How to Help a Friend in an Abusive Relationship: What You Need to Know About Domestic Violence (3 page)

There would be no reconciliation were it not for
Christ’s redemptive act in history. The source of reconciliation is
God,
"who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us
the ministry of reconciliation”
(2 Corinthians 5:18).

The substance of reconciliation is hope
grounded in the fact that Christ overcame death and provided the
avenue for us to be reconciled to God and one another. The gospel
of Jesus Christ is the hope of change for both the batterer and
those abused.

Chapter 3 - What the Bible Says About Domestic
Violence

Since God is
inevitably used to perpetuate spousal violence, how are family and
friends to know how to accurately handle the “words of life,”
confident they are offering their loved ones unadulterated, godly
encouragement? The answer is both simple and vital. They must go
directly to the source!

Through close examination and meditation upon
the very words of God - the Loving Designer of the institution of
marriage - both victims and perpetuators will be able to discern
between what is and is not true about their individual identity and
incredible human worth. Men and women will discover God’s good
purpose for their lives, as well as the duties and responsibilities
towards their spouse. By concurrently seeking to understand and
embrace biblical truths, couples can be reconciled to God first.
Then with His strength at their disposal, couples can begin the
process of moving towards the restoration of relational harmony in
their homes.

The following portions of scripture will provide
honest, straight-forward insights into the heart and mind of God
regarding the tangled web of deceit known as “domestic violence.”
Selected to circumspectly examine the varied issues, these verses
are loosely grouped by topic. However such groupings in no way
limit their spiritual and personal application.

General scriptures for yielded,
Spirit-filled Christian living:

***
“and looking upon them Jesus said to them,
'With men this is impossible, but with God all things are
possible.’"
Matthew 19:26

***
“...Whoever does not carry his own cross
and come after Me cannot be My disciple...”
Luke 14:26-35

***
“Do not be conformed to this world…but be
transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what
the will of God is.”
Romans 12:1-2

***
“And He died for all, that they who live
should no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose
again on their behalf.”
II Corinthians 5:15

***
“Bear one another’s burdens and thus
fulfill the law of Christ.”
Galatians 6:2

***
“And let our people also learn to engage
in good deeds to meet pressing needs, that they may not be
unfruitful.”
Titus 3:14

***
“If you see your brother…without
clothing…daily food…and do not give them what is necessary...what
use is that?”
James 2:15-16

***“He who shuts his ear to the cry of the
poor [needy], will also cry himself and not be answered."
Proverbs 21:13

***“Where there is no vision, the people
fall, but in abundance of counselors there is victory."
Proverbs 11:14

Causes of Domestic Violence:

***“And they heard the sound of the LORD God
walking in the garden, in the cool of the day, and the man and his
wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God...and the
LORD God called to the man and said to him, ‘Where are you?’ [And
the man said], ‘I heard the sound of Thee and I was afraid because
I was naked; so I hid myself...’ [The Lord replied,] ‘Have you
eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?’ And the
man said, ‘The woman whom Thou gavest me,’
[‘it’s all her
fault!’”] Genesis 3:8-12. Blame-shifting and refusal to accept
responsibility for personal actions is a key component of domestic
violence.

***
“The fool has said in his heart, ‘There is
no God’. They are corrupt, they have committed abominable
deeds…there is no one who does good, not even one.”
Psalms
14:1-3

***
“God made men upright, but they have
sought out many [evil] devices.”
Ecclesiastes 7:29

***
“The hearts of the sons of men are full of
evil, and insanity is in their hearts.”
Ecclesiastes 9:3

***
“The person who sins will die. The son
will not bear the punishment for the father's iniquity, nor will
the father bear the punishment for the son's iniquity; the
righteousness of the righteous will be upon himself, and the
wickedness of the wicked will be upon himself.”
Ezekiel
18:20

***
“...for I know that nothing good dwells in
me…in my flesh.”
Romans 7:17 - 8:1

***
“…the mind set on the flesh
[self]
is hostile toward God…and those in the flesh cannot please
God.”
Romans 8:6-8

***
“...for men will be lovers of
self…arrogant...revilers...unloving, irreconcilable, malicious
gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous,
reckless, conceited...holding to a form of godliness; although they
have denied its power; and avoid such men as these...”
2
Timothy 3:1-6

***
“What is the source of your quarrels…your
pleasures…you lust…you are envious…fight and quarrel…do you not
know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God?”
James 4:1-4

***
“Now the deeds of the flesh are evident
which are...enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger,
disputes, dissentions, factions, envying, drunkenness, carousing,
and things like these, of which I forewarn you and just as I have
forewarned you that those who practice such things shall not
inherit the kingdom of God.”
Galatians 5:19-21

***
“For each one will bear his own load...Do
not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this
he will also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh shall from
the flesh reap corruption.”
Galatians 6:5-8

Hope and comfort for victims
of domestic violence
:

***
“How blessed is the man
[or woman]
who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
[anyone who
does not love Jesus Christ]
.”
Psalms 1

***
“He restores my soul."
Psalms 23:3

***
“For the LORD God is a sun and a shield;
the Lord gives grace and glory; No good thing does He withhold from
those who walk uprightly.”
Psalms 84:11-12

***
“For the LORD takes pleasure in His
people; He will beautify the afflicted ones with salvation.”
Psalms 149:4

***
“‘For I know the plans that I have for
you’, declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity,
to give you a future and a hope.’”
Jeremiah 29:11

***
“The LORD’s loving-kindnesses indeed never
cease, for His compassions never fail...they are new every
morning...Great is His faithfulness.”
Lamentations 3:19-40

***
“And I will have compassion on her who had
not obtained compassion.”
Hosea 2:23

***
“For your husband is your Maker, whose
name is the LORD of hosts.”
Isaiah 54:4-8

***
“For nothing will be impossible with
God.”
Luke 1:37

***
“For God so loved the world that He gave
His only begotten Son, that whosoever would believe in Him would
not perish, but have everlasting life.”
John 3:16

***
“The thief
[the Devil]
comes only
to steal, and kill, and destroy. I
[Jesus]
came that they
may have life and might have it abundantly.”
John 10:10

***
“For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for
it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes.”
Romans 1:16

***
“If God is for us, who can be against
us?”
Romans 8:31

***
“All things work together for good to
those who love God and are called according to His purpose.”
Romans 8:28

***
“What then shall we say to these things?
If God is for us, who can be against us?”
Romans 8:31

***
“Now may the God of hope fill you with all
joy and peace in believing...”
Romans 15:13

***
“If any man is in Christ, he is a new
creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have
come.”
I Corinthians 5:17

***
“God is faithful who will not allow you to
be tempted beyond what you are able.”
I Corinthians 10:13

***
“…we are afflicted in every way, but not
crushed…”
2 Corinthians 4:8-10

***
“…I am well content with weaknesses…for
Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong…”
2
Corinthians 12:10

***
“…He Himself is our peace…”
Ephesians
2:11-14

***
“Now to Him who is able to do exceeding
abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power
that works within us…”
Ephesians 3:20

***
“For He delivered us from the domain of
darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in
who we have redemption the forgiveness of sins.”
Colossians
1:13

***
“And in Him you have been made complete,
and He is the head over all rule and authority.”
Colossians
2:10

***
“…and when you were dead in your
transgressions…He made you alive together with Him…”
Colossians
2:13-15

***
“God our Father, who has loved us and
given us eternal comfort and good hope by grace, will comfort and
strengthen your hearts for every good work and word.”
2
Thessalonians 2:16-17

***
“But you are a chosen race, a royal
priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God's own possession that
you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of
darkness into His marvelous light. For once you were not a people,
but now you are the people of God; you had not received mercy, but
now you have received mercy.”
I Peter 2:9-10

***
“...and He shall wipe away every tear from
their eye: and there shall no longer be any death; there shall no
longer be any mourning; or crying, or pain; the first things have
passed away.”
Revelation 21:4

Promises of Protection to
those who love God
:

***
“For the eyes of the LORD move to and fro
throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart
is completely His.”
2 Chronicles 16:9

***
“Hide me in the shadow of Thy
wings...”
Psalms 17:7-8

***
“The LORD is my light and my salvation;
whom shall I fear? The LORD is the defense of my life; whom shall I
dread?…Though a host encamp against me, my heart will not
fear...”
Psalms 27:1-3

***
“…the Angel of the LORD encamps around
those who fear Him, and rescues them….”
Psalms 34

***
“…I have not yet seen the righteous
forsaken…He delivers them from the wicked and saves them, because
they take refuge in Him.”
Psalms 37

***
“…because he has loved Me...He will call
upon Me and I will answer Him; I will be with him in trouble…”
Psalms 91

***
“Be gracious to me, O God...for my soul
takes refuge in Thee; and in the shadow of Thy wings I will take
refuge, until destruction passes by. I will cry to God Most High,
to God who accomplishes all things for me. He will send from heaven
and save me...”
Psalms 57:1-3

***
“Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour
out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us.”
Psalms
62:8

***
“In Thee, O LORD, I have taken refuge; let
me never be ashamed...Rescue me, O my God, out of the hand of the
wicked, out of the grasp of the wrongdoer and ruthless man, for
Thou art my hope...”
Psalms 71:1-6

***
“Whom have I in heaven but Thee? And
besides Thee, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may
fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion
forever.”
Psalms 73:26

***
“Give ear, O LORD to my prayer, and give
heed to the voice of my supplications! In the day of trouble I
shall call upon Thee. For Thou will answer me.”
Psalms
86:6-8

***
“The Lord is for me: I will not fear. What
can man do to me?”
Psalms 118:5-9

***
“He is a shield to those who walk in
integrity.”
Proverbs 2:7

***
“Who shall separate us from the love of
Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine,
or nakedness, or peril or sword?...For I am convinced that neither
death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things
present, nor things to come, nor any other created thing, will be
able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our
Lord.”
Romans 8:35-39

***
“…put on the full armor of God that you
may be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil…”
Ephesians 6:10-18

***
“But the Lord is faithful and He will
strengthen and protect you from the evil one.”
2 Thessalonians
3:3

To the Abuser:

***
“The one who loves violence, His
[God’s]
soul hates.”
Psalms 11:5

***
“Do not trust in oppression...”
Psalms
62:10-12

***
“...for the mouth of those who speak lies
will be stopped.”
Psalms 63:11b

***
“...they hold fast to themselves an evil
purpose; they talk of laying snares secretly; they say, ‘Who can
see them?’ They devise injustices, saying, ‘We are ready with a
well conceived plot.’...But God will shoot at them with an arrow;
suddenly they will be wounded. So they will make him stumble; their
own tongue is against them; all who see them will shake their head.
Then all men will fear and will declare the work of God, and will
consider what He has done.”
Psalms 64:1-10