How to Handle Your Emotions (Counseling Through the Bible Series) (42 page)

“We fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal”

(2 C
ORINTHIANS
4:18).

—Know
that God will fill the void in your life.

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs
up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland”

(I
SAIAH
43:18-19).

Because grieving impacts us emotionally, physically, and spiritually, all three of these areas of our lives need to be considered when we go through the grieving process. If the following guidelines are taken to heart, the potentially harmful effects of grieving can be minimized and the benefits can be maximized.

“The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it”

(P
ROVERBS
27:12).

Emotional Guidelines
¹⁶

C
ULTIVATE A STRONG, SENSITIVE SUPPORT SYSTEM

Having people around you who genuinely care about you is essential— people who accept you wherever you are in the grieving process and who encourage you to share your feelings with them.

“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another”

(P
ROVERBS
27:17).

C
ULTIVATE THE FREEDOM TO CRY

Expressing emotions honestly, openly, and as frequently as needed is vital in order to walk through grief in a healthy, productive way.

“Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy”

(P
SALM
126:5).

C
ULTIVATE A PLAN FOR SOCIALIZING REGULARLY

One of the helpful factors to feeling good about life, even while mourning, is attending social activities and interacting with others regularly.

“Let us not give up meeting together…but let us encourage one another”

(H
EBREWS
10:25).

C
ULTIVATE A TRUSTWORTHY, HONEST CONFIDANTE

Being able to be yourself with someone and share your struggles, your troubled thoughts, and swinging emotions—and then still to be accepted and affirmed—is healing to the soul.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!”

(E
CCLESIASTES
4:9-10).

C
ULTIVATE THE RELEASE OF RESENTMENT

If you have unresolved issues, anger, or hostile feelings regarding your loss, take the time to list your resentments along with their causes. Journaling can bring to the surface buried emotions. Then release into the hands of God each offender and the pain of each offense:

“Lord, You know the pain I have felt over (
situations
). I release all that pain into Your hands and, as an act of my will, I choose to forgive and release (
person’s name
). Thank You, Lord Jesus, for setting me
free.
”

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you”

(E
PHESIANS
4:32).

Physical Guidelines
¹⁷

Imagine a very real death threat on your life! Jezebel’s edict had Elijah fleeing for his life; he ran until he eventually collapsed beneath a tree. With intense grief over the possible loss of his own life, this godly prophet prayed that he would die. But God sent an angel with food and water. After Elijah ate and drank, he lay down again and rested. Later, the angel awakened him with more food and drink. With increased strength, Elijah was once again able to go on his way (see 1 Kings 19:3-8).

From this account we learn these principles:

G
ET A SUFFICIENT AMOUNT OF REST

Because grieving often disturbs regular sleep patterns and disrupts prolonged periods of sleep, getting sufficient rest during the grieving process is often a challenge. But doing so is critically important to the body.

G
ET A GENEROUS INTAKE OF FLUID

Though the sense of thirst frequently goes unnoticed during the grieving process, drinking nonalcoholic and caffeine-free fluids is particularly important. Those help eliminate your body’s toxic waste and maintain appropriate electrolyte balance.

G
ET A BALANCED, NUTRITIONAL DIET

Eat daily portions of food from each of the four basic food groups and avoid skipping meals. Don’t become dependent on eating junk foods, smoking, or drinking alcohol.

G
ET INTO A DAILY EXERCISE ROUTINE

Regular exercise is a natural deterrent to feeling depressed and a natural stimulant to produce a sense of well-being. Exercise carries oxygen to the blood and promotes overall good health.

G
ET BIG DOSES OF SUNSHINE

Taking a walk in the sunshine is another natural way to fight grief. Light entering through the eyes stimulates the brain to send a message to the body to release antidepressant endorphins.

“Light is sweet, and it pleases the eyes to see the sun”

(E
CCLESIASTES
11:7).

Spiritual Guidelines

D
EVELOP A PURPOSEFUL PRAYER LIFE

The grieving process provides a strong impetus for “getting down to business” with God. Have candid conversations with Him about your thoughts and feelings. Listen to Him and lean on Him for comfort and reassurance.

“I recounted my ways and you answered me; teach me your decrees”

(P
SALM
119:26).

D
EVELOP A YEARNING FOR ETERNITY

One of the most hopeful and healing truths is to realize that this present life is being lived in a temporal body, but a permanent body is waiting
for you. In that body you will live throughout all eternity, never to grieve again. Grasp God’s promise of living eternally!

“We fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal”

(2 C
ORINTHIANS
4:18).

D
EVELOP A POSITIVE, PRACTICAL PERSPECTIVE

Maintaining a positive mental attitude based on the practical application of spiritual truths during the grieving process will carry you through the darkest valley and the deepest loss.

“Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things”

(P
HILIPPIANS
4:8).

D
EVELOP A SENSE OF PEACE ABOUT THE PAST

To resolve any unfinished business from your past, ask God’s forgiveness for any failures on your part, and extend forgiveness for any failures on the part of others. Then let go of the past and embrace the present and the future God has planned for you.

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness”

(1 J
OHN
1:9).

D
EVELOP A METHOD OF MEMORIZING
S
CRIPTURE

God spoke the world into existence, and His written Word, the Bible, is powerful enough to create new life in you and to restore joy to your heart, peace to your mind, and hope for your future.

“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work”

(2 T
IMOTHY
3:16-17).

The prophet Samuel apparently had difficulty letting go of his sorrow over his beloved King Saul after Saul had violated God’s directives and was rejected as king.

“Until the day Samuel died, he did not go to see Saul again, though Samuel mourned for him…The L
ORD
said to Samuel, ‘How long will you mourn for Saul…’”

(1 S
AMUEL
15:35; 16:1).

Many who grieve never get over the final hurdle of letting go of the pain and saying goodbye. One method of accomplishing this task is to place an empty chair in front of you and imagine that the chair holds whatever or whoever was lost to you, ready to hear and accept whatever you need to say.

For the woman grieving over childhood sexual abuse in her past, this may mean imagining her abuser across from her and then verbalizing her feelings about it. This may allow her to resolve her feelings, forgive the offender, release her pain to God, and move her focus from the past to the present. A woman who was sexually abused as a child often finds she needs the help of a trained professional to walk with her through this process.

For the man who has lost his wife, this may mean verbalizing to her any unresolved feelings about her life or her death. By expressing his feelings as well as his need to move on with his life, he then says a final farewell to her and to their marriage. This act may need to be repeated until there is true relief through letting go, saying goodbye, and embracing the future as a whole person again.

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds”

(P
SALM
147:3).

Letting Go

—
Look back
and verbally reflect on the history you have shared with what is now lost. Acknowledge that history as a permanent part of your past but no longer a part of your present.

—
Express
any unfinished business regarding the past and resolve any remaining issues or feelings (such as regrets or resentments), bringing them to closure.

—
Choose
to forgive whatever grievances you may still be harboring and let go of any thoughts of revenge.

—
Release
the past to the past and stop making it a part of your present and future. Put it behind you and leave it there. Allow these words from the book of Job to reflect the disposition of your heart: