Hunter (Broken Bad Boys 1): A New Adult Bad Boy Romance (14 page)

I wrap my arm around his hip and lean against him. I’m scared, but not of Hunter. With Hunter around I feel safe. I’m scared of what I might do, of what is going on. “Just let me…” Let me stay here for a while longer. Let me do this. Let me…

“Always.” He leans closer and kisses the top of my head.

I squeeze him tighter, getting overwhelmed with the feelings. His beating heart against my ear, the heat of his skin on my arm, his lips against my hair. I let out a shaky breath. Damn this. This was a bad idea, wasn’t it? We’ll never be able to get back to how we were, not when we’re like this. Not when being this close feels this good.

“Come, let’s move.” Hunter tugs at me, but doesn’t let me go. We take a couple of awkward steps before we fall into a rhythm, walking past a couple more terrariums and then into a hall that is a lot darker. “Night creatures.” Hunter’s voice rumbles, making all the nerves that calmed down a bit flare up again. “Come.” He steps down a side path and we’re off the main route. There are some seats against a wall and Hunter sets me down before he sits next to me. He leans back and pulls me against him, his arm around my shoulder heavy and hot.

I look up at him. His eyes are dark in the room, but I know that he’s also looking at me.

“I never thought that you’d be able to do anything that makes me want you like this. Damn, Lizzy.” His voice is soft and hoarse, and he pulls me a little tighter.

“Same to you.” I don’t mean to say it, but still do.

Hunter laughs, but then quiets.

I look up at him, and the desire in his eyes takes my breath away. I shift in my place, reach out, slide my fingers into the bleached hair at the back of his neck and pull his head down to me. I cover his lips with mine. His lips are soft and warm, giving in as I push on.

Hunter pulls at me, wrapping his arms around me and shifting me so I’m on his lap.

I slide both hands into the back of his hair and open my mouth slightly on a gasp. Hunter slides in his tongue into my mouth, slowly exploring, teasing. We share a breath and another one. A heat starts building in my belly, a heat that I’ve never experienced before. I push against him, exploring his mouth, exploring this new feeling.

Hunter moans, and that finally breaks the spell. I slide from his lap and look at him.

Damn.
No. We can’t do this.

“Lizzy.” He reaches out, but I step away.

“We can’t.” I’m shaking and I quickly sit down, far enough from Hunter that he can’t wrap his arm around me again. It was fun, the touches, the way I react to him. But we can’t do this. I can’t do this.

“I know. I know. But I can’t help wanting you.” His voice is careful, and he doesn’t reach out, I want him to hold me, but I also don’t want him to hold me. But he just keeps to himself.

“I want you too.” I feel tears coming up. All the buzzing and excitement are leaving my body. I’m crashing back to reality at high speed and it leaves me feeling so empty.

“Then why?”

“Because it can only go wrong. I’m broken, and I’ve seen the darkness in your eyes. We can’t do this. We can’t do this without breaking each other more.” I hold out my hand. “Can I have my bag back?” I need to go, I need to leave,
now
.

“Please, stay here with me a little longer.” He does hand me my bag though.

I do as he asks, not really in a state to leave either. We’re sitting there in silence for a while longer. Then Hunter reaches out, holding out his hand between us. I look at it for a while, then I slide my hand into his, holding on tightly. My body immediately comes back to life.

“I didn’t mean for that to happen. I feel like I keep apologizing. But…” He lets out a deep breath. “I was just hoping for some time alone with you. I’ve missed spending time with you. None of this was planned.”

I hear what he’s saying and I feel it too. Wanting to spend time together, being comfortable being together. “I know. I’ve… missed you too.” I run my thumb over his fingers this time. “I’ve never felt like this before. Never.”

“You’ve never had someone you were interested in before?” I look up at the confusion in his voice.

Then I look away from his intense eyes, shaking my head. I’ve never been interested in someone like this, I’ve never wanted to keep touching them, to have them hold me, just for the feeling of being held.

I’m weird, damaged, broken, what else did he expect?

I don’t even know what it feels like to be held in the arms of a true lover.

I
look
at her and want nothing but to hold her close again. There is a pain in her eyes that I want to ease, that I want to take away. If she’s never been interested in someone before, then… “Have you had a boyfriend before? Or girlfriend?” Doesn’t really matter either way.

“Yes,” she answers as she looks up. “But I never knew… I never understood…” Her eyes water and no matter how much I want to give her space, I pull her closer and wrap my arms around her.

Seeing her fear, her pain, her confusion, it hurts. I don’t even know how to make it better. Or if I’m even the best person to attempt it.

Her fingers curl up in my shirt, holding on tight, her breath coming out unevenly.

“Are you… Have you…” Damn, how am I even going to ask this without sounding like a big asshole?

“I’m not a virgin, if that is what you’re asking. I’m not…” She takes a deep breath and relaxes somewhat in my arms. “I’ve done that before, but… I guess I… I dunno.”

Well, if she normally hates being touched, if she has never felt excitement like this before… I can’t even imagine what she must have felt like. “Are you okay with me touching you?”

“Yes.” Her voice betrays that she more than likes being so near me.

“And kissing me?” I’m constantly trying to find her boundaries, even when they’re a bit blurry. The fact that it’s dark here and people don’t really pay attention to us must help, because I’m saying and asking things that I normally never would.

She looks up at me. “Yes.” A shy smile curls around her lips. Then she comes up higher and puts her lips to mine carefully. They’re just little pecks, but my body heats up like crazy and my body reacts to her strongly. Then she pulls back, her eyes guarded.

“What’s wrong?” I reach out, putting my hand against her cheek, she leans against it.

“This is scary. I’ve never…” She shakes slightly, and then sits away from me. “I don’t know if I can do this.” She rubs her arms and pulls them tight against herself.

My stomach rumbles and I eye her bag. “I think it’s time to eat something.” I don’t think that we’ll know what is going on until we have this talk somewhere else, instead of this little cocoon of darkness.

“Okay.” She doesn’t look very excited to eat something. She’s been off lately about eating. It’s not that she ever gets really excited, but now… I don’t know, it seems different.

“You eat now. I’ll grab something when we meet up with Lola and Hanna.”

That makes her sit up straight. She nods as she pulls something out of her bag. The emotional and carefree girl has gone. This is the girl I see every day in class, the mask is back. “Okay.” She opens a bar and looks at it before she takes a bite, then looks up at me. “You want one? Mum gave me enough to last for days.” She holds one out to me.

“What are they?” I’ve seen her eat them before, but usually I don’t dare to ask.

“Protein bars. They’re easier because I don’t have to choose or anything like that.”

I nod as I take it. I guess that makes sense. I open the bar and am greeted with what basically looks like a candy bar, just denser. “Flavor?”

“Nougat with peanut. It’s the best of the batch.”

“Interesting.” I take a bite and like I thought, it tastes a lot like a candy bar, just not as sweet. We eat in silence. Mine is gone pretty quickly, but Lizzy takes a long while. I try to stay patient, but I feel like she’s just stretching the time as long as possible.

Lizzy’s phone buzzes and she looks up, taking her phone from her pocket. She shrugs. “They’re wondering where we are. Apparently it’s been an hour and a half.”

“Ah, maybe we should get going then. Are you ready?” I stand up, stretching, making sure that my clothes are still as they should be.

When Lizzy stands up next to me, she’s apparently done with the bar and holds out her hand for my wrapper. As she walks off to throw them away, I grab her bag and put it on again. I follow her and she startles as she finds me right behind her.

Then she flashes me a smile that doesn’t quite reaches her eyes. “Can I get the water bottle?” She waits as I search for it in the bag. There are so many things in here, notebooks, pens, pencils, all sorts of bits and bobs.

I hand her the bottle and watch as she drinks half of it down in one go. Damn.

Then she holds it out so I can put it back in. “Are you gonna carry that?”

“Yeah. Doesn’t seem fair to let you carry all that, when I can do it for you, right?” I pull the bag up higher. It’s not heavy, but it looks huge on Lizzy.

“I guess… Just…” She frowns.

I reach out, touching her cheek, hoping to comfort her just a little. She tenses under my touch, but then relaxes. Good, at least she’ll still let me touch her, even though I know that as soon as we’re out here, it will all be over again. “Don’t worry. I won’t do anything weird, okay?”

She nods, but the worry in her eyes doesn’t go away. And I think I’ll have to learn to live with that for now. I think that we’re both on unknown territory and it’s kinda scary. I know I want her, even though I shouldn’t. I’m not the right guy for her, I can’t give her what she needs. Safety, protection, stability.

I run my hand over her arm right as we walk out the door of the exhibit. One last touch before we have to go back to being as we were before, if we even can.

* * *

L
ola has been eyeing
me all afternoon, her eyes on me every time she thinks I won’t notice. And the same with Lizzy. I’m pretty sure she figured out that something happened. I’m not gonna share though, I don’t want to. It’s been hard to not just grab Lizzy’s hand every time I walk next to her, but I’m able to keep to myself.

“Hunter, can you walk with me to the ticket machine?” Lola tugs on my arm as we’re on our way back to the car. “You two go find the car, okay?” She walks in front of me and as soon as we’re out of Lizzy’s and Hanna’s sight, she stops and turns to me. “Something happened between you two.”

“Is that a question or a statement?” I don’t deny it, there would be no use.

“I’ve known you both longer than today. Something definitely happened, and I don’t know if it’s good or bad.” She turns to the machine and pays for the ticket. “Is there something I need to know?”

“No.” There isn’t anything going on, so there is nothing that Lola needs to know, right?

“Okay.” She shrugs and looks at me. “Did you at least have fun today?”

“Definitely. It’s been a while since I came here, it’s good to see it again. I’ve got some ideas that I can work on.”

Lola grins. “Of course, because that is what always goes on in your head. ‘How can I make a drawing or installation out of this?’”

“Not true.” Well, it kinda is.

“Definitely true. Remember that time we went to the theater with our class, and the only thing you talked about on the way back was how you’d make some installation based on the movie?” Lola starts walking back to the car.

“I wasn’t the only one. Blaze too.” I know I should have kept my mouth shut, because Lola’s face clouds over. I’m doing great with the Benton twins today… Me and my big mouth, saying the wrong things at the wrong times.

“Yeah, him too.” She frowns and I keep quiet, because I know that look. I know what is ghosting behind her eyes and I don’t want to get caught up in it.

When we come in view of the car, Lola plasters on a smile and I feel like crap again. This is not how friends should act around each other. At the same time… maybe some friendships just have too many secrets to be really functional.

* * *

W
hen we’re halfway back
to the city, my phone buzzes. I check it, a message from Lizzy. ‘
I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have acted like that.’

I glance at her, but she keeps looking out the window, frowning. ‘
Don’t apologize, you didn’t do anything wrong.’
I’m not even sure she’ll believe me.

My phone buzzes again. ‘
I freaked out on you. There was no reason to freak out. I’m just’
The message ends there, but as I’m about to send a message back, the rest of the message come in. ‘
Crazy.’
Crazy? That sounds more like something someone tells you, not something you think about yourself.

‘You’re not crazy. You’re awesome.’
I nearly take the last bit of the message off, but I send it before I can chicken out. She needs to hear this, she needs to know that there is nothing wrong with her.

A sound makes me look up, and on the other side of the back seat, Lizzy is crying, sobbing.
What?!
What did I do now? I was being nice, and this is how she reacts?

I glance at the rear view mirror, looking right into Lola’s furious eyes.
Damn.

“Lizzy, here.” Hanna hands her some tissues while also glaring at me. Great, now I’m the bad guy.

I’m not sure what to do, how to comfort her, but I also don’t know what I did wrong. How I got her into this state in the first place. So many things happened today and I guess that maybe it’s all a bit too much. I stay silent until everyone is focused back on getting home. Lola and Hanna are chatting away again, while from time to time shooting me angry glances.

From the corner of my eyes, I see Lizzy reach out to me, just one hand, carefully moving my way. I take her hand, holding it as she weaves her fingers through mine. This on-off is driving me crazy, but I still can’t help but want to help her, want to comfort her, want to hold her. She looks my way, her make-up streaked down her cheeks.

I hold out my hand, and Lizzy hands me one of the tissues. I reach out and wipe at her cheeks, trying to get the black stains off. I don’t like to make her cry, I hate making her cry.

“Hunter, you want me to drop you off at your parents’?” Lola asks as she’s only a couple minutes’ drive from the riding school.

“Yeah, thanks.” I usually eat here during the weekend anyway. And I feel like I could use some calm time at the riding school instead of going back to my studio.

“Okay.” Lola signals to turn and drives onto the driveway, the gravel going everywhere, as we reach the house. She turns the car off and turns to me. “See you soon?”

“Yeah.” I look at Lizzy and Hanna, Hanna’s still frowning at me but what hurts more is the look in Lizzy’s eyes. She doesn’t want me to leave, and I don’t want to either. I squeeze her hand one last time before I let go and get out. Right now, I can’t. I don’t know how to reply to her.

I step back as Lola turns the car back on and drives off. I watch as the car turns back onto the road into the city and disappears from view.

I turn to the house, and as I’m about to open the door, I get a message.
‘You’re awesome too. And you looked like a rock star today.’
I can’t help but smile at Lizzy’s message. Well, I guess I didn’t totally break her…

* * *

A
round me the
horses make their usual nightly sounds, their breathing, their moving. It’s all so familiar to me and I make my way to the hayloft by sound and touch only. It’s my favorite spot to be when I need some time to myself.

When I came home, I arrived right as my parents were having dinner, which was great. I put on a happy face the whole time, and then again during doing the dishes, and for most of the evening. But my parents are in bed now and I’ve finally got some time to myself.