Hunting Truth (31 page)

“
But I found her. I found you, Issy. And
it’s no longer an issue because you don’t want that part of a BDSM
relationship, do you?”

I felt my cheeks begin to flush and the
more I tried to stop it, the worse it got until my face felt like
it was aflame. The look of comprehension and then horror on Lucas’
face only made it worse. I tried to speak but I couldn’t. Besides,
what was the point in denying it? Lucas knew.

He reached forwards,
desperation edged on his face, grasped my
hands and managed to choke out, “Tell me it isn’t true. Tell me
you’re not like the rest.”

As he raised my hands, I felt unbelievable
pain in my shoulder and couldn’t hold back a cry. Lucas dropped my
hands as though they’d burned him. I pressed my other hand against
my shoulder, exhaling a long, calming breath as I did
so.

Lucas was beside himself. “Oh my
God. I’m so sorry, Issy. I knew
you’d hurt yourself but I’d forgotten about it. I didn’t mean to
hurt you. Honestly. I’d never hurt you.”

The irony of his words wasn’t lost on
either of us. “Lucas, it’s not that bad. I think I’ve just pulled a
muscle or something. It’ll be fine by morning. Would you just calm
down, please?”

He looked dubious
. “I think you should get it checked out. Can I
take a look to see if there’s any bruising or swelling?”

The look on his face as he uttered those
final three words made me start.
It was like an epiphany. Suddenly I knew why he
could inflict some pain during sex but nothing major—no matter how
much it was wanted by his partner.
He can’t leave marks! Perhaps it’s the
idea of lasting pain or marks on the flesh. Yes, I’ll bet that’s
it.

I thought about it for several
seconds.
Should I voice
my suspicion or leave it? I doubted that I’d get a more appropriate
chance to bring it up and he was on the back foot, thinking that
he’d hurt me. I decided to go for it but I’m not sure the
butterflies in my stomach approved. I swallowed and took a deep
breath.

“
Lucas, the reason that I think you should
get therapy is that I don
’t think you’ve fully come to terms with your mother’s
death.”

His eyes narrowed and his expression
hardened. I continued before my confidence deserted me. “You
weren’t supported emotionally when you were a child—that’s bad
enough, but what happened with your father and Joel is fucked up. I
don’t know how you got through it. And still Joel is trying to ruin
your life, making you pay for something you didn’t do.”

He sat there. Silently brooding. He wasn’t
looking at me; he was staring seemingly unseeing across the room. I
didn’t know whether he was shutting me out because he thought I was
talking nonsense or whether he didn’t want to hear it because it
struck a nerve. I didn’t even know whether he could hear me but I
had to get it off my chest.

“
I think somewhere, deep inside, what you
were accused of has taken root. And that’s hardly surprising. Part
of you feels responsible for the death of your mother and . . . and
. . .”

My confidence shrank when he looked me
squarely in the eye as I was about to say the thing I found most
difficult to share.

“And what, Issy?” he whispered so quietly
that I barely heard him.

“
And I think that’s why you can’t hurt
women, even when it’s what they want or need, especially in a
sexual capacity. I truly think it’s all linked, Lucas. And even if
I’m wrong, what harm would it do to speak to someone and give it a
try?” I whispered back as tears began to roll down my
cheeks.

He screwed his eyes shut and I thought he
was going to tell me I had it all wrong, but then I saw his lips
quiver slightly and I knew he was fighting back tears. No, he was
fighting more than that. He was battling with his demons and there
was nothing I could do to help. I leaned forward, keeping my arm
close to my body to avoid hurting my shoulder, and rested my
forehead against his. Tension radiated from him so I reached around
him and stroked his back with my good arm. Immediately, I felt his
body jerk as he sobbed once. Then again . . . and again, until he
was sobbing inconsolably.

I kissed his forehead and made soothing
noises, my heart feeling that it might break with the frustration
of not being able to help him.
I rationalized that it was his personal battle and all I
could do was what I’d just done, that and being there for him. And
of that, there was no doubt. Fuck Joel and his poison; he’d done
enough to screw up Lucas’ head and interfere with his life. I vowed
that whatever it took, I would be by Lucas’ side, whatever Joel
threw at him. We’d get through it together.

Abruptly, Lucas pulled away and strode
away to the window, keeping his back to me.
Confusion reigned until I too heard
footsteps in the hall and realized they were getting louder. I
looked from Lucas to the door and back and then I remembered: Angel
and Chad were coming over. I shot over to the door to intercept
them, giving Clark a winning smile when he appeared in the doorway.
He greeted me warmly then excused himself to return to the
reception desk, admitting that he’d locked down the building in his
brief absence. I could feel Angel’s excitement. It radiated from
her like rays from the sun. I winked at Chad knowingly; he looked
worn out. I guessed that all the stress from the last couple of
days had taken its toll . . . man, I could identify with that! And
then he had to deal with a hyperactive Angel who was buzzing with
enthusiasm.

She threw her arms around me to envelop me
in a hug which pulled on my shoulder.
I managed not to cry out but I hissed in a breath
and grimaced sharply. She pounced on that, immediately demanding to
know what was wrong. And from the look on Chad’s face, he’d not
missed it either. Before I could explain, I heard the elevator
doors sliding open and heavy footsteps moving in hasty
determination. I poked my head around the doorframe and saw Carter
striding towards me. I smiled but he didn’t respond. He just kept
coming. Angel and Chad turned too, but still his face registered
nothing. I knew it must be something big for him to come up to
Lucas’ apartment—hell, I didn’t even know he had an elevator
key.

I ducked back in and looked over to Lucas,
who still had his back to the room, seemingly looking out over
Manhattan. “Lucas,
” I
called, praying that his eyes were no longer red or puffy,
“Carter’s here to see you.”

He turned and nodded but
didn
’t move away from
the window. I ushered Angel and Chad towards the couch. Carter
moved past me, still not acknowledging my presence. I began to feel
very uneasy but forced myself to play hostess and offer my guests a
drink. They looked distinctly uncomfortable as Lucas and Carter
engaged in a hushed yet obviously urgent conversation.

I poured their drinks and, as I was
handing them over, I saw Carter stride out of the room.
Lucas came over and said, “Hi
guys, sorry about that. Make yourselves at home. Dinner is ordered
but unfortunately something’s come up that I have to deal with so
I’m unlikely to be back in time to join you.”

His words seemed innocent enough but his
body language said otherwise. The man was like a coiled spring. I
knew the signs and Carter was clearly uptight about something too.
“Will you be in your office?” I asked, desperate to know what was
going on but wanting to avoid tackling him directly in front of our
guests.

He frowned. “Um
. . . no. I have to go out for a while. I’ll have
my cell with me but I may have to switch it off for a while so
don’t worry if you can’t reach me.”

I just knew this was something to do with
Joel. And that it was serious. I didn’t want him to go. He’d been
so upset only moments before and I worried about his emotional
state. Whatever was happening, I didn’t want him to be caught up in
it. “I’ll walk you to the elevator. Excuse me for a moment,
guys.”

A look of irritation crossed
Lucas
’ face for a moment
but then he nodded, said goodbye to Angel and Chad, and crossed to
the door. I scurried after him, pausing to close the door to the
living room behind me. I caught him up halfway to the elevator,
ignoring the throbbing in my shoulder. “Lucas,” I hissed quietly.
“What’s going on? And don’t even think of trying to keep it from
me!”

He continued to stride to the elevator,
ignoring me.

I grasped his arm but he shrugged it off.
In sheer frustration, I ran to get between him and the elevator
doors; every step reverberating painfully in my shoulder. “For
fuck’s sake, tell me what the hell’s going on! You say you won’t
keep things from me again and then, as soon as something happens,
you clam up.”

He reached past me to call the elevator,
despite my attempt to block his hand with my body.

“
Lucas, you
’re going nowhere unless you at least tell me
where you’re going.” My voice didn’t sound like my own. It was an
octave higher and sounded shrill and desperate.

His eyes stared resolutely straight ahead,
just clearing my height. I heard the elevator arrive so I moved to
block his access. He attempted to squeeze past, pushing into my arm
and making me cry out as the movement triggered a sharp pain in my
shoulder.

He froze instantly and apologized. I
sobbed, more in frustration than pain but he didn’t know that. His
tough-guy persona vanished. He seemed to shrink as he apologized
again and tried to insist that I got my shoulder checked
out.

“
Only if you come with me.” I knew it was a
cheap shot but I really didn
’t want him to go.

“
Issy, I can’t. I’m sure Angel and Chad
will take you to the emergency room.”

Damn!
“It’s getting worse. What’s so important that you
can’t take me?”

“
Ordinarily I would. You know that. But
something
’s come up that
I really must deal with. I haven’t time to explain but I will when
I return.”

“
It’s Joel, isn’t it? Lucas, whatever it
is, I don’t think it’s safe for you to go. Let Carter and his team
deal with it.”

“
I’ve had all this from Carter. But I
can’t. Issy, he’s holding two people hostage and I stand to lose
everything in a matter of hours—including you. I have to do
this.”

My eyes widened in fear and my stomach
turned over. “Carter doesn
’t want you to go either? For God’s sake, Lucas. There’s a
good reason for him not wanting you to go. Listen to him! Listen to
me! You’re not a fucking superhero. You’re just a stubborn control
freak!”

He scowled but I held his gaze, tilting my
chin in defiance. “Issy, I’m going and that’s the end of it. Go ask
Angel and Chad to accompany you to the ER. I’ll see you
later.”

He stalked into the waiting elevator car
and, as the doors began to close, I stuck out my foot so they
reopened. “No you won’t, not if you go. You promised not to keep
things from me and you’re being pigheaded. If you go, don’t expect
me to be here when you get back.” I hated myself for resorting to
bribery but I didn’t feel I had any other choice.

He sighed in exasperation. “I’ll tell you
where we’re going. Then I’m not keeping secrets from you. Okay? But
I’m still going. Is that enough to keep you from
leaving?”

I nodded sullenly.

“
Carter’s crew picked up a signal from
Ava’s cellphone and they’ve tracked its general location. We’re
going to investigate. Joel could be on the move with them so the
longer I delay, the less likely it is that they’ll still be in the
area when we arrive.”

“
What
’s the location?” The butterflies in my stomach were
replaced by a lump of lead.

“
Orange County. Now, I
’ve told you what’s going on and why it’s
so important that I don’t delay, please remove your foot so I can
meet Carter in the garage.”

Without hesitation, I stepped into the
elevator. “I shan’t delay you any further, Lucas.”

He frowned and hit the button to hold the
doors. “I don’t understand. Please, Issy. This is not the time for
playing games.”

“
I’m not. Close the doors; I’m coming with
you.”

“
What? Oh no you
’re not! Even if you were fit I wouldn’t allow you
to go, but with your shoulder injury . . . there’s no way in hell
that you’re coming along. You’d be a liability!”

Damn it!
“Tell me where in Orange County and I’ll
get out.”

“
Walton Park. The signal looked to be in
between the two lakes but we don’t know how reliable that is, or
whether it was stationary or not. Now, please will you let me go?
It could help to keep Scott and Ava safe.”

I turned to face him and reached up to
kiss him on the cheek. “I wish you weren
’t going but, since you insist, please be safe. No
heroics, Lucas. I need you back safe and sound.”

Then I stepped out of the elevator and turned
to see him nod before the doors closed and he was taken away from
me.