Iron and you are good to wear them out.
If there’s not any time for all of the above, or you are running from the office, take your stapler and gingerly gun the situation back together.
DO NOT do this on silks, satins or delicate fraying fabrics; be sure to remove before you wash, and
absolutely
before you take to the dry-cleaner’s. This is not a method you should brag about, but is ideal in emergencies.
Darning socks
No one darns socks any more, so this is a perfectly ridiculous skill to want to learn. If you find you are wearing a peep-toe pair discard immediately. Not only could it cut off your tootsies’ circulation, it is unsightly. Keep them hidden in your shoes till you get to a bin.
For snagged tights that need to survive just a few hours longer, take a dab of clear nail varnish, or a slightly wet bar of soap, and draw a rim round the hole, or start of the ladder. This will seal the nylon and prevent it from running further.
How to talk to your tailor
by Stella McCartney, fashion designer
I discovered bespoke in my parents’ wardrobe. My mum, as well as my dad, had suits made to measure by Tommy Nutter. They were made just for you, so they sculpted and fit like a glove, and it was this attention to detail and design that fascinated me. Yeah, it’s more expensive than ready to wear, but in the end it lasts you a lifetime, so the cost is relative.
The most important thing when going to see a tailor is to know that if you are ordering bespoke you can have anything you like. You are the designer if you like, and the suit is tailored to your mood and personality.
Do not feel intimidated, be strong-minded and tell them what you want. Traditionally tailoring was geared to men, but women should be able to have things tailor-made to fit their shapes. My mum would mix her bespoke jackets with floral printed dresses, and her style was very inspiring and individual.
Ask questions, and follow your fitting. Does it fit under the bust? Are the shoulders tight enough or too tight? Can you move your arms? What part of your silhouette do you want to enhance? And what do you want to conceal? Getting a bespoke suit made helps you understand the shape of your body. It’s a great way to hide anything you’re unhappy with. The fabric goes under the knife – not you! Over the years, as your figure changes, you can bring the suit in and get it altered to fit your ever-changing shape. I want women to keep coming back, and make the suit part of their wardrobe, their life. Why should men be the only ones to have suits that give them the perfect physique and have clothing that can hide a pigeon chest and so on? A tailor is your ally, he keeps your shape a closely guarded secret and, like a sculptor, will make you a new shadow.
If you aren’t happy with it after three fittings a tailor will keep going till it is perfect. You can sit in a bath in your jeans to shrink them to fit, or you can get a tailor to teach you the tricks for your size. Work with them and create the perfect curves.
The fibres in really good suits are wool, so you shouldn’t dry-clean as the chemicals will strip them down; just take it back to the tailor and they can steam it with the industrial iron and revive it. A crease down the centre front of a pair of trousers is the essential finishing touch. On my bespoke there is one pink buttonhole so those in the know see how well suited you are.
If ordering bespoke, I usually recommend that you get a single-breasted jacket with two varieties of trousers, say a low-slung hipster pant and a more classic style. This is the staple that can never fail. Women can look powerful as well as sexy in a suit, think of Bianca Jagger in her white pant suit, or Madonna. Do not let Savile Row intimidate you, you know it’s not a man’s world.
How to iron the blues away
by Bella Freud, fashion designer
Just on the cusp of adolescence, when I could already feel the stirrings of the avalanche that would be teenage-hood, I got a Saturday job doing the ironing for my next-door neighbours. We lived on a splendid estate in the heart of the Ashdown Forest in what had been the Laundry, and our neighbours occupied the Coach House. They were a retired army couple, friendly, but from a different world. I wasn’t sure that I knew how to iron but I needed the money to buy . . . anything.
Joan, my employer, led me upstairs into a small room with a mountain of crumpled things. She didn’t seem like the ironing type herself but proceeded to give me one of the most useful lessons of my life. ‘First, take the shirt, drape it over the board back down, and iron the yoke and the back of the collar. Then do the cuffs, followed by the sleeves. Do the sides next, then go back to the back. Your final loving stroke is devoted to the collar’ (maybe not her precise words). I followed her instructions to the letter and found I had a knack for it. Then I experimented a bit as I couldn’t believe her sequence of applications could really make much difference – but it did! It was like the perfect child’s routine: change it and everything gets muddled and confused; stick to it and order, symmetry and satisfaction follow. My thirteenth birthday occurred and hormones and mood swings raged. Leonard Cohen blasted; yet when I ironed, all was well: yoke, collar, cuffs, sleeves, sides, back . . . and collar! I was good at ironing, I took pride in ironing and strangely ironing made me feel better. When I had left home and was a punk rocker living in London, I would sit in the kitchen, preparing to go out to a club, and if there was time I would give myself a special treat and get out the ironing board.
How to make a curtain
There is drawing a curtain, draping a curtain, buying a curtain and then, only if you have exhausted all the ready-made options, there is making a curtain.
Before measuring up, decide on the drop and what type of rail you’d like, as this will affect the width gathered, length and so on. Then think about coverage. Usually for pulleys and rod-operated curtains you should add an extra 8–10cm on each side for the operation, and say a generous 15–20cm above the frame for all the hooks, rail, etc. With this knowledge measure the right height and width. Measure the frame but don’t forget the extras you need to add to your calculations.
Purchase or, more sensibly, borrow a sewing machine, collect swatches and choose pattern of style to be attempted. John Lewis is an excellent source of inspiration. If you’re a novice, go for something simple, and remember there’s a lot to be said for the benefits of bohemianly draped swathes of raw cut fabric. Make sure your curtain fabric is heavy enough in weight for the style.
When you get the fabric home, and providing the washing instructions allow it, whack it into the machine to soften it up. Then carefully, following your pattern, start to cut as directed. Pin, tack, hem and then you are ready to machine together. Don’t forget to line the curtains. This makes them look far more substantial, and otherwise the object of the game will be defeated, as sunlight will still pour in. Thread through or attach hooks, attach to curtain rod above window and let them hang.
How to decorate a Christmas tree
The Norwegian Christmas tree in Trafalgar Square goes up on the first Thursday of December. In 1947 Norway presented one to Britain as a thank you for their alliance in the war, and have continued to do so ever since. It towers in at around 70 feet. Trees at home need not be as tall.
Traditionally speaking, you don’t have to put the tree up until as late as twelve days before Christmas, and if it’s a real tree the closer to Christmas the better to keep needle dropping to a minimum. The crucial thing is that you take your tree down by twelfth night, the Epiphany, 6 January.
A bit like padded bras and fake tans, plastic trees are good, but never as good as the real thing. There is one rule you must not break: trees are green. Blue, white or silver trees are not an option.
When buying your real fir tree, select the freshest one available. To test this, grasp a branch and give it a gentle tug towards you; very few needles, if any, should fall. If you’re able to give the tree a shake or a bounce, and it leaves a pool of needles, move on. If you are not decorating straight away store the tree in an inch of water, ideally in a garage out of the wind or sun. You should stand a tree in a corner. Keep it away from radiators, which will cause it to wither and die. Hoover or brush under tree daily to avoid needle build-up.
A naked tree is a sad sight. First decoration should be the fairy on top, particularly as you may need to bend the tree to get her on. She is going to supervise how her tree is filled. Then the lights. These will inevitably fuse but need to be added at this stage so you can ensure they are evenly distributed. Wind from top to bottom, towards the plug socket. Candles are cute but go for the electrical variety, as real flames on trees are a hazard. Then start spreading over the tree your themed decorations. Do you have a colour? Is it traditional or kitsch? Sparse or crammed? Is it child-friendly or just for you? If it has chocolates be careful not to locate them too near the lights as they could melt.
Why not try:
Kitsch:
Elvis fairy, flashing lights, pom poms in luminous wool.
Traditional:
Fairy lights, matchboxes wrapped as presents and candy canes.
Eco friendly:
Raffia bows, oranges with cloves, parcels in brown paper/newspaper.
Final decision:
Do the presents go on the tree or are there so many they need to go under?
How to be A Greenfingered Goddess
‘Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow?
With silver bells and cockleshells and pretty maids all in a row’
Nursery rhyme
How to mow a lawn with hay fever
An unkempt lawn, even if hidden out the back, is a disaster and must be rectified regardless of the sneezes it will induce. Sprinkle the lawn with a hose to make it damp, or, if you are an early riser, do it early dawn with the dewdrops making the lawn moist. The damp will stop the pollen throwing itself about while you are cutting it, thus making this task possible. But if your eyes are still watering, there are acres still to cut and the damp is not easing your hay fever, tie a handkerchief over your nose, and, a bit like peeling onions, breathe through your mouth, try not to rub your eyes and mow fast. If tears are streaming and you are coughing and spluttering, opt out; you don’t want to get puffy eyes and you have given it a good try.
In a dream world, you will have either a gardener or one of the golf buggy-looking mowers that you can cruise around the grounds with. In more normal households, however, it is more likely you will have to operate a manual mower. Plug in and turn on, get to a far corner and walk, just as you would with a heavy trolley, pushing it up and down the straight aisles. Remember that it is important to mow in as straight a line as possible. Also be very careful not to mow over the lead as this will give you an electric shock and, amongst other things, a very strange hairstyle.
Despite the very tempting Pucci wellies, you can, indeed should, wear heels. Outdoor aisle gliding is very good practice for any summer weddings or garden parties and your heels will also aerate the soil nicely as you teeter along. Obviously don’t soil a really good pair – have a pair of gardening heels for this job.
How to trim a hedge
Shears, manual and hand-held, are much less dangerous than the electric hedge trimmer. Think of Edward Scissorhands and all he managed to achieve. But remember that you are not trying to create complex shapes; you are just there to tidy. As with trimming a fringe, or bushy eyebrows, do not take things to excess.
How to put up a fence
Fencing is a chic form of exercise, as demonstrated by Madonna in the Bond movie
Die Another Day
. But for the wooden kind, don’t be silly: call a gardener. If the wretched thing has fallen in the road you can prop it up, but sinking foundations and stuff like this is to be done by a master. After all, you could get splinters, ruining a decent manicure.
How to have window box chic
This is the chic, compact and a relatively low maintenance way to have a garden, even if you don’t have a garden. There is also the added bonus that you don’t have a lawn to mow, so perfect for flower lovers with allergies and busy lifestyles.
First, purchase a rectangular holder from a garden centre. Check that the box has a few holes at the bottom, and also at the side, near the bottom, as your plants will need proper drainage. Being swamped is as bad as being parched when trying to achieve good flower growth. Line your box with soil and divide the flowers up symmetrically and evenly. Never plant your flowers in a straight line: not only does this look too regimented, but you will fit far more in if you plant in a zigzag pattern. Think about your ‘design’: larger plants should go near the centre or back, bulbs should be protected, while trailers should tumble off at the sides or front to give that lush and overflowing effect that you will be aiming for.
Planting your bulbs
Ideally, bulbs should be planted for spring blooming before Halloween as, nothing spooky, after this date the ground and soil will get too hard for them to get settled before the big chill.
Dig your hole, be it in a garden, pot or a window box – the same process applies for all. Make sure that it is deep enough, and also that there is enough fresh soil all around, at the sides and below. Make the earth really moist and turn it over with a trowel, as if making a mud pie. Place the roots about 2–3 inches down in the soil. Make sure the bulbous end is pointing up, and the roots and rounded side look down, or else you will be growing an upside-down flower bed and getting covered in mud will all have been for nothing. Once the bulbs are planted and positioned then cover with earth, and lightly pat the fresh soil down. Do not pack it so tight the bulb can’t breathe – imagine how you would feel.
Ensure your bulbs are at least two-thirds of the way down in the box, and also try to protect the bulbs with trailers or greenery that is already growing and can shelter the early stages of the bulb. Once you have chosen and planted your daffodils, tulips and busy Lizzies all you have to do is wait for them to bloom.