Read How to Be a Vampire Online
Authors: R.L. Stine
How to Be a Vampire
CONTENTS
“L
et's move it, Andrew,” Emily said to her brother. “I have tons of homework.”
“Wait,” Andrew whispered. “Just a second.” He glanced around Shadyside Park. It was almost dark. They needed to stay only a few more minutes. Only until it was really dark. That's when they all came out. Everyone knew that.
Emily brushed a strand of her wavy red hair off her face. “Not just a second,” she insisted. “Now.”
Andrew couldn't stand it when Emily got bossy. She was only twelve and a half. Just a year older than he was. So what if she was a head taller? Did that give her the right to be Emily Griffin, Know-It-All?
Here's what really killed Andrew: Emily thought she was perfect! She thought she was so good at softball. So smart. She thought she had a million friends. Plus she always bragged about her great taste in clothes. Personally, Andrew thought she looked like a moron, running around school in her little pleated skirts and stupid fake pearls. But here was the biggest joke of allâEmily thought she was gorgeous!
Andrew knew he wasn't great looking. He was skinny. His hair was somewhere between brown and red. His eyes were plain old brown. He had a million freckles. But so what? Big deal. At least his nose wasn't stuck up in the air like Emily's.
“I must be losing it,” Emily was muttering. “Why did I let you talk me into getting off the bus at the high school? It's a fifteen-minute walk home, at least. If I'd stayed on the bus, I'd be in my room nowâhalfway finished with my homework.”
“Shhh!” Andrew said. How could he hear anything coming with her jabbering like that?
“Let's go!” Emily insisted. “Move it, Android.”
Andrew made a face. Emily thought she was so clever when she called him “Android.” But he had to let it go now. Keep his mind on other things. Important things. He started walking. His feet crunched the leaves on the path around the pond.
“Right now is when they wake up,” he told his sister.
Emily frowned. “Who's
they?”
she asked.
“The creatures of the night,” Andrew answered. He tried to sound mysterious. Maybe that would make her stop.
“What are you talking about?” She kept walking. “Owls?”
“Not owls,” Andrew replied. “The undead.
Vampires.
See, the second day turns into night, they . . .”
“Andrew!” Emily shouted. “Stop! I don't want to know what's inside that diseased brain of yours.”
“But it's true,” Andrew insisted.
“Nothing about vampires is true!” Emily scoffed. “They don't exist!” She shook her head. “I keep telling youâyou're getting a little old for make-believe monsters.”
“Vampires aren't make-believe,” Andrew said. “Real vampires have bitten real people in the neck. Really.” He fished a book out of the pocket of his jacket. “It says so right here.”
Emily snatched the book and read the title.
“Vampire Secrets.”
She groaned loudly. “I can't believe I'm related to someone who reads this garbage!”
“It's not garbage!” Andrew protested.
“It is too,” Emily said.
“I
read good books. I've read almost every book on Ms. Parma's literature list in the library.”
Emily was always bragging about the big-deal books she read. Okay, they had big words. Andrew
had to admit that. And they were as thick as dictionaries. But that didn't make them good. That only made her backpack about ten pounds heavier than his.
“I don't remember seeing
Vampire Secrets
on Ms. Parma's list,” Emily went on. “Or that thing you were reading last week.”
“You mean
The Mummies Are Coming?”
Andrew asked. “That was totally awesome.”
Emily tossed
Vampire Secrets
back to Andrew. “Where do you get this trash anyway?”
“T.J. lent me this one,” Andrew told her.
“Why am I not surprised?” Emily rolled her eyes. “T.J. is the only person in the world who's weirder than you are.”
“He is not!” Andrew protested.
Emily laughed. “Okay. Maybe you two are tied for weirdness. All you and T.J. ever talk about is monsters. No wonder neither of you has any other friends.” She began walking more quickly.
Andrew trudged along behind her. So what if he and T.J. loved talking about monsters? And reading monster stories? They were good. Really good. Emily didn't know what she was missing.
“Walk faster, Andrew,” Emily commanded.
But Andrew kept stalling. He dragged his feet. If he took long enough, they might see a vampire. He thought they would.
Emily was heading for Division Streetâand she was heading there fast. They'd never see a vampire on
Division Street. The streetlights were too bright there. Way too bright for a creature of the night.
“Wait, Emily. I, uh, twisted my foot.” Andrew leaned against a big oak tree, gripping his ankle. Then he let out a small cry of pain, hoping Emily would be totally convinced.
“I'm not falling for that twisted-ankle story again.” Emily marched on. “You tried that one on me last week. Remember?”
Andrew sighed. He took a few steps. Then stopped.
Something dark and shadowy was creeping up behind Emily. Andrew watched as it dodged from tree to tree.
“Emily, stop!” he called in a hoarse whisper. “Something's following you!”
Emily whirled around. “I'm not falling for any more of your stupid tricks, Andrew!” she warned him.
Andrew scanned the treesâand saw the figure.
A figure in a long, sweeping cape.
The dark form slid out from behind a giant oak, inching closer and closer.
“There he is!” Andrew shouted. “Behind you!”
“Yeah, right.” Emily stood in place with her hands on her hips.
The figure stepped silently up to Emily.
It hovered over her.
“Emily, I'm not kidding.” Andrew's voice quivered. “Run!”
Emily shook her head in disgust.
The figure raised his dark hands.
“Emily! Run!” Andrew pleaded.
Too late.
Andrew watched in horrorâas a pair of twisted fingers lunged for Emily's neck.
E
mily screamed.
Her cries pierced the chill November air.
She twisted in the dark figure's grasp, struggling to free herself. “A vampire!” she cried. “Help me, Andrew!”
Andrew didn't move. He stared at the caped figure. At his long fangs dripping with saliva.
“Andrew, do something!” Emily shrieked.
“Vat a screamer you are,” said the creature of the night. He released Emily from his grasp. He spatâand his fangs flew into his black-gloved hand.
Andrew fell to his kneesâand laughed.
“Oh, man!” he cried. “That was awesome, T.J.!”
Emily smoothed her hair. She centered her pearl necklace.
“You immature creeps,” she growled. “You are so pitiful. You act like two-year-olds!” With that she whirled away from them. She marched toward the park exit.
“Oh, man!” Andrew said again. He watched his sister stomp angrily past the baseball diamond. “I wish I had that on video.”
“You'd think she'd be used to it by now,” T.J. said, shaking his head. “But she falls for our pranks every time.”
T.J. picked up his backpack from behind a tree. He untied his cape and took it off. He folded it carefully and tucked it into the backpack. He placed his plastic fangs in their spot in his pen-holder compartment.
Andrew admired T.J. When he pulled a prank, he went all the way. T.J. wasn't very tall. In fact, he was short and stocky. But he'd slicked back his hair with some of his older brother's mousse, and somehow managed to look like a full-sized vampire.
Andrew admired T.J. for another reason. He was loyal to vampires. Andrew loved all kinds of monsters. Werewolves. Mummies. Ghouls. Swamp things. But T.J. stuck to vampires. He knew everything about them. He was a specialist.
“This was better than when we scared Emily with the King Kong mask,” T.J. said. “It was even better than the time we slimed her.”
Andrew grinned, remembering. He'd gotten in trouble for that one. Mega-trouble. But it was worth it. And Emily deserved it. She kept making fun of one of his monster books,
Alien Slime from Mars.
Then one night he and T.J. arranged for her to see some slime for herself. Andrew giggled, thinking about how she stared in horror as green goo dripped down from her light fixture. How it plopped right down on her head. He was pretty sure that, for a second, Emily believed it was alien slime from Mars.
*Â *Â *
The next morning, Andrew jolted awake. Somebody was screaming! Screaming his name! He sat straight up in bed.
“Huh?” he cried.
“Get up!” Emily shouted from the doorway of his room. “Now!”
With a groan, Andrew fell back onto his bed. He burrowed deeper under his covers. He shut his eyes. Clearly Emily had not forgiven him for the vampire prank.
“Turn off your stupid alarm!” Emily shouted.
Alarm? Oh. That's what was going
beep, beep, beep.
Andrew had been dreaming that a vampire was knocking on his window. The vampire said
beep, beep, beep.
Finally, Andrew got up and opened the window for him. What a stupid dream. A
beeping
vampire.
