How to Seduce a Billionaire (38 page)

Jess, oh Jess!

She
was the one he was missing. The one he ached for now. He wanted her, but he wanted more. Oh hell, he wanted what she’d admitted, in her honesty, that she wanted herself. It was what
he
wanted and needed too. And now he’d let her go. Almost sent her away. Encouraged her towards a new life, with some notional new man she’d probably marry. Possibly even this Josh character she’d talked about and whom he’d as good as pushed her towards.

God damn it to hell, what if this Josh is Mr Right?

No! No! No!

I’m your Mr Right, Jess Lockhart. I’m the one who loves you.

And yet … still … he had to make his peace with Julie first. Purposeful now, he strode to the small library he used as an office, pulling open a drawer in the sideboard that he rarely opened, because of the pain it contained.

Drawing out the album from within, he took it to the desk and sat down in his leather wing chair. Julie had been an aficionado of what she’d staunchly declared to be ‘real’ photography: vintage cameras, film, prints lovingly developed and preserved. He was glad of it now, as he turned the pages, not saying goodbye, but allowing them to leave him peacefully, and let spirits both lost and still alive grow tranquil.

His wife had been beautiful, and their children adorable. But now there was no guilt in longing for a different beauty … and musing perhaps … examining the possibility that one day there might be other children to adore.

He studied the smiles in the prints, still wondering … Had they thought of him in those last moments? Had there even been time? Onlookers had reported that all the gunman’s victims had dropped like stones, gone in the blink of an eye. So Ellis could only go on what he felt, on what he believed without knowing how.

He wasn’t a superstitious man, and his faith was nebulous at best, but looking at the smiling images of his wife and daughters … his
late
wife and daughters … he knew. He just knew.

He understood what he’d not allowed himself to truly accept until now, not completely. Which was that generous, huge-hearted Julie would never want him to lead a sterile, loveless life if she wasn’t there, and that his sweet daughters would always want their daddy to be happy, whatever happened.

And the only way for me to be happy is with you, Jess.

He smiled, echoing the expressions of his lost family, knowing he had their permission to be happy again too. And permission to release the guilt he’d felt over their deaths … and the new guilt over falling in love again.

I haven’t known you long, Jess, but I know I can be happy with you. Because I do love you. I’m a love at first sight guy. I was with Julie and I am with you too.

Pressing a last kiss against each cherished face in the album, he closed it and slid it onto the sideboard. No need to hide it any more.

There was just one last thing to do. A big step, but he could do it now. Touching the gold of his wedding ring, he slid it off his finger, kissed it, and then placed it in the ring box that had been tucked away in the drawer along with the album.

His heart suddenly pounding, he reached for his phone and started dialling.

What do you think you are, you fool? Some kind of spook or private detective? Sitting here in the dark, watching her front door. You’re pathetic!

Why was he lurking here, slumped down behind the wheel of his Mercedes SUV, across the road from Jess’s place, waiting for her to come home?

Ellis had tried to ring Jess repeatedly, but her phone was turned off. He’d tried to compose texts, but the limitations of the medium had caused him to end up swearing and nearly stomping his mobile into tiny pieces before abandoning the effort. Business messages he could compose with consummate ease, but this, God, this was so much more important.

Finally, he’d rung the house, and spoken to Cathy.

‘She’s out. She’s gone to the pictures with a bloke from the art class. She’s probably turned her phone off so they don’t disturb people in the cinema. The last time we went, there was some inconsiderate git who was calling and texting his mates all the way through the movie.’

Logical, but Ellis still wondered. What if she’d turned the damn thing off so she didn’t have to speak to
him?
Because she didn’t want there to be a possibility of him interrupting her while she was trying to forge a bond with a new male friend, this nice Josh she’d spoken of, who was suitable and who could be Mr Right.

Jess’s house-mate had been going out herself, but she had asked if she could pass on a message. Ellis had said,
Yes, yes please, just tell her that I called.

But now he was here, sitting in the darkness, because he was a lovelorn idiot and he had to make Jess his, and prevent her forging that bond with another man.

Tapping his fingers on the wheel of his Mercedes, he was almost glad the Citroën was in the garage, undergoing an expensive refurbishment. If she came back now, she wouldn’t recognise this chunky SUV, and he could watch, surreptitiously, weaving his strategy, if she should happen to bring her art-loving friend home with her.

But what if it was already too late? What if courageous Jess had decided that a man still married to his own dead wife was a hopeless cause, and she’d plunged forward, impulsive and passionate, into her future?

After all, she plunged in with you, didn’t she? Like a lioness … It was one of the greatest, bravest leaps a woman can make.

Ellis was bemused by his own thoughts. This was the antithesis of his usual modus operandi. He was decisive, determined, almost ruthless sometimes. He had to be. And sometimes he was arrogant and overpowering with women too.

But he couldn’t be that way with Jess. He respected all women, but he respected her more. He respected her as much as he had done Julie, the first woman he’d respected and loved.

Driving here, he’d compared the two loves, finally able to do so. He loved Jess just as much as Julie. Not more, but differently, and it felt just as wonderful. He wasn’t a conventionally religious man, but again he felt that somewhere, somehow, Julie had watched his deliberations over the photographs and said,
Go for it, you silly bugger! Go on! Be happy!

A taxi hove into view, interrupting his metaphysical musings. His heart went thud, thud, thud, like that of a callow youth sighting his first date. Was it her? Was she back? Was the goddamned nice Josh from life class with her?

Atavistic possessiveness surged in Ellis’s gut like acid. No woman could belong to one man, but try telling his caveman brain that.

In every rational way, he’s probably a better man for you than I am … but he can’t have you!

But her expression as she paid off the taxi – yes, it was his gorgeous Jess – stopped him in his tracks, and kept him slouched low in his seat in the dark SUV that she wouldn’t recognise.

Jess was smiling to herself. She was glowing. She looked almost triumphant.

Fuck! Hell! Damn!

It
had
worked out. She’d had a successful date. She really liked nice Josh and, disaster of disasters, she was going to see him again … and more.

Ellis realised he was now clutching at the steering wheel so tightly that his fingers were hurting. He relaxed them, but he couldn’t relax his whirling mind. He almost moaned when his beautiful, smiling Jess disappeared into the house.

What was going on? If the date had been so fabulous and made her so happy, where was Nice Man? Thank God, at least it seemed as if they weren’t going to sleep together this first time. Was there still a chance for Mr Wrong? For Mr Sex, the man so deeply in love that he hadn’t even realised it until it was almost too late?

Ellis still couldn’t understand his own hesitancy. He
had
to move now. Speak to her. Declare himself. And yet he remembered how, sometimes, with Julie, he had been more cautious and measured, holding back to think through what was best for her, rather than charging like the proverbial bull at a gate and ruining everything by grabbing for what he wanted rather than what she needed.

For ten minutes, Ellis sat there, working out how best to lay his heart before Jess and reveal his feelings to her. How most effectively to state the case for himself rather than that other man. Most of those ten minutes involved more cursing and blinding at himself for being a hesitating fool.

Just bloody well go and knock on the door, you clown!

But just as he was reaching for the handle, another taxi drew up outside Jess’s house, with a toot of its horn.

No! She’s going to him!

And yes, here came Jess from the door, still looking bright-faced and happy and determined. She had her overnight bag with her too.

No! No! No!

It seemed a slightly odd way to go about things, but she was going to wherever her new man was, and they were going to sleep together. And it would be the start of ‘something wonderful’ for them, and a new lifetime of loss and agony for Ellis McKenna.

She would be happy. He had to face that. It was what he wanted for her. Her happiness was a priority that over-rode every single one of his own feelings, and maybe someday, he’d find a kind of peace in knowing she was leading a happy life with another man.

Someday …

No! Fuck it! Bloody hell!

Ellis hurled himself out of the SUV, almost stumbling, but not caring if he fell or twisted his ankle or worse. Like a sprinter, he hurtled towards the taxi. Jess was already inside, and the brake lights went off. Summoning a turn of speed he hadn’t achieved since he was a teenaged runner, trying to prove to himself that his damaged foot would never hold him back, Ellis raced along the pavement, then jumped out into the road, in front of the black cab, waving his arms, knowing he looked like a raving lunatic, but still not caring at all what anyone thought except Jess, and she already knew he was a crazy man anyway.

The cabbie looked shocked, but pulled up just inches from Ellis’s shins. He looked angry then, instead, and rolled down the window.

‘What the hell are you doing, you stupid bastard?’

Ellis ignored him, and ran to the rear passenger window, banging on it. ‘Jess! Jess! Please wait … don’t go!’ Her face looked pale inside the cab, but thank God, she was still smiling. She had her phone in her hand, as if about to turn it on.

‘Shall I drive on, miss?’ the cabbie asked.

‘No, it’s okay,’ Jess said, and Ellis saw her stuff the mobile in her bag and rummage about, presumably for money. Digging in his own pocket, he pulled out his wallet, almost tore a wad of notes in half getting them out, and thrust them at the driver.

‘Are you sure you’ll be all right, miss?’ Ellis couldn’t fault the cabbie’s concern for his passenger, even in the face of being massively overpaid, but he just wished the man would shut up, and let Jess get out.

‘Everything’s fine … now.’

When the passenger door was released, Ellis half climbed in and almost hauled Jess and her bag out bodily, his arms encircling her as if that were their default position. Holding her …

With a last nod in Jess’s direction, the cabbie put his vehicle in gear, and then sped away. Ellis held on to Jess for dear life, tightening his embrace, breathing in her scent and feeling the sweet strength of her seep into him and restore his sanity.

‘I’m sorry about that,’ he said, kissing her hair and rubbing his face against hers, ‘I just couldn’t let you go to him. I know he’s probably a much better man for you. He’s everything you need … and he’ll make you happy.’ A lump formed in his throat, and he found himself blinking, his eyes tearing up. ‘But give me a chance, Jess, and I’ll do everything in my power to make you just as happy. I’ll really try … I’ll do anything you want!’

Her body shook in his hold. Damn, was it shock? Had he frightened her with his deranged antics? He held her closer, running his hands over her hair, her back.

But it wasn’t a reaction. And, realising that, Ellis found himself smiling, then laughing … because Jess was laughing too.

‘Fuck, yes, I know I’m a raving lunatic. But it’s
you
that makes me crazy, Jess. The thought of losing you, that’s what’s made me behave like this.’

She looked up at him, her lovely eyes glowing, warm with … with beautiful emotion. A positive emotion. The emotion she’d expressed with such dignity before, back in London.

‘You
are
a lunatic, Ellis McKenna, you really are.’ She leant in and pressed her lips to his. The kiss was the sweetest they’d ever shared, and possibly the most chaste. ‘Where on earth do you think I was going just now, you crazy man?’

‘To your artist guy, to Josh’s house, to spend the night together.’

‘Oh, you are a plonker, Ellis, really!’ She shook her head, her shiny hair rippling. ‘I was on my way to Windermere Hall, to you, you fool!’

‘But I saw you come in about fifteen minutes ago, and you were smiling. You looked really happy.’ Despite his words, he was beginning to believe in miracles, and his heart was pounding faster than ever. If it hadn’t meant letting go of Jess, he would have leapt up in the air and punched the sky in triumph.

‘I was happy. I am happy,’ said Jess gently, her face glowing more than ever if that were possible. ‘I had a very pleasant evening with Josh, but it made me realise something crucially important.’ She paused to kiss him again. ‘It made me realise who I really had to be with. The man I really want and love. I was looking happy because I’d made a decision and I’d found the strength to follow up on it. I was coming to
you
, Ellis, to tell you that I love you. I rang Windermere Hall, and I got transferred to one of your PA people, who said you were in residence there, but out at the moment.’ She gave a little shrug. ‘I was just about to phone your mobile from the cab, but then I thought, to hell with it, I’d be better off telling you how I feel in person. Face to face. I might have chickened out otherwise …’ She hesitated again, as if reaching a tipping point. ‘I know you had a perfect marriage with Julie, but I think you and I can be happy together too. If we give it a chance. So, that’s why I’d rung for a taxi … to take me to Windermere Hall, so I could wait for you there, and then state my case.’