pulled myself away from all the fun, skimpy tanks and skirts that were on clearance. Nothing that normally called out to me would work for tonight. I did pick up a pink halter top, though. It was only five dollars!

After trying on and discarding at least fifteen outfits, I finally found just the right thing. The a-line skirt fell just below my knees and had a pretty floral pattern in pale pinks, blues, and yellows. I topped it off with a sheer yellow sweater set. The cardigan had three-quarter length sleeves and would keep me warm if it got chilly after dinner. I figured that after my date, I could always give the outfit to Sophie. It looked like something she’d wear. Or I could wear it to work functions. Now the only thing I had to worry about was getting along with this old geezer Sophie had set me up with!

The date, to my surprise, actually went well. Scott was very, very nice and polite, the perfect gentleman. Luckily, for both of us, he didn’t look thirty-one. And although he was a little bit stuffy, he seemed to be pretty with it. At the end of the night when he asked if he could call me again, I was happy to say yes.

Sophie was ecstatic that it worked out. She called me the very next day to hear all the details. She even set up the next date herself, a double with her and Mark. In her mind, we were already a couple. We were probably having dinner parties together and shopping for matching placemats for our houses that were next door to each other in her imagination.

In many ways, it was easy to fall into a relationship with Scott. He wasn’t someone who took things lightly. He told me after a few dates that he was at the age were he was looking for someone to share his life with. Plus, he was really thoughtful, bringing me lunch at work, sending me flowers for no reason at all, and doing all those little things like opening doors for me. It was nice being spoiled for a change! I had grown too accustomed to dates that could barely pay their half of the check!

I think another reason that I fell into things with Scott so quickly was that I had lost my link with Braden. Until recently, Cara kept me informed on all the band’s gossip. She and Dylan were still talking on the phone several times a month. When she started seeing Martin again, that all stopped. Martin never said that he wanted her to end her relationship with Dylan, but it was understood that things had to change in order for them to stay together. One of the things Cara was willing to give up was the long distance relationship she had with Dylan. After all, he was her ex-boyfriend; you couldn’t really blame Martin for being uncomfortable with it.

While I was happy for Cara, and I knew it was necessary for her relationship, I was still sorry to lose what little contact I had with Braden’s life. I was sure that he was surrounded by groupies and living the typical rock star life, while here I was, embracing the suburban lifestyle. My new boyfriend was an adult, with a grown up job selling real estate, he owned his own house, and we went on mature dates, to fancy restaurants, plays at the local theater, and we even had other couples over to his house for a dinner party. Just like

Sophie had hoped for! It was a far cry from the life I would have led, had I stayed with Braden.

Unlike my past relationships, the one with Scott seemed to require meeting the parents. We had only been together a little while when Scott asked if it would be possible for him to meet my family. At first I was shocked. Did guys really ask to meet your family? In my experience, that just wasn’t done. But it really did sound like the right thing to do. Scott had already mentioned that he was a more serious guy, ready to make a commitment and start a life with someone. Why wouldn’t he want to get to know the rest of the family? He also set up a lunch date so that I could be introduced to his parents.

Both sets of parents seemed to be pleased with the match, although I could tell that my Mom and Dad were a little surprised at Scott’s age. They had heard me rant and rave about older men all my life. I was just lucky that they didn’t throw it in my face, they quickly accepted Scott into their lives, and my Mom never missed a chance to tell me how fortunate I was to meet ‘such a catch’!

Scott’s parents were older, of course. Scott had an older brother as well, so Bob and Helen were closer to my grandparents’ ages then my parents. I tried to be on my best behavior whenever we were with them, but I’m sure they thought I was just the tiniest bit too wild for their Scotty. They had surprised us, or I should say me, since Scott failed to mention they were coming, one day by joining us for lunch. Seeing as I thought it was just the two of us, I hadn’t bothered to change after shopping with Cara that morning. I was wearing a short denim skirt, a floral halter top, and four inch platform sandals. Not exactly the outfit I would have chosen for lunch with the family.

Helen quickly gave my outfit the once over and a look passed between her and Bob. I acted as if nothing was wrong, but inside I was completely pissed off at Scott! If he wanted me to make a good impression on his parents, I needed to know when they were coming. As it was, I felt like I had blown it.

That was one of our only fights. After the lunch I had confronted Scott about the incident, and he had calming stated that if I would choose to dress more appropriately in my daily life, we wouldn’t be having the discussion. Needless to say, I let him know how I felt about that comment. I even questioned whether he really wanted to be with me or not. Was I just someone that would do? Was he trying to make me what he wanted? I screamed and cried until I couldn’t talk, then I walked out. My intention was that it was over, but the next day he showed up on my doorstep, ready to explain.

“I’m not trying to change you.” He said. “One of the reasons that I fell in love with you, is because you’re so different from what I thought I was looking for. Please, can we work it out?”

I just leaned forward into his arms and let him hold me. I didn’t want to fight; I wanted to try to make it work with
someone.
I once heard Dr. Phil ask a guest about her past relationships that had failed, “What was the common element in all those relationships? What contributed to each failure? You.” I never forgot that, and I was beginning to believe that he was right. I had to look to myself to find the reason why I could never stay with a guy. I had to be willing to change, compromise with someone in order to move to the next level.

But was Scott that guy?

I took a few days to myself, thinking about that question. Did I want to be with someone like Scott? Someone that was older, secure, and mature? I took a long look at my life. I was twenty-five years old, I had a great career that I loved, friends and family that were wonderful, and the only thing missing was someone to share it with. I knew in my heart that if I stayed with Scott, he would be a terrific husband. That was just the way he was. He would be home each night, he would make sure to take me out on “dates” every

once in awhile, he would pick up after himself, and I would always be well provided for.

But I would also be bored as hell.

Could I handle being with someone that questioned my style? One who with a few choice words, made me wonder if I needed to change? Did I want to change, for a guy? I never had before, not even with Braden. I really wanted to be with someone that wanted me for me. I couldn’t see myself as a picture perfect homemaker and that’s what Scott wanted. Would he be happy if I couldn’t be that way? I just didn’t have any of the answers.

Not sure about what I really wanted, I let myself get swept back into the relationship with Scott. It was so easy. We had friends together, he was so nice. I told myself that he was the guy that every girl was looking for. And I told myself to forget about how I thought I had found Mr. Right once before. That was puppy love. A true Mr. Right wouldn’t chase rock and roll dreams while the girl he left behind tried to clean up the mess that was now her life.

It always came back to Braden, but I would never admit it. I would barely admit it to myself; he was what was holding me back. Sophie and Cara were so sure that I had moved on, I didn’t want to disappoint them by revealing the truth. So I did what I had always done best, I pushed aside the real issues, and made the most of what I had.

Why shouldn’t I want to be with Scott? He was great. I had almost convinced myself.

The crazy thing was that all my avoidance really worked. By the time Sophie and Mark’s little girl arrived on February nineteenth, I was almost positive I was where I wanted to be.

They named her Tabitha Elizabeth, and she was beautiful. Scott and I went to visit both of them at the hospital the very next day. After giving our congratulations, and telling the beaming parents how perfect she was, we made our way back to the car.

“She was precious, wasn’t she?” Scott asked on the way back to my place.

“Yes, she’s perfect, so tiny.” I was never really sure what to say about babies. They were cute, I guess, but hey, they’re just babies!

“Maybe one of these days, we might have one of our own.”

I sat in stunned silence after Scott’s casual comment. I knew that he was thinking about the future. As I had said before, that’s just the kind of guy he is. What I hadn’t realized was how far into the future he had been looking. We had been together for about seven or eight months now and there had been one or two conversations about living together, which I thought I had successfully avoided. I guess I wasn’t as successful as I thought.

I was in no position to live with Scott. I was so terrified of commitment, it was funny. Here I was with the one guy that I should be jumping ahead with, and I was running backwards as fast as I could without anyone noticing!

We had never talked about children, or marriage. I had assumed that Scott wanted to get to that point, but why bring it up now?

Not knowing what to say, or how to say it, I just looked over at him and smiled. It seemed to work though, because he simply patted me on the leg and went back to driving.

I continued to think about Scott’s baby comment over the next few weeks. It would pop into my head whenever I least expected it to. I still wasn’t sure if I ever wanted to have kids, and here he was planning out our future! What could I say to him that wouldn’t sound like I wasn’t pushing him away, but made him realize that it was all much too soon for me to hear anything about settling down?

I considered going to Cara and asking her what to do. She was always good at coming up with plans. I just didn’t think that was the right idea. I had fooled everyone into thinking that I was on top of the world with Scott, plus Sophie and Cara were so happy with their own relationships, why bring them down? Once again, the best option for me seemed to be avoidance. It had worked for me so

far. I would just forget that Scott had ever mentioned babies or future stuff, and hope that it was awhile before it came up again. Maybe by then I would have a better grasp on what I wanted.

It seemed like I would forever be comparing guys to Braden. He and I had never talked about marriage or children, or even our future, really. We just kind of went with the flow. I guess he wasn’t the type to daydream about a white picket fence, two kids, and a dog. It had made life a lot easier on me, since I felt I was far too young to settle down. I felt that way even now.

CHAPTER 17
 

I hated to accept the fact that we were all growing up, but it was happening right before my eyes. Sophie and Mark’s whole world revolved around Tabitha, and all the things that came along with being parents. It was fascinating to see Sophie with her little girl, she was a natural mother. We still tried to meet for lunch once a week and she would swoop in with Tabby snuggled up to her in one of those baby carrier things. It was fun to watch. But I was a total loss when it came to holding, changing, or doing anything with the baby. The girls joked that Tabby screamed the moment she realized that I was coming towards her.

Cara would join us for lunch whenever she had the chance, the bar, and Martin, kept her really busy. He had finally convinced her that this was the real thing, and she had moved in with him. They were looking for houses together, his apartment was just a little too small, and they were talking about getting engaged within the next year. I never thought Cara would utter the words engaged or married without a smirk on her face, but she was really happy. It boggled the mind!

Of course this left me back where I always was, the center of the relationship questions.

“Have you and Scott talked about marriage?”, “Do you think he’ll propose?”, “How do you think he’ll do it?”, and on and on. They never seemed to notice that I didn’t really answer. Yes, it was true, we had been together for a while now, and it seemed as if we were moving in that direction, but I didn’t really think about it much.

The girls, on the other hand, had it all planned out. My birthday was coming up, and with it, our year anniversary, and they were sure that he would ask me then. It would be very romantic and serious and beautiful, and then the three of us could all live happily ever after together.