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Mike is.

“And I just thought that was amazing. Still do, actually. But that‟s why

we started hanging out, „cause I wanted him to teach me his ways or

something, and he was just, you know, really nice to be around. He‟s

really, really cool. I‟m kind of a lot to deal with sometimes?” Louis

snorts and nods for him to continue. “And he balances me out, I guess.

I don‟t know, it was just nice to be around someone who was like me,

and who made me happy, and who treated me like he didn‟t care what I

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was. And didn‟t mind when I acted like a complete prat. So when I

realised that I maybe sort of really kind of wanted to snog him it wasn‟t

the end of the world, because for the first time I knew that even if he

didn‟t like me, he wasn‟t going to punch me. Which was nice.”

“Definitely a good trait in a potential partner,” Louis intones, and Stuart

giggles.

“Agreed, sir. Anyway. In the end, I spent weeks working up the nerve

and then I showed up at his house in the middle of the night like a twat

and was daft and awkward and then we snogged in a shrub.”

Louis laughs out loud at that, because, well, it was funny, the image of

Stuart tackling his lanky beau into some shrubbery. “Well done.”

“Thanks.” Stuart does look proper proud of himself, as well he should.

“So now we‟re going out. Which is brilliant. He‟s brilliant. And I don‟t

know, eventually things with Mike just became too much to keep

pretending. I don‟t really see the point anymore? I always thought that I

had to figure out how to be normal if I wanted to be happy, but like, I

keep thinking, what if I can be this and be happy too? Because I am

happy.” He rubs at the back of his neck. “And to be honest, being gay

is one of the least weird things about me. And Mike likes all my other

weirdnesses, mostly. So yeah. Fuck it, sir, pardon the language. I think

I‟m sticking with weird.”

“Go with what works, I always say,” Louis says, rubbing his chin with

mock thoughtfulness. “You seem in good shape, Mr. Standhill.” Better

shape than most of us, he doesn‟t say.

Stuart ducks his head but doesn‟t disagree. “Thanks, sir. I appreciate

that. So I guess what I‟m asking is... what do I do now?”

Ah. “Well.” Louis takes off his glasses and cleans them with one of his

shirttails. “From personal experience, let me tell you, you are already

ahead of the game. Most people your age who struggle with their

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sexuality spend years getting to where you are right now. And it‟s not

like it‟s a race anyway.”

Stuart nods seriously. Louis is used to students thinking he has the

answers, but rarely has he felt the weight of it so much as right now.

“Thanks. Really. That‟s really good to hear.”

“Do you feel like you want to tell your family? You don‟t have to, but

it‟s what a lot of people do when they first figure it out.”

Stuart takes a few deep breaths, staring into the middle distance, before

answering. “I want them to know. I don‟t want feel like I‟m lying to

them all the time. I just want to be done pretending.” His eyes move to

meet Louis‟ again. “I don‟t want to be worrying about who knows what

while trying to live my life.”

“Very reasonable.” And very scary. “How do you think they‟ll take it?”

“I‟m not sure,” Stuart says, heaving a sigh and resting his chin on one

of his hands. “My parents are pretty relaxed about most things, so I

don‟t think they‟ll kick me out or anything crazy like that, but I don‟t

know if they‟ll be happy about it. I‟m sure they must have suspected at

some point, though. Everyone did, didn‟t they?” Louis stares back and

him and pointedly doesn‟t answer. Stuart snorts. “Yeah, fair enough. So

I‟d be willing to suspect that my mum won‟t be surprised, at least. I‟m

really worried about my little brother, though. He‟s always sort of

looked up to me, and I‟m really afraid that I‟m going to lose that if he

finds out. He‟s young, you know? I don‟t know, I‟ve just always

wanted them all to be proud of me. And I know that coming out to

them shouldn‟t change that, but it doesn‟t mean it won‟t, or that it‟d

hurt any less.”

“Fair enough,” Louis says, conscious of how Stuart has started

avoiding his eyes again. “You‟re allowed to be hurt by things that are

stupid, or thoughtless, or wrong. That‟s okay. But in terms of them

being proud of you—Stuart.” He looks back up at Louis at the sound of

his name. “They should be. Proud of you, that is. They have a lot to be

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proud of, they really do. You‟re a great student, a brilliant actor,

extremely talented and charismatic, people love you, and you‟ve got a

good head on your shoulders. You have a lot to offer. Being gay is a

part of who you are, but it‟s not all there is. And even if they don‟t like

it, it doesn‟t take away from any of the other things that are great about

you.” Stuart nods, and Louis smiles. “Plus you pulled the first lad you

ever properly tried for so there‟s something else to be proud of right

there.”

The laugh that pulls out of Stuart is the best thing Louis‟ heard in

weeks. “Thanks.”

“And Stuart,” Louis continues, “Are you proud? Of yourself, that is?”

Stuart drums his fingers on the desk, stares at his shoes for a moment,

and then lifts his head with determination in his face. “Yeah. I am, sir.”

“Well then. Great.” They smile at each other for a moment before

Louis moves on. “So what about him? Mike, I mean. Do you want to

tell your family about him?”

Stuart nods, mostly to himself. “I think so. I feel like it‟s a lot to put on

them all at once. „Hey, guess what, your son is gay and also here‟s the

boy he‟s going out with!‟ But I just, I wouldn‟t feel right not telling

them about him, because they‟re so important to me and it doesn‟t feel

right to hide him from them when he‟s such a big part of my life. I want

to do better for him than that. He‟s been so great about this whole

thing. He‟s so sure of himself, and he‟s just... really, really good. And

good for me. Stable. I hope they‟ll see that.”

“I hope they do too,” Louis says. “It sounds like you two have

something really special.”

Stuart wrings his hands for a bit, indecision written all over him, before

he blurts out, “I haven‟t told him yet, but, um, I think I, I think I might

be in love with him. Does that sound stupid?” He cringes slightly,

every inch a teenage boy.

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Louis has to make a concerted effort not to hug him. “No, Stuart. Not at

all.”

He pulls one of his feet up into his lap and starts fiddling with his

shoelaces. “How can you know if you‟re in love with somebody?”

Louis has to huff a laugh. To think he‟d thought he was out of his depth

with Chekhov. “I don‟t know. I‟m not sure anybody knows. I don‟t

think you can really quantify it. It‟s such a messy thing. I think

sometimes you just have to go with your gut and shut everything else

up.”

Stuart leaves his shoelace alone in favor of chewing on the strings of

his hoodie. “Have you ever been in love, Mr. Tomlinson?” He winces

immediately. “Sorry, that‟s, I shouldn‟t have asked that, it‟s none of my

business.”

“No, no, it‟s okay,” Louis says, waving him off. When it comes to it,

it‟s easier to say than he thought it would be. Maybe because it‟s not to

the person in question, or because Stuart expects him to be better at this

than he is. “I thought I was a few times when I was younger, but... just

once, really, I think. Only once. But it was enough for me to respect

what it can do.”

“Do you think I should tell him?” Stuart asks after a moment, voice

small.

“Do you want to tell him?” Louis responds, gaze steady.

“Yes.”

Louis nods. “Then yes. If he‟s anything like how you describe him, I

doubt you‟ll scare him off now.”

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“Yeah. Yeah, you‟re right. Okay. Okay, I will. And I‟m going to tell

my family everything soon.” Stuart looks resolute, and Louis knows

this will be harder than Stuart thinks it will be, but he thinks the kid

might just be all right.

“Have you told any of your friends yet?”

He shrugs. “Most of my close friends. I mean, I‟m realising that

everybody sort of already knew, which is convenient but kind of

embarrassing. But I felt like I still wanted to tell them myself, if that

makes sense.” He pauses for a moment before continuing, voice

pitched low. “Mike and I have been talking about next year a lot, and I

think when school starts back, we‟re going to try to be, like, public?

About being together? I don‟t know. The thought of that still scares the

hell out of me, but I‟ve found that I‟ll do a lot of things that scare the

hell out of me. For him.” Another pause. “And for myself, too, I think.”

Louis is rethinking the parade plans from earlier. Maybe some sort of

festival would be more appropriate. Or a bank holiday of some kind.

“That‟s... that‟s really, really brave, Stuart. I‟m really proud of you.

Even if you two change your minds, even thinking about that right now

is really amazing.”

Stuart grins and shoves his hands in his pockets. “Thanks. And thanks

for listening to me talk, sir. I feel a lot better about a lot of it now.”

“The pleasure is mine, Mr. Standhill,” Louis smiles. “Honestly, though,

any time you want to talk about anything, I‟m always around. What

you‟re doing right now is really hard, probably one of the biggest

challenges you‟ll ever have, and if there‟s anything I can ever do to

help, I‟d be happy to do it.”

“I sort of feel like you‟ve already been doing it, to be honest,” Stuart

says, which, wow. “I just, I‟ve always been really grateful that you

were around, because I love theater, and if I didn‟t have that as some

kind of place to get away from all this stuff, I don‟t know how I would

have made it? Like, I‟m sure I would have, but I‟m really, really glad I

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didn‟t have to. I‟ve always felt like it was okay for me to be whatever I

was here. I really don‟t even know how to thank you for that.”

The two of them sit in silence for a moment before Louis has to break

it. “Fucking hell, Stuart, you‟re gonna make me cry. Cut that out.”

“Sorry, sir,” Stuart laughs. “Won‟t happen again.” He pulls his phone

out of his pocket and makes a face. “Um, wow, I just realised what time

it is. Really sorry, but I‟m actually, um. I have a date. In about 15

minutes, actually, so I should probably go.” He looks at Louis

apologetically.

Louis waves him off. “Of course. Wouldn‟t want to keep Mike

waiting.”

Stuart winks. “Definitely not. And thanks again, sir. Really.”

Louis doffs an imaginary cap. “You‟re very, very welcome. Glad to be

of use.”

Stuart heads out the door, but pauses halfway through and sticks his

head back into the classroom. “Oh, and thank Coach Styles for me too,

will you? If you see him?”

Louis‟ head snaps back up at that. “What? Why?”

Shrugging, Stuart says, “For getting the footy lads to try out for the

musical. If it weren‟t for the two of you, Mike and I would‟ve never

gotten together. So I owe him one too.”

Nodding, Louis wills his heart rate back into submission. “I‟ll let him

know. Now go see your boy.”

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Bouncing on the balls of his feet, Stuart looks like the human

embodiment of nervous energy. “I‟m gonna tell him. I‟m gonna tell

him today.”

Louis gives him a sharp salute as he leaves. “Good luck,” he says into

the empty room. After a few minutes, he manages to collect himself

and finish packing up his things, and when he drives home, he finds he

can‟t stop smiling.

That night when he‟s in bed with Duchess curled up by his feet, he

wants so badly to call Harry up and tell him all about his day. He told

Harry about Stuart a few times, whenever Harry was worrying about

Mike, and they used to commiserate about how hard it was to watch

and feel so limited in what they could do. He knows how excited Harry

would be to hear this news, how proud he‟d be of Stuart and Mike and

even of Louis himself. That part hurts to think about, but he knows it‟s

true. He can practically hear the way Harry‟s smile would sound in his

voice when he‟d shout down the phone, “Louis Tomlinson, you‟re a

fucking hero.”

And the crazy part is, he kind of feels like one. It‟s mind-blowing to

him that somebody actually looked at him and thought that‟s my

lifeline. He doesn‟t know how to deal with that. He feels better about

himself than he has in months, honestly. But he still doesn‟t call Harry.