How to Handle Your Emotions (Counseling Through the Bible Series) (40 page)

“I [Paul] delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong”

(2 C
ORINTHIANS
12:10).

—Cause you to share in Christ’s sufferings

“Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed”

(1 P
ETER
4:12-13).

—Reveal His heart

“Those who suffer he delivers in their suffering; he speaks to them in their affliction”

(J
OB
36:15).

—Teach and train

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it”

(H
EBREWS
12:11).

—Conform you to Christlikeness

“It is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God. But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps”

(1 P
ETER
2:19-21).

—Extend Christ’s comfort

“[He] comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God”

(2 C
ORINTHIANS
1:4).

Frequently, grief and guilt walk hand in hand. When we are in the throes of guilt, it is not uncommon for us to lament, “If only I had…” “I should have…” “Why didn’t I…!” The problem is that sometimes we can’t distinguish whether we are grappling with false guilt or true guilt. We need to be able to discern the difference.

The following question is the kind that’s asked when a grieving person unknowingly feels false guilt: “My sister died unexpectedly of a heart attack. How can I ever forgive myself for not being there for her in her time of need?”

When these types of questions arise, it is helpful to point out that obviously, you would have done everything in your power to save your sister’s life. But saving her life was not in your power, which means you are struggling with false guilt.

—False guilt arises when you blame yourself, even though you have committed no wrong, or when you continue to blame yourself after you have confessed and turned from your sin.

—False guilt is resolved by recognizing the lie you have believed and by refusing to accept it. Then acknowledge the truth and accept it instead.

In His sovereignty, God has numbered each of our days, and you were not granted power to alter His plan. Clearly, you have a God-ordained season of grieving ahead of you, but don’t grieve because of the pain of false guilt. Rather, grieve because of the loss of your beloved sister.

“Man’s days are determined; you have decreed the number of his months and have set limits he cannot exceed”

(J
OB
14:5).

The following question is the kind that’s asked when a grieving person feels true guilt: “I’m truly grieving. Through a series of bad choices, I made money a higher priority than my wife. Now she has left me. What can I do?”

To the one who is struggling with true guilt, it is helpful to point out that when you know you’ve been in the habit of majoring on the minors, you have choices. Typically, we learn painful lessons well! Because you have brought this grief on yourself, plan now to change your priorities. Replace your bad decisions with these good decisions:

—Evaluate what you did wrong

—Genuinely repent

—Admit to your wife that you were wrong and ask for her forgiveness

—Then live your life “majoring on the majors”…in line with God’s priorities.

Do not pressure your wife. She will see for herself whether you have really changed from focusing on money to focusing on others, particularly her.

“The love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs”

(1 T
IMOTHY
6:10).

Another question indicating false guilt is this: “I have been told that my young daughter died from cancer because I lacked sufficient faith. Could this be true?”

A helpful response would be no. Consider this: Did Jesus died because He lacked faith? Did Job become ill because he lacked faith? Our faith is to be placed in Jesus, not in
our faith!
We are told to pray that God’s will, not ours, be done.

—Before Jesus went to the cross, He prayed to His heavenly Father, “May this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will” (Matthew 26:39).

—Paul prayed three times that his
“
thorn in [the] flesh” would be removed, yet God did not remove it—not because Paul was lacking faith, but because it was not God’s will for healing to happen (2 Corinthians 12:7).

We are to
serve
God, not dictate to Him what He should do. A loved one’s death is not caused by your lack of faith.

The Source of True Guilt

We’ve all been wrong. We’ve all been guilty. We’ve all violated the will of God, going against what His Word tells us.

God created us with an innate need to have a loving relationship with Him. But when we go against His will, a wall is erected between us and God—a spiritual barricade. This wall is called
sin.
Sin is choosing to go our own way instead of God’s way and, therefore, sin results in true guilt.

“Here we are before you in our guilt, though because of it not one of us can stand in your presence”

(E
ZRA
9:15).

Finding God’s Forgiveness and Living Guilt Free

You can understand God’s solution for you by reading His Word. His plan can be spelled out in four simple points:

1. G
OD’S
P
URPOSE FOR
Y
OU
…I
S
S
ALVATION

—What was God’s motive in sending Christ to earth? To express His love for you by making salvation available to you!

“God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him”

(J
OHN
3:16-17).

—What was Jesus’ purpose in coming to earth? To make everything perfect and to remove all sin, guilt, and grief? No, He came to forgive your sins, empower you to have victory over sin, and enable you to live a fulfilled life without the grief of guilt!

“I [Jesus] have come that they may have life, and have it to the full”

(J
OHN
10:10).

2. Y
OUR
P
ROBLEM
…I
S
S
IN

—What exactly is sin? Sin is living
independently
of God’s standard—knowing what is right, but choosing wrong.

“Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins”

(J
AMES
4:17).

—What is the major consequence of sin? Spiritual death, which is spiritual separation from God.

“The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord”

(R
OMANS
6:23).

3. G
OD’S
P
ROVISION FOR
Y
OU
…I
S THE
S
AVIOR

—Can anything remove the penalty for sin? Yes. Jesus died on the cross to personally pay the penalty for your sins.

“God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us”

(R
OMANS
5:8).

—What is the solution to being separated from God? Acknowledging and believing in Jesus Christ as the only way to God the Father.

“Jesus answered, ‘I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me’”

(J
OHN
14:6).

4. Y
OUR
P
ART
…I
S
S
URRENDER

—Place your faith in (rely on) Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior and reject your good works as a means of gaining God’s approval.

“It is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast”

(E
PHESIANS
2:8-9).

—Give Christ control of your life, entrusting yourself to Him.

“Jesus said to his disciples, ‘If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?’”

(M
ATTHEW
16:24-26).

If you choose to believe in Christ and place your faith in Him, He will enable you to live the full, guilt-free life God desires for you. If you want to be fully forgiven by God—if you want to experience His mercy and grace by accepting Him as your personal Lord and Savior—you can tell this to Him in a simple, heartfelt prayer like this:

Prayer of Salvation

God,

I want a real relationship with You.

I admit that many times I’ve chosen

to go my own way instead of Your way.

I am genuinely grieved over my sins,