How to Be a Vampire (7 page)

The vampire stopped circling. “You are so small,” he observed. “So puny.” He shook his head, clearly disappointed. “I'll have to work overtime to make you worthy of the Dark Gift.”

“The what?” Andrew asked.

“The Dark Gift.” The vampire gave Andrew a grave look. “The honor of becoming one of us. A vampire.”

“I don't want to be a vampire!” Andrew cried. “You better give the gift to somebody else.”

“I
never
make mistakes in choosing my victims. Never! Not once in six hundred years!” The vampire sighed. “I have my work cut out for me here. I can see that. But in the end . . .” He smiled. “In the end, kid, you'll be a vampire I can be proud of!”

“But I don't . . .” Andrew began.

The vampire's eyes flashed angrily. “Stand up straight!” he commanded. “No more chitchat.”

Andrew straightened up. It wasn't easy. His legs shook under him. His heart thundered in his chest.

The vampire circled him, checking him out.

Dozens more questions popped into Andrew's mind. Did he dare ask them? The vampire said no talking.

Andrew couldn't help himself. “Excuse me, sir?” he said.

“What?” the vampire snapped.

“D-d-did you leave that book under my bed?” Andrew asked. “The one called
How to Be a Vampire?”

“You figured that out all by yourself?” The vampire rolled his red eyes.

Andrew felt foolish. But he had another question. He put his hand to his neck. “And you bit me too. Right?”

“What are you, a genius?” The vampire shook his head. “Of course I left you the book. Of course I bit you.” He raised a fist and knocked on Andrew's head. “Hello? Anybody in there?”

Andrew ducked away from the vampire. “What do I call you?”

The vampire sniffed. “I am Count Ved,” he said. “Count Humphrey Ved.”

“Humphrey?” Andrew said, surprised.

“Why not?” The vampire shrugged. “But you keep on calling me sir. Now, show me your teeth.”

Andrew's lips trembled as he drew them back from his teeth.

“What? No fangs?” The vampire shook his head. “You're slow, kid! My last victim grew fangs within hours of my first bite.”

“Sorry.” Andrew shrugged. “My mom says I was late getting my baby teeth too.”

“Baby teeth!” The vampire moaned. He raised his red eyes to the ceiling. “Dark Powers, give me strength!” he muttered. Then he drew a deep breath and glared at Andrew. “First, give me back my book.
How to Be a Vampire.”

Andrew dug it out of his backpack and handed it to the vampire. “This wasn't any help,” Andrew said.

The vampire drew back from Andrew. “What do you mean?”

“The writing always showed up too late,” Andrew explained. “After I'd already broken some rule.”

The vampire sniffed. “You damaged it, no doubt,” he said. He slipped the book under his cape, where it seemed to disappear. Then he reached out a hand with long, yellow fingernails. He grabbed Andrew by the wrist and pulled him over to the open window. “We're out of here,” he said.

“What are you doing?” Andrew cried.

“It's time for flying lesson number one,” the vampire said.

“Flying?” Andrew tried to yank his arm away.

The vampire held it with an iron grip.

“No!”
Andrew yelped. “Don't!”

The vampire pulled him closer to the window.

Andrew glanced down. His bedroom was on the second floor. It was a
long
way to the ground.

The vampire hopped easily to the windowsill. He yanked Andrew up beside him.

“Stop!” Andrew cried. “I can't fly!”

The vampire frowned over at Andrew.

“Never say
can't,
kid,” he advised. “Think positive.”

Then the vampire leapt out the second-story window.

He pulled Andrew out with him. He let go of his wrist.

“Yaaaaa!” Andrew screamed as he fell.

A
bright white light flashed before Andrew's eyes.

He screamed again.

The ground came speeding toward him.

He was about to crash! He was about to die!

“Fly!” The vampire's voice sounded inside his head. “Spread your wings.”

Andrew didn't have wings. So he spread his arms. Instantly, the ground stopped speeding toward him.

Amazing!

“Now flap!” the vampire's voice boomed. “Flap the wings, kid!”

Andrew pumped his arms up and down as fast as he could. His stomach wobbled, the way it did when he
went up in an elevator. Or a plane. Andrew pumped his arms. Up and down. Up and down.

He was flying!

It's a dream,
Andrew thought.
A very real dream.

Andrew peered down. The ground lay below him. He wondered where the vampire was. He turned to the right. He didn't see him. But he saw a wing. A leathery brown wing.
His
wing! He checked his left side. Another wing. Andrew couldn't believe it.

He had wings!

Andrew stared from one wing to the other. He forgot to pump them up and down. He began to tumble through space. He tried to get his arms going again. But he spun out of control. Down, down, toward the ground.

“Idiot!” came the vampire's voice. “Use the wings!”

Andrew stuck his wings straight out. He stopped spinning. The ground settled below him again. He saw the starry sky above. Andrew flapped. He rose. He flapped until he was high above the treetops.

Then he checked himself out. His wings were still there. He peered down at his chest. It looked small and brown and furry.

Yikes!
Andrew thought.
I look like a bat!

“You
are
a bat.” The vampire's voice cut into his thoughts. “What did you think you were, a canary?”

I'm a bat?
Andrew still couldn't believe it. A bat!

But he still thought like a boy. A boy who could fly.

Andrew felt a rush of wind around him. He glided dizzily on a current of air. He wanted to give himself over to flying. To dive and soar and sail on the air.

But . . . he was terrified! What if he turned back into himself now? Up over the treetops? He'd crash to the ground!

It didn't help to think about crashing. That only made him forget to flap his wings. He tried not to think about what might happen. He thought about now.

Down below he saw a dark ribbon. The river. He wondered how far he'd flown. He wondered if he'd be able to find his way home.

“Follow me,” the vampire commanded.

Now Andrew saw something in front of him. It was a large black bat. Of course! The vampire!

Andrew sped through the night, following the vampire. He began to trust his wings. When he tipped them down, they caught air underneath and he rose higher. When he held his wings level, he glided. When he tilted his wings up slightly, they acted like brakes. He slowed down.

T.J. had been right about one thing.

Flying was cool.

“Land at the edge of the woods,” the vampire commanded.

Andrew tilted his wings. He followed the big bat as he whizzed lower and lower. Andrew could make out houses now. And street lamps. Telephone wires.

He was coming in fast now.

Too fast!

He couldn't see. Everything blurred. A big brown shape loomed in front of him. A tree. Whoosh! Andrew swerved to keep from hitting it.

Another tree came at him. He almost ran into it. Then he barely missed smashing into the side of a house!

He needed his bat radar. But how did he hook into it? And fast! Before he crash-landed!

Zap! He narrowly missed smashing into a lamppost!

Bam!

Andrew crashed headfirst into a tree.

A light flashed in front of his eyes.

He fell to the ground.

Andrew lay there, numb.

Then he began to tremble. A pain shot through his wings. His bones groaned and creaked. Then he felt them stretching, getting longer. Growing!

His skin grew tight. And still his bones kept growing, pushing against his skin. Stretching it tighter and tighter until . . .

Andrew heard a hideous tearing sound.

He squeezed his eyes shut.

He knew what was ripping apart.

His skin!

T
he ripping stopped. All at once it was quiet. Very quiet. Andrew heard crickets chirping in the distance.

He opened his eyes. He found himself sitting at the base of a tree. He was barefoot. And in his pajamas. But he had arms. Legs. He had
skin!
Normal, human skin. He shoved up his sleeves and examined his arms. His skin wasn't ripped or torn.

He was his old self again. Andrew Griffin, human.

Andrew bent his arms. He moved his feet in circles. Nothing hurt. His head didn't even hurt where he'd smashed into the tree.

Now Andrew looked around. He was in the Fear Street Woods. But where, he couldn't tell.

“There you are.” The vampire towered over Andrew.
“Didn't you hear me, kid? I said to land at the edge of the woods.”

Andrew shrugged. “I missed.” He struggled to his feet. “What were all those awful ripping sounds?”

“Changing you into a bat . . .” The vampire snapped his fingers. “Nothing to it. But changing you back into a boy . . .” The vampire wrinkled his nose as he said
boy.
“That took some doing. But don't worry,” the vampire added. “Each time will be easier, kid. The change will be instant when you become a true vampire.”

“Um, Mr. Ved, sir?” Andrew said. “Here's the thing. I don't
want
to be a true vampire.”

“What did I do to deserve this?” the vampire murmured. Then he glared at Andrew. “What, you didn't like flying?”

“Flying was okay, but—”

“Okay?”
Count Ved cut in. “Okay? Do you know how many humans would sell their grandmothers to fly the way you flew tonight?”

“I know.” Andrew nodded. “But . . . I'd just as soon take a plane. Really! I don't want to turn into a bat. Or sleep all day. Or . . . or do anything that vampires do.”

“Oh, we all start out with these feelings. That's normal. But we learn better.” The vampire clapped an arm around Andrew's shoulder. “You'll see. You will develop a
taste
for being a vampire!” He threw back his head and cackled at his own joke.

“I won't.” Andrew didn't crack a smile. “Trust me.”

“You will!” the vampire insisted. “Trust
me!”
He smiled, showing his awful, rotten teeth.

Andrew shivered. He didn't want to become a creature like Count Humphrey Ved! All decaying and dead-smelling. Never!

“Now . . .” The vampire grew serious. “Very soon your body will reject human food. You'll have to hunt.”

“You mean . . .” Andrew began. “You mean I'll have to drink . . .”

“Blood,” the vampire finished for him. He rolled his red eyes. “What did you think? Carrot juice? Now, when you hunt—”

“No!” Andrew cut in. “Please! Mr. Ved! Don't make me hunt!”

“But you must,” the vampire insisted. “Hunting lesson number one, coming up!”

“Please! Don't make me hunt!” Andrew begged. “Please!”

“You won't start hunting humans, kid,” the vampire told him. “You like hamburgers?”

“Hamburgers?” Andrew said. Relief flooded through him. “You mean . . . I'm going to hunt hamburgers?”

The vampire took a deep breath. “No, I'm only pointing out that you eat meat,” he said slowly.
“Meat comes from animals. So, you begin by hunting animals. And drinking animal blood.”

“No!” Andrew squeezed his eyes shut. He felt sick. He couldn't drink animal blood! He had to find a way out of this!

“Let's get started, kid,” the vampire said.