How to Be a Rock Star's Ex-Girlfriend (20 page)

“Yeah, I’d like that. I could use some new clothes and some stuff for the house. We’ll leave Thursday after work. Okay?”

“I can’t wait!”

It was true, I couldn’t wait. I was really going to see Braden. I was envisioning our meeting in every possible way. Sometimes he was happy to see me; sometimes he refused to let me backstage. I imagined full conversations that we might have, my side and his. Would we hug when we saw each other? Would there be an awkward pause when we saw each other? Who knew what would happen. We hadn’t seen each other in three years. What if I turned to stone when he looked at me! I was being a little silly, but I couldn’t help it. I felt like my future hinged on this meeting.

I went through every article of clothing I owned, trying to find just the right outfit. I wanted something that would catch his eye, without being too obvious. I wanted something that would make him wish that all those years between us could just disappear. Sounds easy, right? I wish! Everything I tried on looked either too

trashy or too uptight for a rock concert. I called Cara three times a day, asking her what she was going to wear, what she was bringing with her, if she thought this might work, or maybe that. She would just laugh and tell me to give it up and go shopping.

The trouble with that was I had already tried. I hadn’t found anything at my favorite stores either. I was going crazy! I knew that I was trying to keep my mind off seeing Braden, and that was why my outfit was so important. If I found the right thing, I’d have to start thinking about the moment we laid eyes on each other again.

Two days before we were set to leave, I finally decided on something. I figured it was a rock concert, so I had to go with my favorite jeans, the ones that had been in my wardrobe since I was twenty-one and were worn in all the right places. I was lucky enough to fit into them at the moment, since they were my skinny jeans, and you never know about these things. Maybe Braden would remember them since I had worn them the first time he came over. So those were the first things to be packed. The top was a little bit trickier, but I settled on a long, black lace camisole that normally I would only wear with something over it, but what the hell? I wanted his eyes to fall out of his head! I finished the look off with a pair of the highest black sandals that I could find. They were the only item that I had to buy new for the occasion. I mean, I did have two or maybe three pairs of black heels in my closet already, but the extra half inch those heels added really boosted my confidence.

Cara gave my outfits the thumbs up, although she did ask me if I planned to give Braden mouth to mouth after he passed out from seeing me in it! I had debated telling Sophie that we were going and the real reason behind the trip, but in the end, it was impossible to keep it from her. After all, we had been friends for over half our lives. I knew that she didn’t always understand my insanity and my issues with Braden, but she’d stick by me. She thought I was overreacting, that I should just go there and see what happened, no sexy outfits, no hidden agenda. But she also wished me luck, and said that she hoped that the weekend went the way I wanted it to. Too bad I didn’t exactly know how I wanted it to go! I knew that I wanted Braden to still have feelings for me, but did I really think anything would happen from there? And was it really fair of me to wish that he still be hung up on me? Shouldn’t I hope that he was happy and leave it at that? It was obvious from listening to his music and reading interviews that our relationship and it’s end had hurt him. Maybe it would be better for him if he moved on and never saw me again. After all, I was the one that decided not to follow him when he left.

The truth was, we were both older, and hopefully wiser then when we were together. And in reality, we had both moved on from each other. We were miles and miles away from each other in every possible way. I guess I could hope that we could be friends or friendly at the very least. I mean, maybe I could say that I had a famous friend!

The morning of the concert, I woke up in my hotel bed, and for a brief moment, wondered what the hell I was doing? I was completely delusional! I considered packing up and going back home. Then I remembered how crazy I had felt the last few months, questioning everything I was doing, everyone I was with. I really needed to do this.

We spent the day shopping for nothing, trying on crazy outfits, tasting samples in the food court, and generally wasting time until the concert started. We felt like teenagers again, all giddy and silly. We used to spend hours and hours in the mall back home when we were younger. Cara and I loved the whole idea of the mall, all those objects just waiting for someone to buy them. I guess that’s why I ended up working there. We would drag Sophie along with us and make her try on stretch pants, nasty tops, and anything else that we decided was un-Sophie-like. It was always hilarious to see. I really wished that she could have been with us this time, too. It would have been just like old times. Oh course, that was out of the ques-

tion. You really can’t run off to the cities with your girlfriends when you have a baby to take care of!

After the great day we spent together, I really felt like whatever happened at the concert was alright. Maybe I just needed to get away for a weekend, be with my friend, and relax. I had been so wrapped up with my botched engagement, finding out about my song and Braden’s rise to fame, and the new job, that I couldn’t move forward. Putting that all to the side and acting like a kid again seemed to have cleared my head.

I continued to feel enlightened while I dressed for the evening. I slid my feet into my fabulous black heels and took a long look into the mirror. I was smoking, if I did say so myself. I didn’t think that I could have been having a better day, in the hair department, in the looks department, in all departments, to see my ex-boyfriend. Everyone wishes and hopes that if they run into an ex, they look marvelous. A million questions run through your head. How’s my hair? Do I look fat? Do I look better then before or worse? Does he/ she still like me? Does it kill him to see me looking like this, knowing that he can’t have me? Etc, etc, etc. I wondered if Braden was having the same thoughts. I wondered if he even knew that I was coming.

Cara had emailed Dylan and told him that we were planning on making the trip. Who knew if he had passed along the information? Do guys talk about those kinds of things? Do they sit around with a couple of beers, reminiscing about old flames and ex loves? Would they tell each other what went wrong, or admit that they missed someone? Girls talked about this kind of stuff all the time. Unless I hid in a closet and eavesdropped, I guess I would never know.

In a way I hoped that Braden didn’t know I was on my way to see him. He certainly didn’t need any additional worries before his big show. This was an important day for him, and even though I hadn’t been in his life for a while, I still knew he was probably just a little tense and just a little nervous. I remembered the day his band played at Knight’s; he couldn’t find his “favorite” black shirt, even though it was right in front of him! I wondered if he had someone to keep track of him these days. Maybe I should apply for the job.

The night before we left for the concert, Cara and I had met at my apartment to go over our plans and really just have a chance for girl bonding. Sophie had even snuck over for a few drinks and a mini fashion show. I unveiled my outfit of choice that night and basically went through everything in my suitcase to make sure that my girls thought it was all okay.

As usual, the topic quickly changed to men and relationships. What else to girls talk about when they get together? Sophie and Cara had a lot of opinions, of course, since they felt like they were experts now, being married and everything! They kept giving me pointers on how to get a man, how to keep a man, and how not to regret catching one in the long run.

They compared notes on married life, and Cara asked Sophie all about her pregnancy, and how a baby affected their relationship. It sounded like there might have been some planning going on in the Hewitt household, but when we pressed her on it she just smiled and kept her mouth shut.

Throughout their banter, I sat back, listened, and smiled. There were too few times when we all got together and just hung out. We might have different lives now, but deep down we were still the three girls who had met at summer camp. After everything we had been through, somehow we had made it to this point, and we were still friends. That made me very, very happy.

Seeing my smile, Cara stopped mid-sentence. “Are you taking notes, Ava?”

“Ha, ha. That’s really funny!” I shook my head. “No, I’m just listening to you two try to out-wife each other.”

“That’s not what we’re doing!” Sophie tried to sound outraged, but her giggle gave her away. “Cara’s right, you know. You should be taking notes!”

We all laughed and hit each other with pillows and reveled in the fact that we were sharing these moments together.

“Ava, do you ever feel bad about what happened with Scott?” Sophie’s question threw me for a loop. That topic was usually avoided at all costs.

“I’m not sure .” I knew that Scott and Mark still hung out and that the two couples had even had dinner together. I didn’t want to say anything to hurt Sophie’s feelings, but I rarely thought about Scott and what had happened. “I’m sorry that he got hurt. It wasn’t his fault; my heart just wasn’t in it. I think that it worked out for the best, though. For everyone.”

Sophie and Cara both nodded. They knew that what I said was true. “He does seem happy, but I still feel bad that things didn’t work out for you. It would have been fun for our husbands to be friends too!”

“Okay, okay. No more serious questions for Ava!” Cara could tell that I was getting a little touchy. I could feel the flush creeping up my cheeks. I guess I still felt bad about the whole thing, and Sophie bringing it up really made me uncomfortable. I had never meant for anyone one to get hurt, but I knew that Sophie must have been when her matchmaking didn’t go as planned.

The topic changed quickly after that to less important things, new movies, celebrity gossip, clothes, and makeup. It was a lot easier to talk about “girl” stuff, then to be put on the spot.

In my mind, it was almost as if Sophie had asked me ‘Hey, are you a total bitch, or did it bother you to hurt my husband’s friend when you stomped on his heart?’ I mean, give me a break. The only reason I stayed in that relationship with Scott as long as I did, was to spare his feelings. Maybe that was the wrong thing to do, how was I supposed to know? I wasn’t exactly an expert on this love thing. I worried about how to handle things with Mark too, but he really wouldn’t say much either way. I had apologized to both of them right after I broke the engagement. I wanted them to know that I loved them and wanted them to stay friends with me and

Scott. They had assured me that nothing could change our friendship, but there were moments like these that I wondered if that was possible.

With the exception of that one tense moment, the evening was fantastic. It had been so long since we had just been three girls together, we really needed it. The girls and I were hugging goodbye, when Sophie spoke up again.

“I know that I made you feel bad earlier and I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that. I just want you to be happy and settled and satisfied with your life.” I guess I wasn’t very good at hiding my reaction to that statement, because Sophie stopped and smiled at me. “I know, I know, I sound like your mother! But you have to admit that your life has been a little out of control lately. Right?”

I nodded. She was right, of course. But did she have to bring it up?

“So, I just want you to ask yourself what you want to get out of this trip. Do you even know?”

“Sophie, I know you mean well, and you’re right. It’s been crazy the last few months. But this is just something that I have to do right now. I’m not sure what will happen, maybe nothing. We’ll see!” I tried to be positive and upbeat at the end, but even to me it sounded a little flat. It was hard to deal with the idea that my friends were worried about me. They had probably been talking about me, too, wondering if I was going to crack.

Sophie gave me another big hug and still holding me, asked “Do you still love Braden, Ava? Is he it for you? That’s what you have to ask yourself. Because if he is, and this weekend doesn’t go the way you hope it does, you’ll have to figure out what to do next.”

Once again, all I could do was nod and watch as they left. I leaned up against the closed door and closed my eyes for just a second. I really didn’t want to think about the future right then. It would be here soon enough.

I was thinking about Sophie’s last comment while I finished up my makeup for the concert. Yes, I did still love Braden. I wasn’t sure if it was the deep ‘in love’ feeling that I used to have for him, but there was something still lingering. I was worried that tonight would be a total failure, and I would be back at home reading about him in
Rolling Stone,
wondering what went wrong.

CHAPTER 20
 

Cara had failed to tell me that not only did we have tickets to Braden’s concert, but Dylan had also sent us backstage passes. So, I found myself being led backstage after the show. I was glad that she had ‘forgotten’ to tell me, leaving it up to me whether or not I wanted to see him. When she pulled the passes out of her purse, she just said “It’s your call.”

There was a moment during the concert when he looked right at me, and it seemed like he was singing just to me. He must have known I was coming. It was as if he was seeking me out in the crowd. I hoped that I could take that as a good sign. I wanted him to want me to be there. There wasn’t really any question if I would go see him after the show. I would have fought my way back there, passes or not!

The concert was fantastic; I loved every minute of it. I remembered listening to Braden play his songs a hundred times, at Dylan’s old house, in the apartment that we shared, at Knight’s. To see him finally doing what he loved made me so happy. I even got a little teary eyed! I wish I could have been there for him, every step of the way. It couldn’t have been easy at first, but I should have been helping him, I should have gone with him to make sure he was okay. I would have made sure the he always had his favorite black shirt. I had a hundred regrets, but I pushed them all away. I was going to talk to Braden.