How to Outfox Your Friends When You Don't Have a Clue (10 page)

“Okay,” I said, psyching myself up. “I'll get him.”

I'll get the skunk. I'll get him. I'll go headfirst into a skunk den and stick my hands in there. Sure. No problem.

Gritting my teeth, I gingerly shimmied forward a few feet and began lifting the logs. Despite the whole “he won't be too stinky” thing, I was already having doubts, because the whole area reeked of skunk. I tucked my goggles up closer on my nose and started breathing through my mouth.

“Heeeere, Calvin,” I whispered under my breath. My eyes were glued to the dirt as I shifted the logs, waiting for the telltale black-and-white fur.

And then, I saw it.

“Yesssss!” I hissed, reaching forward as fast as I could. There he was!

Kate was right. He was a teensy little thing, with a fluffy black-and-white-spotted body, tiny little paws, and the cutest face ever. “I got you!”

Wrapping my fingers around him, he immediately started to struggle, but I was too quick. Practically bursting with excitement, I secured his tail with my pinkie finger snugly up against his rump, curling his tail up over his tummy. He hadn't sprayed! I did it! He jerked his head around to bite me, but all he got was a mouthful of rubber glove. His tiny teeth were sharp, but they didn't feel any worse than a bite from Darwin through gloves.

I could do this!

“Fast hands, Ana!” Kate said, clearly impressed. She waved me over closer with the syringe. “Hold him steady now.”

I held my breath as Kate injected him with the vaccine and capped the needle again. Pride swam through me like a giddy, leaping dolphin. Because of
me
, this little guy wouldn't get rabies. He had a real chance of surviving out in the wild!

“Excellent work,” Kate said, crawling backward out of the cage.

“Thanks!” I said. I took a minute to peer closer at Calvin, at his beady black eyes and the tiny, white claws that gripped the glove so tightly. Now that he was done struggling, he almost seemed to be enjoying himself. “He's so cute, huh?”

She nodded. “They are. All you need to do now is set him down gently and hightail it out of there.”

I shuffled back, so I would be closer to the door of the cage when I set him down. Even though it was only my first day, I was already picturing all the things I would get to do here—vaccinating animals like Calvin, helping birds learn to fly, maybe even getting to hang out with bigger stuff like my fox who was somewhere around here—

“Ana,
look out
!”

I blinked, but it was too late.

In my little daydream, my pinkie finger had slipped. Calvin's tail, which
should
have been neatly tucked against him, was stuck straight out from his body like a flag.

A warning flag.

“No!” I struggled to regain where my hands had been, to somehow wrangle him a little tighter to slip my hand under that tail again, but it was useless. He was squirming and scratching again, obviously well aware that I'd messed up and now
he
was the one running the show.

Then it happened.

Skunk spray shot all
over
me.

My goggles.

My garbage bag.

My hands.

My face.

My coveralls.

“
Gah
!” I spat, letting him go to scurry away back to his burrow. The smell—
no,
the taste, like burned onions and pepper—was too much to bear. “He got me! He got me!” I bolted from the cage, getting out of the way while Kate locked it quickly. My coughing echoed through the woods around us.

“So…” she said calmly when I was done hacking. Her own eyes were watering, but she didn't seem to notice that we'd gone from crisp air to biohazard in less than a second.

I stared at her with watery, gloopy eyes. The spit in my mouth still tasted like skunk, and I was pretty sure I would never smell normal again. I would smell like skunk on my
wedding day
if Calvin had any say on the matter.

Kate grinned, her eyes twinkling. “Still think he's cute?”

Only female mosquitoes can bite humans and other animals. Males eat flower nectar.

—Animal Wisdom

How to Survive a Skunk Attack: Ana's Official DeSkunk Plan

(Which, by the way, is probably going to be the name of my autobiography when I'm an old geezer, because oh my God, this smell is never going to go away, is it?)

1. Forget the tomato sauce. According to Kate, my new friend and skunky-smelling pal, tomatoes do nothing but add an “Italian twist” to your already smelly problem. This is good because it means no disgusting tomato baths. This is bad because, duh, you still reek and you have to walk around with the nickname “Stinkpot.”

2. Invest in some of that orange-smelling floor cleaner. Apparently this is the only thing that will give you any hope of a normal life ever again. It won't take the skunk smell away, but it will mask it enough that you can (hopefully) be in the same room as people without making anyone barf. (Always a plus, right?)

3. Wash your hair. Then wash it again. Then wash it again. Then when you're tired of washing it again, WASH. IT. AGAIN.

It's a truth universally acknowledged that a girl who's been sprayed by a skunk named Calvin will also get a horrible grade on her Shakespeare test.

Okay. So I don't actually know that's true, but it's exactly what happened to me the next day at school. I knew something was up because Mr. Nicholson gave me a weird half smile before the bell rang to dismiss us. Then I
really
knew when he handed out the tests and mine was facedown, with a big fat F on it, along with a red “See me please.”

Ugh.

Was anything worse than the “See me please”? You know they're trying to be nice and understanding, but deep down you already feel like you want to climb in a hole because you botched up a test and disappointed them. Teachers should write “Need ice cream?” instead.

When class finished, I tried to make myself look busy, stuffing my notebook into my backpack. I didn't exactly want Ashley or Bella to know why I had to linger behind. I'd seen their tests from my desk, and they'd booth gotten smiley face stickers, so I knew they'd done well.

Staring at my feet with my test rolled up in my hands, I shuffled to the front of the room after everyone had left. Mr. Nicholson was organizing papers on his desk.

“Ana!” he said, looking up. “Thanks for staying for a few minutes.” He gestured for me to take a seat.

“You said you wanted to see me,” I mumbled. My test felt like it weighed as much as an elephant in my hands. This was
torture
. “I mean, on my test. I know I didn't do so well.”

He pursed his lips. “No, I'm afraid you didn't. I know you had some issues with our Shakespeare reading. You know I'm here if you need some extra help.”

I nodded. “Yeah, I know,” I said. “Honestly, I didn't remember we were having a test. I know I should have studied…” My voice sounded as pathetic as I felt. “I'm so sorry. I never got such a bad grade before. I promise I'll do better next time.” I forced myself to look him in the eye so he knew I meant it. It was taking every ounce of willpower not to break down and tear the paper into little bits for being so embarrassing.

“You don't need to be sorry, but I will need you to get your parents to sign the test, okay? And don't forget, you'll have an opportunity to drop this mark with your media project!”

“Oh!” I said. Relief bubbled through me. “I totally forgot about that. That's great. I'm doing a documentary,” I said. “It's going to be amazing, I promise. Do I still need to get the test signed? I mean, if I can win the free grade, then…”

“That sounds wonderful! With your grandfather, I'm not surprised you picked film,” he replied. “But I'm afraid your parents will still need to see and sign your test. Don't worry. We all have bad days.”

I tried to shrug, but it came out all twitchy. Would my F make me look like an idiot to all my new teachers when I went to high school next year? Grown-ups were always talking about our grades in junior high and how a bad grade can follow us all through high school. I didn't want to look like a giant dumbo when I finally left eighth grade! And what about Kevin? I couldn't exactly have a super-genius boyfriend if I'm getting Fs!

Suddenly, my F felt like more than a test result.

F is for failure.

F is for fell flat on her face.

F is for fat chance on keeping your smart boyfriend, Ana.

I shook my head, trying to shake off the thought. “I'll get it signed,” I said, sitting taller. “But I'm also going to win, so I can ditch this grade.” I stuffed my test back into my pocket, eager to get it out of sight.

As I walked down the hallway, a twinge of doubt rang through me. One time when we were younger, I built a house of cards with Daz. We worked
so
hard to be super careful and had to get every card right so when we finally put that last card on the top it was perfect.
That's
how I felt working on my documentary now—like if I slipped up even once or made a wrong move, my life would plummet to the ground in a spectacular mess.

With Sugar's help, I would have to make a documentary that blew them all away. And with my friendship with Liv
and
my epic fail on the line, I couldn't mess up the tiniest thing.

After two days of getting off my skunk smell and convincing my parents that I wasn't on a downward spiral at school because of one Shakespeare test, it was finally time to hang out with Liv again. She'd spent a few days with her grandmother, and I was pretty excited to put boring school aside and tell her my story about the wildlife center. Something about facing off against wild skunks made me feel like even our busted-up friendship could be fixed.

Adjusting my sweater, I knocked on the door of her hotel room where she and her folks were staying for the rest of the week.

“Hey!” Liv exclaimed, opening the door. Her parents were gone, and she had her laptop splayed open on the bed. Loud, angsty music was pumping out of the speakers. “Come in!” she yelled over the noise. “I have Red Vines!” She helicoptered one in the air around her head.

I kicked off my shoes and collapsed onto the bed, already feeling buoyed by the smile on her face. Red Vines were a total Liv snack; I
knew
the real Liv was in there somewhere, buried beneath all that purple hair.

“How was your gram's?” I asked, reaching for some candy.

She clicked the music down on her laptop, shrugging. “Oh, you know,” she replied. “Same old grammie. Still asking why we had to move away. Still makes the world's hardest oatmeal cookies.” Her eyes rolled. “I think I chipped a tooth.”

I giggled. “It's nice to know that some things don't change.”

Liv sprawled out on the bed beside me, tucking her hair behind her ears. The dragon wrapped around her ear stared at me with its tiny, judgmental, ruby eyes. “Whatever,” she said coolly. “She also said she hated my hair, so that was nice.”

I stopped eating, mid-chew. Part of me was a little pleased that
someone
had spoken up about Liv's hair. But the other part of me hated seeing Liv act so…
cold
. She used to love visiting her grammie and would even complain if her parents had to leave early from their visit. Now she was acting like it was the world's biggest inconvenience to see her?

I frowned, mentally checking off one more change in Liv's attitude since her return. It was almost like she was trying to be as different as possible, just to freak me out.

“So what did you do?” She rolled from the bed and reached into the mini fridge under the TV. “Want a Diet Coke?” she asked, handing me one.

“Aren't those things crazy expensive?” I asked. Every time my parents and I stayed in a hotel, we (and by
we
, I mean Daz) were strictly forbidden from opening the mini fridges. Dad always said he isn't going to pay six dollars for something that cost thirty cents to make.

She rolled her eyes. “You sound like my parents,” she said, sighing. “They told me not to have anything from in here, but come on, if
you're
here, they can hardly get me in trouble.” She reached for a second can and cracked the lid open with her dark-purple nails, sending a fizzy burst up to her nose as she took a sip.

The sound seemed louder than it should.

Then she sniffed the air. “Do you smell that?”

Hesitantly, I took the can. My stomach was already in knots, and I'd only been in the room for five minutes. I tried to casually lean my head down to sniff myself. I didn't still reek, did I?

“So, a while ago, this fox got hit by a car,” I said, shimmying closer on the bed to grab another Red Vine. I waited a beat for Liv to react—she used to love animals and visiting Mom at her lion exhibit—but her face stayed the same.

“And then I went in with Mom to the zoo while they worked on him, and eventually he got sent to this cool wildlife rescue center, where they help all sorts of animals so they can be released again. And guess what!” I said, trying to force a little too much enthusiasm into my voice to make up for Liv's deadpan face.

“They released him?” she asked, her eyes brightening. She took another sniff of the air, her nose crinkling. “Seriously, what is that smell?”

I grinned. “I'm getting to that. They didn't release him yet.
But
I got to go in and actually volunteer there! I got to work with
real
wild animals, that are actually going to get to go back into the forest once they're better!”

Finally,
finally
Liv seemed to snap out of her weird emo mood. The spark returned to her eyes. “For real?! That's so cool, Ana! It's like the zoo, only even
wilder
!” She sat on her heels, stuffing another licorice in her mouth.

I beamed, my heart filling with relief to see her act like her old excited self. “That's exactly what
I
thought! It was the coolest thing. I mean, I totally got sprayed by a skunk, but how cool is it to get to help these animals get healthy again, right?”

Liv's jaw dropped. “So it's
you
!” She grabbed a pillow and smacked me on the head with it. “You're what stinks in here!”

I frowned. “It's almost gone!” I cried, grabbing a handful of hair and leaning closer so she could smell it, to gross her out further. “I had to shower until we ran out of hot water! It used to be
horrible
.”

Liv shoved me away, laughing. “You talk about some things never changing,” she cackled. “You always were the stinkiest kid in school!”

I shoved her back with the pillow and giggled, sticking out my tongue in false protest. “Well, we can't both be known as the girl with purple hair!” I closed my eyes for a brief moment, secretly thanking the Red Vine gods for their help.

This
is how I wanted everything to go when Liv first came back. Maybe Liv had been having a bad couple of days when we hung out before? My insides were jittery with happiness, seeing her act like her usual goofbally self.

She's back! She's back! She's normal Liv again!

Just then, a loud ringing started to sound from her laptop. Scrambling to her feet, she yanked it onto her lap.

“It's Leilani!” she squealed. Her eyebrows lifted hopefully. “Do you want to talk to her? Let's talk to her! I told her to call if she could!”

Instantly, the glee inside me was squashed, like it had been sat on by a giant elephant.

An elephant named Leilani.

She
told
her to call? When she knew I'd be here?