“My dawdi doesn’t get angry.”
“Then I would be angry if you fell.”
Kristina stood below with one foot propped on the bottom rung of the ladder as if gathering the courage to climb. “Stay down, Krissy,” Noah said. “Nobody is allowed on this roof except for me and my brother. Go, Mandy.”
He didn’t release her arm. She knew he wouldn’t let go until she was securely on the ladder.
Gute. She could be stubborn as well.
“I came up here to talk to you. I’m not climbing down until you explain yourself.”
His eyes darkened like a looming storm. “I don’t have to explain myself to anybody, least of all you. You’re a stranger to me. Stay out of my life.”
An oppressive ache pressed into her chest. “Noah, please don’t push me away like this. Whatever it is, whatever I did, we can work it out. I’m ready to apologize over and over again. Please talk to me. Let me apologize.”
Still holding on to her arm, he turned his face from her with an uncompromising lift of his chin. “I said everything I needed to say in that text.”
Hadn’t she scolded him about this very thing already? He was so maddeningly headstrong. “I’m not going to let you break up with me over a text message. Your mamm would say it’s very bad manners.”
He whipped his head around to look at her. “What do you know about my mamm? Don’t talk about my mamm.”
His sharp reaction shocked her to the very core. What had she done? She lowered her eyes. “I’m sorry, Noah. I didn’t mean—”
“Yes, you did. What do you know about any of us? You came into town thinking you could fix us, when all you’ve done is ruin our lives.”
Noah glanced at Yost, who had abandoned the shingles and stared at both of them, his eyes brimming with concern. With her arms folded across her chest, Kristina eyed them from the ground with a smug frown on her lips.
Mandy felt as if she might suffocate as the pressure on her lungs became unbearable. “I’ve . . . I’ve ruined your life?” Because she told Kristina about a kiss?
Kristina grabbed onto the ladder. “I still love you, Noah. I promise I’ll never spy again.”
Noah shook his head as if he didn’t have any disgust to spare for Kristina. “Get down. And don’t come up again.”
“If you want me to go, you’ll have to push me off.” A fall from the roof couldn’t have hurt any worse than how she already felt.
His expression was one of barely contained rage. If she didn’t know him so well, she might truly be afraid that he
would
push her off the roof. He swiped his hand down the side of his face and seemed to pull his anger deeper inside himself. Taking a deep breath, he said, “Then you can stay, but sit down so you don’t fall.”
Mandy nodded. She’d rather speak to him without Yost or Kristina listening in on their conversation, but at least he was willing to talk.
Once he saw her safely sitting on the roof, Noah stepped over her legs and onto the top rung of the ladder.
Mandy couldn’t believe it. “What are you doing?”
“If you’re not going to leave, I am.”
Kristina’s face bloomed into all kinds of smiles as he quickly climbed down the ladder. She tried to grab his hand, but he stomped away before she could latch on. “Where are you going?” she said.
Noah glanced in Mandy’s direction. “When she’s gone, I’ll come back.”
Mandy thought she might be ill as tears sprang to her eyes. He might as well have shoved her off the roof. How had he come to despise her this much in three short days?
He strode across the lawn, snapping for Chester to follow him. Was he going to walk all the way home?
“Noah, wait,” Kristina called as she picked up her skirts and ran after him.
He’d think he was being attacked, but Mandy was determined to chase him down right along with Kristina. She couldn’t let him go like this, not when there was so much to say. Not when her heart broke at the thought of losing him. She leaned over and clutched the top of the ladder and swung her foot onto the first rung. He had a head start. Would she be able to catch up to him and his long legs? And what would she do when she did catch up with him? She lifted her chin. She might break an arm, but she’d tackle him if need be.
Whom was she fooling? She, together with every schoolgirl in Bonduel, couldn’t bring Noah Mischler down.
She sighed in relief as Dawdi, oblivious to the tempest swirling about him, came out of the house and stopped Noah halfway across the yard. Noah was too polite to dart past Dawdi without acknowledging him. Kristina nearly bumped into him as he abruptly halted.
Dawdi reached out a hand to him. “I’m glad to see you’re taking a break. Did Mandy give you the cookies?”
“Um, nae.”
By this time, Mandy had made it down the ladder. Dawdi motioned for her to come closer. “Do you have those cookies?”
Still struggling to draw air into her lungs, Mandy took the small bag from her pocket and handed it to Noah. He wouldn’t look at her, but he pulled a cookie from the bag and took a big bite. “They’re delicious,” he said, as if he were loath to admit that Mandy knew how to cook.
“I want one,” Kristina said.
The muscles in Noah’s jaw twitched as he held out the bag for her. As if she hadn’t just witnessed the destruction of Mandy’s heart, she giggled as she made eyes at Noah and took a bite.
Mandy stared at her friend in disbelief. Poor Kristina, so immature, so ignorant and insensitive. Could someone like that really have ruined all her hopes with Noah? Over a kiss?
Granted, it was a stunning, head-spinning kiss, but it appeared that Noah had already forgotten it.
Noah handed the bag to Dawdi. “I have to go home now. Yost will finish up.”
Dawdi looked confused. “You walking?”
“Jah. I need to clear my head.”
“Okay then,” Dawdi said. “We will see you tomorrow. Mandy will give you some applesauce.”
Noah nodded curtly, turned on his heels, and trudged down the lane.
Dawdi patted Mandy’s shoulder. “That is one of the finest boys you’ll ever meet.” He raised his eyebrows. “Your eyes are watering.”
She stood as stiff as a pillar. Was she just going to let him go? What would Dawdi think if she took off running after him?
She watched Noah put distance between them with his long, fluid stride. At that moment, it didn’t matter what Dawdi thought. Without a second glance, Mandy sprinted down the lane and left Kristina munching her cookie. “Mandy!” Kristina called. “Wait for me.”
“Don’t go, Kristina,” Mandy heard Dawdi say. “Mandy made lemon shortcake. Would you like some?”
“Yes, but I need to . . .”
“Best let Mandy have her say with him, don’t you think?”
Kristina made no answer. She was probably having quite a time deciding if it would be better or worse to leave Mandy and Noah alone with each other.
“If you don’t eat it now, sure as rain, one of Mandy’s special boys will eat it up in two shakes of a lamb’s tail.”
Mandy was too far away to catch Kristina’s response, but she didn’t hear footsteps behind her or a loud, obnoxious bell zooming in for an attack, so lemon shortbread must have been a temptation sufficient enough to keep Kristina from chasing the man she loved all the way down Huckleberry Hill.
Noah must not have expected Mandy to follow. Up ahead, he kept a steady pace, but he didn’t run like a man being chased. Wonderful gute. She’d have a chance.
She got close enough to ambush him. “Noah,” she said breathlessly. “Please stop. I’m not going to give up until you hear what I have to say.”
To her surprise, he stopped in the middle of the lane, dragging his feet in the gravel and sending a cloud of dirt into the air. He didn’t say anything, just frowned resentfully and folded his arms, patiently awaiting her explanation.
His rigid posture and harsh expression called forth fresh tears, and she made no attempt to staunch them. She might as well try to hold back the Wisconsin River with her hand. He really looked as if he despised her, and she couldn’t bear his contempt.
“Please tell me what I’ve done to hurt you.”
“You won’t leave me alone. That’s what you’ve done.” He started walking again.
She stepped in front of him as her profound pain gave way to anger. “Don’t dismiss me like that. After all we’ve shared with each other, don’t you dare dismiss me.”
He scowled right back. “Don’t tell me what to do. I’ll never allow you to tell me what to do again. And I’ll certainly never trust you.”
“I’ve only wanted to help.”
“You don’t really want to help. You want to be right.”
“That’s not true. I care for you. I want—”
“You told Kristina that we kissed.” He spit the words from his mouth like a bitter pill.
Mandy closed her eyes and shook her head. She was going to be sick. “I did. But she wouldn’t—”
“I bet you had a gute laugh about it.”
“No. I would never. How could I laugh about that? I will treasure that kiss until the day I die.”
“That sounds like something Kristina would say. Funny and insincere.”
Mandy stared at him with her mouth wide open. Noah’s emotions frequently boiled over, but it wasn’t like him to be cruel or react fiercely.
“I was right about you all along,” he said. “You’re only going to be here for four weeks. You came to have a little fun, maybe see if you could get some stupid boy to fall in love with you. Maybe stick your nose where it didn’t belong and ruin someone’s life in the process. You should be proud of all you’ve accomplished, and your month isn’t even up yet.”
The sharpness of his tongue made her tremble. “Kristina wouldn’t believe me. She said I was imagining things. I told her you kissed me in hopes that she’d finally give up and leave you alone. Leave
us
alone.”
“Why should you expect Kristina to leave me alone? You don’t.”
A sob came from deep in her throat. “If I had known you’d be so upset, I never would have said anything to her.”
“You know she can’t keep her mouth shut. About anything.” He narrowed his eyes into slits. “In fact, you were counting on it, weren’t you?”
“Counting on what?”
The pain and vulnerability flashing in his eyes cut her to the quick. “You must think I’m so stupid. Kristina knows all about what happened at the bar. Did you think I wouldn’t find out?”
Mandy forgot to breathe. Could things get any worse? She’d hoped to keep Noah from finding out that Kristina had been there that night. “I didn’t want you to find out. I knew it would upset you.”
“You wanted Kristina to tell the whole community.”
“Why would I want that?”
“Because you wanted to be right. You wanted to force my hand. You told me yourself that someday someone would find out about my dat. You thought that if news like that spread to the community, I’d be shamed into calling your counselor or checking my dat into the hospital. You wanted to get your way with me and my dat, and you didn’t care how you embarrassed us in the process.”
For a moment, Mandy was at a loss for words. Is this what Noah thought of her? “That’s not true. I promised you I wouldn’t tell anybody.”
“Your promises are as cheap as tissue paper.”
Tears trickled down her face. “I can’t understand this. I love you. Can’t you see I love you?”
He flinched as if she had struck him. “And so you think you know what’s best for me?”
“It breaks my heart to see how tightly you’ve tied yourself into knots. You’re so afraid of the truth that you shut out the very people who could help you. You’ve even shut out God.”
He glared at her. “You don’t know anything. I would never shut out God. He is my only strength. You’re so sure you’re right that you want to force me to do what I won’t do. To shame me in the eyes of my community.”
“I don’t want to shame you. I want to help you. You don’t even know how the community would react because you won’t let them see. You’d rather ignore it or run away.”
He took off his hat and raked his fingers through his hair. “Tell that to my brother who I haven’t seen in three years. I didn’t run away from my fater. I stayed. I’m the only one who stayed.” His voice cracked, and he nearly lost his composure. She gently placed her hand on his arm. He jerked away from her. “Go back to Ohio, Mandy. I was so much better off before you came.”
He turned and stomped down the lane, giving a short whistle that summoned Chester to his side. He didn’t look back. She didn’t try to stop him.
What had she done? She had wanted to tell him she was sorry, but her apology sounded more like a rebuke.
You’re so afraid of the truth that you shut out the very people who could help you. You’d rather run away.
How could she have said that to him when he had cared so faithfully for his fater for all these years? Noah was the bravest person she knew.
He was right. He’d be so much better off without her.
Raw and empty, she stood silently in the lane and watched Noah until he disappeared from sight. A pathetic sob involuntarily escaped her lips. She felt profoundly lonely, as if she were the only person left in the whole world.
For the first time since she’d come outside, she noticed how brisk the air was. A light breeze teased wisps of hair across her face, and she shivered as a chill ran down her spine and tears spilled down her cheeks.
She’d lost him, and she wasn’t even sure how it had happened. All she knew was that a cavern gaped in the place where her heart used to be, and it hurt to breathe.
How long did she stand there? It could have been minutes. It could have been hours. She trembled as the wind picked up and seeped underneath her sweater.
She had learned her lesson. She would never try to fix anyone’s problems ever again, never try to help girls with their broken hearts or boys with their broken families. Noah had made her see that her help was unneeded and unwelcome.