I Can't Die Alone (4 page)

We made just two stops before we arrived in front of the house, which was the last known address that I had for Benjamin. I took some pain medicine just before we arrived and it was kicking in. I could feel myself growing more tired with every minute that passed. After thanking Bert, I gave him a hefty tip. He was kind to me and found a place to stop the moment I said I was hungry. You can’t begin to imagine the looks you get when you pull up to McDonald’s in a limo. I needed fries in my life. But I felt the pain of it soon after.

Bert drove away and left me standing there in front of a brick house with the numbers 1-1-2-9 posted on the mailbox. Someone definitely lived there. A white ford pickup truck was parked in the driveway. 

It took me a moment to work up enough nerve to walk up the front porch steps. I had to coax myself the entire way. Each step made my heart race quicker, and I tried to replay what I would say when he opened the door. Of course that all flew out the window once I stood within inches of it. 

I knocked three times and then stepped away. I kept my mind focused on the task at hand so that I wouldn’t appear to be so nervous. 

It didn’t help. 

The noise coming from inside didn’t help either.

I was a ball of nerves.

The door opened and a woman stood on the other side. “Can I help you?” She asked hesitantly.

“Um, I…”
Get it together Tori.
“Is this the Cooper residence?”

“No, I’m sorry. You have the wrong house.” She started to close the door, but I stopped her. 

“I’m really sorry to bother you.” I apologized. “I’m looking for a Benjamin Cooper. This is the last address I have for him. I’m not from around here. Any chance you’ve heard the name before.”

She stepped back a little farther into the house. “Never heard the name before. Again, I’m sorry.” This time she wasn’t so quick to slam the door in my face.

“Is there a motel close by?” 

“Follow this street a couple of blocks and take a right. There is a motel about a mile from there,” she explained. 

“Thank you.” I gave her a small wave before leaving. 

My only lead had fallen flat, and I had over a mile to walk to get to where I needed to be. Thank goodness I packed a can of mace in my bag because the whole neighborhood felt fishy to me. I may as well have had a flashing neon sign above my head that said, “look at me, I am young, I am lost, and I don’t belong here.” Let’s not forget that I was full of pain medication. 

After speed walking through the two blocks, I had to stop and rest at the red light. Just across the street was a park. It seemed safer than waiting on a street corner. 

I quickly made my way across to a wooden park bench that was vacant. I sat down, keeping my bag pulled close to my chest. Deep breathes in, and in no time I was rested. It seemed like a nice park from what I could tell. A few people were walking with their ear buds in, while others were playing Frisbee with their dogs. Seemed nice enough to me. 

I dug out my cell phone from my bag and typed Benjamin Cooper in the Google search line. Surely there was something on the man somewhere. My luck he was probably half way around the country. A few things came up, but nothing with much help. Turns out the white pages had over five hundred matches for the name Benjamin Cooper.

“Great,” I huffed. 

“Do you mind if I sit here?”

I startled. I hadn’t heard anyone walk up while in the midst of my stalkery search. Reaching for my chest, I looked up to see a young man staring back at me. 

“I apologize. Didn’t mean to scare you,” he said sincerely. 

My instincts had me scoot away to the edge of the bench. “It’s okay.”

“Do you mind?” He pointed towards the bench.

I shook my head no.

Glancing slightly in his direction I noticed that he was wearing slacks, and dress shoes. It seemed odd for the park. I tried not to stir in my seat too much and kept my phone facing outward so that he wouldn’t see my search engine. He’d probably think I was a total creeper. 

He stretched his long legs out in front of him, and I felt the back of the bench move when he relaxed into it. A sigh slipped from his mouth, and I wondered if it had been a tough day for him too. 

“I’m Bo,” he said, extending his hand to me. 

“Tori.” I shook his outstretched hand and finally got a better look at his face. He had dark brown eyes, and dimples on both of his cheeks. I looked away quickly, trying to hide from his gaze. He was good looking, and in what little interaction that I’d ever had with men, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to hold my own with this one. I’d probably melt into a pile of girlish mush. 

Quickly, I stared back towards the ground before my awkwardness showed it’s ugly face. 

“It’s been a long day Tori,” Bo said. My name rolled off his tongue like we were old friends, not two people who just met. 

“Agreed.”

“Taking a trip?” He asked. 

I noticed he was looking at my backpack. “Um, yeah. Kind of at a standstill.” Shit. Why did say that?
Shut your face Tori.

“Why the standstill? Does that mean you don’t know where you’ll be headed next?” 

“Sort of.” I scoffed. What happened to the old Tori? The one who didn’t speak to strangers; the one who didn’t engage in any conversation. Jesus. 

“That sounds like an adventure to me,” Bo said, and I could hear the smile in his voice even though I couldn’t look up at his face to check. 

There was a moment of silence before a loud roar of thunder. Looking up I noticed a dark cloud making its way in our direction. 

“Shit,” I said when I realized that I still had to find the hotel. There was no way I could run, and I didn’t even know how much farther the hotel was. 

I stood up from the bench and slipped my backpack on. Bo stood up too. 

“You need a ride?” He asked me as I started walking away. 

“No thanks. I’m okay.” I replied. Looking at him one more time I said, “Nice to meet you.”

“You too,” he called after me. 

As quickly as I could, I walked back to the intersection. I looked down the street but didn’t see a motel anywhere. The lady said about a mile. I sighed just thinking about it. There was no way I’d make it a mile without getting rained on. 

The rumble of thunder helped kick me into gear. I moved as quickly as I could. 

Please don’t rain on me. Please don’t rain on me.

“REALLY!” I said, as I felt the raindrops hit my head. Of course, I wasn’t going to catch a break.

“Hey,” a voice called out to me. A black sports car was parked on the curb, and I could see Bo’s face through the window. I gave him a questionable look, or maybe it was a frustrated look. I needed to keep moving before I got drenched. “I can give you a ride. It’s no problem at all.”

“It’s okay, really.” A crack of lightning shot across the sky, and I trembled just watching it. I didn’t like thunderstorms and the thought of riding with him didn’t sound too bad. Once again I found myself ready and willing to place my life in the hands of a stranger. 

“Come on,” he motioned. 

I tried to fight myself on it, but then the rain came harder. 

Screw it.

Stepping lightly so that I wouldn’t fall on the already slick sidewalk, I opened the car door and climbed inside. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Where to?” 

“The nearest motel please.” 

Bo’s deep laughter filled the car. I hadn’t realized what I’d said until it was already out of my mouth, and I in no way meant it the way that it sounded. It was funny though, and I snickered. My face was red with embarrassment. 

“I really do need to go to a motel.” I smiled. “Alone,” I added.

“Your cheeks are really red.” He pointed out. 

I shook my head and smiled at him. “No thanks to you.”

“Hey, there is a little coffee shop right down the street. Any chance you like overly priced, crappy coffee?” The way he said it made my smile grow even wider. “My treat.”

“Okay,” I replied, nodding my head. I was still feeling pretty good and since half my day was wasted, I figured it couldn’t hurt. Not to mention I could add this to my list of crazy things I did before I died. There wasn’t really a list, but if there were this would definitely be written on it. 

***

Inside the coffee shop, Bo led me to a table in the back. Thankfully it was far from the windows. He went to the counter and ordered our crappy coffees. As I was sitting there by myself I kept thinking that everything was too easy. The conversations, the knights in shining armor, I was on a role. If my Mom had been alive she’d never believe this. This was actually my first date. Sounds weird, I know. But it was true. My Mom had cancer, and I didn’t have time to date. I went out with a group once my sophomore year of high school. There were boys there, but I didn’t even sit next to one. Sometimes you’re forced to grow up even when you’re not ready. And sometimes you’re forced to die when you’re not ready either. 

“You’re awfully deep in thought,” Bo said making me jump. 

“There’s a lot on my mind,” I admitted. 

He sat down in the chair across from me and pushed a steaming coffee in front of me. “Want to talk about it?”

“I think we’d need something stronger to drink if we start discussing my life.”

“That bad huh?”

I lifted a shoulder and sighed. “You could say that again.”

“That bad huh?”

We laughed. I noticed his mouth, and how the sweet sound of his laughter was music to my ears. 

“What about you?” I asked, turning the conversation onto him. 

“Just a bad day at work. That’s all. My boss is an asshole,” he explained. 

I didn’t ask too many questions. Maybe he didn’t want to talk about his situation either. 

“Where are you from? Since you’re obviously not from here?” He smiled.

“Just outside of Charlotte. Not too far.”

“Are you planning on staying here in town for a while?”

I sipped my hot coffee while I thought about the question. I truly had no idea. There were several more Benjamin Cooper’s in town, and since I had no other leads… “For a little while. I’m looking for someone.” I squeezed my eyes shut and silently cursed myself for saying that. 

“Oh yeah,” I could hear the sarcasm in his voice. “So, I take it you haven’t found that special someone yet? Or have you?” 

“Jesus.” My cheeks were flaming. Touching them, I could feel the heat flaming. “You sure have a way with words. Are you always so…” I tried to find the right word. 

“Cute,” he said grinning boldly. “Why yes, I am.” 

Shaking my head, I replied, “Full of yourself, that’s what you are.”

He shrugged his shoulders. “This day was really shitty, so I’m glad I shared that bench with you. All better now.” He winked. I was like ice cream on hot summer day, melting all over the place. 

We talked for a little while longer until the rain quit. I discovered that he was an only child and that he never knew his Mom. I told him that I was an only child who never knew my Dad. Fortunately, he still had his Dad around. It made me happy to know that he did because no one deserves to have no parents.

“This is the nearest motel, but are you sure you want to stay here?” Bo asked. 

It didn’t look like the safest place in the world, but it would be fine. “It’s fine. I’m fine,” I said as I opened the car door. 

“I’d love to have crappy coffee again with you before you leave town.”

That sounded nice. Couldn’t hurt to have a friend right? Maybe he’d have some clue where I could find Benjamin. “Okay.”

We exchanged cell phone numbers, and I waved goodbye as I closed the car door behind me. 

Inside the motel room, I marked another day off my calendar. Each day brought me another day closer to the inevitable. It was scary. 

Though I hadn’t found Benjamin yet, it was still a good day. But with the days moving quickly, I didn’t have much more time to waste. For any day could’ve been my last. 

The next day was a little worse than the day before. I wasn’t feeling well, and I was sweating a lot from the heat of the walk. I’d gone to a couple of houses but had no luck. Two was my limit for the day because the medicine wasn’t helping the pain, and I was too tired for the walk. 

I really should’ve considered renting a car.

I found myself back on the same park bench where I’d met Bo the day before. There was something comforting there. It was serene and peaceful. No one bothered me, and I could rest easily in the shade of the trees. While sitting there, I continued to search my phone for more clues. I roamed Facebook in hopes that I could find him, but none of the pictures matched, at least as far as I could tell. The picture that I had was from over twenty years ago, and chances are he’d changed. There was a picture in my head of what I envisioned him to look like and not one single picture came close.

“Funny meeting you here beautiful. You do know that this is my park bench?” 

I looked up to find Bo staring back at me. I was surprised to see him there again, and even more surprised that he called me beautiful.  

“I didn’t see your name on it.” I tried to joke back, but it came out half-hearted. I was in shut down mode, and wasn’t ready to communicate. The day had been too much for me already.

He sat down next to me, and I quickly shut off my phone. “I come here every day after work to relax.” He spoke into the air ahead of him. “Are you okay?”

“Not feeling too good today,” I confessed. The longer I’d sat there on the park bench the more I realized that I probably wouldn’t be able to make the hike back to the motel. 

“Let me take you back to the motel.” His voice was laced with concern, and he had every right to be. My body wasn’t obeying me in the slightest. I felt weak and frail. It felt like I’d run a marathon and was ready to collapse at any given second. 

I nodded without responding. Every second that passed I felt worse. 

“Come on,” he said. Grabbing my hand, I let him lead me to his car. The ground appeared to be coming up and swallowing me whole. Without hesitation, I leaned my head into his arm and closed my eyes. Bo led me the rest of the way to the car, careful to guide me so that I wouldn’t fall.