How to Help a Friend in an Abusive Relationship: What You Need to Know About Domestic Violence (5 page)

***Find a way to communicate the grave threat
that exists if she remains in an abusive relationship knowing her
children are also being physically abused. No matter what her
rationale, she could be held legally accountable as an accomplice
to child endangerment. She could face criminal prosecution and
potentially the permanent loss of custody of her children.

***Let her know if at any time you suspect the
children are in danger, you will notify the appropriate authorities
on their behalf, with or without her consent. Let her know you will
be loyal to her as her friend, but you have an obligation to the
children as well. God will direct you if and when this becomes
necessary.

***Watch for signs of serious depression or
suicidal intentions in your friend. Get professional help or
counsel when needed.

***Encourage your friend to take care of her
personal health and hygiene. Help her find ways to get the rest and
nutrition her body needs to remain strong.

***Encourage her to avoid drug and alcohol
usage. She will need all her mental and physical strength to
adequately cope with the difficult decisions which lay ahead.

***Help your friend find something to laugh
about and be thankful for. Help her see the beauty of nature and
the world around her. Remind her to worship and praise God every
day and to take her mind off her own troubles and focus on God’s
goodness, mercy and great love. God’s love remains a constant
reality in her life, even if nothing else remains.

***Help your friend reconnect with enjoyable
hobbies, sports, or other activities which bring her pleasure and
joy.

***Help her understand change is possible. There
is hope for her future, her children, and even her abuser.

***Encourage her to reconnect with her faith
community. If they are not supportive, or if it is unsafe for her
to return, she may need to change her place of worship. Help her
relocate to a safer faith community.

***Remind your friend of the power of prayer.
Offer to pray with her on a regular basis. Set aside time on a
daily basis to intercede for the health, safety and spiritual well
being of your friend. Take every opportunity to assure her God is
still in control and will be with her no matter what she may
face.

***Ask God to give you specific scriptures
verses that will help her see her incredible worth and value to God
and give her the courage to make any necessary changes in her
life.

***Purchase Christian materials on Domestic
Violence to educate yourself and your friend on the complex
dynamics of domestic violence.

***If your friend attends a church hostile or
indifferent to the needs of battered women and children, or your
friend begins to feel manipulated by church leadership, using Bible
verses to pressure her to remain in a dangerous environment,
recommend she find a different place of worship. Leaving long time
church friends and familiar surroundings is difficult under the
best of circumstances. God desires for the Body of Christ to be her
closest ally during this difficult time. Help her find other
Christians who will support her and her children without
condemnation.

***Hang in there no matter what happens!
Remember God called you to assist your friend and He will
strengthen and guide your intervention. Hold fast to the knowledge
that your faithful friendship and loving sacrifice will make a
difference. And know your ongoing support and encouragement are
combating the evils of domestic violence. Your efforts are saving
lives, one of which may be the very life of your friend.

[GENDER NOTE: As 96% of the victims of
domestic violence are female and their perpetrators are male, for
ease of reading victims of domestic violence have been referred to
as female and their perpetrators as male. However the author is
fully aware this is not always the case. Likewise, readers should
note that the author’s area of expertise is dealing with the
dynamics of violence within heterosexual relationships therefore
such is the focus of this work.]

Conclusion

The devastation and
pain domestic violence brings to families, children and communities
is enough to bring any people of conscious to tears. All things
considered, it is painfully obvious that the paramount need of
abused women is hope. As Jay Adams so clearly put it,
“People
with long-standing problems...people with peculiarly difficult
problems…people who have been sold a bill of goods about their
problems…people who are harassed by fear…those who have tried and
failed…depressed people…suicidal people…people who have suffered
life-shattering experiences…people without Christ…all need
HOPE.”

Readers of this book can be those instruments
of hope. And through the informed support of friends like you, who
cared enough to learn more about domestic violence, lives can be
saved, broken hearts can be healed, fractured marriages can be
restored, and homes can once again be restored to places of life
and sanctuary for all. Will you be God’s agent of hope?

BIBILOGRAPHY

Adams, Jay,
The Christian Counselor’s
Manual
, Zondervan Publishing House, 1973.

Alsdurf, James & Phyllis,
Battered Into
Submission
, Wipf and Stock Publisher, 1998.

Barner, Leslie,
A Way of Hope
,
FamilyLife: A Division of Campus Crusade for Christ, 2001.

Canfield, Muriel,
Broken and Battered
,
Howard Publishing, West Monroe, LO, 2000.

Hegstrom, Paul,
Angry Men and the Women Who
Love Them
, Beacon Hill Press of Kansas City, KS,

1999.

Martin, Grant L.,
Counseling for Family
Violence and Abuse,
Word Books, 1987.

Riddle-Gaddis, Patricia,
Battered But Not
Broken,
Judson Press, Valley Forge, PA, 1996.

The New American Standard Bible, The Open
Bible Edition
, Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1979.

About the Author

Donna J. Farris
has been helping people overcome painful experiences for years. She
believes now is the time for redeemed saints of God to stand up,
speak up and to declare God’s power to transform lost and broken
lives. Therefore in 2010, she launched the
Gripped for Glory
blog encouraging
Christians everywhere to convert painful experiences into stories
of hope for God’s glory.

The world needs
to hear Christian testimonies now more than ever. Join the
Gripped for Glory
community of saints who are not ashamed of the gospel of
Jesus Christ.

Connect with me Online:

Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/pages/Gripped-For-Glory/142580449129848

Twitter:
https://twitter.com/#!/grippedforglory

GrippedforGlory
blog:
http://grippedforglory.blogspot.com/

Discover other titles by Donna J. Farris
at
Smashwords.com

Consider Divine
Love

Why Women Stay
in Abusive Relationships

Freed to
Testify: A Biblical Biography of Mary Magdalene

Exceptional
Devotion - Exceptional Honor: A Biblical Biography of Anna the
Prophetess